AfroerotiK Guide: How to fuck an Asshole

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Help me show publishers that people are interested in my book

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Winner of the Black Web Awards Best Black Erotica Site for 2007

Deep Inside My Neo Soul

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Three the Hard Way

Tanya washed the last of the dishes and dried her hands on the dishtowel after a sumptuous meal with good friends. She grabbed her glass of Pinot Noir and headed for the living room to rejoin her dinner guests. Rocky and JC were comfortably lounging, listening to a little Russell Gunn and debating the merits of ethnomusicology. They’d started a fire in the fireplace and stripped down to their muscular bare chests, leaving their jeans on. Tanya lay down on the proverbial bear skin rug, which wasn’t really a bear skin at all but a deep cream-colored shag rug that looked like it came straight from the 70s, and invited her company to join her.

The three friends got together at least once a month for a little uninhibited adult fun. Things got heated quickly as Tanya reached out to caress Rocky’s smooth brown chest while JC nuzzled her neck and kissed her hot spot. She let out a moan and arched her back as Rocky started to undo the buttons on her blouse and JC slid his hands under her skirt to fill his hands with the smooth, caramel flesh of her thick thighs. Her body responded as she turned to share an open-mouthed kiss with JC and Rocky lowered his mouth to her hardened nipples and sucked them between his soft, full lips.

Before you could count: one, two, threesome, everyone was naked and aroused. JC stretched out Tanya knelt between his legs and lowered her mouth to his hard dick. While she was licking and sucking, blowing his mind, Rocky was behind her with his tongue lapping at her sweet pussy. He pulled the cheeks of her ass apart and drove his tongue in her sexy asshole, causing her to swallow JC to the base, swirling her tongue and making him grab her head. He didn’t have to for long because Rocky had lined up the head of his dick with her hole and was teasing Tanya with impending penetration. She started moaning, sending erotic vibrations up and down JC’s shaft and all the way to his balls. Neither fella was intimidated or threatened by the proximity of another dick, the sensations were too pleasurable to deny and they were both comfortable with the objective. That’s what made the little ménage a trios work so well. If they had been homophobic and uptight, they could have never worked out a regular thangy thang where they could all get together and get hot and sweaty.

Dripping with excitement, literally, Tanya felt the head of Rocky’s dick invade her pussy walls and she grabbed the carpet to hold on. He was being creative, stroking it at every angle, hitting all her spots. He buried himself inside her and started using his muscles to flex his dick, which caused the lovely lady to lose control. She was chanting and moaning, “Oh shit, that feels so good. Fuck me, Fuck me.”

Her words weren’t merely the rants of a horny woman, they were instructions. The reason the threesome got together was because Tanya had appetities that could only be “filled” by two men who were willing to work in tandem to satisfy her insatiable hunger. JC pulled out. “You ready man?”

“Born ready, man. Let’s do this,” JC replied, and they gave each other a pound. Their male bonding moment was lost on Tanya as she positioned herself and started sliding down JC’s hard dick. It was his turn to grab the carpeting for sheer life because his very special lady friend was working her pussy on him, making him see stars. There was no question about the fact that she was a lady who knew exactly how to get her pleasure and wasn’t afraid to go for it.

She sat down on JC and for a moment, he thought the head of his dick was hitting one of her ovaries. She glanced back, with a look of pure lust in her eyes, and said, “What are you waiting for? Fuck me! NOW!”

Rocky wasn’t even about to find out what would happen to him if he didn’t follow her instructions. He took his dick, still wet with her sexy juices, and lined the head up to her asshole. It took some time to work his dick in and Tanya rubbed her clit and JC massaged her juicy titties that were hanging in his face. Not one to be patient, Tanya started fucking him back, getting that dick deep in her asshole, leaning forward to push her tongue in JC’s mouth and share a sensual kiss. He started thrusting his hips upward, driving his dick deeper, giving her what she wanted: two long and strong dicks, fucking her at the same time.

Tanya’s pussy was leaking cum, coating both brothas balls with juices. She was like a wild woman, possessed even, getting her pleasure in a way she was told was forbidden. To these special friends, it wasn’t taboo, it was the ultimate sensual experience, providing a beautiful Nubian queen with all the pleasure her body could handle, making her cum over and over again until her body was a heap of quivering flesh.

That’s just what they did. The two men took over and worked out a rhythm. While JC was deep inside, Rocky would be flexing his joint to stimulate her hole. They could feel the heads of their dicks rubbing against each other, separated only by the thin membrane inside her. They started fucking her harder, deeper, making her spew profanity and alert the neighbors in the apartment next door to exactly what was going on. She wasn’t shy about saying exactly what was going on and very loudly at that. “Oh yeah, fuck my pussy and asshole. Give me those hard dicks. I love it. Ram them in me at the same time. I love getting that hard and nasty double penetration. Oh yeah boys, fuck me, fuck me.”

Rocky had the hardest job of the evening because his hole was the tightest. He could feel the cum boiling in his nuts. “Oh man, I can’t take it no more, this asshole is too hot. I’m gonna blow.” He pulled out and shot his hot cum on her gaping asshole.

JC didn’t miss a beat. He flipped Tanya over on her back and grabbed her legs and put them on his shoulders. He started fucking her, deeper rather than harder, and sending her over the edge. She was cumming all over the place and adding more cum to the mix. He held off for as long as he could and blasted his load on her soft tummy.

She walked the gentlemen to the door, as naked as the day she was born. After their erotic escapades, Tanya always felt more liberated, unashamed to show the world her brazen sexuality. So what if the neighbors saw her. She kissed both men on the lips and said she would call them in a few days. Next month they would meet at Rocky’s house and the boyz would switch positions.

Copyright 2006 AfroerotiK

AfroerotiK is . . . Showered with Love

Is love something that grows over time or can you experience true and abiding love instantly? Is love all romance and cheesy songs or can love be fostered amidst contention? In a day and time when people look for instant gratification and put their own needs above everyone else's feelings, can true love really grow? These are important questions that must be asked in an effort to redefine the formula for a healthy relationship. There's a fine line between trusting your instincts and making an uninformed choice. Take the AfroerotiK audio journey and experience how scorching hot passion can be born from the right mix of trust and vulnerability.

It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated.

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Made for Me

If I could have a man created specifically for me, with all the things I desire in a partner, I would ask for a man who took my breath away every time I saw him. He would be tall and brown and ooze integrity and character from every pore in his being. He would be wise beyond his years and his words would be carefully chosen each time he spoke and they would flow like honey from his lips.

If I could have a man created specifically for me, he would consider Africa his cultural and spiritual homeland and be willing to shed the belief systems that we have incorporated during slavery for a more holistic way of living. He would be driven to fulfill his purpose in life and single minded in his dedication to a cause that is holy, righteous, and good. He will meditate every morning and he would pray with me every night. Of course, he will be able to cry on my shoulder and ask for support because he has come face to face with the demons that have kept men from evolving emotionally and he will have a commitment to redefining himself anew. He will listen first and then speak, he will not internalize every comment as criticism, and he will apologize when he’s done something wrong.

My perfect man will live off of a plant based diet, practice a spiritual system other than Christian, and he will be openly bisexual. He will have been in an intimate relationship with another man and loved him. He will be comfortable with his sexuality not being tied to ridiculous roles that define him. He will be a patient and attentive lover who will be willing to please and pamper me with the knowledge that I will only return the favor tenfold.

He will be an amazing father to our children, patient, loving, and kind. He will be an excellent example for them to follow and raise them up to be discerning, compassionate, logical, and most of all brilliant. He will not show favoritism to our sons and he will be capable of twisting the locs in our daughter’s hair. He will be willing to educate our children at home and take equal responsibility in doing so.

He would never be intimidated by my intellect, potential, or my activism and he would support me and my efforts with words of encouragement and praise. He would put other’s needs above his wants and we will travel the world in search of truth. He will know the first and third verses of the Negro National Anthem and he will stand up when it’s being sung without being told. He will never use the word nigger, nigga, or any phonetic or derivative spelling thereof out of reverence and respect for our ancestors.

I want my perfect man to be equal parts creative and intelligent, equal parts spiritual and carnal. Make him open-minded, tolerant of people’s differences, and as far left as he can get politically without falling off the scale and ending up in jail at Guantanmo Bay. I want him to be an avid reader and lover of jazz, art, real theater (not Medea plays) and capable of articulating why the current brand of hip-hop is misogynist and offensive to not only women but to men as well.

His commitment to our relationship will be beyond compare. My perfect man would prioritize and sacrifice in order for us to continually grow. Ahh, my perfect lover would hold me in his arms at night and kiss my forehead and whisper, “I love you,” and make me feel as if everything was right with the world.

I Love Getting Fucked in the Ass

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This track is only for true anal enthusiasts.  It's explicit, it's hardcore, it's extreme.  At almost 6 minutes long, it's the soundtrack that will accompany you right up to your moment of explosion.  Be forewarned that this is only for those individuals who think that backdoor sex should be natural, raw, and primal.  

Looking for erotic stories to be featured

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Experience Making Love to Me

Feel my lips gently nibbling on your earlobe, My breath as I whisper in your ear, I want you. Smell the scent of my perfume as it lingers on my skin. Taste my mouth as we kiss. Feel the softness of my lips, my yielding tongue.

Experience my soft, gentle kisses on your neck, your shoulders, and your chest. Relax and enjoy as I kiss your arms, inside your elbows, the palms of your hands. Maintain eye contact with me as I suck each and every one of your fingers.

Relinquish control as I massage your back. Feel the cool sensation as I leave wet kisses on your spine. Feel my breasts crushed against your back as I try to press every inch of our bodies together. Breathe deeply; inhale the aroma of the candles, the oil I use to massage you, my arousal as my passion builds for you. Turn over and face me. Tingle with anticipation as my hands move slowly back up the fronts of your legs, your thighs.

Ache with need as my mouth kisses and licks your torso, carefully avoiding your erection with the exception of my hot breath. Describe the sensation to me as I lick and gently suck your balls. Tell me how it feels as I lick the head of your dick and make it glisten. Watch me as I swallow you, licking you, sucking you, stroking you, blowing your mind. Scream out my name as I bring you to the verge of orgasm and stop. Feel the head of your dick, deep in the back of my throat while my wet, hot lips, tongue, and mouth envelop you entirely.

Experience the need to have me, be inside of me, to fuck me. Look at me. Notice every detail of my body: my bedroom eyes, my full lips, my tiny ears, my small shoulders, my long arms and fingers, the swell of my breasts slowly rising and falling, the contrast of my nipples, my small waist and full hips, my smooth, long, brown legs and tiny ankles, the high arch of my foot and my perfectly pedicured toes.

Make me need you. Press your body onto mine, laying your weight upon me. Whisper all the naughty things you want to do. Kiss me passionately; long, hard and wet. Let me know that you want me, all of me, and only me. Feel my passion for you build as you fondle and caress my breasts, pinching my nipples, cupping them in your hands.

Watch my excitement build as you lower you mouth to my breasts nursing them like a baby, sucking them like a man hungry with desire. Lick them all over, use your tongue like a sensual paintbrush.

Feel the heat from between my legs, spread them. Examine that part of me that makes me a woman. Notice how aroused I become at even the most gentle stimulation. Touch me softly and watch me writhe in pleasure. Spread my lips apart, feeling my wetness flow. Smell my sex, natural and sweet. Invade me with your fingers. Manipulate that vacant and slippery space with skill. Make me give you my surrender. Invade me with your tongue. Taste me, eat me, lick me, suck me.

And then calmly reassure me of your love. Look deeply into my eyes and let me know that everything will be fine, that you will take care of me, that I dont need to be afraid. And with the hunger of a starving man, the thrill of the first time…………penetrate me. Close your eyes and feel our bodies become one. Experience my gift to you.

Make love to me. Slow, steady. hard, deep. Drive your dick up inside me over and over again. Make me scream with pleasure and ecstasy divine. Fuck me until our bodies are glistening with sweat. Feel my pussy grab you and pull you deep inside of me. Tell me how tight and wet and hot I am and how good my pussy makes you feel. Faster …Deeper. Experience the addiction of pleasure over take your body. And then my dear, sweet lover, fill me with your seed, that which makes me whole. Dont move, dont move, DONT MOVE. Just enjoy the experience of making love to me.


Copyright 2004 AfroerotiK

Knowing True and Abiding Love

When I was young, I used to watch my grandmother clip my grandfather's toenails. I thought that was the most disgusting, subservient, oppressive act a woman could do. I was embarrassed that my grandfather NEVER washed his own hair. He would take a shower every morning and he wouldn't wash his hair, he would let my grandmother do it in a dining room chair with a shampoo/conditioner whole setup. In the summers, when I would sew my back to school wardrobe, we had to clean up every day at 4:00 to make sure the house was straightened and dinner was on the table for my grandfather at 6:00. Submissive right? No independent woman of today would ever do those things for a man that would be beneath her.

Well, it wasn't until I was a grown woman that I understood that having dinner on the table would have meant nothing if he wasn't home every night at 6:00. My grandmother never worked, so all the material we would buy for my school clothes, all the shopping trips we would take all over the city, were funded by my grandfather who gave her money unconditionally. My grandmother never wrote a check in her life because my grandfather made sure all the bills were paid. There was never a day when the lights were cut off, there was no phone, or there was a threat of being evicted. Those things didn't happen by accident, my grandfather never ran the streets, his friends were their friends, he was stable and committed and he loved to spoil my grandmother. Any whim she had, he fulfilled. Any concern or fear she had he erased.
I'd wash my man's feet, hair and do a harem dance every night if I could find a man who was as committed to me as my grandfather was to my grandmother.

Love is give and take, it's not being subservient. Was my grandmother a slave because she clipped my grandfather's toenails? Hardly. She was a loving woman who felt honored to do for her man in a way that no one else could.

Today, we are too selfish. We want someone to clip our toenails and sacrifice for us but we don't want to do it for someone else. We want to have someone cater t6 our needs and wants and wishes and we have no concept of what it is to sacrifice for someone else. Worse yet, we think that sacrificing for someone is negative.

We don't know what love is. We know what narcissism is. We know what self centeredness is. We know that we want someone to make us feel good but we have no concept of how to make someone else feel special, romanced, or loved. How many men would kill for a woman to cook for them every night? Would they be willing to give up hanging out at happy hour and drinking with the boys or would you be able to pull off planning a dream vacation where all your wife had to do was shop and pack? Every woman in the world would want to have her man to buy her minks and diamonds and have as much money as you want to go shopping while knowing that they never have to worry about their man cheating but what are they willing to give in exchange.

Love is recognizing that you lose nothing by putting your partner on a pedestal. I saw evidence of 61 years of love when my grandfather would grease my grandmother’s scalp and comb her hair when she was too sick to do it herself. I saw love when my grandmother wanted to renew their marriage vows and my grandfather let her have her dream wedding. I saw love when my grandmother didn’t try to drain the bank account with extravagance that would leave them penniless just because she could. I witnessed love when my grandfather retired and my grandmother got her first retirement check, completely separate from his, that was over $1200 a month. When my grandfather told her that it was hers, I knew that he had worked 55 years to see that look of joy on her face, to provide for her. When my grandmother wanted a new washer and dryer, it would be installed before the week was out; and my grandmother would wash and iron my grandfather’s shirts better than the cleaners. I’ve seen true love, I’ve witnessed what it is to care for someone so much that your every thought is in how to make them happy. Their love was yin and yang. I’d give a major organ to be able to experience love like that.

Has the Black community given up on love?

Has the Black community given up on the concept of love? Are we now solely focused on self and what someone can do for us rather than building a partnership based on love? What is love? Do Black men and women know how to love one another anymore? What does a healthy, loving relationship consist of? What are the things that make up a healthy loving relationship? What will it take for us to believe in love again or are people too damaged to even know how to form a relationship based on love?

Share your thoughts and opinions.

Swinging 101 in Black and white

I've noticed several trends in the swinging lifestyle that are different between Black and white participants. When Black couples go to a swing club it's for different reasons than white couples. I've been to mixed clubs, all Black clubs (still stands as the most erotic and sensual experience I've ever had) and I've been to private parties where all the people were Black.

When white couples go out to swing clubs, it's primarily so the wife can fuck other people, mostly men but occasionally women. She's dressed like a hooker and he's dressed like it’s dress down Friday at the office. White women will dance together in groups like at prom while the hubbies stand and watch. Anyone who has been to Trapeze or 2 Risque can atest to that. Black couples look like they are a couple, dressed for a Friday or Saturday night at the club, attractive, stylish but nothing over the top and certainly nothing where the woman could be confused for a prostitute.

White people don't really care about making a connection with whomever they hook up with, they go for appearance first and foremost and it stops there. White women will walk up to me and say, "Oh my god, you are so sexy,” and the next thing you know, they are on their knees trying to eat my pussy without asking me my name, or if I'm even interested in them going down on me. Black couples want to have a drink with the person or couple they hook up with, they want to have a while where they bond first, get to know each other and then go off to play.
It's far more about exhibitionism with white couples than it is for black couples. White men want their wives to be seen, they want people to watch and join in. Black couples want to go off to a private room together and get busy behind closed doors. I’m not saying that Black couples don’t get off on being seen but I’m saying that if you have a club with private rooms, Black couples will be lined up waiting for a room and when the door opens and the people come out, it will usually be occupied by Black couples.

White women, 9 times out of 10, will ride their husband on top. You rarely see a white dude downstroking at a swing club. Anyone who goes, check it out next time. If I'm lying I'm dying. If you see a white couple together, husband and wife, the wife is almost always riding old boy and he's chilling out relaxing. Brothas are always hitting it, working out the technique, driving it home. If a black woman is on top, you can be sure there’s another black women riding his face and they are kissing and sucking each other’s titties and whathaveyou.

White men do eat pussy a helluva lot more and in fact, they will bring their women to orgasm with their mouths more and not have the need to have sex after that. Brothas, based on my observations, eat pussy as foreplay before getting to the fucking. There are exceptions to every rule. The friends I used to go with for example, I never fucked, I only had oral sex with them. My boy would eat my pussy so well people would gather around just to watch me nut all over the place. If I had been willing to have sex with him, however, I can almost promise you that eating pussy would have only been the appetizer. One can only assume that white couples, man and wife, don’t have any such “no fucking” restrictions so eating pussy as the appetizer, entrée, and dessert is by choice and not by force.

And for the most part, white couples are far less vocal during sex. White women can cum and you'd never know it. They might breathe a little heavier and you have to assume they had an orgasm. There might be one or two white guys in the spot talking shit but the majority are not. Black couples are talking shit, moaning, groaning, and being expressive. I have seen white women screaming and acting a fool, but usually only when they are with black men. I saw this one white chick get the shit beat out of her in a BDSM room and she didn't even whimper. Go figure.

Single brothas are WAY more respectful in swing club environments. White men want to touch and put their hands on women without asking. Brothas have more manners, they'll ask and if you say stop, they apologize and don't do it again. White men will think that just because you are in a different room that gives them permission to try to jerk off on you again. The one opportunity I had to go with someone who I was dating, he was very protective of me, making sure that no one touched me or made me uncomfortable. I liked that more than when I went with my friends; I was pretty much on my own having to deal with unwanted advances.

I've NEVER seen a Black woman have a gangbang situation, in all Black swing clubs or in interracial ones. I've seen porno’s of it where ghetto mamas are getting banged by five or six dudes at the same time but I've never seen it in real life. I'm sure it happens but I've never seen it. I've seen white women get fucked by men and she never even saw their faces; fucked in the pussy, fucked in the ass, fucked without condoms, while hubby stands there and jerks off.

Black people show up after midnight, white people are standing in line when the door opens. We do have a different time orientation than white people. It’s considered negative because it’s different than the norm for white people but it is simply an indication that we are less rigid in how we view linear time, not a negative stigma that indicates we are somehow inferior.

And anyone else who has been to a swing club can testify. White men have erectile dysfunction a whole HELLUVA lot more than brothas. I've seen more white men with dicks that won't get nowhere close to being hard masturbating for hours at the spot.

I’ve only been to swing clubs in ATL, so there are possibly different dynamics in other cities. NYC and LA I’m sure have different dynamics. Interracial couples bring a whole nutha set of rules to the table. I’ve not seen many black women with white men at swing clubs but I’m sure that’s logistical as well. In LA or NY, I’m sure black women are stepping out with white men in larger numbers. I can recall one couple (BW/WM) who were pretty regular at Venus and they were both a little on the heavy side and it appeared that she was his domme.

From a person who thought swinging was nasty and disgusting before I went, to a person who can’t wait to find a committed partner to share in the erotic experience again, I’ve changed my perspective about what it is, and what it brings to a relationship. One thing is for sure, it brings a whole different element to Black relationships than it does to white ones. Perhaps we can delve deeper into the why’s and the mechanics of the differences with open discussion and dialogue.

Celebrities adopting African children

Take a look around at all the websites and online communities of white couples that want the wives "bred" black. There is a perverse and widespread fascination for white people to want black babies. Celebrities can't just show up on the cover of People magazine as pregnant and then push out a black baby without it causing a scandal. The next best thing to do is to adopt a black child from Africa and claim it's a humanitarian issue.

For celebrities, African children are the new fashion accessory. Last year it was dogs that fit in your purse, this year it's African children. There are countless numbers of children, both white and black that need to be adopted right here in the US. This compulsion for the exotic is yet another indication of how fucked up we are as a society and how dysfunctional behaviors are passed off as normal. Tom Cruise was the first to adopt Black children with Nicole. There's a little more evidence that he's not dealing from a full deck now that he has his own child and we can observe his behaviors and actions and assess that his parenting skills might not be optimal. Angelina seems to have turned her life around, from tongue kissing her brother in front of the world and wearing vials of blood from her husband, to a true humanitarian. I don't know what sort of person she is, nor do I know what sort of parent she is but she seems sincere in her efforts to bring light to the struggles of people of color throughout the world. Is her desire to have brown babies indicative of this trend we see for white people to purge themselves of a collective white guilt? Who knows? But there are all sorts of pathological implications and trends that aren’t going to be discussed in public forums that are motivating factors in many people’s actions.

Madonna has lived her life trying to be controversial. I’m sure she’s upset that she didn’t think of the idea first. There are lots of women who have children of their own for selfish reasons, Madonna isn’t the first, she won’t be the last. Will her child have a better life in England than Malawi, financially yes. Will he grow up to liberate Black people and end the reign of the fallacy of white supremacy? Hell no. Brittany Spears shouldn’t be anyone’s mother, not her own children, not her half black step children, not $3.00 hamsters from the Wal-mart pet store. She is however, a better alternative than living without clean water. It’s only a matter of time before B-list celebrities start adopting Black children to get back on top. “Tara Reid, I’m sorry I don’t have any roles for you but why not adopt an African baby to get you back on the front page.” One thing I can almost promise you won’t happen; Black celebrities won’t be adopting any African babies any time soon.

Every child deserves a family that loves them and cherishes them. In the scheme of life, any child that has the opportunity to have a better life by being adopted is a good thing. Will celebrities who adopt black babies cause a rip in the fabric of the universe, no. Will it be psychologically healthy for children of color to be raised by superficial, attention starved, materialistic people? On a scale from one to ten, it’s a 1; there are far worse things for a child to endure. Starvation, abuse, neglect, rape, are rank a 10 and any child that can be spared those things is a blessing, without question. Children in Africa are no more deserving of adoption than those that are here in our borders but any child who gets a stable home is a check in the plus column.

Rasing my vibration on this day

A cosmic trigger event is occurring on the 17th of October 2006. This is the beginning, one of many trigger events to come between now and 2013. An ultraviolet (UV) pulse beam radiating from higher dimensions in universe-2 will cross paths with the Earth on this day. Earth will remain approximately within this UV beam for 17 hours of your time.

This beam resonates with the heart chakra, it is radiant fluorescent in nature, blue/magenta in color. Although it resonates in this frequency band, it is above the color frequency spectrum of your universe-1 which you, Earth articulate in. However due to the nature of your soul and soul groups operating from Universe-2 frequency bands it will have an effect.

The effect is every thought and emotion will be amplified intensely one million-fold. Yes, we will repeat, all will be amplified one millions time and more. Every thought, every emotion, every intent, every will, no matter if it is good, bad, ill, positive, negative, will be amplified one million times in strength.

What does this mean ?

Since all matter manifest is due to your thoughts, i.e. what you focus on, this beam will accelerate these thoughts and solidify them at an accelerated rate making them manifest a million times faster than they normally would. For those that do not comprehend yet. " Your thoughts => what you focus on, create YOUR experience of reality. "

This UV beam thus can be a dangerous tool. For if you are focused on thoughts which are negative to your liking they will manifest into your reality almost instantly. Then again this UV beam can be a gift if you choose it to be.



May the Creator add light and love to my thoughts so that they may become manifest

I desire the end of the reign of white supremacy that has oppressed people of color for thousands of years.

I desire a restoration of balance and harmony to the consciousness of the earth that is aligned with the universe, one verse, the Creator of All.

I desire the end of the fallacy of male supremacy and a restoration of equality of human beings not based on genitals but based on the symbiotic relationship between genders.

I desire those human beings who have perpetuated hatred, oppression, war, and evil for profit to receive just earthly punishments for their behavior while in human form.

I desire the end of religious beliefs that were created by man to control and dominate the masses and desire a more holistic, connected spiritual path based on truth to be ushered forth

I desire earthly restitution for the people of color who have suffered genocide, enslavement, and cultural annihilation at the hands of Caucasians.

I desire an energy of peace and love to envelop this earth plane and infuse our spirits with truth.

I desire the veil of illusion that has been placed over people of African descent to be lifted so that we might see exactly how debilitating assimilation into white culture is for our beings.

I desire self-love and confidence in my abilities

I desire to release the negative self talk that haunts my subconscious mind

I invite unconditional love from my divine right partner, my twin flame into my life so that I might be able to give and receive human love abundantly while in this body SOON

I desire the opportunity to give birth to a child who will grow up to surpass my lofty expectations and goals for him or her

I desire to be a mother to children whom I can raise, love, and nurture with my husband to teach them the ways of a spiritual warrior and enlightened being.

I desire the ability to remain humble in the face of financial success and acclaim

I acknowledge that my words have power and I desire that they will go forth to the masses and be received in such a way that they will usher in transformations, education, and healing

I desire my book, In Loving Color, with photography by Aaron Brown, to become a phenomenal best seller and open doors to dialogue about Black sexuality that will free us from mental chains that keep us enslaved to debilitating mindsets
I desire AfroerotiK to be the foundation for an erotic revolution that will generate workshops, videos, magazines, CDs, conferences, healing centers, radio programs, and any and all multi media opportunities that will create more opportunities for Black people and relationships to heal.

I desire healing for my mother so that she can be release from her need to manipulate and control, so that she might see her own pathological behaviors and be able to release them easily.

I desire healing for Emmanuel.

I desire happiness for Chelsie and Khelsea

I desire a healthy relationship for Tanya

I desire a life filled with learning, art, culture, good food, good friends, great music, and harmony.

I desire the reverence to respect the earth and the environment with every action I take

Consciousness Quiz for African Americans

For each question, choose the answer that best represents your feelings. Do not write in answers, do not skip a question if you don’t see an answer that you like. In some questions, you’ll find an immediate answer you will agree with and on other’s you will have a strong urge to disagree with all of them. Choose the answer that BEST represents your feelings. For ease, copy and paste the quiz into a word document and remove all the answers except the one you pick. DO NOT change the answers.

1. Age
A. 18-27
B. 28-36
C. 37-45
D. 46-54
E. Older

2. Gender
A. Male
B. Female
C. Transgendered

3. Sexual Orientation
A. Straight
B. Bi
C. Gay or Lesbian

4. I would classify my debt as
A. Nothing more than just some friends and family I know who have helped me out when I was in a jam
B. A car note and credit cards mostly
C. A mortgage, school loans for myself or my children, and a home equity line of credit that was used to finance a project I was working on
D. Eternal to the spirits and orisha who guide my spiritual path

5. I identify myself as
A. A Human being not dictated to by color
B. Unapologetically African
C. African American or Black
D. A Nigga for Life

6. If I won 100,000 in the lottery, I would
A. Drink, smoke, sex, and party like there was no tomorrow while flossing in my brand new Hummer
B. Pay off my bills first, treat myself, and then invest anything left over
C. Never win in the first place, only morons buy lottery tickets
D. Buy some property in a warm climate and live off the land simply
Choose the answer that BEST represents your feelings.

7. Africa is
A. My cultural and spiritual homeland, the place where I long to return
B. A cesspool filled with AIDS, famine, and poverty
C. The country where slaves came from
D. The birthplace of Christianity

8. Big noses and thick lips are
A. Easily corrected with plastic surgery
B. Ugly
C. Beautiful
D. The facial features of many African Americans

9. Relaxers and Weaves
A. Are just one of the many styling options for African American hair, nothing more nothing less
B. Make women more attractive when done subtly
C. Cost too much money in salons when they can look just as good if you get someone who knows what they are doing
D. Enslave Black women to European standards of beauty

10. Christianity is
A. A tool used by the white slave masters to keep enslaved Africans mentally and spiritually oppressed
B. The best thing to come out of slavery. It saved heathen Africans from eternal damnation
C. Best practiced in silent reverence, without all that singing and shouting
D. No big thing to me, I gotta make money now and worry about heaven later

11. Welfare is
A. A failed liberal social Democratic agenda that drains the pockets of hardworking, tax-paying, productive citizens
B. Easily manipulated if you know how to play the game
C. A pittance thrown at Black people to maintain the undereducated and underemployed status of the oppressed
D. Most often an excuse for some Black people in the ghetto not to get a job.

12. Politically, I
A. Vote straight Democratic Party because historically Democrats have always been for Black people
B. Support fiscal conservatism and the immediate cease and desist of all liberal social and foreign policies
C. Am a card carrying communist, socialist, anarchist . . . whatever party represents the overthrow of this Fascist government
D. Could care less, voting don’t change a damn thing
Choose the answer that BEST represents your feelings.

13. Homosexuality is
A. A natural expression of human sexuality
B. An agenda, along with the Jews, to control the media
C. Not my cup of tea but what people do behind closed doors is their business
D. Freaky Deaky

14. 9/11 was
A. A highly suspicious act that set the stage for the US to wage war in oil rich middle eastern countries and oppress people of color
B. An attack against the principles of liberty and justice for all.
C. Sad but at least I didn’t know anyone who got killed
D. Equally as catastrophic as Hurricane Katrina

15. Illegal Immigrants
A. Can be kept out as long as we build a wall on the Mexican Border
B. Do the jobs I sure as hell wouldn’t do
C. Are innocent victims of capitalism and corporate greed
D. Should be prosecuted in a court of law and made to pay a fine for the burden on the taxpayers they’ve caused

16. Hurricane Katrina
A. Left a legacy of untreated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and depression that will manifest for generations to come
B. Showed just how stupid and criminal people can be if they don’t follow instructions
C. Was sad but was more than likely God’s way of ridding the earth of sinners to prepare for the return of Christ
D. Victims got PAID after the storm

17. Slavery
A. Was no more or less horrific than the Holocaust and the Jews rebounded just fine
B. Was in that movie Roots with Kunta Kinte and Chicken George
C. The fault of greedy African Kings who sold their brothers and sisters to White people
D. Is going to work every day for a corporate boss and making a substandard living while the CEO’s lavish in luxury

18. When it comes to food
A. Variety is the spice of life
B. I stick to hot wings and fast food most of the time
C. I prefer to fast every once in a while to re-energize my spirit
D. There’s nothing like a succulent Prawns with a mango salsa

Choose the answer that BEST represents your feelings.

19. Interracial Dating
A. Will end racism and discrimination in a couple of years when everyone is brown
B. Is reflective of centuries of brainwashing and an inherent belief in white supremacy
C. Makes the pretties babies
D. Is a viable option for many people who are climbing the corporate ladder and looking for partners who are intellectual equals.

20. Black men
A. Who are on the downlow are responsible for the spread of AIDS
B. Struggle with defining themselves because of years of conforming to the white man’s standards
C. Have the biggest dicks
D. Are criminal, lazy, drug addicts who do nothing all day long

21. Black women
A. Have the biggest asses
B. Show signs of self preservation when they marry outside their race
C. Represent the embodiment of the Goddess herself
D. Are achieving more in corporate America these days

22. Black people are
A. The originators of the humanities and sciences in ancient KMT
B. Equal to white people in every way
C. Always trying to blame someone else for their problems
D. Always going to be held down by the white man


Copyright 2006 AfroerotiK
All rights reserved
Scottie Lowe
fantasies@afroerotik.com

Tired of seeing black women being portrayed as ghetto bitches, freaks and whores, and black men as barely literate thugs, bulls, and pimps, Scottie Lowe decided it was time to show black people in a positive sexual light. Ms. Lowe is the sole owner and founder of www.AfroerotiK.com, a company dedicated to eradicating the negative and stereotypical depictions of Black sexuality and providing customized, personalized erotic stories for and about people of color. Her innovative approach to writing Black and interracial erotica is shattering misperceptions and opening the doors to dialogue about subjects long considered taboo.

Being the Partner I Want to Attract

I haven’t been in a real relationship in over 15 years. I haven’t been in anything that lasted more than a month. Well, that’s not true, I was with a young lady and we were partnered for about three months. I cooked for her, and planned special evenings with her and picked her up from work, the stuff you do when you are in a relationship with someone. It didn’t work with her because she had never been with another woman before and it was too much for her to handle the concept of being lesbian. She wasn’t able to be honest with herself that she was capable of forming a loving/emotional relationship with another woman so she sabotaged it by compulsive lying. Why it never works out with men I’ll never know.

I do know that with every person I meet, with every person I feel has potential, I try my best to be the sort of partner I want to attract. I make very conscious efforts to put into practice all the things that I’ve read about what it takes to form a healthy relationship. I don’t project my emotions onto the other person, I ask for what I want rather than assuming he can read my mind. I do my best to communicate my concerns in a way that doesn’t put him on the offensive but gives space for me to establish my boundaries. I apologize when we have an argument and I overreact. I’ve always been a great cheerleader/supporter/confidant. I don’t play games and I let my true feelings be known. I’m honest to a fault about my shortcomings and I ask for assistance in helping to grow. In short, I try to put out the energy that I want back. If I were in a relationship, I would want my partner to do those things for me as well.

It’s not working. As hard as I try, I’m not getting the same energy back. There must be some sort of glitch in the Matrix because I’m not meeting men who are as committed to forming a healthy as I am. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for someone to be able to be my cheerleader when I’m down. I’m not superwoman, I do get down occasionally and I’d like someone to say, “Don’t pay attention to those people trying to tear you down, you are a gifted and talented visionary and you have a mission and you are doing a damn good job accomplishing it.” I don’t think it’s too much to ask for someone to apologize for a miscommunication, and especially not when he’s said something that was intended to hurt my feelings.

For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction, right? I’m putting the energy out and I’m not getting it back. I try my best to be the sort of partner that someone else would find desirable, to display qualities that would make someone want to form a relationship with me and I’m not getting any rewards here. Where’s the equal and opposite effort? Where’s the willingness to work through disagreements in a healthy manner? Where’s the willingness to prioritize me and my happiness just as I would prioritize him and his? I’m ready to be this phenomenal cook, lover, seamstress and all around creative/sensual diva (with the potential to make a helluva lotta money to boot) to my man and either no one is appreciating what’ I’m bringing to the table or no one is willing to bring anything to the table themselves. Is there no justice in the universe? Is there no respect for the laws of metaphysics in that I’m projecting my desires and not getting the same in return?

Born with both sets of genitals

If your child was born intersexed, with both a penis and vagina, would you

A. Have the doctors surgically remove one set of genitals to make it easier on your child to socialize and then pretend it never happened?

B. Let your child live with both sets of genitals and then decide later on in life if they want to choose one gender over the other?


C. Consider your child cursed and give the child up for adoption, not caring what was done to it, and try again for a normal baby?

D. Nothing, children can’t be born with both genitals?

Dear Universe,

At this stage in my life I have come to a crossroads. I can no longer continue through life just merely existing day to day, picking corporate cotton, being satisfied with the mundane and the average trinkets society offers me in exchange for the silence of my spirit. I can no longer ignore the directives sent out from my soul to make substantial and real difference in the world. It is for this reason, I have decided to pursue within the unyielding diligence, my dreams. What is my objective you ask? To help educate and enlighten my people and to assist in raising the consciousness and self esteem of black people so that we might unite and demand equality in housing, education, health care, and the justice system.

My experience - 40 years of being black in a society where racism and injustice are no longer overt, but stealth and institutionalized.

My qualifications - my divinely inspired creativity and drive that demand that my talents be exploited for the betterment of conditions for my people.

My references - Every African man woman and child that survived the middle passage to become enslaved and have their freedom, spirits, and individuality robbed from them, every soul that shed their blood so that I might fulfill their dream, and every black child that faces growing up in an environment where he or she is not taught to honor his heritage and culture, but to believe him or herself to be the lazy, ignorant, criminal animal society has deemed him or her to be.

I believe that one of the most important issues facing the black community today are the vestiges of slavery’s bonds that have created hatred that has run rampant in our veins; it threatens are very existence worse than any bullet, virus, or disease could ever threaten our bodies.

Misogyny, appalling levels of crime, drug use, and the “causalization” of sex, complacency within a racist system, the obscene illiteracy and teen pregnancy rates, the disdain for education and glorification of the ghetto lifestyle, emotionally immature men and women willing to exchange their bodies for money, ALL stem from an inability to love oneself.

This self hatred has created millions of fatherless children, legions of black women who put more value into the roundness of their behinds and the length of their fingernails than in educating themselves and innumerous black men slaughtered in the streets before they’re able to reach their full potential or wasting away in prisons, victims of a mindset that tells them to be a black man is to be a criminal.

I see my people suffocating in materialism for clothes, cars, and money, never seeking to lift up their spirits, connect with their divine source, or shed the chains that Massa placed on our necks.

This same self-hatred has all but erased the mentality of “There but for the grace of God go I” in the minds and hearts of the black middle and upper class. No longer do we look to lift up our less advantaged brothers and our sisters, we take pride in tearing them down to raise ourselves up on an imagine pedestal of superiority.

Collectively we as a people are in a struggle

A struggle with the horror of oppression, injustice and inequality, we struggle like beasts of burden heavy-laden with discrimination, degradation, and disdain.

At the very core of my being is the desire to bridge the gap between those who accept with pride and grace their history and greatness, and those who never knew it. I am the child of civil rights leaders, I learned to walk with freedom and equality as my goals, and I was weaned on theories of nonviolence and social reform.

I grew up hearing the stories of the battles my family waged against Jim Crow, the Klan, and for the right to be treated as equals. I learned at a very early age, that to whom much is given, much is expected. I was given a mastery of the written word, an artistic vision, and a well of creativity that never runs dry.

It is for this reason I must work with due diligence to

Create Social Change

Educate and Enlighten

Break the Chains of Mental Slavery

And Lift the consciousness of African Americans

Sincerely,

Scottie Lowe

Thought provoking questions

1. If you could travel back in time to the exact slave ship where your ancestors were transported to the States, what would you ask or say to them?

2. You are in a tragic car accident and you die. In the afterlife, you learn that everything you’ve been told about God is wrong, there are no judgments, no punishments, and no preferential treatment for anyone, that the only thing that is important in life is if you expressed the talents that were given to you. You are brought back to life by the magic of modern medicine. How would you live your life differently knowing the truth?

3. Who taught you the most painful lesson you’ve ever learned in life and what was it?

4. You’ve been kidnapped by deranged lunatics and they are going to kill you for sure. They place the gun to your head. In your final 30 seconds of life, what are the last thoughts in your head before they pull the trigger?

5. You’ve been diagnosed with a fatal disease and given 6 months to live. You are making peace with all the people you’ve wronged in your life, apologizing for transgressions you’ve made. Who is the first person on your list and what would you say to them?

God Hates Fags and Dykes

The creator of all, the master architect of the universe, the omnipotent, omniscient source of life hates homos. The Most High God of Divine Intelligence and the eternal fountain of love apparently hates people who love individuals with the same genitals and he loves the people who hate the queers. Let’s make sure we get that straight . . . as it were. God hates the people with love in their hearts and he loves the people with hate in their hearts. God is petty and insecure. God feels threatened by two men loving each other. God apparently feels that in a universe with intentional diversity, that diversity is a bad thing. Makes perfect sense . . . to a slave.

In defense of my homophobic black brothers and sisters . . . I must speak up on their behalf. They have been conditioned to accept the bible and every word in it or else fear the wrath of the ultimate White Master Overseer in the sky. Their desire to be good slaves for god and not question a thing they are told is the reason behind their homophobia. In essence, it is the result of racism, or the enslavement of our ancestors that created their homophobia. African people accepted homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism, and even understood that open sexuality was the pathway to spirituality.

But we were beaten.

Our bodies were beaten until we accepted the white man's religion and anything he told us was true.

Our spirits were broken until we came to a point where we accepted what Massa said without question.

We were so psychologically broken that we forgot how to use reason or logic, we only accepted what we were told and feared a whupping from masssa if we challenged it.

Black homophobes are terrified that God will slay them for even acknowledging the humanity and validity of homosexuals because that's how we had to survive, believe whatever we were told and fear questioning what we are told.

Homosexuality is the last thing Black people can hold on to in order to find someone else to condemn, someone else to whom they can feel superior.

Now, I don't offer that as an excuse, only an explanation of our homophobia as a people.

I sincerely apologize to anyone that has been the victim of Black homophobia and been subjected to oppression from people of color who do not value you as a person.

I am truly sorry that you have to feel oppressed by other people of color that cannot see the illogical reasoning behind their homophobia but that are paralyzed by fear.

I'm sorry that they are held captive by such repugnant beliefs that would make them condemn others for merely expressing who they are.

If I could speak the words that would let my people see how insane their false paranoia is, I could heal the world and Black people of many of the ills that have been inflicted upon us by slavery. Alas, I am unable to get them to let go of the fear of Massa and Massa’s diseased “truths” and we must wallow in the filth lies that were given to us like pigs.

The Lovers Speak

A love that God has ordained, two souls that were created at the same time, cannot be destroyed or separated by fear. Love is the ultimate truth and that universal love cannot be broken. You’ve come home to me, to us, because our energy is far greater together than apart. You will not find another that will hold you through the night and anticipate your needs like I will. No one else will fuel you passions and satisfy them so completely. It’s not vanity that makes me speak these words. It’s the recognition that we are the sum of two parts that together make a whole. United we are stronger, together we can accomplish any task. You are my Nubian King and I live to serve you, to exalt you as divinely capable, strong, and wise. I know that I reign supremely as your queen; not your servant or your maid but as your partner and your equal. We have put aside those notions of subservience and we have defined anew how we will command authority as a couple. I love you. I love you from the depths of my soul and I place that love upon a pedestal to be honored and cherished. I love your full, sensual lips and those deep expressive eyes that undress me from across the room. I love your stubborn demeanor that yields to reason. I love all of you, flaws and imperfections, strengths and talents too. You promised me a lifetime ago that one day we would join together to become one, to fulfill our destinies and you’ve fulfilled your promise. This love is greater than I’ve ever known. This love is stronger than my mind could conceive and it fills me with a peace that transcends time and space.

Copyright 2005 AfroerotiK

AfroerotiK is . . . African Centered Sexuality

If one were to form an opinion about Black sexuality based upon what the adult industry force feeds us, we would be nothing more than big black bucks whose sole purpose in life was to fuck white women or welfare mamas who take delight in bending over to show off our big asses. Miraculously, we exist in far many more dimensions than how mainstream society depicts us. There are those of us who have taken on other roles, who are willing to redefine our sexuality. This month, AfroerotiK is . . . the Podcast for the exploration of Afrocentric sexuality, is discussing domination of white male submissives in a story that will destroy the stereotypes and embrace our identity beyond the norm. Won’t you listen to this story, Goddess Initiation, with an open mind and fresh perspective?

It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated.

http://www.afroerotik.com/Podcast/Goddess.mp3

Black and White Love

Interracial relationships are one of the most highly controversial issues that the Black community deals with. Black women feel justifiably slighted by Black men when they choose white women as partners proclaiming them as symbols of status or beauty or behind the cry that white women are more supportive. Black men feel a sense of betrayal and rage when they see sistas with the proverbial “slave master.” All too often, the reasons why white people pursue interracial couplings are based on the objectification of Black people and racist, stereotypical perceptions of our sexuality. There are a host of reasons a great many interracial relationships operate from of an unhealthy perspective. That is not to say that they don’t work for some people. Obviously, with the numbers of interracial relationships, a great many do work for the people who engage in them. For a great many others, they refuse to see how their preferences are not born out of colorblind love but of deep-seated beliefs that white people are better.

As more and more African Americans become completely assimilated, distancing themselves from the Black culture and people in academia, the workplace, church, in every aspect of their lives, it’s only reasonable to assume that those people would have more in common with people who don’t look like them. Does that signal the end of racism or a model for all Black people to emulate? Adopting someone else’s identity to distance yourself from your own unique culture, heritage, history and culture is never psychologically healthy. The mainstream would have us believe that we as Black people should disavow ourselves from anything and everything that has to do with our African identity in order to be more like them. The real problem lies in the fact that African American identity was born out of oppression and slavery; it was formed out of inferiority and self-hatred. Africans who were enslaved had to form their identities, beliefs, customs and coping mechanisms because they were beaten, whipped, and tortured, because they were raped, bought and sold like property, they were taught to hate anything that was inherent to their African identity and to covet those things that their owners possessed. Many African American behaviors are, in fact, unhealthy. Not thought our own devices, however, but because of our unique history of enslavement. It is in the restoration and recognition of healthy African principles, re-establishing and redefining an African centered identity that one should be able to form healthy relationship with someone of another race.

How could anyone love themselves when everything in society tells them that they are inherently inadequate, that they are less than human? Slaves couldn’t love their own hair, their own facial features, their traditions and customs when white people repeatedly beat into them that they were inferior. But that was a long time ago, right? That has no effect on anyone today, right? While no one wants to admit or believe that slavery has had any long-lasting effects, while everyone wants to believe that they are beyond any of the messy realities of an ugly past, unfortunately, there are far too many Black people today who don’t want to be Black. Add a whole bunch of clichés and rhetoric like, “color doesn’t matter,” and “love knows no color,” and you get a whole lot of denial about how many interracial relationships are formed. If you can’t find beauty in the features that stare back at you in the mirror, if you want to distance yourself from the people who look like you, then you’ve set up an internal struggle with your subconscious mind, fighting with your external desire to be someone other than who you are.

What about those Black people who don’t look Black? What about those African Americans who don’t have African features? One could argue that it’s perfectly okay for them to date interracially because they have the same features of white people, they look closer to white than they do Black. That ignores the fact that the history of light skinned Black people is that of rape by slave owners. It discounts the generations of ancestors who did everything they could to maintain their light privilege. Concerted efforts were made to ensure that darker skinned genes didn’t “infect” the family line. How can anyone deny the dysfunction in that sort of thinking? Many do, most people adamantly deny it because they refuse to see the connection of the tragic history of mulatto slaves being given preferential treatment and how that made them want to distance themselves from their Black-featured brothers and sisters.

All too often, when Black people come into an interracial relationship, the assumption is that they have somehow raised themselves up to a level in which they can be equal with whites. That basic assumption is based in the racist belief that black people are inherently inferior. If a person has to have no cultural identity to be with a partner, if they must conform to a set of standards and behaviors that denounce their unique background and heritage, there is something terribly wrong with the balance of that relationship. No interracial partnership should be formed without both parties willing to share equally in cultures and histories and traditions that support the equal and balanced footings of both partners. Black people have a history of slavery, racism, oppression, discrimination, and suffering that has shaped our collective consciousness. To deny that from, from both black and white partners, is unhealthy.

All too often, the selection of a white partner is based on an inheritance of passed on “mental enslavement.” During slavery, white people were heralded as the most attractive, more intelligent and overall better race. The features of white people, thin lips, small noses, flowing hair, and fair skin were held as the standard of beauty for Black people. The nappy hair, thick lips, wide noses and dark skin of African people was thought to be ugly and that belief was instilled in slaves for generations. Those messages have been passed down generationally and have never been addressed on a collective basis to rid our consciousness of those poisonous beliefs. To many Black men, the only women that are attractive are women that look as close to white as possible, so it’s little wonder they would migrate to white women. Dark skinned women represent what they believe to be ugly.

Lots of Black men justify their choices to fuck white women, to have them as sexual partners and not romantic partners, by saying that they are doing it to get back at the white man. Black men do not make a conscious decision to sleep with a white woman because so many Black women were raped at the hands of white men and to seek revenge. The conscious decision to fuck a white woman is made because they like feeling the supposed “power” they have in the beds of white women where the sexual stereotype is reinforced, where they are told that they are superior because of their savage sexuality. I have never met a brother who was so proud of his Black heritage and culture that he decided to seek his own brand of reparations from society and have his way sexually with the white woman to make up for the years of degradation that Black women have suffered. In almost every case, you hear Black men saying how sexy white women are, how beautiful, how uninhibited they are in bed. It’s usually followed by a litany of reasons why Black women are unattractive as partners because they have too much attitude, aren’t sexual enough, or they simply say, “I can’t help who I’m attracted to.”

The thought processes of the plantation are not that far removed from our consciousness. During slavery, light skinned women were allowed the luxury to be in the house, thus, as a Black man, to get one meant you might have some special privileges. White women were even more privileged. Those were the reinforcements that our grandparents were taught by their grandparents. Just because we have stopped delving into the origins of our sickness, does not mean the disease is not rampant. Show me the man that says, “I want my child to have short, wooly hair, a wide nose, thick lips and blacker than coal skin.” Those things are not revered in our society. I'm not saying a man with that consciousness does not exist, I'm saying that in this society, the Black man (and woman) is taught to love everything opposite of that.

In very recent years, Black women have decided to make a mass exodus of sorts and start dating white men. For many, it’s a choice because they say that the pool of Black men is shallow, for others, it’s a variation of the same theme as it is for Black men. White men are seen as validation. The message implied is that if a white man is attracted to a Black women, that has to mean she is attractive that she’s achieved the ultimate acknowledgement of acceptance, right? White men are the final say on everything so their approval has to indicate overcoming the insurmountable stigma of Blackness. The desire to have kids with good hair, and light eyes is rampant in the discussions of Black women who date white men but it’s drowned out by the discussions of how so much more supportive white men can be. How can that be healthy? The answer is that it’s not but those of us who speak out about the REASONS why so many of us find comfort in the arms of people who don’t look like us, we are attacked by the masses who refuse to acknowledge that there are a myriad of contributing factors to the interracial dating trend, most of which are dysfunctional.

Interracial dating is still the forbidden taboo on many people’s lips and in many people’s hearts. The taboo is the people who aren’t willing to look at the reasons why they date interracially. The taboo is in not peeling off the layers and seeing that the true reasons for interracial dating are self-hatred at its most extreme in far, far too many cases.

Copyright 2006 Scottie Lowe

“Those Black Women”

You see it all the time, every day in fact. (Psychospiritually Disabled) Black women look for any opportunity they can to ridicule, belittle, and denigrate “those black women.” You’ve seen it, if a Black man finds a lame excuse to malign black women as gold diggers, or bitches, or some other offensive and sexist slur, Black women will come out of the woodwork to jump on the bandwagon and throw some fuel on the fire. To hear them tell the tale, these upstanding and outraged women are always the best mothers, the most exceptional pillars of the community, beyond reproach with nothing but contempt for “those Black women.” They have nothing but venom for the underprivileged, disadvantaged, or god forbid, women who’ve made a mistake. They are perfect and they make sure to stand atop their pedestal of condescension to point the finger of disgust at “those Black women.” They don’t have a problem with misogynist rap lyrics because it doesn’t refer to them; they are referring to “those Black women.” They are above any vile criticism of Black women in general because they are not one of “those Black women.” Their anthem? “I’m a strong Black woman.” They have no compassion, no empathy, nothing but judgment and hatred.

Am I not my sister’s keeper?

Black men have no such pathology. In fact, they tip the scales on the opposite end of the spectrum. Black men can never find fault, flaw, or blemish with another Black man no matter how reprehensible their behavior. Black men can have 23 children for which he pays not one thin dime and you will find brothas lined up to excuse his behavior.

Both behaviors are unhealthy.

Any person that feels that he or she has to malign someone else is inherently insecure. There’s a huge difference between identifying the unhealthy behaviors of Black women while trying to bring about a certain amount of consciousness and healing and talking sh!t and badmouthing other Black women so as to appear superior/perfect. Hating other black women for being victims of societal conditions shows no compassion and compassion is a sign of maturity. This whole, “I’m a strong Black woman,” archetype is delusional because it perpetuates this myth that Black women are these super sassy, indestructible forces that can raise children on their own, go to school, have a job, and maintain a relationship without blinking an eye. News Flash, Black women are suffering from depression, dying of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and doubled over with fibroids and it’s because we are so intent to hold on to this irrational stereotype. The women who live long, happy, healthy lives are the women that understand that it’s human to have weakness, to ask for help, and to admit imperfection. There’s no valor in being so hardened, so filled with hate at your fellow sistren that you lack the empathy, a quality Black women should embody.

Standing up against oppressive, sexist, and misogynist depictions of ANY Black woman is a measure of evolution. We all suffer, when we are referred to as bitches and ho’s, those that believe themselves to be just that and those that would sooner spit on those women than acknowledge that their plights are the similar. Aren’t we all as Black women, looking to feel validated and loved, like our life has value? Yes, some women have been led astray by unhealthy influences and messages and yes, they behave in ways that are detrimental to their self esteem and self worth. If we can’t come together, however, to stand united against the oppression of Black women we will perish in a quagmire backstabbing and denial.

The Days of Empowered Black Women are Gone

There was a time when women fought to have their voices heard, demanded to be treated as equals and not as objects, a time when feminist wasn’t a dirty word and meant more than “angry lesbian.” Those days are long gone. Today, women live to be the voiceless, un-opinionated, glamorous playthings of rich, high-profile men. There’s been a shift from women wanting to define themselves as human beings capable and autonomous, to women willing to accept that they are nothing more than sex objects defined by the length of their hair, the price of their outfit, the roundness of their behinds, and the attractiveness of their feet. Whereas, the 60s were the days of women asserting themselves and fighting for equality, the new millennium is the day of women showing off their midriffs and having men pay for their company.

Black women have been the targets of a very concerted effort to silence their voice, to stifle their growth. Thirty years ago, Black women were standing up for the right to be more than teachers, maids, and nurses. Today, sistas are striving to be the well-kept trophies of successful thugs and be rated on the sexist scale of attractiveness. Black women have been convinced that being a woman means having a man, and not having a man is a stigmata of shame, a lack or void that surely signifies that you aren’t good enough in bed, you aren’t beautiful enough, you don’t live up to your primary role in life of pleasing a man. Forget holding men accountable for their actions, forget having standards that fall outside of material possessions, to hell with asserting that being a woman is more than living up to a patriarchal model that feeds the distorted egos and libidos of men. Yeah, that crap is over. Today, women want to be objectified, complacent, and conform to the role of being seen (as beautiful) and not heard.

For a lot of women, they defend the notion that being a woman means how many men want you. It’s easy to do for the women that have light skin, that have long hair, that have a size six body with a size ten booty that look like a model and can pull the men that want to buy their souls in exchange for a roll in the hay. For the women that fit the profile, it’s all about maintaining that image and not rocking the boat. For the women who don’t fit that image, for the women with dark skin and hair that doesn’t flow in the wind, for women that don’t look like they stepped off the pages of a magazine or fresh from the set of a music video, they are left to deal with their self-esteem in a society that tells them that they are less than a woman. It’s a burden Black women don’t talk about because it’s shameful to admit that you don’t compare to the standard of beauty that Black men want and you feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle within yourself that you can never win, that’s beyond your control. What about the women that will never be able to wear the skimpy little halter tops and the five inch heels, and fling their shoulder-length hair and have men stumbling all over themselves to pay their car note? What if you look in the mirror every day and feel like you’ll never measure up? Those are the women that perpetuate the myth of the Strong Black Woman. They feel the need to suffer in silence and to endure a lifetime of abuse and pretend nothing hurts, to put up an impenetrable shell of distance and melodrama that leaves them perpetually emotionally drained. Convinced it’s an honor to be a strong Black woman, they hold onto the pain and feelings of inadequacy like a gold medal in the Depression Olympics.

The Challenges of Being a Black Man

Being minus a penis, I have to speculate what it is to be a Black man in a society created to cater to their egos and feed their dysfunction. I can only suppose that because I am a woman and a feminist woman at that, because I’m such a keen social observationist, and because I can recognize the failure of the “system” to raise emotionally mature Black men, that my analysis of Black men’s challenges will probably not be reflective of what most Black men think, feel or believe are their challenges. That being said, I think, as a Black woman, I must acknowledge the struggles that Black men face that keep them, in far too many instances, from self actualization and wholeness, which is probably not the objective of more than a handful of Black men anyway.

I can’t say that these are in order of importance but they are the ones I feel I can best articulate, or at least try to articulate.

1. An inability to communicate emotions. Being socialized to suppress emotions, feelings, and not being taught how to communicate other than aggression, I would imagine that a great many black men feel silenced when they feel frustration, disappointment, sorrow, longing, loneliness and a host of other emotions because they can’t even identify what they are feeling, let alone how to express it constructively. I suspect it’s why so many black men create phonetic, hieroglyphic, ebonic ways to communicate because without an emotional outlet, they must feel like a mute person trying to speak a foreign language. Because, however, you can’t articulate a problem you don’t know you have, a great many men must feel angst and frustration and be unable to pinpoint why or most fail to even acknowledge the sensation as a problem. As human beings, the need to be understood, to release your emotions is there but the socialization of our men is such that they equate sex with release.

2. Living up to the Mandingo Myth. I would almost guess that most Black men don’t think that this is a challenge, they think it’s some sort of rite of passage or it’s the natural order of the universe. Unfortunately, the Mandingo myth is a creation of the white man and living up to his expectations is dysfunctional at best, and harmful at its most effective juncture. Far too many Black men have bought into the myth, believing that they are sex gods whose sole purpose in life is to spread their seed. Society reinforces that Black men are superior athletes with big dicks and doesn’t leave them room to be anything else. It creates a sense of inferiority in Black men who don’t have a twelve inch dick and who can’t slam dunk and it paralyzes those who are packing and ballin’ to believe that they are capable of nothing more.

3. Being as good as the white man. The white man is all powerful. Anything he says or does is beyond reproach. He can commit crime and get a slap on the wrist. He can be a total idiot loser and have inherited money and affluence pave the way for him in life. He makes the most money, he has the most power, he has the most influence, and he get’s the most beautiful women. For a Black man to look in the mirror and see himself as a man and not have the same autonomy as white men must be terribly crippling. To add insult to injury, the measure of manhood is SUPPOSED to be dick size and sexual skill and to have that and NOT be able to navigate life with the ease of a white man must create an ache inside the likes of which I will never know. The constant struggle to prove that you are as good as a white man must consume all too much time and energy. The fact that there’s virtually nothing a Black man can say or do to give him equal footing to the white man in society, to know that he will always be seen as inferior to the white man regardless of his accomplishments has to be frustrating.

4. No viable role models of Black manhood. With so many women in this, “I don’t need a man to raise my son,” kick, the inability of those women to foster and nurture responsibility in their sons, and the entire social structure being catered to tell men that they can do no wrong, that women are the creators of sin, you have generations upon generations of Black men that haven’t been raised to be good Black men, they’ve been raised to be males. Being a man is far more than pissing standing up. Manhood is having integrity, fulfilling your responsibilities, being honest when you realize that it’s not the easy way out, and being able to release patriarchal roles and treat people like human beings and equals, not as objects to manipulate. We don’t have Black role models to teach men how to be good fathers and husbands. We don’t have Black role models to teach men how to have integrity and pursue excellence above all else. Without these role models, we are replicating empty, shallow, superficial models of manhood that are based on sexuality and aggression and not what a man is truly supposed to be.

If I were to repeat the rhetoric of the chest-thumping masses of Black men, their biggest challenges would be not being able to find a good black woman, too many gold-digging Black women, women not being supportive, being pulled over by the police unjustly, and not being able to be the head of the household like a man should be. Those are the empty frustrations of men seeking validation for their dysfunction. The biggest challenge of us as black people is to get Black men to see that their perspective is flawed and that their penis doesn’t give them the right to come and go as they please without respect or regard for anyone else other than their own selfish desires.