I AM Worthy

Deeply ingrained in the psyche of slaves was the belief, the unshakeable BELIEF that Black people were meant to suffer.  They grew to believe, shackled under the oppressive physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual chains of slavery, that their life was intended to be painful, that they had to sacrifice, that there were destined to accept second, third, and fourth best.  Slaves were beaten, raped, held captive, tortured, and worked like animals and told that their rewards would only come when they accepted white Jesus and got to heaven.  And with no hope for wealth and affluence, with no hope of dignity or justice, they held on to the notion that their pain would end when they were washed by the blood of their lily-white savior once they got to the pearly gates. 

White people, not only just slave owners but all white people, had no such debilitating belief beat into them.  They believed, just as they do now, that the world is their oyster, that they can do and say anything without repercussions.  They have never known the concept of pain and suffering being intrinsic to their identity.  Sure, they have known pain, but it’s not tied to their identity, it’s not because of their whiteness.  They believe that they are the best, that they deserve the best, that they don’t have to do a damn thing to deserve the best, that they are entitled to their hearts’ desires simply ‘cuz. 

Black people today, in 2015, still largely believe that we must suffer, that pain is part and parcel of our identity.  The messages passed down, the lessons taught to us from our parents and grandparents who brutally beat us, who silenced us, who stifled our creativity, who tried their best to protect us from disappointment and injustice, is that we have to be long-suffering, that we have to settle, that we are inherently undeserving of fairness, wealth, respect, and just plain ole happiness because of our skin color.  We are conditioned to believe that we have to accept second best, that we must swallow our anger, we must not offend the white man, that we aren’t worthy of luxury or wealth, joy; we overwhelmingly belief that we are undeserving of something as basic as love. 

Some of us in the last few decades have broken the chains, we have changed our beliefs and we are beginning to believe, deep down in our souls, that we are deserving of wealth and abundance, that we are not inherently unworthy creatures like our forefathers and mothers were forced to believe.  Regrettably, we have also acquired a gross materialism and capitalistic narcissism, a replication of the pathologies of the greed and the obliviousness of white people who think the universe owes them, that they are deserving for no other reason than having breath in their lungs.  I’m working diligently on changing my own core beliefs, I’m determined to see myself as worthy of the best that life has to offer.  The psychological chains of slavery are still not broken, they are heavy and burdensome and suffocating.  Most of us still are imprisoned by the chains that we are only as good as the crumbs that have been thrown to us, that we will only know peace and joy when we die.  WE MUST CHANGE OUR CORE BELIEFS.  We must FEEL worthy deep down in our hearts and souls.  We must start to believe that we are inherently deserving of wonderful things, of success and peace and abundant and over-flowing blessings. 

And so it is. 

Your Blue Eyes Ain’t Like Mine

I need to talk to white people for a minute.  I’m here to say that you have been fooled into a false sense of superiority.  Black people have been trying to emulate your looks since we were enslaved on the plantation.  We spend countless hours, dollars, and tears trying to alter ourselves, changing the way we are supposed to look in order to look more like you.   You think that we should think, act, and look like you in order to be considered attractive.  It seems you have established yourself as the standard of beauty and everyone else is supposed to bend, meld, and conform to what you look like in order to be considered attractive.  I’m here to tell you that I’m not a slave.  I’m free from the mental chains that tell me that your features, traits, and aesthetics are better than mine.  I’m not obsessed, intrigued, or captivated by the beauty standards of white people. 

I don’t covet or crave your flowing, straight hair; I simply don’t think it’s more attractive than my own.  I love my nappy, wooly, African hair.  I don’t have to have bouncy, shiny curls in order to feel beautiful and you can rest assured that  I have less than zero need to sew someone else’s hair in my head to try to emulate what grows out of your head.  I adore the hair that God has graced me with and I don’t think it’s bad, unmanageable, or ugly.   Long hair is more attractive on women, or so you say.  I say I can rock my hair short and feel confident, beautiful, and unapologetically Black.  No, my hair is not the color of the sun, it’s the color of the dark night sky, the color of the vast and infinite universe.  I think my hair is beautiful in its natural state that is nothing like yours.  It defies gravity.  Your hair can’t do that.  I don’t need to dye, lighten, or change my hair color to feel more attractive.  My black hair, my BLACK hair is gorgeous, just the way it is. 

I don’t have to alter my appearance to try to look like you because I’m comfortable in the skin I’m in.  Your light eyes are nice, for you, but I much prefer my own deep, dark soulful eyes.   I will never buy colored contacts because I think that your blue or green eyes are more attractive.   I don’t want or need to have children who are beige, I don’t want to see their hazel eyes reflected in mine because I honor and love the Black Africans who came before me, whose blood courses through my veins, not the slave masters who raped my ancestors.  If you know nothing else in life, if there is one thing you can be assured of when you take your last breath on this earth, you can know without question that I will never try to lighten my skin to look more like you.  My melanated, brown skin is perfection in my eyes.  My full lips and wide nose may be ugly to you, you may be repulsed by my thick facial features.  That’s okay with me.  I don’t think your thin lips and pointy noses are attractive.  If I pick up a magazine or turn on the TV, the media would have me believe that I’m obese if I’m over a size 6.  That’s fine . . . for you.  For me . . . not so much.  I’m blessed with a big, round ass and thick thighs and I that fits me just fine. 

You see, there shouldn’t be just one standard of beauty in this diverse, colorful world.  So while most Black people are trying to look like you, while they feel that they are more attractive the less African they look, I’m not burdened with that unhealthy and debilitating belief.  I can celebrate myself, my features, and my own inherent African beauty and be confident and secure.  I can hold my shoulders back and my head high.  I LOVE the skin I’m in. 

Copyright 2015 AfroerotiK

AfroerotiK Stands for Black Excellence

I want nothing more than the evolution of my people.  I want us to walk proud and strong and confident, knowing our history and not being ashamed of it.  I want us to be the best.  I want us to be articulate and informed, knowledgeable and wise.  I want us to be seekers of knowledge and masters of education.  I see absolutely nothing wrong with being mathematicians, scientists, physicists, physicians, even politicians if we have the best interests of our community at heart.  But not everyone is meant to be a scholar so I want us to strive for excellence in whatever it is we do as long as it is aligned with our collective good.  I want us to create great works of art and music and theater that will stand the test of time.  I want us, as a people, to be grand alchemists and metaphysicians, relinquishing the suffocating chokehold that Western religion has around our necks.  I want us be physically strong, rejecting the poison we put in our bodies and vigorously pursuing a sound body and mind.  I want us to embrace the intellect we once possessed that allowed us to be the creators of all the humanities and sciences, that built pyramids and mapped the stars with greater accuracy than modern man can comprehend.  I want each individual of African descent throughout the Diaspora to know their special talent, what purpose they were born to fulfill, and to exploit it to the benefit of themselves, their families, our community and humanity. 

I desperately want us to be healed from our emotional, psychological, and mental wounds.  I want us to heal from our personal abuses and the collective traumas that were inflicted upon our innocence as children and our ancestors.  I want us to repair our broken spirits and fix the hurt we try to suppress.  I want our relationships to be healed, our communication to be clear.  I wish with all my heart for us to embrace honesty, integrity, and responsibility not because they are traits inherent to white people, rather they are the traits of healthy individuals.  I want us to put aside Eurocentric standards and rules and embrace what is holistic and pure and true.  I want us to evolve and grow and mature collectively; I do not want us to be happy remaining stagnant and complacent and dysfunctional.  We must rage against the machine of mediocrity to ascend to our true place of greatness.   I need for us to fight back against racism, oppression, bigotry, and the fallacy of white supremacy, to be armed intellectually to fight the battle against those who do not see our inherent value as human beings.  I want us to prosper financially, to provide for our families and to never know need or lack, but not to be enslaved to capitalism and greed and gross materialism. 

If we were to be citizens of the world, accepting and respecting other cultures but loving our own the most, nothing would make me happier.  Open-minded, non-judgmental, and progressive are characteristic I wish we all possessed as a race.  I desperately want us to love the skin we are in.  I want us to love our natural hair, our full features, our bodies whatever shape they are in, and the deep, dark, melanated skin from whence we all originated.    I think most of all I want us to release the shackles of shame that surround our sexuality so that we might know true freedom.  I want us to embrace and celebrate our sensuality, not be driven by our lusts.  I want us to explore pleasure without boundaries but not be a slave to it.  I want us to redefine our identities, to become more than victims of our circumstances but creators of a new paradigm.  AfroerotiK stands for the passage from dark to light, the transformation from stagnant to vibrant.