Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Born with both sets of genitals

If your child was born intersexed, with both a penis and vagina, would you

A. Have the doctors surgically remove one set of genitals to make it easier on your child to socialize and then pretend it never happened?

B. Let your child live with both sets of genitals and then decide later on in life if they want to choose one gender over the other?

C. Consider your child cursed and give the child up for adoption, not caring what was done to it, and try again for a normal baby?

D. Nothing, children can’t be born with both genitals?

Dear Universe,

At this stage in my life I have come to a crossroads. I can no longer continue through life just merely existing day to day, picking corporate cotton, being satisfied with the mundane and the average trinkets society offers me in exchange for the silence of my spirit. I can no longer ignore the directives sent out from my soul to make substantial and real difference in the world. It is for this reason, I have decided to pursue within the unyielding diligence, my dreams. What is my objective you ask? To help educate and enlighten my people and to assist in raising the consciousness and self esteem of black people so that we might unite and demand equality in housing, education, health care, and the justice system.

My experience - 40 years of being black in a society where racism and injustice are no longer overt, but stealth and institutionalized.

My qualifications - my divinely inspired creativity and drive that demand that my talents be exploited for the betterment of conditions for my people.

My references - Every African man woman and child that survived the middle passage to become enslaved and have their freedom, spirits, and individuality robbed from them, every soul that shed their blood so that I might fulfill their dream, and every black child that faces growing up in an environment where he or she is not taught to honor his heritage and culture, but to believe him or herself to be the lazy, ignorant, criminal animal society has deemed him or her to be.

I believe that one of the most important issues facing the black community today are the vestiges of slavery’s bonds that have created hatred that has run rampant in our veins; it threatens are very existence worse than any bullet, virus, or disease could ever threaten our bodies.

Misogyny, appalling levels of crime, drug use, and the “causalization” of sex, complacency within a racist system, the obscene illiteracy and teen pregnancy rates, the disdain for education and glorification of the ghetto lifestyle, emotionally immature men and women willing to exchange their bodies for money, ALL stem from an inability to love oneself.

This self hatred has created millions of fatherless children, legions of black women who put more value into the roundness of their behinds and the length of their fingernails than in educating themselves and innumerous black men slaughtered in the streets before they’re able to reach their full potential or wasting away in prisons, victims of a mindset that tells them to be a black man is to be a criminal.

I see my people suffocating in materialism for clothes, cars, and money, never seeking to lift up their spirits, connect with their divine source, or shed the chains that Massa placed on our necks.

This same self-hatred has all but erased the mentality of “There but for the grace of God go I” in the minds and hearts of the black middle and upper class. No longer do we look to lift up our less advantaged brothers and our sisters, we take pride in tearing them down to raise ourselves up on an imagine pedestal of superiority.

Collectively we as a people are in a struggle

A struggle with the horror of oppression, injustice and inequality, we struggle like beasts of burden heavy-laden with discrimination, degradation, and disdain.

At the very core of my being is the desire to bridge the gap between those who accept with pride and grace their history and greatness, and those who never knew it. I am the child of civil rights leaders, I learned to walk with freedom and equality as my goals, and I was weaned on theories of nonviolence and social reform.

I grew up hearing the stories of the battles my family waged against Jim Crow, the Klan, and for the right to be treated as equals. I learned at a very early age, that to whom much is given, much is expected. I was given a mastery of the written word, an artistic vision, and a well of creativity that never runs dry.

It is for this reason I must work with due diligence to

Create Social Change

Educate and Enlighten

Break the Chains of Mental Slavery

And Lift the consciousness of African Americans


Scottie Lowe

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Thought provoking questions

1. If you could travel back in time to the exact slave ship where your ancestors were transported to the States, what would you ask or say to them?

2. You are in a tragic car accident and you die. In the afterlife, you learn that everything you’ve been told about God is wrong, there are no judgments, no punishments, and no preferential treatment for anyone, that the only thing that is important in life is if you expressed the talents that were given to you. You are brought back to life by the magic of modern medicine. How would you live your life differently knowing the truth?

3. Who taught you the most painful lesson you’ve ever learned in life and what was it?

4. You’ve been kidnapped by deranged lunatics and they are going to kill you for sure. They place the gun to your head. In your final 30 seconds of life, what are the last thoughts in your head before they pull the trigger?

5. You’ve been diagnosed with a fatal disease and given 6 months to live. You are making peace with all the people you’ve wronged in your life, apologizing for transgressions you’ve made. Who is the first person on your list and what would you say to them?

God Hates Fags and Dykes

The creator of all, the master architect of the universe, the omnipotent, omniscient source of life hates homos. The Most High God of Divine Intelligence and the eternal fountain of love apparently hates people who love individuals with the same genitals and he loves the people who hate the queers. Let’s make sure we get that straight . . . as it were. God hates the people with love in their hearts and he loves the people with hate in their hearts. God is petty and insecure. God feels threatened by two men loving each other. God apparently feels that in a universe with intentional diversity, that diversity is a bad thing. Makes perfect sense . . . to a slave.

In defense of my homophobic black brothers and sisters . . . I must speak up on their behalf. They have been conditioned to accept the bible and every word in it or else fear the wrath of the ultimate White Master Overseer in the sky. Their desire to be good slaves for god and not question a thing they are told is the reason behind their homophobia. In essence, it is the result of racism, or the enslavement of our ancestors that created their homophobia. African people accepted homosexuality, bisexuality, transgenderism, and even understood that open sexuality was the pathway to spirituality.

But we were beaten.

Our bodies were beaten until we accepted the white man's religion and anything he told us was true.

Our spirits were broken until we came to a point where we accepted what Massa said without question.

We were so psychologically broken that we forgot how to use reason or logic, we only accepted what we were told and feared a whupping from masssa if we challenged it.

Black homophobes are terrified that God will slay them for even acknowledging the humanity and validity of homosexuals because that's how we had to survive, believe whatever we were told and fear questioning what we are told.

Homosexuality is the last thing Black people can hold on to in order to find someone else to condemn, someone else to whom they can feel superior.

Now, I don't offer that as an excuse, only an explanation of our homophobia as a people.

I sincerely apologize to anyone that has been the victim of Black homophobia and been subjected to oppression from people of color who do not value you as a person.

I am truly sorry that you have to feel oppressed by other people of color that cannot see the illogical reasoning behind their homophobia but that are paralyzed by fear.

I'm sorry that they are held captive by such repugnant beliefs that would make them condemn others for merely expressing who they are.

If I could speak the words that would let my people see how insane their false paranoia is, I could heal the world and Black people of many of the ills that have been inflicted upon us by slavery. Alas, I am unable to get them to let go of the fear of Massa and Massa’s diseased “truths” and we must wallow in the filth lies that were given to us like pigs.

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Lovers Speak

A love that God has ordained, two souls that were created at the same time, cannot be destroyed or separated by fear. Love is the ultimate truth and that universal love cannot be broken. You’ve come home to me, to us, because our energy is far greater together than apart. You will not find another that will hold you through the night and anticipate your needs like I will. No one else will fuel you passions and satisfy them so completely. It’s not vanity that makes me speak these words. It’s the recognition that we are the sum of two parts that together make a whole. United we are stronger, together we can accomplish any task. You are my Nubian King and I live to serve you, to exalt you as divinely capable, strong, and wise. I know that I reign supremely as your queen; not your servant or your maid but as your partner and your equal. We have put aside those notions of subservience and we have defined anew how we will command authority as a couple. I love you. I love you from the depths of my soul and I place that love upon a pedestal to be honored and cherished. I love your full, sensual lips and those deep expressive eyes that undress me from across the room. I love your stubborn demeanor that yields to reason. I love all of you, flaws and imperfections, strengths and talents too. You promised me a lifetime ago that one day we would join together to become one, to fulfill our destinies and you’ve fulfilled your promise. This love is greater than I’ve ever known. This love is stronger than my mind could conceive and it fills me with a peace that transcends time and space.

Copyright 2005 AfroerotiK

Monday, September 18, 2006

AfroerotiK is . . . African Centered Sexuality

If one were to form an opinion about Black sexuality based upon what the adult industry force feeds us, we would be nothing more than big black bucks whose sole purpose in life was to fuck white women or welfare mamas who take delight in bending over to show off our big asses. Miraculously, we exist in far many more dimensions than how mainstream society depicts us. There are those of us who have taken on other roles, who are willing to redefine our sexuality. This month, AfroerotiK is . . . the Podcast for the exploration of Afrocentric sexuality, is discussing domination of white male submissives in a story that will destroy the stereotypes and embrace our identity beyond the norm. Won’t you listen to this story, Goddess Initiation, with an open mind and fresh perspective?

It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated.

Black and White Love

Interracial relationships are one of the most highly controversial issues that the Black community deals with. Black women feel justifiably slighted by Black men when they choose white women as partners proclaiming them as symbols of status or beauty or behind the cry that white women are more supportive. Black men feel a sense of betrayal and rage when they see sistas with the proverbial “slave master.” All too often, the reasons why white people pursue interracial couplings are based on the objectification of Black people and racist, stereotypical perceptions of our sexuality. There are a host of reasons a great many interracial relationships operate from of an unhealthy perspective. That is not to say that they don’t work for some people. Obviously, with the numbers of interracial relationships, a great many do work for the people who engage in them. For a great many others, they refuse to see how their preferences are not born out of colorblind love but of deep-seated beliefs that white people are better.

As more and more African Americans become completely assimilated, distancing themselves from the Black culture and people in academia, the workplace, church, in every aspect of their lives, it’s only reasonable to assume that those people would have more in common with people who don’t look like them. Does that signal the end of racism or a model for all Black people to emulate? Adopting someone else’s identity to distance yourself from your own unique culture, heritage, history and culture is never psychologically healthy. The mainstream would have us believe that we as Black people should disavow ourselves from anything and everything that has to do with our African identity in order to be more like them. The real problem lies in the fact that African American identity was born out of oppression and slavery; it was formed out of inferiority and self-hatred. Africans who were enslaved had to form their identities, beliefs, customs and coping mechanisms because they were beaten, whipped, and tortured, because they were raped, bought and sold like property, they were taught to hate anything that was inherent to their African identity and to covet those things that their owners possessed. Many African American behaviors are, in fact, unhealthy. Not thought our own devices, however, but because of our unique history of enslavement. It is in the restoration and recognition of healthy African principles, re-establishing and redefining an African centered identity that one should be able to form healthy relationship with someone of another race.

How could anyone love themselves when everything in society tells them that they are inherently inadequate, that they are less than human? Slaves couldn’t love their own hair, their own facial features, their traditions and customs when white people repeatedly beat into them that they were inferior. But that was a long time ago, right? That has no effect on anyone today, right? While no one wants to admit or believe that slavery has had any long-lasting effects, while everyone wants to believe that they are beyond any of the messy realities of an ugly past, unfortunately, there are far too many Black people today who don’t want to be Black. Add a whole bunch of clich├ęs and rhetoric like, “color doesn’t matter,” and “love knows no color,” and you get a whole lot of denial about how many interracial relationships are formed. If you can’t find beauty in the features that stare back at you in the mirror, if you want to distance yourself from the people who look like you, then you’ve set up an internal struggle with your subconscious mind, fighting with your external desire to be someone other than who you are.

What about those Black people who don’t look Black? What about those African Americans who don’t have African features? One could argue that it’s perfectly okay for them to date interracially because they have the same features of white people, they look closer to white than they do Black. That ignores the fact that the history of light skinned Black people is that of rape by slave owners. It discounts the generations of ancestors who did everything they could to maintain their light privilege. Concerted efforts were made to ensure that darker skinned genes didn’t “infect” the family line. How can anyone deny the dysfunction in that sort of thinking? Many do, most people adamantly deny it because they refuse to see the connection of the tragic history of mulatto slaves being given preferential treatment and how that made them want to distance themselves from their Black-featured brothers and sisters.

All too often, when Black people come into an interracial relationship, the assumption is that they have somehow raised themselves up to a level in which they can be equal with whites. That basic assumption is based in the racist belief that black people are inherently inferior. If a person has to have no cultural identity to be with a partner, if they must conform to a set of standards and behaviors that denounce their unique background and heritage, there is something terribly wrong with the balance of that relationship. No interracial partnership should be formed without both parties willing to share equally in cultures and histories and traditions that support the equal and balanced footings of both partners. Black people have a history of slavery, racism, oppression, discrimination, and suffering that has shaped our collective consciousness. To deny that from, from both black and white partners, is unhealthy.

All too often, the selection of a white partner is based on an inheritance of passed on “mental enslavement.” During slavery, white people were heralded as the most attractive, more intelligent and overall better race. The features of white people, thin lips, small noses, flowing hair, and fair skin were held as the standard of beauty for Black people. The nappy hair, thick lips, wide noses and dark skin of African people was thought to be ugly and that belief was instilled in slaves for generations. Those messages have been passed down generationally and have never been addressed on a collective basis to rid our consciousness of those poisonous beliefs. To many Black men, the only women that are attractive are women that look as close to white as possible, so it’s little wonder they would migrate to white women. Dark skinned women represent what they believe to be ugly.

Lots of Black men justify their choices to fuck white women, to have them as sexual partners and not romantic partners, by saying that they are doing it to get back at the white man. Black men do not make a conscious decision to sleep with a white woman because so many Black women were raped at the hands of white men and to seek revenge. The conscious decision to fuck a white woman is made because they like feeling the supposed “power” they have in the beds of white women where the sexual stereotype is reinforced, where they are told that they are superior because of their savage sexuality. I have never met a brother who was so proud of his Black heritage and culture that he decided to seek his own brand of reparations from society and have his way sexually with the white woman to make up for the years of degradation that Black women have suffered. In almost every case, you hear Black men saying how sexy white women are, how beautiful, how uninhibited they are in bed. It’s usually followed by a litany of reasons why Black women are unattractive as partners because they have too much attitude, aren’t sexual enough, or they simply say, “I can’t help who I’m attracted to.”

The thought processes of the plantation are not that far removed from our consciousness. During slavery, light skinned women were allowed the luxury to be in the house, thus, as a Black man, to get one meant you might have some special privileges. White women were even more privileged. Those were the reinforcements that our grandparents were taught by their grandparents. Just because we have stopped delving into the origins of our sickness, does not mean the disease is not rampant. Show me the man that says, “I want my child to have short, wooly hair, a wide nose, thick lips and blacker than coal skin.” Those things are not revered in our society. I'm not saying a man with that consciousness does not exist, I'm saying that in this society, the Black man (and woman) is taught to love everything opposite of that.

In very recent years, Black women have decided to make a mass exodus of sorts and start dating white men. For many, it’s a choice because they say that the pool of Black men is shallow, for others, it’s a variation of the same theme as it is for Black men. White men are seen as validation. The message implied is that if a white man is attracted to a Black women, that has to mean she is attractive that she’s achieved the ultimate acknowledgement of acceptance, right? White men are the final say on everything so their approval has to indicate overcoming the insurmountable stigma of Blackness. The desire to have kids with good hair, and light eyes is rampant in the discussions of Black women who date white men but it’s drowned out by the discussions of how so much more supportive white men can be. How can that be healthy? The answer is that it’s not but those of us who speak out about the REASONS why so many of us find comfort in the arms of people who don’t look like us, we are attacked by the masses who refuse to acknowledge that there are a myriad of contributing factors to the interracial dating trend, most of which are dysfunctional.

Interracial dating is still the forbidden taboo on many people’s lips and in many people’s hearts. The taboo is the people who aren’t willing to look at the reasons why they date interracially. The taboo is in not peeling off the layers and seeing that the true reasons for interracial dating are self-hatred at its most extreme in far, far too many cases.

Copyright 2006 Scottie Lowe

Thursday, September 07, 2006

“Those Black Women”

You see it all the time, every day in fact. (Psychospiritually Disabled) Black women look for any opportunity they can to ridicule, belittle, and denigrate “those black women.” You’ve seen it, if a Black man finds a lame excuse to malign black women as gold diggers, or bitches, or some other offensive and sexist slur, Black women will come out of the woodwork to jump on the bandwagon and throw some fuel on the fire. To hear them tell the tale, these upstanding and outraged women are always the best mothers, the most exceptional pillars of the community, beyond reproach with nothing but contempt for “those Black women.” They have nothing but venom for the underprivileged, disadvantaged, or god forbid, women who’ve made a mistake. They are perfect and they make sure to stand atop their pedestal of condescension to point the finger of disgust at “those Black women.” They don’t have a problem with misogynist rap lyrics because it doesn’t refer to them; they are referring to “those Black women.” They are above any vile criticism of Black women in general because they are not one of “those Black women.” Their anthem? “I’m a strong Black woman.” They have no compassion, no empathy, nothing but judgment and hatred.

Am I not my sister’s keeper?

Black men have no such pathology. In fact, they tip the scales on the opposite end of the spectrum. Black men can never find fault, flaw, or blemish with another Black man no matter how reprehensible their behavior. Black men can have 23 children for which he pays not one thin dime and you will find brothas lined up to excuse his behavior.

Both behaviors are unhealthy.

Any person that feels that he or she has to malign someone else is inherently insecure. There’s a huge difference between identifying the unhealthy behaviors of Black women while trying to bring about a certain amount of consciousness and healing and talking sh!t and badmouthing other Black women so as to appear superior/perfect. Hating other black women for being victims of societal conditions shows no compassion and compassion is a sign of maturity. This whole, “I’m a strong Black woman,” archetype is delusional because it perpetuates this myth that Black women are these super sassy, indestructible forces that can raise children on their own, go to school, have a job, and maintain a relationship without blinking an eye. News Flash, Black women are suffering from depression, dying of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and doubled over with fibroids and it’s because we are so intent to hold on to this irrational stereotype. The women who live long, happy, healthy lives are the women that understand that it’s human to have weakness, to ask for help, and to admit imperfection. There’s no valor in being so hardened, so filled with hate at your fellow sistren that you lack the empathy, a quality Black women should embody.

Standing up against oppressive, sexist, and misogynist depictions of ANY Black woman is a measure of evolution. We all suffer, when we are referred to as bitches and ho’s, those that believe themselves to be just that and those that would sooner spit on those women than acknowledge that their plights are the similar. Aren’t we all as Black women, looking to feel validated and loved, like our life has value? Yes, some women have been led astray by unhealthy influences and messages and yes, they behave in ways that are detrimental to their self esteem and self worth. If we can’t come together, however, to stand united against the oppression of Black women we will perish in a quagmire backstabbing and denial.

The Days of Empowered Black Women are Gone

There was a time when women fought to have their voices heard, demanded to be treated as equals and not as objects, a time when feminist wasn’t a dirty word and meant more than “angry lesbian.” Those days are long gone. Today, women live to be the voiceless, un-opinionated, glamorous playthings of rich, high-profile men. There’s been a shift from women wanting to define themselves as human beings capable and autonomous, to women willing to accept that they are nothing more than sex objects defined by the length of their hair, the price of their outfit, the roundness of their behinds, and the attractiveness of their feet. Whereas, the 60s were the days of women asserting themselves and fighting for equality, the new millennium is the day of women showing off their midriffs and having men pay for their company.

Black women have been the targets of a very concerted effort to silence their voice, to stifle their growth. Thirty years ago, Black women were standing up for the right to be more than teachers, maids, and nurses. Today, sistas are striving to be the well-kept trophies of successful thugs and be rated on the sexist scale of attractiveness. Black women have been convinced that being a woman means having a man, and not having a man is a stigmata of shame, a lack or void that surely signifies that you aren’t good enough in bed, you aren’t beautiful enough, you don’t live up to your primary role in life of pleasing a man. Forget holding men accountable for their actions, forget having standards that fall outside of material possessions, to hell with asserting that being a woman is more than living up to a patriarchal model that feeds the distorted egos and libidos of men. Yeah, that crap is over. Today, women want to be objectified, complacent, and conform to the role of being seen (as beautiful) and not heard.

For a lot of women, they defend the notion that being a woman means how many men want you. It’s easy to do for the women that have light skin, that have long hair, that have a size six body with a size ten booty that look like a model and can pull the men that want to buy their souls in exchange for a roll in the hay. For the women that fit the profile, it’s all about maintaining that image and not rocking the boat. For the women who don’t fit that image, for the women with dark skin and hair that doesn’t flow in the wind, for women that don’t look like they stepped off the pages of a magazine or fresh from the set of a music video, they are left to deal with their self-esteem in a society that tells them that they are less than a woman. It’s a burden Black women don’t talk about because it’s shameful to admit that you don’t compare to the standard of beauty that Black men want and you feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle within yourself that you can never win, that’s beyond your control. What about the women that will never be able to wear the skimpy little halter tops and the five inch heels, and fling their shoulder-length hair and have men stumbling all over themselves to pay their car note? What if you look in the mirror every day and feel like you’ll never measure up? Those are the women that perpetuate the myth of the Strong Black Woman. They feel the need to suffer in silence and to endure a lifetime of abuse and pretend nothing hurts, to put up an impenetrable shell of distance and melodrama that leaves them perpetually emotionally drained. Convinced it’s an honor to be a strong Black woman, they hold onto the pain and feelings of inadequacy like a gold medal in the Depression Olympics.

The Challenges of Being a Black Man

Being minus a penis, I have to speculate what it is to be a Black man in a society created to cater to their egos and feed their dysfunction. I can only suppose that because I am a woman and a feminist woman at that, because I’m such a keen social observationist, and because I can recognize the failure of the “system” to raise emotionally mature Black men, that my analysis of Black men’s challenges will probably not be reflective of what most Black men think, feel or believe are their challenges. That being said, I think, as a Black woman, I must acknowledge the struggles that Black men face that keep them, in far too many instances, from self actualization and wholeness, which is probably not the objective of more than a handful of Black men anyway.

I can’t say that these are in order of importance but they are the ones I feel I can best articulate, or at least try to articulate.

1. An inability to communicate emotions. Being socialized to suppress emotions, feelings, and not being taught how to communicate other than aggression, I would imagine that a great many black men feel silenced when they feel frustration, disappointment, sorrow, longing, loneliness and a host of other emotions because they can’t even identify what they are feeling, let alone how to express it constructively. I suspect it’s why so many black men create phonetic, hieroglyphic, ebonic ways to communicate because without an emotional outlet, they must feel like a mute person trying to speak a foreign language. Because, however, you can’t articulate a problem you don’t know you have, a great many men must feel angst and frustration and be unable to pinpoint why or most fail to even acknowledge the sensation as a problem. As human beings, the need to be understood, to release your emotions is there but the socialization of our men is such that they equate sex with release.

2. Living up to the Mandingo Myth. I would almost guess that most Black men don’t think that this is a challenge, they think it’s some sort of rite of passage or it’s the natural order of the universe. Unfortunately, the Mandingo myth is a creation of the white man and living up to his expectations is dysfunctional at best, and harmful at its most effective juncture. Far too many Black men have bought into the myth, believing that they are sex gods whose sole purpose in life is to spread their seed. Society reinforces that Black men are superior athletes with big dicks and doesn’t leave them room to be anything else. It creates a sense of inferiority in Black men who don’t have a twelve inch dick and who can’t slam dunk and it paralyzes those who are packing and ballin’ to believe that they are capable of nothing more.

3. Being as good as the white man. The white man is all powerful. Anything he says or does is beyond reproach. He can commit crime and get a slap on the wrist. He can be a total idiot loser and have inherited money and affluence pave the way for him in life. He makes the most money, he has the most power, he has the most influence, and he get’s the most beautiful women. For a Black man to look in the mirror and see himself as a man and not have the same autonomy as white men must be terribly crippling. To add insult to injury, the measure of manhood is SUPPOSED to be dick size and sexual skill and to have that and NOT be able to navigate life with the ease of a white man must create an ache inside the likes of which I will never know. The constant struggle to prove that you are as good as a white man must consume all too much time and energy. The fact that there’s virtually nothing a Black man can say or do to give him equal footing to the white man in society, to know that he will always be seen as inferior to the white man regardless of his accomplishments has to be frustrating.

4. No viable role models of Black manhood. With so many women in this, “I don’t need a man to raise my son,” kick, the inability of those women to foster and nurture responsibility in their sons, and the entire social structure being catered to tell men that they can do no wrong, that women are the creators of sin, you have generations upon generations of Black men that haven’t been raised to be good Black men, they’ve been raised to be males. Being a man is far more than pissing standing up. Manhood is having integrity, fulfilling your responsibilities, being honest when you realize that it’s not the easy way out, and being able to release patriarchal roles and treat people like human beings and equals, not as objects to manipulate. We don’t have Black role models to teach men how to be good fathers and husbands. We don’t have Black role models to teach men how to have integrity and pursue excellence above all else. Without these role models, we are replicating empty, shallow, superficial models of manhood that are based on sexuality and aggression and not what a man is truly supposed to be.

If I were to repeat the rhetoric of the chest-thumping masses of Black men, their biggest challenges would be not being able to find a good black woman, too many gold-digging Black women, women not being supportive, being pulled over by the police unjustly, and not being able to be the head of the household like a man should be. Those are the empty frustrations of men seeking validation for their dysfunction. The biggest challenge of us as black people is to get Black men to see that their perspective is flawed and that their penis doesn’t give them the right to come and go as they please without respect or regard for anyone else other than their own selfish desires.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

The Challenges of Being a Black Woman

The three black men that I thought were going to respond have already responded and I doubt that there will be any more to step up to the plate. I’ll open the floor up for Black women to tell you what they feel their biggest challenges are and let’s see if there is some overlap.

I’m not a mother but I will ATTEMPT to speak on behalf of those of my sistas who are. Being a single mother has to, by far, be the single most stressful challenge of being a Black woman. The evidence is there in outrageous numbers that Black women are raising our Black children alone. Parenting is, without a doubt, THE single most stressful, emotionally draining, demanding, challenging job ever. To do it alone, without a support system, or a support system that only shows up every other weekend, is damaging the entire race. The financial, emotional, and physical responsibility of rearing children is too much for one person to do alone yet Black women do it alone so much, that it’s seen as the standard. Every mother wants to provide for their child, to give them more opportunities, to protect them but it’s virtually impossible to do without a partner. At least not effectively. The absence of Black men in the home, as co-parents, is The single most detrimental challenge to black women POSSIBLE. It weakens our community and our spirits.

I’m not all Black women; I’m not even particularly typical in any sense of the word. I see things vastly different than most of my peers but I can share with you what my biggest challenges as a black woman are.

Every man that finds me attractive thinks he has some right to fuck me. I’m sure men think it’s a compliment but it’s annoying and offensive and it eats away at my very soul having to constantly be approached by men who don’t give a flying fat fuck about me as a person, who only see me as a potential hole to stick their dick. Educated men, homeless men, professional men, jobless men, toothless men, younger men, older men, married men, single men, Black men, white men. I’m sick and tired of being seen as an object, I’m sick and tired of having to deflect advances from men who don’t know me, don’t want to know me, don’t give a damn about me, or who pretend to give a damn about me just to get the panties. On the street, on the internet, at work, everywhere I go, I have to deal with men who are constantly trying to manipulate me for sex. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. It’s hurt so much inside to be constantly seen as just another piece of ass, to know good and god damn well that the men who want to fuck me couldn’t care less about me as a human being, when I’m a woman with feelings and dreams and preferences and an entire personality that exists beyond their need to fuck me. Many women have internalized the attention as flattering. They think it means that they are attractive, desirable but the end result is the same. They have learned to compensate for being objectified by objectifying themselves. But at what cost? What do they lose of themselves never being approached by a man whose first objective isn’t to fuck them? They shut down that part of them that makes them human in order to conform to the role that men will allow them to be, objects.

Being one of the members of the “highly educated” Black women clique, I can say that my second biggest challenge is finding a partner who is emotionally mature. I can find men who are intelligent, articulate, professional, successful, and attractive. Not a lot mind you, there are far more Black men who are not my equals vocationally, educationally, or intellectually which is a problem in and of itself because I need a man who is at the very least my equal in those terms. But of those Black men who are educated and professional, I can’t find men who have dealt with their issues, who are capable of being introspective, who don’t think of themselves first. In fact, the more money and success they’ve achieved, the more they expect women to just fall at their feet because they consider themselves “hot property” in the dating field. They feel like they have no responsibility to give of themselves, to even being just plain ole’ honest. I’ve done a helluva lot of work on myself, I’ve healed my demons, I’ve prepared myself to be a great partner in a relationship, I’ve relinquished the . Where are the black men who’ve done the same?

For all the Black men that accuse Black women of being “Toms” in the workplace in order to get ahead, that we are somehow betraying the Black race by climbing the corporate ladder, I say, “kiss my entire black ass.” Being a Black woman in the corporate world has given me more stress and heartache than anything else in my life. White men dismiss what I have to say without even listening to me because they don’t even see me as human, let alone an equal or god forbid a superior. Black men want to fuck me (see number 1) or want to discredit me because they think I’m going to take something from them. White women, dear lord, white women are the most ruthless, conniving, back-stabbing, manipulative, evil people when it comes to the workplace. White women have lied, cheated, stolen, and conspired to make me look bad and to make themselves look good in EVERY job I’ve ever had. White women are the instigators of more office politics, more interpersonal drama than anyone. Every disciplinary action that has ever come up in my career has been the result of a white women trying to discredit me to make herself look good. I’m under attack in the workplace from everyone as a Black woman and I get no support from Black men because they accuse me of trying to suck corporate dick in order to make them look bad because they aren’t as ambitious. I’m trying to build a future and provide a home for my family and I have to endure endless attacks of racism and sexism in order to do so on a daily basis. It’s what causes me to have high blood pressure, to have heart disease. Cleaning Miss Sally’s toilet was easier for Black women because it didn’t take years off of our lives. Climbing the corporate ladder is detrimental to our health.