Dating married men

I was chatting with a young lady the other day and she casually mentioned she was dating a married man. Correction, she said she was in love with a married man. While I’m sitting there, with my mouth open, staring at the screen in total horror and disgust, she goes on to say she doesn’t want him to leave his wife and kids, that she’s happy with the arrangement the way it is. She didn’t have an iota of remorse, guilt, or shame. In fact, she was quite proud to tell me of her supposed “enlightened” viewpoint. I think I threw up in my mouth.

My mother ONLY dated married men when I was going up. Once when I was 17, she dated a man who was single but I think he was only 21. I knew how to be a mistress at age 6. I knew that if he had to call his wife, that I had to remain silent. I knew that if we saw him out in public that I was supposed to pretend we didn’t know him. I knew that if he cancelled plans without calling to charge it to the game.

In my adult life, I’ve stayed pretty far away from married men. One brotha I went out with, who I later found out asked me out when his wife was 10 feet away, didn’t tell me he was married until we were ready for dessert. Another brotha told me after we had sex, which I blame myself for not knowing him better but I certainly didn’t do it intentionally. I kicked both of their asses to the curb immediately. Once, I had this torrid emotional online/phone thingie with a guy for a month and when he told me that he was married, it was hard to turn off the feelings and we both fought the urge to take it further. Again, that was his deception, not mine and we didn’t do anything other than exchange emails and kiss once. (He was a HORRIBLE kisser)

I have never had the desire to be someone’s mistress. That is just so stank to me. When I moved to ATL, more married men hit on me than ever before in my life. They were open with it, like it was nothing. I have a friend who cheats on his wife every day with probably hundreds of different women. I’ve been out on a date and seen him with other women. I told my date we had to go because I wasn’t going to sit there and watch my friend cheat when I knew his wife. He couldn’t see the problem with it. Needless to say, his ass got kicked to the curb as well for showing his true colors.

Now almost every man I’ve met who falls in the dog category has said, “I date married women because I don’t want the emotional strings involved with a relationship.” That’s a piss poor excuse for adultery and a sign of immaturity to say the least. I was hoping that women still held themselves with enough respect to understand that taking a man away from his home and family is foul. I know women have always dated married men, but I was under the impression that they were duped into it and made the horrible choice to stick around hoping he would leave his wife. That’s understandable, not excusable but understandable.

If women now feel as if they are getting something from being the other woman, if we now feel that the optimal relationships is one in which a man allots us time based on his schedule with his wife and family, if we are now so deluded to think it’s empowered to suppose that saying that you don’t want a man to leave his wife and kids for you, then we have lost a huge chunk of our humanity.

I was the wife who was cheated on. It’s a horrible, painful, sinking feeling I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I would never knowingly do that to another person. I would never actively seek a relationship like that. FUCK THAT, I don’t even want a man who has a girlfriend. No, no, no, I don’t want to date a man who has many partners, I don’t give a rat’s ass if he is honest with me about all of them. I want a man who can be honest, who has integrity, I want a man who can resist temptation and put our commitment first and foremost above pussy.