Black Relationships are failing. Black relationships are in danger of becoming extinct. As a Black woman, searching for a Black man for a partner, I’m constantly accused of male bashing if I say ANYTHING at all about the unfavorable behaviors of Black men. I’m attacked for having standards that are too high and barraged with rhetoric. I can point out the issues Black women have and Black men are all too quick to jump on the bandwagon and blame Black women for everything wrong in the universe.
Well, if we are ever going to heal, if we are ever going to come together, we need to start having the discussions that are tough. Sadly, the vast majority of Black men who are the most outspoken are the ones that are the most dysfunctional. I’m putting out a call for Black men who can take constructive criticism and who can voice their concerns in a way that is conducive of communication. Let’s take off the gloves, let’s truly converse.
Black men can be:
Afraid of commitment
Irrationally Defensive
Distrustful
Untrustworthy
Deceptive
Physically intimidating
Passive Aggressive
Sexually promiscuous
Emotionally unavailable
Hardened by their role in society
Unsure of how to express their real feelings
Searching for identity
DO NOT GET ME WRONG! I’m not saying all Black men are all those things, but let’s not sugar coat things either. Every Black man has to deal with some, if not all, of those issues to some degree, regardless of socio-economic status. Black men have been socialized to be emotionally immature and they expect the world to revolve around their dysfunction. Ain’t no relationship going to heal if that’s the case. Black mothers, almost categorically, don’t raise their sons to be good partners in relationships; they coddle them and don’t hold them accountable for their actions. All too often, they make their sons responsible for their own emotional happiness while blaming them for the absence of their fathers. Even the most exceptional models of Black men have issues with some facet those things. And let me address the issue that I know is going to be brought up. Yes, white men and other races deal with those exact same things. But I don’t give a damn about those other races. My concern, my priority is my own race.
I’m not dissin the brothas. I’m simply pointing out that their model of was left somewhere on the Gold Coast 500 years ago. Any descendant of slaves is going to have to deal with issues to some degree because that is our legacy. Simply because we are sick does not mean we should pull the plug. Yes, we have healing to do. Yes, we as Black women have our own baggage too. The state of affairs between Black women and men is not a stagnate one. It can change and evolve if we take the time to nurture ourselves to regain our true position of grace and dignity.
My personal preference is a Black man. I can’t imagine anything finer. I love the way they smell when they sweat. I love the way I feel safe inside their strong arms. I love the feel of those thick, hot, juicy lips pressed against mine. I adore being penetrated by that harder than steel Black love. (Oh shit, I better stop cause I think I am having a hot flash) Where was I? I lost my train of thought. Even with my love of Black men, I’m not going to say that they are without flaw. Talk therapy is the only way I know to get to the heart of the matter. Let’s get the ball rolling.
2 comments:
I attended a nightclub where black men only danced and were attentive to every women but the black women. I entered and stood watching everyone else having a fine time. A gentleman approached me and ask me to dance. He was a well built, sportly dressed white man. I love to dance, therefore I accepted. To my surprise every brother on the floor looked at me with discontentment in his eyes. I wondered what that was about, should I just stand and watch the "look at me now" show or enjoy myself for the night. I don't do white, but I love to dance.
just because plan a is working doesn't mean they want to give up the option to plan z
i do other and these dudes are ridiculous with theirs.
many black men with nonblack spouses still have black mistresses. these men aren't opposed to sleeping with and impregnating black women; they just refuse to claim them , marry them and protect them. they see black females as a subclass of females and having a black woman on their arm doesn't suit their or their friends whom they are trying to impress trophyism.
sadly, black women are playing a part in their own destruction by assuming that it is always them that is at fault. they need to start demanding better treatment and not give in to peer pressure and lower their standards, to at least be on par with other women: dates, not bootycalls; husbands, coparents, not babydaddies.
v
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