AfroerotiK

Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Friday, February 23, 2007

The Sensual Invitation



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Deep Inside my Neo Soul



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I Miss Him



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Ebony's Erotica



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Afrocentric Romance



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Dear Beloved



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AfroerotiK is . . . Showered with Love



Is love something that grows over time or can you experience true and abiding love instantly? Is love all romance and cheesy songs or can love be fostered amidst contention? In a day and time when people look for instant gratification and put their own needs above everyone else's feelings, can true love really grow? These are important questions that must be asked in an effort to redefine the formula for a healthy relationship. There's a fine line between trusting your instincts and making an uninformed choice. Take the AfroerotiK audio journey and experience how scorching hot passion can be born from the right mix of trust and vulnerability.


It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated.








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AfroerotiK is . . . Ultimate Black Strapon Domme



Warning!!! This is NOT for the faint of heart. It explores hardcore interracial themes and intense sexuality. Listen to the story of a commanding Black Mistress control, use, and manipulate a submissive strapon slut. It's about the exchange of power and the dynamics of psychological domination. Enjoy!




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AfroerotiK is . . . Meditative



Close your eyes and slip into a deep meditative state. Allow yourself to enjoy true relaxation and peace as you are guided into a deep, restful state where you can explore sensual freedom. Copyright 2006 AfroerotiK




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AfroerotiK is . . . . Alternative Intimacy



Great sex doesn’t always have to fit narrow definitions. True pleasure can be achieved when partners allow themselves to experience passion without prejudice, sensuality without censor. Journey with me as I open the bedroom door on an Afrocentric couple who has chosen to shed the rules and regulations of classic conservatism and who has chosen to expand their boundaries and explore all that life has to offer.




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AfroerotiK is . . .Redefining Black Manhood



AfroerotiK is . . . is a show that examines black sexuality and that provides insight and alternatives to individuals seeking healthy erotic expression. It highlights the beauty and sensuality of African Americans without being vulgar and stereotypical and it provides a fresh perspective from which to examine the issues that shape the perceptions of Black sexuality. It’s a show for everyone that will challenge myths, destroy clichés, and set the foundation for intense erotic exploration. AfroerotiK is features debates, discussions, interviews, and steamy erotic readings to stimulate and arouse.

This month, we are exploring REDEFINING BLACK MANHOOD. It’s a hard-hitting, no holds barred discussion that sheds light on a much-maligned topic. It’s essential listening for women who feel like they can’t find a good man and men who are tired of being narrowly defined. It’s for anyone open to conversation about shifting the behaviors that are keeping black relationships in danger.




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AfroerotiK is . . . Remote Possibilities



Don’t limit yourself, explore the AfroerotiK realm, and indulge in a steamy erotic tale that explores passion without judgments. It takes a while to download so your patience is appreciated.




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AfroerotiK is . . . Uninhibited


The foundation of every strong relationship is honesty, sharing, caring, and a willingness to be your most vulnerable self with your partner. It’s not having secrets and it’s all about understanding that there is no score card to calculate who’s ahead, no place for selfish desires. Intimacy is fostered by letting down all your defenses, all your walls, and being authentic. Join with me in this journey of sensual AfroerotiK passion when a young lady shares her tales of bliss when her lover has to fulfill her every desire after losing a bet. It blurs the lines of reality and begs the question of exactly who is the winner and who is the loser in a game of sensual seduction?

It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated




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AfroerotiK is . . . Intense Heat



When ladies make love, they create intense heat. The pleasures that only another woman can give are the secret fantasies and the unspoken dreams of many. But what happens when you give into that lust, that burning desire to drink from the source of all life? What happens when you cross racial boundaries and that lady love is a different background, from a different race? Can lust between ladies both black and white exist without all the stereotypes and influences of a racist society? Take a listen to the latest AfroerotiK Podcast to hear an erotic story that explores interracial lesbian passion.




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AfroerotiK is . . . African Centered Sexuality

If one were to form an opinion about Black sexuality based upon what the adult industry force feeds us, we would be nothing more than big black bucks whose sole purpose in life was to fuck white women or welfare mamas who take delight in bending over to show off our big asses. Miraculously, we exist in far many more dimensions than how mainstream society depicts us. There are those of us who have taken on other roles, who are willing to redefine our sexuality. This month, AfroerotiK is . . . the Podcast for the exploration of Afrocentric sexuality, is discussing domination of white male submissives in a story that will destroy the stereotypes and embrace our identity beyond the norm. Won’t you listen to this story, Goddess Initiation, with an open mind and fresh perspective?



It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated.





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AfroerotiK is . . . Playful

Tricks are NOT just for kids. Sometimes, when adults play, it’s not about competition, it’s about pure, unadulterated hedonism. Join me for the latest Podcast where we explore the art of seduction. Gentlemen, take notes on how your lady wants to be treated. Go the extra mile, spoil her. You certainly won’t be disappointed you put in all the effort. Ladies, don’t let too much time go by without treating your man to an extra special evening as well. Why not tell him that you want to re-enact this erotic Podcast while you listen to it, role-playing the action in real life as you listen to it together? If you don’t have a partner, take this opportunity to indulge yourself in a little self pleasure. Whatever way you decide to participate, enjoy yourself on this sensual audio erotik experience.



It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated.





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Living with Purpose



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An Erotic Assignment for the Ladies



Ladies, here's an erotic assignment for you. Save this MP3 to your computer, ipod, burn it to a CD or whathaveyou and send a copy to your husband, boyfriend, lover, or secret crush. Add a little note that says, "Hey, I heard this and I thought of you. Let me know what you think of it."

Then, your assignment is to get back to me and tell me how he reacted. I want to know if it inspired you to have passionate and steamy sex all night long, if you were able to reignite the flame that had gone out, if he took off sick from work to come throw you down on the bed and act it out. I want to know all the juicy details. Let me know if he didn't react at all and we'll have to check his vitals for any signs of life. Good luck ladies, I hope you have fun.



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Sunday, February 18, 2007

God Doesn't Have a Dick

Any religion that teaches that God is a man, and that woman is made for man, oppresses women to a state of unnatural subservience and insanity. If God is a man, and man has a penis, then anyone with a penis is perceived to be god-like. Women, obviously without a penis, are socialized through their oppressive religion created by people with penises, to feel inferior. The subconscious mind of females knows that women are not really inferior, that God could not possibly have a gender, that women are the equal and very much needed compliments to men not their subjects. The conscious mind of the female believes itself to be inferior, to be cursed, and to be dependent upon men, so it sets up a state of disharmony in the psyche of both men and women. The belief that men have some inherent privilege or preferred status with God a.) leads men to think that they can do no wrong and that their penis entitles them to rule over women, and b.) leads women to think that their lives will fall apart without a man, that they must forgive their man any wrongdoing, and that they must compete with the next woman in order to prove their worth as a woman. It is only when we decide to restore a holistic balance to our relationships, based on equality of genders, will they heal.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Are Black men really more sexual?


I had a very typical conversation with a white woman a few minutes ago. She said that Black men are more sexual and more confident sexually than white men. If we are really about dismantling stereotypes, we need to set the record straight.


Black men may very well be better lovers, more skilled lovers, and they are, overall, better sexually endowed but white men are infinitely more sexual than Black men. White men are far more experimental, far more adventurous, far more liberated in their thinking when it comes to sex. And they are FAR more driven by their sexuality than black men.  White men compartmentalize their sexuality.  They are more likely to have hidden fetishes and sexually motivated lifestyles that are completely opposite their projected personas.  
 
For example, on XTube, the x-rated version of YouTube, people submit personal videos. There are different categories to submit your videos obviously including fetish, fisting, hardcore, bisexual, anal, etc. in both gay and straight genres. Here are my observations. White men are one million times more accepting of videos that show bizarre, outrageous, extreme, and atypical sex acts. I have never seen a black man submit a sounding video yet. In fact, I didn’t even know what sounding was until I started seeing it done on XTube. White men create videos of themselves doing all sorts of extreme things, using full rubber gas masks, fucking dirty sneakers, driving on the highway while naked and jerking off, tons of pissing videos, cock and ball torture, smoking is apparently sexual in some way as well, and I will never see another white man in the grocery store without wondering if he is one of the thousands who fucks himself with enormous black dildos. Of course, for every video posted, there are thousands more who would never post a video so we can only assume that the submitted videos are representative of desires of the macrocosm we call America.


The comments and feedback from other white men on these extreme videos is always pretty much supportive. “That was hot man,” or, “show more,” or the ever popular, “here’s my email address, let’s get together.” Sure, there are some that say, “that’s gross man,” but those sorts of comments are inevitably followed by a slew of “don’t pay attention to him man, that was hot,” comments.


Black men who submit videos submit two kinds, jerking off and regular oral/anal. There is no experimentation, there are not outrageous acts, and it’s pretty much cut and dry. On the rare occasion that a Black man does post a video that falls outside the vanilla category, the comments from other Black men are ready to crucify him. Black men aren’t tolerant of bare backing videos without multiple black men commenting on how someone is going to get AIDS, god forbid a Black man uses a dildo that is deemed too big by the black sexual police, they get all sorts of negative comments about how they are going to be ruined for life and have to wear diapers. Anything outside of basic masturbation or vanilla sex is labeled NASTY by Black men and they are very outspoken in their distaste.


The entire world doesn’t exist on XTube however. In swing clubs all over America, and I’ve been in my fair share, I’ve seen white men tend to be far more exhibitionist. They revel in being seen. Private rooms are usually occupied by Black couples. They want privacy and intimacy. On a daily basis, I get requests from men to look at their webcams. I have NO interest in seeing white men masturbate yet they INSIST on sending me multiple invitations even after being rejected. I can’t even tell you the last time I’ve gotten an unsolicited invitation from a black man to view his webcam. It happens so infrequently that it is almost negligible. There are websites dedicated to any manner of extreme sexual practices, fucking machines, bestiality, scat, creampies, military sex, skateboarders having sex, just anything you can think of. Of course, the biggest consumers of interracial porn, to the tune of 80%, are white men. The media portrays Black men as being sexual beasts and predators but serial rapists, pedophiles, and peeping toms are more than 95% white men. Those are sexual crimes and have little to do with sex but they do show that white men are getting a whitewashed image when it comes to sexuality and Black men are still being portrayed as sexual savages.


White women especially want to believe that Black men are more sexual because it fits their stereotype. Black men, desperate for undeserved praise, flock to white women who stereotype them as big Black bucks and play the role to appease their immature egos. Does that mean that Black men are more sexual? Not at all. We’ve discussed here before that white women are far more aroused by the concept of being treated like sluts, of doing all number of sexual things that black women won’t consider, but yet we are seen as being more sexual as well.


White men are phenomenally more sexual than black men. They are obsessed with it more, they tend to be more exhibitionist, they are more experimental, they are tolerant of activities that are not the norm, they are even more willing to admit their deviant behaviors and embrace them more than Black men. Black men are seen as more sexual because of racist beliefs but when it comes down to reality, Black men are by and large, very sexually conservative.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Let the meditations of my heart . . .

May the Creator add light and love to my thoughts so that they may become manifest

I desire the end of the reign of white supremacy that has oppressed people of color for thousands of years.

I desire a restoration of balance and harmony to the consciousness of the earth that is aligned with the universe, one verse, the Creator of All.

I desire the end of the fallacy of male supremacy and a restoration of equality of human beings not based on genitals but based on the symbiotic relationship between genders.

I desire those human beings who have perpetuated hatred, oppression, war, and evil for profit to receive just earthly punishments for their behavior while in human form.

I desire the end of religious beliefs that were created by man to control and dominate the masses and desire a more holistic, connected spiritual path based on truth to be ushered forth

I desire earthly restitution for the people of color who have suffered genocide, enslavement, and cultural annihilation at the hands of Caucasians.

I desire an energy of peace and love to envelop this earth plane and infuse our spirits with truth.

I desire the veil of illusion that has been placed over people of African descent to be lifted so that we might see exactly how debilitating assimilation into white culture is for our beings.

I desire self-love and confidence in my abilities 

I desire to release the negative self talk that haunts my subconscious mind

I invite unconditional love from my divine right partner, my twin flame into my life so that I might be able to give and receive human love abundantly while in this body SOON

I desire the opportunity to give birth to a child who will grow up to surpass my lofty expectations and goals for him or her

I desire to be a mother to children whom I can raise, love, and nurture with my husband to teach them the ways of a spiritual warrior and enlightened being.

I desire the ability to remain humble in the face of financial success and acclaim

I acknowledge that my words have power and I desire that they will go forth to the masses and be received in such a way that they will usher in transformations, education, and healing

I desire my book, In Loving Color, with photography by Aaron Brown, to become a phenomenal best seller and open doors to dialogue about Black sexuality that will free us from mental chains that keep us enslaved to debilitating mindsets

I desire AfroerotiK to be the foundation for an erotic revolution that will generate workshops, videos, magazines, CDs, conferences, healing centers, radio programs, and any and all multi media opportunities that will create more opportunities for Black people and relationships to heal.

I desire healing for my mother so that she can be released from her need to manipulate and control, so that she might see her own pathological behaviors and be able to release them easily.

I desire a life filled with learning, art, culture, good food, good friends, great music, and harmony.

I desire the reverence to respect the earth and the environment with every action I take

Monday, January 29, 2007

Romance vs. Seduction

In this day and age of instant gratification, people often confuse romance with seduction. Romance has to do with evoking feelings of emotional attraction; seduction involves getting a person into bed. Romance benefits both partners and can certainly lead to intense love making, while seduction, without emotion, only really fulfills the needs of the person doing the seducing. The seduced might be physically satisfied at the end of the evening, but if the seduction was based merely the pretense of emotion in order to manipulate a person into a sexual encounter, that satisfaction is purely superficial and very short lived. Men are often socialized to think that being romantic is a sign of weakness and that to be manly is to seduce as many women as possible. What many men fail to realize is that they are craving intense emotional connection in their live but trying to achieve it by jumping from bed to bed, hoping the sex will lead to the euphoric feelings of bliss.

In order to redefine romance and shift the perception of sexuality, we must as women, start learning how to ask for what we want, we have to redefine what it is in a man that is important vs. what we’ve been socialized to expect that may be detrimental to our relationships. Black men must start having discussions that start exploring how to redefine what manhood consists of and how best to have their emotional needs met while being better partners in their relationships.
1. How do you communicate to your lover if they don’t meet your needs without making your partner feel inadequate?
2. How open are you to exploring different fantasies with your partner or are you determined that there are certain roles that a man and woman have and there’s no room for deviating from those roles?
3. Where do you get your ideas for romance and seduction in your life?
4. How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship?


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

I AM my hair

If you ever watch that show "Yo Mama" on MTV, every show, they crack on someone for having nappy hair and everyone in the audience rolls with laughter. They aren't anything more than slaves on the plantation. Nothing's changed from 200 years ago. It certainly isn't debatable that any time you tell a child that there is something inherently wrong with them, they are going to compensate for that with low self-esteem. Women with straight hair think that because they think they are beautiful, because society tells them that they are beautiful with straight hair, that means that they don't have issues of self-hatred. If I offered women $50,000 to give up straightening their hair, I wouldn't get two women to take my offer. If I said, I'll buy you a house and you can live there mortgage free for the rest of your life, all you have to do is wear your hair in a natural style, women wouldn't do it. They are terrified of their natural hair, they hate it. They'd rather be in debt and wearing a weave than natural and financially secure.


The hair issue is unique to Black women because we are the only race of women who was kidnapped from our homeland and enslaved by a different race of people who used our color and our physical features to ridicule. Slavery in Africa wasn't based on race. It's impossible to denigrate someone for their nose, their lips, for their hair, if they have the exact same features as you do. White people used their diseased sense of superiority to tell enslaved Africans that everything about them was ugly. There is no other race of women who has had to endure such psychological torture.


Black hair care is a multi billion dollar business. I've always said that if white people wanted to effectively disable the black community, all they would have to do is stockpile all the relaxers, straightening combs, fake hair, etc. Within six weeks, Black women would be selling their souls and selling out the race for their straight hair fix.


Think about who we consider beautiful. Beyonce has a blonde weave. Every time I see her on a magazine cover, I say, "Who is that white woman?" We don't love our Black skin, we don't love our thick full lips, we don't love our wide noses, and we sure as hell don't love our natural nappy hair. That's fucked up we don’t' see ourselves as beautiful. Is there any wonder why the state of Black relationships is so poor? We have Black men trying to get women who look as white as possible and Black women denying that changing their hair to look white has anything to do with jumping through hoops to distance themselves from their natural blackness.


If Black women woke up tomorrow, and they all said, "No more chemicals," I love myself the way God intended me to be, white people would be terrified. They would be terrified that we don't aspire  to be look like them anymore. They would be terrified that we are defining our own standards of beauty. They would try to enslave us again, they would lose their fucking minds. They wouldn't be able to deal with an empowered people that didn't think the world revolved around them. They need to feel superior and they do as long as we are frying our natural hair, trying to mimic them. That gives them their power. If we were to stand up in mass and say, "I don't think long blonde hair and blue eyes are attractive, I think that big thick lips and wide noses and nappy hair is gorgeous white people would start a war against us. (Don't worry.  Black people can't even think like that we've been so brainwashed but it's a nice thought)


I've heard a many a brotha tell me that he refused to have his daughter get her hair cut. Little black girls don't have a chance if their mothers and grandmothers are telling us how nappy and unruly our natural hair is and our fathers (absentee most of the time) are telling us we are only lovable if we have long hair. Is there any wonder we are fucked up? (Damn, I just saw a commercial for the All Star Game and there was a shot of Beyonce and for a split second, I said, "Who is that white woman?") Black men HATE nappy hair more than Black women. That's why they go after the Latina, White, Asian woman. Those women will give them children with "good hair" and light skin. Let's not be naive. Black women have to have straight hair or they are afraid Black men will never look at them. Add to the fact that slavery told us to be submissive to our men and you have women terrified to show their blackness.


The fear of being seen as gay is sooooooo pervasive in Black women. They might not mind being seen as bisexual but they sure as hell don't want to be seen as masculine. And everyone knows that short hair means you are a butch, right? Once again, we are allowing other people to define us. I tell little children who ask me why I don't have any hair that there are a beautiful people in Kenya that all wear their hair like mine and that short hair is a sign of beauty. They look at me like I'm crazy and their mothers usually tell them that I'm gay when they think I can't hear.


I can’t support India Irie and that song. She’s got women with weaved-out, blond, straight hair running around saying, “I am not my hair.” You know what? I AM my hair. I am my naps. I am my African wooly hair. I am every African woman who was beaten and told that she had to cover her hair or lose her life. I AM every slave woman who loved her nappy hair and who had to see white women and mulatto slaves get preferential treatment for having straight hair. I will NEVER as long as I live let straight hair define my beauty.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

You’s a punk mother fucking bitch

Yeah, you punk mother fucker, thinking you all that. 
You ain’t shit bitch, that’s right I called you a bitch. 
You talk shit all fucking day about how you all this and that and you ain't got shit to show for it ‘cept halitosis. 
You stand on the corner, grabbing your dick, but everybody know you ain’t packin. 
All that hot air you blow is just mental farts to compensate for the fact that you ain't jack. 
Whaaa, whaaaa, whaaa, you bitch and moan how everybody is trying to keep you down. 
You keeping yourself down by spending 18 hours a day fucking with XBox when you should be getting a job. 
You got babies over here and babies over der, not taking responsibility for any of em. 
And you cry how you are such a good black man and you can’t find a woman who will support you when you don’t do anything worth supporting. 
You’re lazy, dumb, broke and black, you ain’t good for nothing but a roll in the hay and sometimes not even that. 
You can’t eat pussy, you don’t last long, all you do is pump a few times to get yours and you’re gone. 
You smoke weed all day and you live in your mama’s basement.. 
You’re a loser bruh and it’s fact, you ain’t nothing but a punk ass little bitch mother fucker and there’s no doubt.

These are the lyrics to a new song I’m working on. It’s for all those men who defend offensive rap lyrics by saying that it’s not about ALL Black women. For all the men who don’t speak up about the offensive rap songs that degrade Black women, this goes out to you. It’s not about ALL Black men, just the ones that refuse to defend the honor of Black women by defending misogynist (c)rap. Put a beat to it and I got a platinum single right der. Now you know how it feels.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Defining Love

We can't be in loving relationships if we can't define love. Most people assume that if they enter into a relationship, they have to protect themselves, look out for themselves, stay in the relationship as long as it makes them happy. Most people proudly proclaim that they will never put the needs and wishes of their partner above their own because they don’t want to be used or taken advantage of. There's a huge difference between putting the needs and wishes of your partner above your own and being weak. In loving yourself, you are selective in waiting for the right person who matches you; you don't just find someone attractive who meets your superficial desires. In loving yourself, you work out your issues first and heal yourself from the patterns of dysfunction that have plagued your family for generations. 

In loving yourself, you don't tolerate abusive or destructive patterns from your partner. In a healthy relationship, you can go grocery shopping and by the brands that your partner loves most because you know that they prefer Colgate and you prefer Crest but you know that making your partner happy is more important than what toothpaste you use and your teeth will get just as clean. It shows your ability to be in a healthy relationship if you let your spouse eat the drumstick because you know that he or she likes it the most when you can just as easily eat the thigh. If you had a bad day at work but your spouse had an even worse day, in a mutually supportive relationship, you can hold off on complaining until they have processed their situation. If you’ve really given yourself to a commitment, if you want to buy that ATV or big screen TV really badly but you know that you and your partner are saving for a down payment on a house and you can defer your wants for the needs of the family first. It's because you love that person, LOVE, that you put aside the little i for the bigger picture of US. If you have chosen wisely, you will have chosen a partner who will do the same and more for you as well. Your happiness together is more important than your happiness as an individual. That's love.


You can't know love unless you give up yourself. That's the whole thing. That's the whole deal. Love is losing yourself in someone, becoming one, where you have no end and they have no beginning. If you love yourself more than your partner you don't have it right. True love is a big leap of faith. It's saying, I'm joining with this person and I'm going to erase me and become us. We are a two headed being, one heart, one goal, one objective. Love is being able to say in every choice, how will this benefit us? Society tells us that it's all about me first, that you can't give up yourself, that you have to stay in control, separate and autonomous. Society is producing tons of unhealthy relationships as well.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Who’s Your Daddy?

I had a guy friend once who had two small daughters. He would take his daughters to work with him, he would pick them up from school, they loved their daddy and it showed every time they would see him. I was mesmerized by their relationship because he took such pride in knowing that his daughters could count on him for anything they wanted or needed. If they were having problems with children at school, they knew that their daddy would be there to resolve the conflict. If a man said something inappropriate to them, they knew that they could run to their daddy and he would defend and protect them at all costs.

I’m 40 years old and I’ve never known what it’s like to have a daddy. I’ve never had a daddy, I have a father I met when I was 16. The only interaction I have with him is him giving me a check on my birthday and Christmas and sending a few emails a couple times a year. I’m no expert but I know that parenting has to go much further than that. I’m not real sure I know all the intricacies of what having a daddy involves but I’m sure that it’s more than giving $400 a year and an email that says, “Hey kiddo.”

I have to wonder how my life would be different if I’d known the safety and security of a father’s love in my life. I have to imagine that my choices in men would have been vastly different if I’d had a daddy to help shape my perceptions. They say you can’t miss what you never had but that’s bullshit, complete and utter bullshit. I’ve missed out on what it is to know that there is a man that loves me unconditionally. I’ve missed out on what it is to know that there is a man in the world whose primary responsibility is to protect me and provide for me. If I’d had a man to love me, I sure as hell wouldn’t have begged EB to love me and spent so many years of my life trying to convince him that I was worthy of love.

My father isn’t some ex-con deadbeat. He’s a genius whose worked at the same high paying job for over 40 years and who is a daddy to two other daughters other than me. When I was growing up, the concept of “daddy” was something that set my mother off on a rampage so I dare not even bring up the subject. Now I realize how detrimental that was to me.

All too many fathers only want to be a daddy to their sons. Daughters are expendable, disposable and only sons have value in far too many men’s eyes. I know my mother resented me for not being a tiny replica of her and I grew up trying to compensate for being a constant disappointment to her. It’s only now that I’m realizing that I have been compensating for feeling unlovable to the men in my life because I never knew a father’s love. We as women have to start coming to terms with the fact that we’ve been handicapped emotionally by never knowing a father’s love. Moreover, we need to start ensuring that our daughters know a father’s love. This whole, “I can raise my child by myself, I can be the mommy and the daddy,” is noble, but it’s fucked up. Men need to be daddies to their girl children. Maybe then, when we let go of the fucked up beliefs that are so prevalent, that so many people want to justify, then we can have a community of women who, when some undeserving man who wants to use and manipulate us for sex asks, “Who’s your daddy,” we can know with assuredness to whom we belong.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

The Great White Hope



Ladies and Gentleman, let’s get ready to rumble. In the first corner, coming in at 225 years old and representing the blue collar high school dropout trying to prove that senior citizen white men can beat up youthful, athletic Black men is Rocky Balboa. In the opposite corner, representing the quintessential white man, blonde hair, blue eyes, savior to all darkies and messiah like hero, is Leonardo DeCaprio, proving that white men are in fact icons of perfection.

Hey Hollywood, could you be any more obvious? They are constantly trying to reinvent this notion of the Great White Hope. I have to wonder how many people would go to see Sylvester Stallone in a movie if he was fighting another white guy? How many white men from Idaho or Missouri or middle America are going to go see Rocky 6 (Don’t front, that’s what it really is) and cheer for him to beat that nigger? They sit at home and listen to Rush Limbaugh and all those neocon talk shows telling them how the white man is losing jobs to Blacks, how the white man is suffering reverse discrimination, they watch porno movies where white women are slobbering all over black dick like cheap tramps . . . and of course they want to see a barely literate thug beat up a Black guy.

Blood Diamonds is a movie with a very important message and it’s worth seeing if it wasn’t about how the white man saved the day. Why can’t a sista save the day? What would have been so tragic about casting a black person in the lead? It’s tiring to see so little creativity in the movies, so little diversity.

And the winner, by a knockout, and still champion, is Hillary Swank, in yet another god damn white teacher in the hood movie. According to Hollywood, the only people that are trying to do right by Black students are people who aren’t Black. Enough already! It’s tired, it’s lame, let it go. We don’t need white people to recognize our humanity and save us from ourselves. I gonna make a movie about a Black teacher who goes into a white school and saves the children from meth addiction, and plotting a Columbine massacre. That’s a box office smash I’m sure. Right.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Be careful who you idolize



Last year, during the Katrina horror, when Kanye West said that George Bush didn’t like Black people, the number of Black people who put him on a pedestal was off the charts. I stood as the lone person who refused to give him any accolades. First, it doesn’t take any genius to figure out that Bush doesn’t like Black people. He stated the obvious, big shit. Second, his popular Golddigger was out at the same time, reinforcing to all of America that poor black men are in fact niggers. In his Katrina benefit song, he called the people of New Orleans niggers. What the fuck sort of message is that sending to white people who you want to have compassion for those victims of racism? You get no props if you are promoting Black women as gold diggers and you get points taken away if you are using the N word in a song and urging white people to sing along at your concerts. Kanye West is far from a scholar or an activist, he’s not even remotely articulate and yet Black people lifted him up as some sort of new school voice of the oppressed hero. I got all sorts of grief when I challenged people to think seriously about whom they gave praises to and of course I was attacked and people defended him by saying, “He’s not calling ALL Black women golddiggers . . . The N word has changed, it means something positive now.” When you start making excuses for your make shift idols right off the bat, that’s a clear indication that they don’t have what it takes to be idols in the first damn place.

Now, we have Mr. West, saying in Essence magazine, that the only attractive women are mixed and he refers to biracial and light skinned women as mutts. Nice. While I’m sure he speaks for a great many Black men, and his sentiments reflect a reality that we don’t want to discuss, Mr. West, and his color struck fans are nothing more than little nigger slaves on the plantation, repeating what the massa told them to believe. Biracial people are not more attractive than dark skinned people. We have been SOCIALIZED to believe that biracial and light skinned people are more attractive because the slave master gave them the stamp of approval, declared them to have more value.

“Well, I can’t help what I’m attracted to and I’m attracted to light skinned women, it’s not my fault.” “You’re just jealous, you’re just hating because you aren’t light.” Those are the number one uninformed, ridiculous statements I hear from men in response to any discussion that stems from the glorification of light skinned women. You can’t help what features you are attracted to in a person but your preferences are shaped by the messages that you were given. Your grandmother told you how pretty that little light skin girl was, you saw how people ranted and raved over the little girl with “good hair,” you sat around with all the little boys in the neighbor hood and looked at pictures of porno mags with white women in them, it stands to reason that you would grow up and be attracted to women with white or damn near white features. Acknowledgment of that fact is the first step towards correcting your misperceptions. But do Black men really find dark skinned women attractive? No.

Black women are ugly. Wide noses are ugly, big lips are ugly, dark skin is ugly. Isn’t that what massa told us? Did African men see African women as ugly prior to our enslavement? No, of course not. It’s only after we were told by the slave master that mulattos and octoroons were the prettiest that we started to believe that. It’s then that we hated the features that made us beautiful. Kanye West and all those who think like him, and there are many, are convinced that light skinned women are the most attractive women and there’s nothing anyone can say to convince them otherwise because they believe that Black is ugly. They run off to Brazil to find the perfect mixed mutt, they use women like toys who are dark because they wouldn’t be seen in public with them.
And Black women are falling right in line with these dysfunctional men. Light skinned women believe that they have more value because they are light. They voluntarily identify themselves as redboned and yellow, as if that’s a benefit. Dark skinned women try to compensate for not being light by proving how sexual they are, how big their asses are, how willing they are to accept any ole trifiling behavior Black men dish out in an effort to show how supportive Black women can be. We raise our daughters to believe the diseased mindsets of the slave. Ninety seven percent of all media shows Black men with lighter skinned women. And then we act shocked when Mr. West calls light skinned women mutts and wonder how he could have said something so crass.

What Mr. West has done is articulate his self hatred. He hates women with features like his own. Until we can rid ourselves of this diseased perspective as a people, until we can recognize how detrimental it is to continue with the beliefs of the slave master, we will be forever enslaved. Kanye West is not worthy to be praised, he’s not even worthy of celebrity. He’s a minstrel bucking and dancing for Mr. Charlie who happens to have a very public platform. Unfortunately what comes out of his mouth is ignorant. It’s a sad commentary on a society that lifts up the dysfunctional as some sort of spokesperson and everything that comes out of his mouth is diseased. Maybe one day, Black America will celebrate someone who actually has something intelligent to say out of his mouth.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Long Distance Love



You have to work really hard to maintain the delicate equilibrium of a long distance relationship in order to make it work. The time apart, the distance, the lack of stability can wear on anyone’s nerves. Even under the best of conditions, fragile long distance relationships can disintegrate, even if both parties want it to work. Chris Henderson and Michelle Givens seemed to be the exception to the rule.

They met quite by happenstance. Chris was in Atlanta on a business trip. While he was checking into the Hyatt, minding his own business, he noticed a woman carrying a rather large painting, trying to navigate the heavy glass revolving door of the lobby with the large canvas. He ran to her assistance, holding the side handicap door for her like a gentleman would do, his midwestern manners integrating well into his temporary southern residence.

As she passed, sparks of electricity singed his very soul, igniting a chemical reaction that could have caused an explosion. She maneuvered her heavenly body through the door, positioning the painting as a barrier between them. For a brief moment, they both froze, maintaining intense eye contact. Chris took in every detail. Her butterscotch colored skin was flawless and her naturally curly hair was pulled tightly on top of her head and exploded in a poof of curly q’s. Her full, sensual lips looked so inviting, her smoky eyes were captivating, and her fragrance smelled like a delicious blend of fruit and flowers. The stood eye to eye, taking in details of one another, held captive by an immovable force of attraction. As she eased her way past Chris, she whispered the words, “Thank you,” softly. Chris watched her lips part and he was captivated by the way her pink tongue seemed to sensually caress her ruby colored lips and sort of make love to her words.

“Whoooo was that? Do you know who that woman is? She’s breathtaking,” Chris asked the desk manager, staring back at the doors, watching the captivating woman delicately arranging paintings in the back of a plain white van.

“Oh, that’s Michelle Givens. She’s the director of the Apex Museum here in Atlanta. They lend us paintings for the lobby every February for Black History Month. I have her business card and a brochure here if you want to check it out.” Chris fingered the card, distracted as he watched her drive off. The manager added, “Yeah, she is pretty hot,” as the two men shared a moment of appreciation for her beauty.

Barely able to concentrate, Chris couldn’t wait to pay a visit to the Apex later that afternoon. He was trying not to look conspicuous as he browsed around, trying to run into her again.

“Did you see something you were interested in today,” Michelle queried as she approached him?

Chris turned to face her and was again overwhelmed with her professionalism, sophistication, and sheer beauty. He took the flirtation ball and ran with it. “Very much so. In fact, I was so overwhelmed by the beauty of what I saw today, I had to make it my business to come and let you know personally.” He reached for her hand, held it to his lips, and kissed it softly. Michelle was overwhelmed by his charm in that moment and the rest, as they say, is history.

The two became rather inseparable from that moment on, at least every time Chris was in town for business. They would dine together, go to various museums on the weekends; Chris would even attend all the events Michelle coordinated for the Apex. He was extremely proud of her and it became increasingly more difficult to return to Chicago after they would spend time together. Illinois became bland in comparison his time in Georgia and was losing its appeal the more Chris realized that Michelle was his soul mate.

It was their perfect, symbiotic relationship the fueled them. Neither of them had to compromise themselves or their identities to be with the other. Chris loved that Michelle was so unconditionally supportive of him and his endeavors. He felt like he could accomplish anything with Michelle by his side. She loved that she didn’t have to sacrifice her independence to conform to an identity outside of her comfort zone. They just fit well together.

It was sexually, however, where their compatibility went off the charts. Never before in his life had Chris met a woman who understood his desires and matched them so perfectly. Every fantasy, every fetish, every kink, Michelle mirrored in delicious desire. It was as if they were created from the same erotic mold.

The time spent apart was becoming more unbearable. After nine months of long distance love and what was sure to be a tumor forming from endless hours of talking on the cell phone every night, Chris was contemplating ways in which he could make the relationship more permanent. He fingered the ring box in his pocket nervously as he deboarded the plane. Michelle was there to meet him, looking as stunning as ever, and her eyes lit up when she saw her man struggling with his two carryon bags. He took her in his arms and held her close. It never failed that every time he saw her, he felt the same jolt of electricity in his body as the first time he laid eyes on her. She kissed him rather sensually and every man in business class that was behind him felt a stab of lustful envy.

Michelle seemed to be particularly excited to see Chris and she was anxious to get home. She let him take the wheel and she sat in the passenger seat and wasted no time lowering her mouth to Chris’ lap and removing his hard dick from his pants, sucking him while he was doing 70 miles per hour on I-75. He was trying to concentrate on driving safely but it was damn hard to do that with his incredibly sexy girlfriend giving him the best head of his life.

He pulled the car into her garage and he was practically undressing before the ignition was off. Michelle had other plans and left Chris in the carport to get his belongings as she rushed inside with a mischievous smile on her face. Chris unloaded his bags, brought them inside, hung up his coat, and made his way to the kitchen, being led by the aromas of a fabulous seafood meal that was simmering on the stove. He was opening pots and inhaling delectable smells when Michelle approached him from behind. “Welcome home,” she said. Chris felt so at home, so at peace, she was reminded of the important question he wanted to ask Michelle.

He turned around and was caught off guard as he took in the full image of his ladylove. She was wearing black latex thigh-high boots and a matching latex bra. Completing her outfit was a black strapon dildo sticking out from her body. He felt a lump in his throat and instinctively dropped to his knees. He wrapped his lips around the hard black dick and looked up at his lover. She placed her hands on the back of his head and guided him to suck it. Turned on, she started pumping her full hips, fucking his mouth as Chris struggled to free his raging hard dick from his pants, stroking it in time to the pumping his mouth was getting.

They were both too turned on to make it to the bedroom so Michelle signaled for Chris to stand up. She bent him over the kitchen counter and reached for a bottle of olive oil to pour on her strapon. There was something primal about fucking in the kitchen, with his pants around his ankles and his face pressed against the cold granite. Chris looked back at Michelle, pulled his asscheeks apart with both hands, and said, “What are you waiting for, girl, FUCK ME!”

Never one to disappoint, Michelle lined up the head of the Ebony strapon with his tight hole and pushed forward. She was slow but she was relentless, not stopping until every inch was buried deeply in Chris’ ass. He started grinding, squirming, and begging her to fuck him harder, deeper. They were grunting, groaning, moaning and fucking like animals. “Yeah, you like this hard dick in your hole, don’t you baby? You love me fucking you like you’re my little bitch. Michelle clearly knew all the right buttons to push for her man to turn him on.

“Fuck me harder!”

“Take it deeper!”

“Fuck!”

“Shit!”

There was no stopping the endless string of profanity and the intense heat that the sexy pair was giving off. Michelle was like a machine, pounding him with a steady rhythm, using his asshole for her pleasure. Chris was about to explode, in love with the sexy woman with whom he was so connected, literally and figuratively. He could smell her pussy, wet with excitement. He could feel her strapon deep inside him. They were both rushing to orgasm. Michelle was like a woman possessed and Chris was out of his mind. He was fucking her back and begging her to give it to him deeper. He stroked his dick; it was aching it was so badly. He shut his eyes tightly and reveled in the pleasure he was experiencing in every pore of his body as he felt the sensations overtake him.

Michelle kissed him softly and pulled him towards the bedroom for rounds two and three. They were sure to enjoy all sorts of sexy and loving encounters in the upcoming week. He scrambled to pull up his pants and check for the ring he would present to her later that evening, assured that he had found his perfect match and the end to his long distance love.

Copyright 2005
AfroerotiK