1. Life should be a sensual experience: We are sexual beings. Sex is an inherent, primal, natural drive,
just like eating and breathing. Sex is
not bad, sex is not wrong, sex is not a sin, sex is not for procreation
only. Pleasure is our birthright, our
bodies were divinely crafted to experience transcendent, erotic ecstasy. The moment when you are exploding in orgasm
is the exact moment when you are closest to your truest God self. Life should NOT be about the constant pursuit
of sex but rather life should be about the pursuit of pleasure with the person
who makes you a better person. The
intimate connection we share with someone doesn’t have to last forever, we
don’t have to have one lover in our lifetimes, but we dishonor ourselves when
we use people for sex, when we jump from bed to bed to bed without concern or
respect for the person we are sleeping with.
Life should be
about the sensual in all things; in the food we eat, in the way we dance, in
the way we navigate through the world.
Life is NOT meant to be spent working 40 or 50 hours a week, climbing
the corporate ladder, paying bills, and being a slave to capitalism. That is an illusion, a false reality created
by a disconnected and unenlightened consciousness that has made us believe that
our sensual natures are wrong and that the things we own give us value. What makes you happy? What gives you joy? What makes you feel like you are about to
explode with ecstasy? Capturing that
sensation and rejoicing in it is what life is about.
2. Intimacy is the fuel of life: Vulnerability, that feeling of knowing you
can be your true self with someone else, the feeling of knowing that you are
seen for who you really are and that you are valued and loved just the way you
are, with all your flaws and imperfections, is the source of our greatest power
as a human being. Intimacy is the
foundation of our greatest potential because it comes from being truthful, with
ourselves and with our partners.
Emotional honesty is the basis of our true power. Shutting ourselves off to others, keeping
people at an arm’s distance does not protect us from being hurt, it prevents us
from having the connections that are essential to our maturation as spiritual
beings; it’s not the safety measure we have convinced ourselves it is. Taking off our masks, baring our souls,
telling our secrets, and truly opening up to another person is real freedom,
it’s empowering. We become stronger for
telling our fears and fantasies to the person who supports us, nurtures us, who
can love us with all our failures.
Sharing yourself with everyone isn’t optimal because some people have
bad intentions, some people will try to use your secrets against you. The key is honing your emotional I.Q. to
determine who is worth your emotional investment and who isn’t. When you claim your power, when you are
comfortable within yourself and you can share your fears with another, when you
let another person in your heart, you will learn that you can’t be hurt by your
secrets because you own them.
3. Casual sex does not happen without
consequences: We are disconnected
from a healthy sense of sexuality. We do
not understand the beauty and power of sex so we have perverted it to being the
equivalent of nude exercise, masturbation with someone else’s genitals,
something we do in the dark for fun or release with anyone who is available. Much of what arouses us comes from an
unhealthy place: from being molested, from being made to feel ashamed of our natural
desires, or from a need to try to feel attractive and worthy and desired.
Sex is an
exchange of energy. Every time. Every time you share your body with someone,
you are taking in the other person’s energy.
We should be selective with whom we share our intimate selves. We should feel connected to the person with
whom we share our sexual selves. We can
never really know ourselves if we are constantly taking on the energy of others. That is NOT saying that we should be celibate
and monogamous. It is saying that we
should honor our sexuality as sacred and not give it to anyone and everyone but
only to those whom have come into our lives for a reason.
Having sex with
strangers, with whom you have no connection, who you don’t “love” (not romantic
Hollywood love but genuine concern, regard, and respect for them as a person
whom you value) is a perversion of our true natures and not at all
healthy. An energetic bond is formed
with the people you have sex with. TV
and movies have convinced us that casual sex is no big deal, that there are no
consequences. Emotions and feelings ARE
formed when you have sex with someone.
If you don’t honor those feelings in yourself and in your partner, if
you ignore them, you are sexually immature.
Having a string of lovers who you can’t even remember their names, who
you don’t know, who you have no interest in getting to know, who you have lied
to just to get a nut, is a perversion of your sexuality. You become more and more disconnected from your
highest potential when you sleep with people you have no relationship
with.
Think of your soul
like baking a cake; every person you sleep with in an ingredient. You only want to put the proper ingredients
in the bowl. Flour, sugar, eggs, and
baking powder all make a sweet, delicious, fluffy cake. If you start adding more ingredients: pepper,
ketchup, cheese, or vinegar you end up with a mess that is inedible, disgusting;
keep adding more and more ingredients to your bowl and soon you have a nasty
mixture that resembles nothing like a cake..
Make sure you are only adding ingredients to your cake that will make
your recipe taste good. It takes time to
get to know someone, to see what they are made of, to find out what they can
add to your life. Be selective with
your partners. Variety is not the spice
of life, it’s the spice that will ruin your cake.
4. Celibacy is unhealthy: Just like casual sex has its negative
consequences, so does abstinence. We are
sexual beings, we come to this consciousness, this illusion of life through the
act of sex, we were created through pleasure.
Denying our sexual natures is just as unhealthy as randomly having sex
with anyone. The connection and intimacy
we share with someone when we have hot, sweaty, passionate sex is healing, it’s
soothing, and it’s transformative.
Denying ourselves pleasure keeps us disconnected from our highest
potential. Extended abstinence is
detrimental to our psyches, it chokes our creativity, it makes us anti-social, and
it makes us hold tight to false beliefs that keep us from realizing our
greatest potential. With extended
celibacy, our true natures as sexual beings is denied and it distorts our sense
of self because we shut off that part of ourselves that is ESSENTIAL to our
being.
People who go
without sex suffer energetically from being cut off from the sweetness of sex,
the beauty of it, from the healing powers of being intimate with someone
else. Celibacy cuts us off from the
divine. When we have sex, when we
experience that release, life is sweeter, colors are brighter, the birds sing a
more beautiful song. Our spirits are
soothed from sex. We are told that sex
is bad and wrong and that we should deny it if we aren’t married but that’s the
foundation of our sexual dysfunction. While it’s not healthy to jump from bed to
bed, from relationship to relationship just to have sex, it’s not healthy to
deny our sexuality either. There must be
time for introspection and reflection when we lose a lover, we need to take
time to heal our wounds and re-evaluate our sexual identities at the end of
every relationship, but shutting off our sexuality for prolonged periods is
equivalent to anorexia or some other self-inflicted harmful behavior that cuts
us off from our true natures and damages us.
We are a society of extremes. We
must find moderation, especially with our sexuality, to find true
enlightenment.
5. Sex should never be a financial exchange: I don’t care what your women’s studies
professor told you, I don’t care how many sex workers yell and scream that they
are empowered by selling themselves, it doesn’t matter if you justify your
choices because you rationalize that you had to sell sex for your survival, sex
in exchange for money is detrimental.
It’s about power. It’s about the
person with money buying an object to use.
There is this movement to claim that sex work is empowering because the recipients
are getting money and that is supposed to make the transaction empowering as
long as the sex worker is “choosing” to be used. Our belief that money makes the buying of a
human being okay as long as they consent to it, our belief that having more
expensive stuff than the next person, and our belief that giving yourself to
someone who has purchased you is the root of the problem.
If a woman has
to sell her body to keep a roof over her head or feed her children, that does
not mean it’s empowering just because she gets a few bucks thrown on the
nightstand. It means that we devalue
women’s lives and bodies as little more than a thing to be used by men. If a woman sleeps with basketball players and
rappers because she wants to be seen as attractive and buy expensive clothes, it
does not mean she is empowered, it means that she doesn’t know that her true
value as a woman has nothing to do with the label on her purse or the cost of
her shoes. Human beings are not things
to be bought and sold. Prostitution is
NOT the oldest profession in the world, that is the insane rationalization that
women are not equal to men in order to justify their objectification. God consciousness did not create women to be
the sexual playthings of men, to be bought or sold, to sell themselves to
please men. The same applies to same-sex
transactions. Until we understand that, we will be tied to
dysfunction.
6. Cheating is wrong: It shouldn’t even have to be said. It shouldn’t but it does. If you are with a
partner and you are lying to them, if you are being deceptive and having sex
with other people while committed to someone else, you are unhealthy and wrong. If you sleep with people who are in
relationships, even if you aren’t in a committed relationship yourself, you are
wrong. Lying destroys relationships;
cheating hurts partners and families.
Sex cannot be what it’s meant to be if you a betraying the trust of
someone else. For many people, the rush
of cheating makes sex more exciting to them.
Cheaters do not understand the beauty of sex, they do not grasp the
power of sex, cheaters pervert the true meaning of sex. The person you choose to share your life with
should be the person you should be the most honest with: about your desires,
about your sexuality, about everything in life.
Any sex that is based on duplicity and infidelity, any sex that is a
betrayal of a promise you’ve made to someone else to be faithful, is dysfunctional.
7. Sex should be uplifting: Sex should not be about degradation or
humiliation. We, the human beings who
have come together to share consciousness in this time and space, have
collective low self-esteem. We are
disconnected from our higher selves. We
think God is an all-seeing man who lives in the clouds who will punish us for
having sex. We have been told that we
were born in sin, that we are inherently evil for our desires, that virginity
equals virtue. We have been beaten and
humiliated by the people who were supposed to nurture and support us. We have been shamed for our sexuality, convinced
that we are wrong for our inherent sexual drives. We have been molested, raped, and abused by
adults who wanted to pervert our innocence.
We watch hours of porn where women are degraded and abused as if that is
the natural order of life, as if women were created by God to be used and
slapped and treated like receptacles of men’s rage and frustration and
lust.
Any society that
convinces its people that sex is wrong is going to create a people who are filled
with shame about the beauty of our true sexual selves. The shame that we internalize, from whatever
source, manifests itself as being aroused by being treated badly because we
feel that we are undeserving, that we have no value, because we believe we are
unlovable and unworthy. Conversely, the
need to feel better about ourselves, to feel as if we have true power and
worth, can come out in a need to humiliate and degrade other people sexually,
to make others feel bad about themselves.
That is a perversion of what sex should be. Sex should be about pleasure, passion,
eroticism, and sensuality, PERIOD. The
need to be aroused by being degraded, or by degrading others, comes from a
place of dysfunction. Healthy sexuality
is about being equal and raising our vibrational frequency with our
partners. Sex IS empowering. If humiliation and degradation are what turn
you on, if you want to hurt or be hurt during sex, you are missing the real
meaning of what sex is about.
