Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

“Females can be ___________,”

When a woman says, “Females can be ___________,” and the blank is filled in with some sort of negative comment that indicates that women tend to be naturally backstabbing, disloyal, manipulative, deceptive, devious, bitchy, etc., etc., etc., that is one of the most blatant forms of self-hatred possible.  To assert that women are somehow genetically prone to being inherently evil, bad, and/or wrong, WHEN IN FACT YOU ARE A WOMAN YOURSELF, is essentially saying that you are inherently those negative traits, that you are not capable of behaviors that are any better than those stank behaviors.

Black culture has handicapped young Black women.  Having been fed nothing but constant media images that represent Black women as constantly fighting, constantly competing for men, constantly needing to prove their worth with their clothes and shoes and fake hair, Black women have no concept of what it means to be a woman.  To be a “female” is to be some negative, reprehensible thing.  We have not taught Black women how to love themselves, let alone love their sistas as friends.   We have not taught them how to be friends let alone how to honor their friendships.   We have not shown them how to form bonds and unions with other women that are truly loving because we teach girls to be self-centered and narcissistic.

People think that self-hatred means literally saying, “I hate myself,” or at the very least saying, “I think I’m ugly.”   They don’t grasp that disliking the things that are inherent in you, natural to you, your core identity is what self-hatred really means.  Conversely, people also are delusionally convinced that being egotistical and making proclamations of, “I love myself,” is a sign of self-love.   Self-love is, in actuality, loving the skin you are in, being self-aware and not needing to conform to anyone else’s definition or standard. 

The inferiority complex that has been bred into Africans born in AmeriKKKa is the very definition of self-hatred. We hate our natural, nappy hair, we think it’s unmanageable, ugly, bad, and wrong.  We hate our natural features.  Our own Black hair isn’t good enough, we need blond hair, we need blue contacts, we need thin lips and light skin and a little tiny nose because our natural black skin is ugly, our natural big lips and noses are grotesque.  And extending that out, when women say “Females can be . . . ,” their subconscious mind says, “Yeah, females are all those bad things.  Hey!  You’re a female so, VOILA’, you are those things as well.”   That is the very definition of self-hatred.

Ladies, let’s start affirming that females are strong, resilient, that we are supportive and nurturing, and that we are capable of boundless, unconditional love.  More importantly, let’s strive to be those traits ourselves; let’s make it our mission to walk in integrity, let’s aspire to not do anything for which we have to apologize.  Let’s be amazing women so that we might attract amazing women into our lives. 

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