Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Monday, August 10, 2015

A Letter to My Daughter

A friend of mine asked me to write a letter he could give to his young adult daughter to let her know how much he loves her, what he wants for her.  I wanted to share the letter in the hopes that there might be other men who will use it as an opportunity to express their love to their daughters.  I only wish I had a father who had loved me enough to say these things to me. 

My beloved baby girl,

It’s almost that time when my responsibility as your father is over.  I will always be your Dad, I will love you until I take my last breath and beyond.  But my job, the time for me to actually do the work of parenting is almost done.  It was my job to protect you, to give you structure and guidance, to discipline you when your behavior was detrimental or destructive, and to love you unconditionally.  Sometimes, I let myself down in parenting.  I’m not perfect and I’m probably a harsher critic of myself than anyone.  But when I look at the woman you have become, I know I must have done a little something right because I’m in awe of the fact that the little girl that I once knew is now a really amazing adult.   You are a woman now.  I’m so proud of you.  I’m proud of your accomplishments, your talents, and your beauty, both inside and out. 

To be a woman in this society, in this time, is challenging.  I don’t understand everything about it, I probably don’t understand enough of the demands, complications, and pressures young women your age face.  I do know that we exist in a society that perpetuates rape culture, that tells males that it is their right to take what doesn’t belong to them from women.  I worry.  I pray every day for your safety and that you will never know such pain and violation.  I will not shame, blame, or put the responsibility on you for the evil actions of my gender.  I will, however, ask that you try to be safe.  Know your worth, not just as an attractive woman, but as a human being.  Don’t let the need to feel attractive or desired put you in a situation where you fear for your safety.  You don’t have to prove to anyone that you are sexy or hot.  Our society tells young girls that being attractive is their only value, their only worth.  You are so much more than just the package you come in.  Know this.  Know this always.  If you feel you need to wear less to be attractive, if you feel you need to show off your body or that you the number of boys who like you somehow validates your attractiveness, please remember that your real beauty, your real value is being strong, independent, intelligent, and outspoken.  Know that your femininity is not found in the backside of your jeans nor is it enhanced by your hair, make-up, clothes, or shoes.  

As much as it pains me to admit, I know that I’m not going to be the most important man in your life any more.  I know I must accept that reality.   I want the men you share your life with to be men of integrity.  Don’t let me have to go out here and bust some young brotha in his head because he has hurt you.  Choose wisely in your mates.  Set your standards high and don’t compromise them.  Make sure he treats you with respect and that he’s honest with you, that he is invested in being in a relationship with you and he knows what an honor and a privilege it is to be with you.  You deserve the absolute best.  The best doesn’t mean how much money he has or what kind of car he drives.  The best means someone who will do the right thing, even when it’s hard, someone who will put your needs and the needs of the relationship above his own.  If you make a commitment to be honest to each other, and he then lies or he cheats, kick his ass to the curb and don’t look back.   If he hits you, pray that I can dispose of the body without leaving any trace DNA.  But in any relationship, you must make sure that you keep your promises too, that you are a woman of integrity as well.  And while I don’t want you to compromise on your standards, the traits you require in a man, I do want you to know that a truly heathy, loving relationship is based on communication, compromise, and working together.  Love does not hurt.  Love should not make you sad or cry.  Love should give you the added strength to go out and conquer the world like I know you are going to do.    I wish for you profound, unending, enduring, true love.   Don’t ever forget that.  You are my pride and joy.  I will always be here for you.  


No comments: