A friend of mine asked me to write a letter he could give to his young adult daughter to let her know how much he loves her, what he wants for her. I wanted to share the letter in the hopes that there might be other men who will use it as an opportunity to express their love to their daughters. I only wish I had a father who had loved me enough to say these things to me.
My beloved baby girl,
It’s almost that time when my
responsibility as your father is over. I
will always be your Dad, I will love you until I take my last breath and
beyond. But my job, the time for me to
actually do the work of parenting is almost done. It was my job to protect you, to give you
structure and guidance, to discipline you when your behavior was detrimental or
destructive, and to love you unconditionally.
Sometimes, I let myself down in parenting. I’m not perfect and I’m probably a harsher
critic of myself than anyone. But when I
look at the woman you have become, I know I must have done a little something
right because I’m in awe of the fact that the little girl that I once knew is
now a really amazing adult. You are a woman
now. I’m so proud of you. I’m proud of your accomplishments, your
talents, and your beauty, both inside and out.
To be a woman in this society, in
this time, is challenging. I don’t
understand everything about it, I probably don’t understand enough of the
demands, complications, and pressures young women your age face. I do know that we exist in a society that
perpetuates rape culture, that tells males that it is their right to take what
doesn’t belong to them from women. I
worry. I pray every day for your safety
and that you will never know such pain and violation. I will not shame, blame, or put the
responsibility on you for the evil actions of my gender. I will, however, ask that you try to be
safe. Know your worth, not just as an attractive
woman, but as a human being. Don’t let
the need to feel attractive or desired put you in a situation where you fear
for your safety. You don’t have to prove
to anyone that you are sexy or hot. Our
society tells young girls that being attractive is their only value, their only
worth. You are so much more than just
the package you come in. Know this. Know this always. If you feel you need to wear less to be
attractive, if you feel you need to show off your body or that you the number
of boys who like you somehow validates your attractiveness, please remember
that your real beauty, your real value is being strong, independent,
intelligent, and outspoken. Know that
your femininity is not found in the backside of your jeans nor is it enhanced
by your hair, make-up, clothes, or shoes.
As much as it pains me to admit, I
know that I’m not going to be the most important man in your life any more. I know I must accept that reality. I want the men you share your life with to
be men of integrity. Don’t let me have
to go out here and bust some young brotha in his head because he has hurt you. Choose wisely in your mates. Set your standards high and don’t compromise
them. Make sure he treats you with
respect and that he’s honest with you, that he is invested in being in a
relationship with you and he knows what an honor and a privilege it is to be
with you. You deserve the absolute best. The best doesn’t mean how much money he has
or what kind of car he drives. The best
means someone who will do the right thing, even when it’s hard, someone who
will put your needs and the needs of the relationship above his own. If you make a commitment to be honest to each
other, and he then lies or he cheats, kick his ass to the curb and don’t look
back. If he hits you, pray that I can
dispose of the body without leaving any trace DNA. But in any relationship, you must make sure
that you keep your promises too, that you are a woman of integrity as
well. And while I don’t want you to
compromise on your standards, the traits you require in a man, I do want you to
know that a truly heathy, loving relationship is based on communication,
compromise, and working together. Love
does not hurt. Love should not make you
sad or cry. Love should give you the
added strength to go out and conquer the world like I know you are going to do. I
wish for you profound, unending, enduring, true love. Don’t ever forget that. You are my pride and joy. I will always be here for you.
Love,
Dad
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