Knowing True and Abiding Love

When I was young, I used to watch my grandmother clip my grandfather's toenails. I thought that was the most disgusting, subservient, oppressive act a woman could do. I was embarrassed that my grandfather NEVER washed his own hair. He would take a shower every morning and he wouldn't wash his hair, he would let my grandmother do it in a dining room chair with a shampoo/conditioner whole setup. In the summers, when I would sew my back to school wardrobe, we had to clean up every day at 4:00 to make sure the house was straightened and dinner was on the table for my grandfather at 6:00. Submissive right? No independent woman of today would ever do those things for a man that would be beneath her.

Well, it wasn't until I was a grown woman that I understood that having dinner on the table would have meant nothing if he wasn't home every night at 6:00. My grandmother never worked, so all the material we would buy for my school clothes, all the shopping trips we would take all over the city, were funded by my grandfather who gave her money unconditionally. My grandmother never wrote a check in her life because my grandfather made sure all the bills were paid. There was never a day when the lights were cut off, there was no phone, or there was a threat of being evicted. Those things didn't happen by accident, my grandfather never ran the streets, his friends were their friends, he was stable and committed and he loved to spoil my grandmother. Any whim she had, he fulfilled. Any concern or fear she had he erased.
I'd wash my man's feet, hair and do a harem dance every night if I could find a man who was as committed to me as my grandfather was to my grandmother.

Love is give and take, it's not being subservient. Was my grandmother a slave because she clipped my grandfather's toenails? Hardly. She was a loving woman who felt honored to do for her man in a way that no one else could.

Today, we are too selfish. We want someone to clip our toenails and sacrifice for us but we don't want to do it for someone else. We want to have someone cater t6 our needs and wants and wishes and we have no concept of what it is to sacrifice for someone else. Worse yet, we think that sacrificing for someone is negative.

We don't know what love is. We know what narcissism is. We know what self centeredness is. We know that we want someone to make us feel good but we have no concept of how to make someone else feel special, romanced, or loved. How many men would kill for a woman to cook for them every night? Would they be willing to give up hanging out at happy hour and drinking with the boys or would you be able to pull off planning a dream vacation where all your wife had to do was shop and pack? Every woman in the world would want to have her man to buy her minks and diamonds and have as much money as you want to go shopping while knowing that they never have to worry about their man cheating but what are they willing to give in exchange.

Love is recognizing that you lose nothing by putting your partner on a pedestal. I saw evidence of 61 years of love when my grandfather would grease my grandmother’s scalp and comb her hair when she was too sick to do it herself. I saw love when my grandmother wanted to renew their marriage vows and my grandfather let her have her dream wedding. I saw love when my grandmother didn’t try to drain the bank account with extravagance that would leave them penniless just because she could. I witnessed love when my grandfather retired and my grandmother got her first retirement check, completely separate from his, that was over $1200 a month. When my grandfather told her that it was hers, I knew that he had worked 55 years to see that look of joy on her face, to provide for her. When my grandmother wanted a new washer and dryer, it would be installed before the week was out; and my grandmother would wash and iron my grandfather’s shirts better than the cleaners. I’ve seen true love, I’ve witnessed what it is to care for someone so much that your every thought is in how to make them happy. Their love was yin and yang. I’d give a major organ to be able to experience love like that.