I was socialized to fake orgasms. I don't know how. No one
ever said to me, “When you are having sex with a man, you need to cater to his
ego and make him feel like he’s the best lover in the world,” but I swear that’s
the thought going through my mind every time I do it. . It's something in the way we socialize
girls/women. I don't know what the something is, but it's prevalent. I swear
I'm NEVER going to fake an orgasm again, and then, I always do it to boost
their egos. I can't even stop myself sometimes. If, me,
Miss Healthy Black Sexuality, can't help but fake it, it's an epidemic for sure
because most women aren't self aware enough to know that they are faking it.
Most women don't know the difference between getting wet and
having an orgasm. I hear it all day, every day. "Oh, I came from him just
kissing me." That's not an orgasm, that's arousal. And I dare say
that most men have never even been given a basic primer course on women's
bodies to know how to make them orgasm. I met a male escort, a man who made his
living having sex with women, and he had NO CLUE where a woman's clitoris was.
He was pointing
to the hood and calling that her clit. How can a man give a woman an orgasm if
he thinks her hood is her magic button? Thus, a whole lot of faking is going on.
I faked every orgasm until I was in my twenties and I didn't
even know it because I had never had an orgasm before. And this was LONG before
the advent of porn at your fingertips. Today, children are seeing porn on
average at 10 years old, some even younger. They are being socialized to yell
and scream and call out to God before they come close to having sex. Plenty of girls
can masturbate and do not know how to give themselves an orgasm. I sure as hell
did something up until the age of 24 or 25 and I thought I was having great
sex. I remember the first time I had an orgasm and I was like, "Are you
serious? That's
what I should have been feeling all along?"
If a dude tells me he has given a
woman five orgasms in one night, I run the other direction because 9 times out
of 10, she was faking and he has NO CLUE how to truly please her. And with men addicted to porn these
days, they think that pounding away is what gives a woman an orgasm. They have
NO concept of what real foreplay is or how to do anything other than "hit
it". When most women tell them that they are doing a great job and yelling
and screaming how great it is, they will never learn either.
In my last relationship, I think I faked it 50% of the time.
The sex felt good but I didn't cum and I just yelled and pretended I was out of
habit. He wasn’t a bad lover at all. He
certainly wasn’t a great love either. He
was a one trick pony in that he knew how to fuck like a rabbit and he thought
that was his calling card. He had a
little dick and he was plagued with low self-esteem so he needed to call
(other) women names and slap them and degrade them to feel more like a
man. Was he sensual, tactile, erotic,
spontaneous, creative, tender, or anything that would make him a truly great
lover. Not even close. His techniques were what he learned when he
was 14 and pounding away at whatever little girl got hot and bothered and he
didn’t mature past that stage. I’m
guilty of letting him think he was a much better lover than her really is. For whatever reason, I just go into “faking
mode” and start screaming that I’m cumming and I’m really just feeling the
pleasure of penetration, not a real orgasm.
It's a hard habit to break.
I have had numerous women, too
many to count women, tell me, "I can't have an orgasm with a man unless
he's 10 inches or bigger." First and foremost, the number of men who have
10 inch penises is so small that they it's virtually impossible to meet more
than one man with an appendage that large, let alone a succession of them. What
most men call their 10 inch penis is really about 7 inches, which is larger
than average but significantly smaller than almost a foot. Second, a woman's
G-spot is located about 2 inches inside her vagina. You don't need a foot of
dick to reach that. What women feel as the pleasure/pain of having their cervix
hit by a large penis is what they are calling an orgasm. Again, knowledge of
women's bodies . . . none. And 3. brothas with very average and sufficient
penises at around 5 or 6 inches are feeling inadequate and ashamed when they
are perfectly capable of providing a woman pleasure but they try to
overcompensate by hitting it and stabbing it and killing it and all the things
men with larger endowments do in porn. I
can't handle the myths, lies, and dysfunction anymore and we need to talk about
the issues that are debilitating to us as a community and in almost every
instance, it comes back to our views on sexuality. We have to start having more empowered, enlightened,
and informed conversations.
