Faking It

I was socialized to fake orgasms. I don't know how. No one ever said to me, “When you are having sex with a man, you need to cater to his ego and make him feel like he’s the best lover in the world,” but I swear that’s the thought going through my mind every time I do it.  . It's something in the way we socialize girls/women. I don't know what the something is, but it's prevalent. I swear I'm NEVER going to fake an orgasm again, and then, I always do it to boost their egos. I can't even stop myself sometimes. If, me, Miss Healthy Black Sexuality, can't help but fake it, it's an epidemic for sure because most women aren't self aware enough to know that they are faking it. 

Most women don't know the difference between getting wet and having an orgasm. I hear it all day, every day. "Oh, I came from him just kissing me." That's not an orgasm, that's arousal.  And I dare say that most men have never even been given a basic primer course on women's bodies to know how to make them orgasm. I met a male escort, a man who made his living having sex with women, and he had NO CLUE where a woman's clitoris was. He was pointing to the hood and calling that her clit. How can a man give a woman an orgasm if he thinks her hood is her magic button? Thus, a whole lot of faking is going on. 

I faked every orgasm until I was in my twenties and I didn't even know it because I had never had an orgasm before. And this was LONG before the advent of porn at your fingertips. Today, children are seeing porn on average at 10 years old, some even younger. They are being socialized to yell and scream and call out to God before they come close to having sex.  Plenty of girls can masturbate and do not know how to give themselves an orgasm. I sure as hell did something up until the age of 24 or 25 and I thought I was having great sex. I remember the first time I had an orgasm and I was like, "Are you serious? That's what I should have been feeling all along?"

If a dude tells me he has given a woman five orgasms in one night, I run the other direction because 9 times out of 10, she was faking and he has NO CLUE how to truly please her.  And with men addicted to porn these days, they think that pounding away is what gives a woman an orgasm. They have NO concept of what real foreplay is or how to do anything other than "hit it". When most women tell them that they are doing a great job and yelling and screaming how great it is, they will never learn either. 

In my last relationship, I think I faked it 50% of the time. The sex felt good but I didn't cum and I just yelled and pretended I was out of habit. He wasn’t a bad lover at all.  He certainly wasn’t a great love either.  He was a one trick pony in that he knew how to fuck like a rabbit and he thought that was his calling card.  He had a little dick and he was plagued with low self-esteem so he needed to call (other) women names and slap them and degrade them to feel more like a man.  Was he sensual, tactile, erotic, spontaneous, creative, tender, or anything that would make him a truly great lover.  Not even close.  His techniques were what he learned when he was 14 and pounding away at whatever little girl got hot and bothered and he didn’t mature past that stage.  I’m guilty of letting him think he was a much better lover than her really is.  For whatever reason, I just go into “faking mode” and start screaming that I’m cumming and I’m really just feeling the pleasure of penetration, not a real orgasm.  It's a hard habit to break. 

I have had numerous women, too many to count women, tell me, "I can't have an orgasm with a man unless he's 10 inches or bigger." First and foremost, the number of men who have 10 inch penises is so small that they it's virtually impossible to meet more than one man with an appendage that large, let alone a succession of them. What most men call their 10 inch penis is really about 7 inches, which is larger than average but significantly smaller than almost a foot. Second, a woman's G-spot is located about 2 inches inside her vagina. You don't need a foot of dick to reach that. What women feel as the pleasure/pain of having their cervix hit by a large penis is what they are calling an orgasm. Again, knowledge of women's bodies . . . none. And 3. brothas with very average and sufficient penises at around 5 or 6 inches are feeling inadequate and ashamed when they are perfectly capable of providing a woman pleasure but they try to overcompensate by hitting it and stabbing it and killing it and all the things men with larger endowments do in porn. I can't handle the myths, lies, and dysfunction anymore and we need to talk about the issues that are debilitating to us as a community and in almost every instance, it comes back to our views on sexuality.  We have to start having more empowered, enlightened, and informed conversations.