AfroerotiK

Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Help me Define Bi-sexual



I’ve had countless conversations with people and I’ve asked them if they were bisexual. Almost 100% of the time, they say that they aren’t but then tell me of bisexual experiences. It’s women as well as men. It seems awfully delusional to me. The excuses for why they aren’t bisexual are irrational. They claim they aren’t bisexual because they don’t actively go out “seeking” sex with the same gender, but if it happens it happens. I have men say that they aren’t bisexual because they only engage in oral sex with other men. I’ve heard the ever-popular, “I don’t like labels,” but they never seem to mind the label of heterosexual, just bisexual. I will always hear, “ I am not bisexual because I’m not attracted to (the same gender) emotionally, just sexually.” That would be great if we were defining the word bi-emotional. This sista yesterday told me that she wasn’t bisexual because she didn’t like the reaction people gave her when she told them she was bisexual. How is that logical? The most popular excuse for why people don’t consider themselves bisexual, by far, is, “I PREFER sex with the opposite gender.” Well, of course, if you have sex with people of the same gender and you don’t really enjoy it as much as you do when you are having sex with someone of the opposite gender, that means you can be considered heterosexual. I guess I’m supposed to believe that they were having sex with someone of the same sex and saying, “This really sucks, I’d rather be with a person of the opposite gender.” As my uncle would say, “Dain Bramaged!”

The definition of bisexual in the dictionary is of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of either sex. Nowhere does it say, “only if you initiate sex with persons of the same sex,” “only if you like sex just as much as you do with people of the opposite gender,” and I don’t think it can be interpreted as saying, “only if you are emotionally attracted to the same gender.”

Women, who have been in RELATIONSHIPS with other women, claim they aren’t bisexual because they don’t think that they will ever be with another woman again. These same women are usually the same women who will say it’s disgusting if a man is with another man but yet they can somehow rationalize that their bisexual relationship didn’t happen. Men I can understand. Black men are demonized for being bisexual. We can blame them for everything wrong in the world. Bisexual women who deny they are bisexual and THEN demonize bisexual black men are so far out there for me, I can’t even wrap my mind around that one.

Mind you, white men don’t seem to have the same inability to identify themselves as bisexual. They claim bisexuality if they just masturbate to fantasies of other men. I would ALMOST be willing to grant people who have never engaged in actual sex with someone of the same gender the title of bi-curious, but at a certain point, you have to be able to say that you are more than just curious, you just haven’t figured out the best way to have a bisexual experience.

I’m bisexual. I have the ability to find arousal in both women and men. It’s rare that I find a woman with whom I’m attracted but that doesn’t negate my orientation. I am not attracted to most women. I would prefer to form a relationship with a man. That still doesn’t make me less bisexual.

For me heterosexual would be anyone who has never been aroused by a person of the same gender and who has never had a consensual sexual experience with a person of the same gender. There aren’t many people that can fit in that definition. If you can’t say either of those things, news flash, you are bisexual.

What is your definition of bisexual?

3 comments:

AfroerotiK said...

I find it odd that you, not liking labels and all, are quick to label yourself hetersexual.

Anonymous said...

Bisexuality, as a working definition for Alfred Kinsey, was theorized to fall along a continuum, say, zero to six, with zero being exclusively heterosexual and six being exclusively homosexual. Moreover, this index or reference point for an individual was not necessarily a fixed number in time.

More info (and a wearable, self-declaration of said number scale) is at http://www.whodoyoudo.com

Unknown said...

I believe all humans with "normal" libidos are by genetic design bi-sexual. Our culture fosters scorn for same sex couplings and I'm thus an adult who's conditioned to find gratification with opposite sex couplings, feel strange when I'm being "scoped" or "checked out" by a man who has symetrical features (i.e., who is physically attractive). It causes a weird uneasiness. Also, I'm entirely given to arousal by same sex behavior in women - possibly an innate feature of my being, or somehow enhanced by my mother's lesbian couplings. Fine work, here, afroerotik. Keep it up!