Help me Define Bi-sexual

I’ve had countless conversations with people and I’ve asked them if they were bisexual. Almost 100% of the time, they say that they aren’t but then tell me of bisexual experiences. It’s women as well as men. It seems awfully delusional to me. The excuses for why they aren’t bisexual are irrational. They claim they aren’t bisexual because they don’t actively go out “seeking” sex with the same gender, but if it happens it happens. I have men say that they aren’t bisexual because they only engage in oral sex with other men. I’ve heard the ever-popular, “I don’t like labels,” but they never seem to mind the label of heterosexual, just bisexual. I will always hear, “ I am not bisexual because I’m not attracted to (the same gender) emotionally, just sexually.” That would be great if we were defining the word bi-emotional. This sista yesterday told me that she wasn’t bisexual because she didn’t like the reaction people gave her when she told them she was bisexual. How is that logical? The most popular excuse for why people don’t consider themselves bisexual, by far, is, “I PREFER sex with the opposite gender.” Well, of course, if you have sex with people of the same gender and you don’t really enjoy it as much as you do when you are having sex with someone of the opposite gender, that means you can be considered heterosexual. I guess I’m supposed to believe that they were having sex with someone of the same sex and saying, “This really sucks, I’d rather be with a person of the opposite gender.” As my uncle would say, “Dain Bramaged!”

The definition of bisexual in the dictionary is of, relating to, or having a sexual orientation to persons of either sex. Nowhere does it say, “only if you initiate sex with persons of the same sex,” “only if you like sex just as much as you do with people of the opposite gender,” and I don’t think it can be interpreted as saying, “only if you are emotionally attracted to the same gender.”

Women, who have been in RELATIONSHIPS with other women, claim they aren’t bisexual because they don’t think that they will ever be with another woman again. These same women are usually the same women who will say it’s disgusting if a man is with another man but yet they can somehow rationalize that their bisexual relationship didn’t happen. Men I can understand. Black men are demonized for being bisexual. We can blame them for everything wrong in the world. Bisexual women who deny they are bisexual and THEN demonize bisexual black men are so far out there for me, I can’t even wrap my mind around that one.

Mind you, white men don’t seem to have the same inability to identify themselves as bisexual. They claim bisexuality if they just masturbate to fantasies of other men. I would ALMOST be willing to grant people who have never engaged in actual sex with someone of the same gender the title of bi-curious, but at a certain point, you have to be able to say that you are more than just curious, you just haven’t figured out the best way to have a bisexual experience.

I’m bisexual. I have the ability to find arousal in both women and men. It’s rare that I find a woman with whom I’m attracted but that doesn’t negate my orientation. I am not attracted to most women. I would prefer to form a relationship with a man. That still doesn’t make me less bisexual.

For me heterosexual would be anyone who has never been aroused by a person of the same gender and who has never had a consensual sexual experience with a person of the same gender. There aren’t many people that can fit in that definition. If you can’t say either of those things, news flash, you are bisexual.

What is your definition of bisexual?