One of the stories I wrote for my upcoming book is a story about a biracial man that has to face the fact that he was raised by a white mother as Black a black man and has never once had to deal with the fact that he was half white. I intentionally created his character to be raised in a way that I think is atypical of the way that the vast majority of biracial children are raised to bring light to the numerous biracial children, raised by single white women, with no attempts whatsoever to expose them to any sort of authentic positive black experiences. The beauty of being Black is not going to a Klan rally to witness racism first hand. I’m not criticizing the effort; I’m just saying that seems to me to be a little reminiscent of showing the worst of being black and not having the exposure to the beauty of being black to balance it. The beauty of being Black is going to South Carolina for the summer and playing with cousins all day in the oppressive summer sun and getting blacker than coal and eating watermelon like it’s going out of style. It’s sitting next to your grandmother in church, with Vaseline on your Mary Jane’s, white tights, and $.55 cents, red and white peppermints, and an embroidered handkerchief in your little purse. It’s visiting the sick and shut with your parents in on a Saturday afternoon in a house that smells like liniment, lavender, and urine and not being able to wait to get outside to play. Being Black is sitting in the beauty parlor on a Saturday morning while your mother gets her hair done and getting that tingly feeling “down there” looking at the pictures of the Jet Beauty of the Week and then going straight for the Top Twenty Songs to see which ones you like and which ones suck.
The ugly question behind all of this is, how does a white person know how to raise a Black child? It’s not an easy answer. For generations, the foundation of our parenting was to teach our male children to assume a passive attitude with authorities in order to keep from being lynched, in order to keep your job, in order to avoid the constant racist behavior that was often a threat to life and limb. Now that racism has changed, now that it’s more stealth and institutionalized, how does a person who has never experienced that or who has no historical knowledge of what it is to be black raise a child to deal with it? Where’s the happy medium between teaching your child to internalize racism and to not acknowledge it at all? I don’t have that answer. You see, Black men not staying around to raise their children in not just a burden on the Black community, it’s creating a race of people that have no cultural identity to hold on to. Sadly, in far too many instances, when a brotha chooses to date and procreate (sorry, that sounds so gross but I can’t say in most instances they choose to be a parent) with white women, in a great many instances, his motivations to do so are based on self-hatred (although they don’t see it that way) and a strong desire to have children that aren’t Black. Those aren’t necessarily the best individuals to raise a child to understand the beauty of being Black and I’ve seen far too many instances (at every single one of my family reunions . . . the number of my male cousins with biracial children is staggering) Black men raising their children to be white, as if that is some sort of preferred status.
I do know that a lot of white people think that because they have a sexual or romantic preference for people of color they believe deep down in their heart that means the are not racist. While they may not be sheet-wearing Klansmen, it does not mean that person is totally devoid of racist beliefs. I’ve spoken with a lot of white women, my age and older, that tell me that their daughter has “Black” children and I’ve heard the most outrageously insensitive racially tinged statements come from their moths followed by, “I’m not racist.” Teaching your child that he or she is brown, or some amalgamation of black and other, seems to me to be the most offensive and damaging practice possible. Being Black is not a matter of skin tone its an identity. It’s like teaching light skinned African American children that they aren’t really Black. If you can’t raise a child to be proud of being Black, that being Black is more than a color in a crayon box, then you have failed as a parent to teach your child their true identity. They will never relate to the fact that they are descendents to the Black Africans who were the architects of civilization, who survived the single most horrific act of genocide known to man, and who have the blood of heroes coursing through their veins.
Is a Black woman more capable of raising a more well-rounded biracial child? I’m going to say that I’ve not seen many instances of healthy parenting in the Black community with Black children, I can’t imagine that somehow that adding another element to the mix somehow creates a better parenting skills. There are too many unresolved issues that need to be addressed before I can give us a clean bill of health. The said fact of the matter is we are raising our boys to become emotionally immature men, we are raising our girls to become women that think that their value is in their physical beauty, and creating a materialism that is pathological. If a Black woman isn’t comfortable with her own natural hair texture, then it’s not possible for her to raise a child that is going to love their inherent African-ness. One has to ask themselves, what exactly is the benefit of being an Oreo? Color issues, internalized racism, unprocessed emotions . . . all the things that are unresolved issues when raising a Black child don’t magically disappear when raising a biracial child. We as a people don’t even have a real grasp of our own history; it adds more complexity when raising children with two different histories in which one has historically oppressed the other.
The ugly question behind all of this is, how does a white person know how to raise a Black child? It’s not an easy answer. For generations, the foundation of our parenting was to teach our male children to assume a passive attitude with authorities in order to keep from being lynched, in order to keep your job, in order to avoid the constant racist behavior that was often a threat to life and limb. Now that racism has changed, now that it’s more stealth and institutionalized, how does a person who has never experienced that or who has no historical knowledge of what it is to be black raise a child to deal with it? Where’s the happy medium between teaching your child to internalize racism and to not acknowledge it at all? I don’t have that answer. You see, Black men not staying around to raise their children in not just a burden on the Black community, it’s creating a race of people that have no cultural identity to hold on to. Sadly, in far too many instances, when a brotha chooses to date and procreate (sorry, that sounds so gross but I can’t say in most instances they choose to be a parent) with white women, in a great many instances, his motivations to do so are based on self-hatred (although they don’t see it that way) and a strong desire to have children that aren’t Black. Those aren’t necessarily the best individuals to raise a child to understand the beauty of being Black and I’ve seen far too many instances (at every single one of my family reunions . . . the number of my male cousins with biracial children is staggering) Black men raising their children to be white, as if that is some sort of preferred status.
I do know that a lot of white people think that because they have a sexual or romantic preference for people of color they believe deep down in their heart that means the are not racist. While they may not be sheet-wearing Klansmen, it does not mean that person is totally devoid of racist beliefs. I’ve spoken with a lot of white women, my age and older, that tell me that their daughter has “Black” children and I’ve heard the most outrageously insensitive racially tinged statements come from their moths followed by, “I’m not racist.” Teaching your child that he or she is brown, or some amalgamation of black and other, seems to me to be the most offensive and damaging practice possible. Being Black is not a matter of skin tone its an identity. It’s like teaching light skinned African American children that they aren’t really Black. If you can’t raise a child to be proud of being Black, that being Black is more than a color in a crayon box, then you have failed as a parent to teach your child their true identity. They will never relate to the fact that they are descendents to the Black Africans who were the architects of civilization, who survived the single most horrific act of genocide known to man, and who have the blood of heroes coursing through their veins.
Is a Black woman more capable of raising a more well-rounded biracial child? I’m going to say that I’ve not seen many instances of healthy parenting in the Black community with Black children, I can’t imagine that somehow that adding another element to the mix somehow creates a better parenting skills. There are too many unresolved issues that need to be addressed before I can give us a clean bill of health. The said fact of the matter is we are raising our boys to become emotionally immature men, we are raising our girls to become women that think that their value is in their physical beauty, and creating a materialism that is pathological. If a Black woman isn’t comfortable with her own natural hair texture, then it’s not possible for her to raise a child that is going to love their inherent African-ness. One has to ask themselves, what exactly is the benefit of being an Oreo? Color issues, internalized racism, unprocessed emotions . . . all the things that are unresolved issues when raising a Black child don’t magically disappear when raising a biracial child. We as a people don’t even have a real grasp of our own history; it adds more complexity when raising children with two different histories in which one has historically oppressed the other.
I know my own two mentees feel that racism is over because they can see both black and white videos back to back on MTV. When I point out that their school system is under funded and they don’t have the same educational opportunities of white children in other school districts and that is racist, they tell me that Justin Timberlake is cute and tell me that racism ended back in the Martin Luther King days. Are any parents, of black, white, or other children, teaching their children about the Long March, the Trail of Tears, Blood Sunday, or why isn’t something to be ashamed of to be a descendent of slaves? Who will honor the enslaved African in all of us that fought to survive so that we might have breath in our lungs today? Who will keep that memory alive and honor them? I think this “browning of America” that everyone says is the saving grace of all of us and the signal that racism is over, will erode away Black identity and preserve whiteness. I don’t see that as being a good thing.
3 comments:
I really respect the thought that went into the comments made regarding the raising of biracial children. I myself have children who are half white and half hispanic. My niece and nephew are half african-american and half hispanic. I find it interesting that perhaps your viewpoint on what and how biracial children are raised needs to be associated with "deep south" references. Why do you have to be african-american to spend time on the porch in the hot summer (desert) sun with cousins eating watermelon? Or sitting with Grandma in church on Sunday (Catholic Church around New Mexico)? There have been so many changes to our society over the years, that while this may be the idyllic visions for you of years gone past, it is not necessarily the traditions that new generations may wish to uphold for the future of our children.
Personally, traditions of Yule celebrations (Neo-Paganism) interspersed with Christmas celebrations (Christian) abound in our household this time of year, not to mention some of the other "family traditions" that we have kept over the years for other holidays throughout the year. As we evolve as a society, do we not also wish to evolve as a family? We wish to incorporate our belief system and ethics to the children who we have been blessed with and to also challenge them to make their own decisions when it comes to the society that they deal with on a daily basis.
You make mention that being called "brown" or not being proud of being black. My sister in law is a very proud black woman with the awesome task of raising two HALF black children in today's society and my brother, as her spouse has just as awesome a task to contribute toward being a proud hispanic as well as raising a strong biracial MAN and WOMAN. Just because her children are half black, should she dismiss or not be respectful of their hispanic heritage as well? It seems to me that is exactly what you are asking parents to do. Forget the half white or half hispanic side of the children and focus on the black side. I know that my sister in law has taken Spanish classes, just to be able to teach her children just as well as my brother, my mother and myself. My brother also has spent time talking to my nephew (my niece is still a bit young) about segregation and the Civil Rights Movement, and I am sure when they are older they will be taught, on a more in depth level, what exactly it means to be African-American and how they fit into this society of ours.
Is it not also as much the rest of our family's responsibility to have input into the lives of the children we care so deeply about? Do I not have the same responsibilities as my brother or sister in law to nurture and guide all of our children and teach them to respect one another and those around them? Wondering so much about the erosion of race, shouldn't we be more concerned with the erosion of our SOCIETY and teach our children to be tolerant, respectful, responsible and caring toward their fellow man, rather than their fellow BLACK, HISPANIC ,WHITE, ORIENTAL man?
As a parent of teenage boys (yes, half hispanic and half white), I continue to be amazed at the choices and the profound comments they make as they grow into young men. We have talked many times and have had discussions regarding race and prejudice in today's society. I remember their outrage when they were younger and we watched the Rosa Parks story, Roots and Mississippi Burning. I have also watched Mi Familia, Stand and Deliver as well as Passion of the Christ, Farenheit 911, Gone with the Wind and other old movie classics as well. It is my responsibility to expose my children to all forms of movies, books and media so that they can CHALLENGE their mind and make their own decisions in this great big world. If they are constantly learning, evolving and expanding their horizons, isn't that what I would rather have them doing rather than focusing on what color their skin is, what religion they practice or what their gender or sexual preference may be? I will always teach my children to stand up for what they believe in and to fight for their rights, but ultimately it is up to them to make their choices in this lifetime and to live with those choices, whatever they may be. As parents, all we can do is nurture them and allow them to CHOOSE!
AfroerotiK,
I would like to know what makes you feel qualified to speak on the subject of biracial children (black-white) being raised by white women. Are you biracial? Are your children biracial? Of course I could be wrong (& I apologize to you if I am), but I'm pretty sure the answer to both of these questions is no. I do happen to be biracial. My father is black, & I was raised by my mother who is white, & my mother always made it her priority to educate my brother, & I from ALL aspects of our ethnicity. African- American culture was always present in our home, even though our father was not. As a family, we visited historical plantations, attended african festivals, & many other cultural events held in honor of our local black communities. We were also equally familiarized with the elements of our european culture as well, which is EQUALLY important. Though my brother, & I never had the benefit of our black parent being involved with our upbringing, we probably know more about African-American history, & culture than most black people do. This is because our white mother took the time, & effort to teach us about who we are. We are not black. We are not white. We're are BOTH. We are no more once race than we are the other. This is what make us BIRACIAL. I do agree that not all parents of biracial children recognize the added responsibilities that come with raising their children, but how many parents recognize the responsibilities of being parents period? Please recognize that many of these parents do care if their children grow up to have a true sense of identity. My mother is living proof. People have the right to love, & have children with who they want to, regardless of race. That's part of what makes us FREE. I grew up, & married a black man, & my brother chose to marry a White woman. These were not acts of "self hate". These were act of unconditional love, which we learned from our mother. If a black man dates a white woman, perhaps that is his preference. Who are we to tell that man who he should be attracted to? I really think you should think about the real reason why you have such negative views of biracial "dating, & procreating".
well after what i read here. i am a 32 biracial man in this u.s state. Some thing I hate about american people. i have a serious problem with racism. i hate it and want let it mess up my life. I had though-out my life that white people had been more friendly them my black people.I tried to blend in with my blacks, but it seem like they want blend in with me. I only can be myself. i have some blacks who like me, but most hates me. I hate when black person say i act too white. whats too white? yeah I read this on here and felt most of it is true but some of it makes me mad. So if anyone read what i said. i love to hear back in my special email. eyeslikecoffee@gmail.com. I was raised to be black, but since I grown, i raised myself to be both and don't care who like its. Biracial isn't a fun thing to feel, if your white side will love you then your black side.
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