It's Our Anniversary

When Anthony wins the World Series pool at work, he plans on secretly seducing his wife, Cherida, on their anniversary. He’s packs up the kids and sends them off to his mother-in-law’s house, sets the stage for a steamy weekend of unbridled passion, and atypically goes out of his way to pamper and cater to his wife’s every sexual need. For all of his efforts, Cherida reciprocates tenfold and “puts it on him like he stole something.”

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Are Black People More Athletic?

I’m going to go out on a racist limb here and say that black people overall would be able to integrate into most physical activities with more ease and efficiency than white people. Shocking I know but I would think it’s much easier for a Jamaican Bobsled team to navigate the turns of the downhill slalom than it is for the Norwegian Bobsled team to slam dunk on the basketball court. Again, to assert that Black people can ONLY excel in sports is racist. To say that Black people only excel at sports because we are from the ghetto is straight up racist. To deny that our natural rhythm and coordination wouldn’t lend itself naturally to being better athletes . . . well one would have to wonder why anyone would want to deny something so benign.

I remember Surya Bonaly, the Black ice skater that went to the Olympics. The judges disqualified her and gave her very low marks because they said she was "too athletic." It seems her power and strength was intimidating to the judges and her jumps were too high, her moves were too commanding. Let it be noted for all the world, let the message ring down from every hamlet, spread the word across the countryside, the decree had gone out, the Olympic officials have declared the Black person was too athletic.

I'm imagining, if we put the members of the Romanian gymnastics team on a basketball court, a baseball field and a track and field stadium against a group of young ladies from New York that play double dutch, I'm wondering which set of young ladies will fare better at all the sports overall? Which young ladies will have more muscle mass, strength, endurance and ability to master the rudimentary skills of each sport with the most ease? While I'm not so sure that the young ladies from NY would be able to kick the asses of the gymnasts at their own game, I do know they would bring a certain inherent talent to the mats that would manifest itself as rhythmic ability. I know good and god damn well that the gymnasts couldn't touch the sistas at double dutch.

I would go so far as to say that anyone that denies the superior athletic ability of Black people is suffering from some inferiority complex and undue paranoia that Black people are going to crush them with their bigger stronger muscles. That would probably be the case if we weren’t so mentally superior and chose not to mirror the genocidal, colonizing, maraudering, and oppressive behaviors of white people. LOL, just kidding a little.

The Black Man’s Manifesto for the New Millennium

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Who hurt you?

One of the questions that I’m asked on a rather regular basis, by men who seemingly want to show empathy and concern for me after I’ve challenged them about their issues, is, “Who hurt you?” You see, women aren’t supposed to speak out about men, we aren’t supposed to question the way things are; we are supposed to cower in terror when we are questioned by men and go running in fear to a position of subservience and compliance any time we are confronted by them. Men are allowed to be angry, to be frustrated, to feel like they are being demonized by the world. If women question and speak out, if we do take issue with the status quo, then quite obviously, some man has to hurt us so terribly in the past as to create this ugly entity known as the “angry Black woman.” That’s supposed to be an insult from a man, the highest possible insult, because it’s meant to imply that I’m not longer desirable to men, that I’m a little too uppity for my own britches, a little too vocal, and that I need to be taken down a peg.

The problem with that is that, I am angry. You damn right I’m angry; I’m the reigning title holder of the Ms. Angry Black Woman. But I wear the title of angry Black woman proudly, and for good mother fucking reason, because with that crown and banner, I get to speak out about issues like patriarchy, sexism, colorism, misogyny and hold a dirty mirror up to men so that can see their ugly reflections and I don’t have to hold my tongue. My anger is a positive outlet. It has allowed me to heal from my past hurts. My anger causes me to fight for the rights of women, to try to heal the chasm of Black relationships that grows deeper and wider with the passing of each tic of the sexist, oppressive clock.

Tito Oliviero hurt me. He raped me one hot summer day, putting his hand on my throat and telling me that he would kill me if I screamed while he was violating me. Apparently, he decided that being friends wasn’t enough for him and that he had a right to my body, without my consent.

Dimas Chardon hurt me. (I think that’s his real name but I’m not sure, I’m certainly not trying to protect him because he’s innocent) He asked me to his house in Connecticut and I politely declined. He decided that since I had rejected him that he could teach me a lesson. He took out a gun, put it on my desk, and held me down with a loaded weapon just inches from my face while he raped me.

There is a man whose name I don’t know. He begged me to come to my apartment, to “just hang out.” It was only a matter of minutes before he we were on the floor, I was fighting with all my might, and was clueless that that was an indication that I didn’t want to have sex with him. It didn’t matter to him if I wanted him or not, he wanted to have sex with me. We fought until I was physically and emotionally drained and then I just gave in. I laid there like I limp, lifeless rag while he had sex with me. I wish I knew his name so I could call him out. I know his face, it’s one that I will never forget. He probably doesn’t know my name, he probably doesn’t even remember me. I was just another hole for him, another piece of ass to affirm his manhood.

Whenever I say that I was raped, I get this huge outpouring of messages, “You are so brave . . . you need to get counseling . . . don’t let the anger consume you.” It’s incomprehensible to people that I can actually talk about being raped without having some sort of emotional breakdown. I’m not ashamed of what happened, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not afraid to talk about it, because AGAIN, I didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t do anything to change what happened to me but I sure as hell ain’t gonna pretend it didn’t. The people that need to be ashamed are the men who raped me. They are the ones who did something wrong, they are the criminals. They took something that belonged to me, I’m not going to curl up in a ball and sit in silence to keep them from feeling guilty. None of the men that raped me were thugs or low life’s. There were educated, intelligent, successful Black men. They are the men that CLAIM to be good black men because they make a good salary, drive a nice car. They are men, who, right now, would stare in a woman’s face and swear that they have never raped anyone.

I’ve met countless numbers of women who have tales of being raped, I’ve even encountered a few men who are brave enough to speak up about their molestation and rape. There are even scores of men who say how sorry they are for what happened to me. What I’ve YET to encounter is a man who has admitted to being a rapist. Not one. I’ve never met a man who said to me, “When I was younger, I thought it was my right and I took what didn’t belong to me.” I’ve NEVER met a man who said, “I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t take no for an answer and I violated the most precious thing a woman could give me.” We wonder why Black relationships are failing, we look to blame Black women every chance we get, but let’s put the blame where it belongs, let’s hold the men accountable for their actions. If you want to know the reason why Black relationships are in such peril it’s because so many men are rapists and not being held accountable for it. Black women are being raped and we are sucking it up, suppressing it, internalizing the pain so that Black men can walk around without guilt. Black society breeds rapists. We don’t hold our black boys accountable for their actions, we tell them that in order to be a man, you have to have a lot of women, and we teach them that women are objects to be used and discarded.

There is a man reading this who has raped a woman, more than likely several. In fact, there are many men who are guilty of rape who are seething in anger right now. To you, I say, until you are uncomfortable with your actions, until you are disturbed by your past, until you can speak truth to power, you are diseased in mind, body and soul. You can deny the fact that you stole the innocence of a someone, that you committed an unspeakable crime but that does not absolve you of your acts. And to those who try to silence me with their emotional rape, those who would prefer that I cower in silence, YOU are the ones who have stolen the virtue of women. You are the rapists, the killer of dreams.

I will not be silenced. I will stand up and name my attackers. I will say who hurt me with pride for it is them who should be ashamed.

Now, I ask you ladies, who hurt you?

Can you speak truth to power?

Can you name your attackers?

Know that in order to heal, you don’t have to be ashamed of what happened to you. You are innocent. You must reclaim your strength. Don’t continue to protect these men with your silence. They don’t deserve it. Challenge them to admit to their wrong doings. Name your rapist so that you can free yourself from the pain. So I ask you ladies, with compassion and respect, who hurt you?

Colorism

I would like to see an end to the colorism that was created by slavery that keeps us separated as a people. I can't go so far as to say that light skinned slaves had it just as bad as dark skinned slaves. The rigors of slavery were far more physically demanding and psychologically damaging for those who were the rich, deep tones of ebony and mahogany. I respect that the horrors of slavery ravaged all those that were considered property and unjustifiably so in every instance but I wouldn't go so far as to say that conditions for slaves were the same for the lighter and the darker. I wouldn't even go so far as to say that the colorism we face today, as a direct result of the debilitating messages we learned in slavery are the same for light and dark skinned people. To deny that the shade of one's color was directly proportionate to the types of debilitating abuse one suffered might not be the most noble objective. While it was truly horrific to be sold for $1000 to be the slave master's pretty mulatto concubine, it was far more damaging to be sold for $100 to be the field work horse AND the slave master's ugly nigger concubine. Both are horrid but one certainly carried with it privileges that the other could not attain.

And today, while I'm sure it must eat at one's self-esteem to be challenged as to your "authentic blackness" because of one's light skin, I am not so sure that compares to the constant barrage of messages that tells dark skinned women of color specifically that they are light years away from anything of value or beauty. Being right in the middle, a beautiful shade of cocoa, I can empathize with my light skin sisters who don't wish to have their blackness invalidated by their skin tone, I can also say, as sister to many dark skinned women, that the barrage of psychologically damaging messages that they get on a daily basis FAR outweigh the ones that light skin women get. To truly liberate ourselves from the shackles of slavery, we must first acknowledge that the disparity due to skin color was not of our own making but it, in fact, does paralyze the darker members of our families much more so than the lighter ones. While light skin women today experience objectification and stereotypes whose origins were created in slavery, I think it's a bit extreme to say that their plight in any way compares to the beautiful women whose skin tones today are skin tones are dark and their features thick and full who have no reinforcement of their beauty, who must endure the pain of seeing their fairer skinned sisters being extolled as beautiful while they are left to feel ugly and unwanted.

I would like to see an end to the colorism that was created in slavery by the white man in order to justify his abuse. I would like to heal the wounded psyches of us as descendents of Africans so that we might unite and see our sameness as survivors of a horrific tragedy rather than continue to give privilege to those that were the "beneficiaries" of rape and miscegenation and continue to denigrate those whose blood remains relatively pure.

Cheatin' Men

When men choose partners for the wrong reason, without first examining their own emotional baggage, they end up in relationships in which they claim their needs aren’t being met. They meet a woman and she’s attractive and they have this urge to have her to prove to themselves that they can get her. She represents something that they want, if that’s the appearance of power, sex appeal, machismo, what have you. Once they are in the relationship, the problems arise. They realize they can’t live up to the image that they projected to get the woman. It takes work, hard work, to maintain a relationship and most men are too selfish and immature to even comprehend what it takes to keep a relationship strong, let alone the steps needed to accomplish that. Once they get the woman that they want, the thrill is in finding a new woman. All of these reasons lead men to cheat and then justify it by saying that the woman wasn’t making him happy.

If men continue to think in terms of sex being the foundation of a relationship, they will cheat. If men don’t work on being better partners in a relationship, cheating is the easy way to make sure that the relationship is going to fail. FAR, far too many men don’t know how to end a relationship in a healthy way, LONG BEFORE it gets to the fighting and the cheating. Rather than man up and say, “Hey, this isn’t working,” or, “we need to work on how this relationship can better suit both our needs,” they cheat. They run to the arms of another woman rather than face the music at home. Rather than try to build something long lasting and permanent with their partner, they sabotage their relationship by bringing another woman, or women, into their lives and betraying the partner at home. It’s like a bad fucking broken record but if Black men were more emotionally mature, they wouldn’t be so apt to cheat because they would be choosing partners based on their insecurities and unresolved parental issues.

Justifying cheating is a pathology in and of itself. It’s one thing to cheat. It’s a whole nutha ballgame to say that it’s not cheating because he was wearing a condom when he was getting head. That’s insanity. That’s taking the objectification of women to such an extreme, that he doesn’t even see women as human beings, just objects to give him pleasure and nothing more. He can’t possibly form a healthy relationship at all, let alone a committed one. It’s unfortunate that our society reinforces to men that cheating is what makes them a man, that it’s their role as men to go out and get as much pussy as they can. And the sad part is that they believe it. They will say that it’s biological, it’s nature, it’s genetic, it’s part of the animal kingdom. Killing your own food is the way of the jungle but I don’t see any men out chopping off a chicken’s head for supper. We are human beings, not animals. We are evolved past animals. We have the ability to feel and reason and speak and emote. We aren’t lead by some rules of the animal kingdom, we are SUPPOSED to be more evolved. We can’t claim to be intelligent, thinking, reasoned human beings and then justify cheating by saying it’s a law of nature. Then you really are nothing more than an animal.

On the day when men stop viewing women as conquests, when they stop trying to find comfort from their hurts with sex, when they face up to the idea that building a strong partnership is a sign of manhood, not fucking anything with a hole, then Black relationships will continue to fail. Until Black women stop coddling cheating men, forgiving them by saying it’s a man’s nature, until they stop tolerating married men and men in relationships coming on to them as some sort of sign of attractiveness, until women stop thinking that once they get a wedding ring on their finger that makes them better than single women and thus, willing to overlook their cheating husbands, the cycle will continue.

The Sensual Invitation

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Deep Inside my Neo Soul

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I Miss Him

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Ebony's Erotica

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Afrocentric Romance

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Dear Beloved

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AfroerotiK is . . . Showered with Love

Is love something that grows over time or can you experience true and abiding love instantly? Is love all romance and cheesy songs or can love be fostered amidst contention? In a day and time when people look for instant gratification and put their own needs above everyone else's feelings, can true love really grow? These are important questions that must be asked in an effort to redefine the formula for a healthy relationship. There's a fine line between trusting your instincts and making an uninformed choice. Take the AfroerotiK audio journey and experience how scorching hot passion can be born from the right mix of trust and vulnerability.

It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated.

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AfroerotiK is . . . Ultimate Black Strapon Domme

Warning!!! This is NOT for the faint of heart. It explores hardcore interracial themes and intense sexuality. Listen to the story of a commanding Black Mistress control, use, and manipulate a submissive strapon slut. It's about the exchange of power and the dynamics of psychological domination. Enjoy!

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AfroerotiK is . . . Meditative

Close your eyes and slip into a deep meditative state. Allow yourself to enjoy true relaxation and peace as you are guided into a deep, restful state where you can explore sensual freedom. Copyright 2006 AfroerotiK

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AfroerotiK is . . . . Alternative Intimacy

Great sex doesn’t always have to fit narrow definitions. True pleasure can be achieved when partners allow themselves to experience passion without prejudice, sensuality without censor. Journey with me as I open the bedroom door on an Afrocentric couple who has chosen to shed the rules and regulations of classic conservatism and who has chosen to expand their boundaries and explore all that life has to offer.

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AfroerotiK is . . .Redefining Black Manhood

AfroerotiK is . . . is a show that examines black sexuality and that provides insight and alternatives to individuals seeking healthy erotic expression. It highlights the beauty and sensuality of African Americans without being vulgar and stereotypical and it provides a fresh perspective from which to examine the issues that shape the perceptions of Black sexuality. It’s a show for everyone that will challenge myths, destroy clichés, and set the foundation for intense erotic exploration. AfroerotiK is features debates, discussions, interviews, and steamy erotic readings to stimulate and arouse.

This month, we are exploring REDEFINING BLACK MANHOOD. It’s a hard-hitting, no holds barred discussion that sheds light on a much-maligned topic. It’s essential listening for women who feel like they can’t find a good man and men who are tired of being narrowly defined. It’s for anyone open to conversation about shifting the behaviors that are keeping black relationships in danger.

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AfroerotiK is . . . Remote Possibilities

Don’t limit yourself, explore the AfroerotiK realm, and indulge in a steamy erotic tale that explores passion without judgments. It takes a while to download so your patience is appreciated.

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AfroerotiK is . . . Uninhibited

The foundation of every strong relationship is honesty, sharing, caring, and a willingness to be your most vulnerable self with your partner. It’s not having secrets and it’s all about understanding that there is no score card to calculate who’s ahead, no place for selfish desires. Intimacy is fostered by letting down all your defenses, all your walls, and being authentic. Join with me in this journey of sensual AfroerotiK passion when a young lady shares her tales of bliss when her lover has to fulfill her every desire after losing a bet. It blurs the lines of reality and begs the question of exactly who is the winner and who is the loser in a game of sensual seduction?

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AfroerotiK is . . . Intense Heat

When ladies make love, they create intense heat. The pleasures that only another woman can give are the secret fantasies and the unspoken dreams of many. But what happens when you give into that lust, that burning desire to drink from the source of all life? What happens when you cross racial boundaries and that lady love is a different background, from a different race? Can lust between ladies both black and white exist without all the stereotypes and influences of a racist society? Take a listen to the latest AfroerotiK Podcast to hear an erotic story that explores interracial lesbian passion.

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AfroerotiK is . . . African Centered Sexuality

If one were to form an opinion about Black sexuality based upon what the adult industry force feeds us, we would be nothing more than big black bucks whose sole purpose in life was to fuck white women or welfare mamas who take delight in bending over to show off our big asses. Miraculously, we exist in far many more dimensions than how mainstream society depicts us. There are those of us who have taken on other roles, who are willing to redefine our sexuality. This month, AfroerotiK is . . . the Podcast for the exploration of Afrocentric sexuality, is discussing domination of white male submissives in a story that will destroy the stereotypes and embrace our identity beyond the norm. Won’t you listen to this story, Goddess Initiation, with an open mind and fresh perspective?



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AfroerotiK is . . . Playful

Tricks are NOT just for kids. Sometimes, when adults play, it’s not about competition, it’s about pure, unadulterated hedonism. Join me for the latest Podcast where we explore the art of seduction. Gentlemen, take notes on how your lady wants to be treated. Go the extra mile, spoil her. You certainly won’t be disappointed you put in all the effort. Ladies, don’t let too much time go by without treating your man to an extra special evening as well. Why not tell him that you want to re-enact this erotic Podcast while you listen to it, role-playing the action in real life as you listen to it together? If you don’t have a partner, take this opportunity to indulge yourself in a little self pleasure. Whatever way you decide to participate, enjoy yourself on this sensual audio erotik experience.



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Living with Purpose

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An Erotic Assignment for the Ladies

Ladies, here's an erotic assignment for you. Save this MP3 to your computer, ipod, burn it to a CD or whathaveyou and send a copy to your husband, boyfriend, lover, or secret crush. Add a little note that says, "Hey, I heard this and I thought of you. Let me know what you think of it."

Then, your assignment is to get back to me and tell me how he reacted. I want to know if it inspired you to have passionate and steamy sex all night long, if you were able to reignite the flame that had gone out, if he took off sick from work to come throw you down on the bed and act it out. I want to know all the juicy details. Let me know if he didn't react at all and we'll have to check his vitals for any signs of life. Good luck ladies, I hope you have fun.

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The Sensual Invitation

Black Erotica has finally evolved.

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God Doesn't Have a Dick

Any religion that teaches that God is a man, and that woman is made for man, oppresses women to a state of unnatural subservience and insanity. If God is a man, and man has a penis, then anyone with a penis is perceived to be god-like. Women, obviously without a penis, are socialized through their oppressive religion created by people with penises, to feel inferior. The subconscious mind of females knows that women are not really inferior, that God could not possibly have a gender, that women are the equal and very much needed compliments to men not their subjects. The conscious mind of the female believes itself to be inferior, to be cursed, and to be dependent upon men, so it sets up a state of disharmony in the psyche of both men and women. The belief that men have some inherent privilege or preferred status with God a.) leads men to think that they can do no wrong and that their penis entitles them to rule over women, and b.) leads women to think that their lives will fall apart without a man, that they must forgive their man any wrongdoing, and that they must compete with the next woman in order to prove their worth as a woman. It is only when we decide to restore a holistic balance to our relationships, based on equality of genders, will they heal.

Are Black men really more sexual?

I had a very typical conversation with a white woman a few minutes ago. She said that Black men are more sexual and more confident sexually than white men. If we are really about dismantling stereotypes, we need to set the record straight.


Black men may very well be better lovers, more skilled lovers, and they are, overall, better sexually endowed but white men are infinitely more sexual than Black men. White men are far more experimental, far more adventurous, far more liberated in their thinking when it comes to sex. And they are FAR more driven by their sexuality than black men.  White men compartmentalize their sexuality.  They are more likely to have hidden fetishes and sexually motivated lifestyles that are completely opposite their projected personas.  

 

For example, on XTube, the x-rated version of YouTube, people submit personal videos. There are different categories to submit your videos obviously including fetish, fisting, hardcore, bisexual, anal, etc. in both gay and straight genres. Here are my observations. White men are one million times more accepting of videos that show bizarre, outrageous, extreme, and atypical sex acts. I have never seen a black man submit a sounding video yet. In fact, I didn’t even know what sounding was until I started seeing it done on XTube. White men create videos of themselves doing all sorts of extreme things, using full rubber gas masks, fucking dirty sneakers, driving on the highway while naked and jerking off, tons of pissing videos, cock and ball torture, smoking is apparently sexual in some way as well, and I will never see another white man in the grocery store without wondering if he is one of the thousands who fucks himself with enormous black dildos. Of course, for every video posted, there are thousands more who would never post a video so we can only assume that the submitted videos are representative of desires of the macrocosm we call America.


The comments and feedback from other white men on these extreme videos is always pretty much supportive. “That was hot man,” or, “show more,” or the ever popular, “here’s my email address, let’s get together.” Sure, there are some that say, “that’s gross man,” but those sorts of comments are inevitably followed by a slew of “don’t pay attention to him man, that was hot,” comments.


Black men who submit videos submit two kinds, jerking off and regular oral/anal. There is no experimentation, there are not outrageous acts, and it’s pretty much cut and dry. On the rare occasion that a Black man does post a video that falls outside the vanilla category, the comments from other Black men are ready to crucify him. Black men aren’t tolerant of bare backing videos without multiple black men commenting on how someone is going to get AIDS, god forbid a Black man uses a dildo that is deemed too big by the black sexual police, they get all sorts of negative comments about how they are going to be ruined for life and have to wear diapers. Anything outside of basic masturbation or vanilla sex is labeled NASTY by Black men and they are very outspoken in their distaste.


The entire world doesn’t exist on XTube however. In swing clubs all over America, and I’ve been in my fair share, I’ve seen white men tend to be far more exhibitionist. They revel in being seen. Private rooms are usually occupied by Black couples. They want privacy and intimacy. On a daily basis, I get requests from men to look at their webcams. I have NO interest in seeing white men masturbate yet they INSIST on sending me multiple invitations even after being rejected. I can’t even tell you the last time I’ve gotten an unsolicited invitation from a black man to view his webcam. It happens so infrequently that it is almost negligible. There are websites dedicated to any manner of extreme sexual practices, fucking machines, bestiality, scat, creampies, military sex, skateboarders having sex, just anything you can think of. Of course, the biggest consumers of interracial porn, to the tune of 80%, are white men. The media portrays Black men as being sexual beasts and predators but serial rapists, pedophiles, and peeping toms are more than 95% white men. Those are sexual crimes and have little to do with sex but they do show that white men are getting a whitewashed image when it comes to sexuality and Black men are still being portrayed as sexual savages.


White women especially want to believe that Black men are more sexual because it fits their stereotype. Black men, desperate for undeserved praise, flock to white women who stereotype them as big Black bucks and play the role to appease their immature egos. Does that mean that Black men are more sexual? Not at all. We’ve discussed here before that white women are far more aroused by the concept of being treated like sluts, of doing all number of sexual things that black women won’t consider, but yet we are seen as being more sexual as well.


White men are phenomenally more sexual than black men. They are obsessed with it more, they tend to be more exhibitionist, they are more experimental, they are tolerant of activities that are not the norm, they are even more willing to admit their deviant behaviors and embrace them more than Black men. Black men are seen as more sexual because of racist beliefs but when it comes down to reality, Black men are by and large, very sexually conservative.

Let the meditations of my heart . . .

May the Creator add light and love to my thoughts so that they may become manifest

I desire the end of the reign of white supremacy that has oppressed people of color for thousands of years.

I desire a restoration of balance and harmony to the consciousness of the earth that is aligned with the universe, one verse, the Creator of All.

I desire the end of the fallacy of male supremacy and a restoration of equality of human beings not based on genitals but based on the symbiotic relationship between genders.

I desire those human beings who have perpetuated hatred, oppression, war, and evil for profit to receive just earthly punishments for their behavior while in human form.

I desire the end of religious beliefs that were created by man to control and dominate the masses and desire a more holistic, connected spiritual path based on truth to be ushered forth

I desire earthly restitution for the people of color who have suffered genocide, enslavement, and cultural annihilation at the hands of Caucasians.

I desire an energy of peace and love to envelop this earth plane and infuse our spirits with truth.

I desire the veil of illusion that has been placed over people of African descent to be lifted so that we might see exactly how debilitating assimilation into white culture is for our beings.

I desire self-love and confidence in my abilities 

I desire to release the negative self talk that haunts my subconscious mind

I invite unconditional love from my divine right partner, my twin flame into my life so that I might be able to give and receive human love abundantly while in this body SOON

I desire the opportunity to give birth to a child who will grow up to surpass my lofty expectations and goals for him or her

I desire to be a mother to children whom I can raise, love, and nurture with my husband to teach them the ways of a spiritual warrior and enlightened being.

I desire the ability to remain humble in the face of financial success and acclaim

I acknowledge that my words have power and I desire that they will go forth to the masses and be received in such a way that they will usher in transformations, education, and healing

I desire my book, In Loving Color, with photography by Aaron Brown, to become a phenomenal best seller and open doors to dialogue about Black sexuality that will free us from mental chains that keep us enslaved to debilitating mindsets

I desire AfroerotiK to be the foundation for an erotic revolution that will generate workshops, videos, magazines, CDs, conferences, healing centers, radio programs, and any and all multi media opportunities that will create more opportunities for Black people and relationships to heal.

I desire healing for my mother so that she can be released from her need to manipulate and control, so that she might see her own pathological behaviors and be able to release them easily.

I desire a life filled with learning, art, culture, good food, good friends, great music, and harmony.

I desire the reverence to respect the earth and the environment with every action I take

Romance vs. Seduction

In this day and age of instant gratification, people often confuse romance with seduction. Romance has to do with evoking feelings of emotional attraction; seduction involves getting a person into bed. Romance benefits both partners and can certainly lead to intense love making, while seduction, without emotion, only really fulfills the needs of the person doing the seducing. The seduced might be physically satisfied at the end of the evening, but if the seduction was based merely the pretense of emotion in order to manipulate a person into a sexual encounter, that satisfaction is purely superficial and very short lived. Men are often socialized to think that being romantic is a sign of weakness and that to be manly is to seduce as many women as possible. What many men fail to realize is that they are craving intense emotional connection in their live but trying to achieve it by jumping from bed to bed, hoping the sex will lead to the euphoric feelings of bliss.

In order to redefine romance and shift the perception of sexuality, we must as women, start learning how to ask for what we want, we have to redefine what it is in a man that is important vs. what we’ve been socialized to expect that may be detrimental to our relationships. Black men must start having discussions that start exploring how to redefine what manhood consists of and how best to have their emotional needs met while being better partners in their relationships.
1. How do you communicate to your lover if they don’t meet your needs without making your partner feel inadequate?

2. How open are you to exploring different fantasies with your partner or are you determined that there are certain roles that a man and woman have and there’s no room for deviating from those roles?

3. Where do you get your ideas for romance and seduction in your life?

4. How do you keep the romance alive in your relationship?

I AM my hair

If you ever watch that show "Yo Mama" on MTV, every show, they crack on someone for having nappy hair and everyone in the audience rolls with laughter. They aren't anything more than slaves on the plantation. Nothing's changed from 200 years ago. It certainly isn't debatable that any time you tell a child that there is something inherently wrong with them, they are going to compensate for that with low self-esteem. Women with straight hair think that because they think they are beautiful, because society tells them that they are beautiful with straight hair, that means that they don't have issues of self-hatred. If I offered women $50,000 to give up straightening their hair, I wouldn't get two women to take my offer. If I said, I'll buy you a house and you can live there mortgage free for the rest of your life, all you have to do is wear your hair in a natural style, women wouldn't do it. They are terrified of their natural hair, they hate it. They'd rather be in debt and wearing a weave than natural and financially secure.


The hair issue is unique to Black women because we are the only race of women who was kidnapped from our homeland and enslaved by a different race of people who used our color and our physical features to ridicule. Slavery in Africa wasn't based on race. It's impossible to denigrate someone for their nose, their lips, for their hair, if they have the exact same features as you do. White people used their diseased sense of superiority to tell enslaved Africans that everything about them was ugly. There is no other race of women who has had to endure such psychological torture.


Black hair care is a multi billion dollar business. I've always said that if white people wanted to effectively disable the black community, all they would have to do is stockpile all the relaxers, straightening combs, fake hair, etc. Within six weeks, Black women would be selling their souls and selling out the race for their straight hair fix.


Think about who we consider beautiful. Beyonce has a blonde weave. Every time I see her on a magazine cover, I say, "Who is that white woman?" We don't love our Black skin, we don't love our thick full lips, we don't love our wide noses, and we sure as hell don't love our natural nappy hair. That's fucked up we don’t' see ourselves as beautiful. Is there any wonder why the state of Black relationships is so poor? We have Black men trying to get women who look as white as possible and Black women denying that changing their hair to look white has anything to do with jumping through hoops to distance themselves from their natural blackness.


If Black women woke up tomorrow, and they all said, "No more chemicals," I love myself the way God intended me to be, white people would be terrified. They would be terrified that we don't aspire  to be look like them anymore. They would be terrified that we are defining our own standards of beauty. They would try to enslave us again, they would lose their fucking minds. They wouldn't be able to deal with an empowered people that didn't think the world revolved around them. They need to feel superior and they do as long as we are frying our natural hair, trying to mimic them. That gives them their power. If we were to stand up in mass and say, "I don't think long blonde hair and blue eyes are attractive, I think that big thick lips and wide noses and nappy hair is gorgeous white people would start a war against us. (Don't worry.  Black people can't even think like that we've been so brainwashed but it's a nice thought)


I've heard a many a brotha tell me that he refused to have his daughter get her hair cut. Little black girls don't have a chance if their mothers and grandmothers are telling us how nappy and unruly our natural hair is and our fathers (absentee most of the time) are telling us we are only lovable if we have long hair. Is there any wonder we are fucked up? (Damn, I just saw a commercial for the All Star Game and there was a shot of Beyonce and for a split second, I said, "Who is that white woman?") Black men HATE nappy hair more than Black women. That's why they go after the Latina, White, Asian woman. Those women will give them children with "good hair" and light skin. Let's not be naive. Black women have to have straight hair or they are afraid Black men will never look at them. Add to the fact that slavery told us to be submissive to our men and you have women terrified to show their blackness.


The fear of being seen as gay is sooooooo pervasive in Black women. They might not mind being seen as bisexual but they sure as hell don't want to be seen as masculine. And everyone knows that short hair means you are a butch, right? Once again, we are allowing other people to define us. I tell little children who ask me why I don't have any hair that there are a beautiful people in Kenya that all wear their hair like mine and that short hair is a sign of beauty. They look at me like I'm crazy and their mothers usually tell them that I'm gay when they think I can't hear.


I can’t support India Irie and that song. She’s got women with weaved-out, blond, straight hair running around saying, “I am not my hair.” You know what? I AM my hair. I am my naps. I am my African wooly hair. I am every African woman who was beaten and told that she had to cover her hair or lose her life. I AM every slave woman who loved her nappy hair and who had to see white women and mulatto slaves get preferential treatment for having straight hair. I will NEVER as long as I live let straight hair define my beauty.