I wrote this story in 2005. It was, up until last night, one of the stories that was going to be published in my groundbreaking and seminal work, In Loving Color. In Loving Color remains my artistic and creative pièce de résistance. In Loving Color is a coffee table book of erotic images and stories and it will be the foundation of a global erotic revolution, it will usher in a new age of Black Sexuality and how we communicate and relate to one another intimately and erotically
This story was, for 15 years in fact, the most important story I've ever written. It is one of only 2 or 3 stories I've ever written that is about me: the names have been changed to protect the innocent but the events NEVER happened. This story was my healing salve, it was my hope for a brighter future with this man I loved but who was incapable of loving me in any sort of healthy way at the time.
"Elijah" and I have long since moved on. He's married now and I pray he's happy. I've been in a few relationships since I wrote this story. I'm currently working hard to heal my issues and find love that is evolved, enlightened, and unapologetically AfroerotiK. I think this story should be acknowledged and recognized for helping me believe in my own happily ever after but I don't want to hold on to the energy of attracting Elijah back into my life. I decided that I'm going to write a new story for the book; one based on all that I've learned and how I've evolved in the past 15 years. This story is beautiful. I want to share it with the world, with you, with the hopes that it can spark the dialogue needed to help us heal. It is my prayer that you receive my story with the intent with which it was written. Thank you sincerely and humbly for taking the time to share my world.
There
was a commotion outside Robbie Scott’s office at Nubian Entertainment. She could hear the excited voice of her assistant
getting more and more animated. Robbie pressed
the button on the intercom to inquire about the drama.
“I’m
terribly sorry Robbie but there’s a gentleman here who insists that you’ll want
to see him. He doesn’t have an
appointment but he won’t take no for an answer.
I’m calling Security now so they can escort him out.”
“Ebony,
who on earth is it?” Robbie had no clue
who would be that anxious to see her as she stayed under the radar for the most
part. She coveted her privacy and nothing
was going on in her personal or professional life that would warrant such
urgency. Glancing at her calendar, she didn’t have any appointments so she was
intrigued why anyone would be so insistent.
“He
says his name is Elijah Ringer and that he’s an old friend of yours.”
For
the briefest of moments, time stood still.
It
had been many years since Robbie had seen her old lover and arch nemesis. Robbie sunk back in her leather chair and
closed her eyes. Her heart began to race
and she felt that telltale jolt of electricity that was the standard Robbie/Elijah
dynamic. She was tempted to say that she
was unavailable but before she knew it she said softly, “Please . . . uhmmm send
. . . send him in,” the words catching in her throat like shards of glass.
He
closed the door behind him and stood across the expansive office, making
intense eye contact with his piercing, expressive, dark eyes. His face lit up and he flashed a smile that
showed his enormous dimples. Robbie
stood to greet him and felt her knees weaken.
She silently cursed herself for her genetic weakness for this man as he
approached her.
“She’s
quite a little firecracker. Very
protective. That’s good.” He moved closer to her. “Well, well, well, Roberta Mae! It’s good to see you.” His voice sounded soothing to her soul as he
walked slowly around her desk to embrace her.
“You aren’t going to hit me, are you?” he joked. He put his arms around
her waist. “Here, give me a hug,” and he
pulled her close without her permission.
Every
nerve in Robbie’s body was alive with energy as she felt his hands on the small
of her back. “My 94 year old grandmother
is the only one who is allowed to call me that, you know that, right,” she
whispered semi-seductively in his ear.
Elijah
was in awe of the electricity that flowed through his body in the presence of
his long-time friend and long-lost lover.
She fit into his arms perfectly and they stood motionless for what
seemed like an eternity but what was only seconds. There was a glitch in the time and space
continuum and every sensation was as if they were transported back in time to practically
20 years earlier when they first became lovers.
He caressed her back and nuzzled his full lips against her neck.
Sensing
herself falling into a familiar pattern, Robbie pushed him away and invited him
to sit down on one of the sofas that decorated her contemporary office with her
characteristic Afrocentric flair. She
closed the blinds to prevent anyone’s prying eyes and the errant opportunity
for the office gossip spreading all of her personal business to the tabloids. Robbie sat with a lot of distance between
them and her body language showed her discomfort. She wasn’t even sure what to say.
The thing that made Robbie and Elijah so
dynamic together was their ability to communicate verbally as well as
non-verbally on a deep level. They could
finish each other’s sentences and talk for hours about deep philosophical
issues. They would approach a topic from
opposite perspectives and both could be equally as articulate in their
positions. When the debate was said and
done, they would make love passionately as if their mental sparring only
spurred their passions. Oddly enough,
their downfall was their different ideas of what constitutes a relationship,
their polar opposite dreams, goals, and objectives. It never failed that they just couldn’t work
things out between them. It was the
universe’s little practical joke on them.
Content
to make small talk, Robbie inquired, “What brings you to town? What have you been up to? How are the children? You certainly look fantastic!” Robbie had a string of questions intended to
get a mental picture of what his life had been like since they had last seen
each other. Shortly after they parted
not so amicably, Robbie’s career took off in ways she could have never imagined
so much of her story was known to him.
She knew nothing of what had happened to him. Elijah answered all her questions in the
order they were given. He had the need
to create a comfort zone for her because the last time they had spent time
together had been one filled with tension and animosity.
“I’m
here to seal a real estate deal and visit friends. I’ve settled down extensively since the last
time we spoke. Would you believe that Craig
is on his way to England to study abroad and Misha is in cheerleading camp as
we speak? I couldn’t be more proud of
them. But, how are you? I’ve followed your meteoric success. I always knew you would be phenomenally
successful. I’m very proud of you.”
“Yes,”
she looked around her office and at the magazine covers with her image on them
that decorated the walls and little statuettes from various academies in
recognition of her extraordinary screenwriting efforts. “I’m doing a little better today than I was
the last time I saw you when I was crashing at your place with $10.00 to my
name and an idea for a movie. I’ve done
okay for myself. I owe you for your
hospitality and sharing your home with me when I was penniless. What can I do to repay you?” Her voice trailed off, reflecting on the way
things ended with them: the anger, the hostility, the disappointment that she
could never be the type of woman he needed her to be, and the pain of betrayal
when he replaced her with multiple lovers in the time span of hours after she’d
gone.
Elijah
was calm as he made it very clear that he wanted absolutely nothing from her in
repayment. He could see the pain on her face and he felt consumed with guilt.
“You don’t owe me anything. In fact,
it’s me who owes you. I owe you an
apology for the things I’ve done, for the way . . .” Now, it was his time for
his voice to trail off. Robbie, without
thinking, reached out to touch his hand and she moved closer. He regained his composure and he
continued. “You look beautiful. I’ve never seen you look more radiant.”
For
the first time in years, Robbie saw the look in his eyes of a man that was
taken with her. It was a bittersweet
sensation because she had longed for that look for so many years, she’d craved
his affection and he withheld it for so long, preferring women with high
maintenance demeanors to her decidedly low maintenance aesthetic. Even with her newly acquired wealth, she was
still erring on the side of simplicity, choosing to wear understated
Afrocentric attire and still sporting her signature low haircut, only now she
just had visible strands of gray she wore proudly. Her body was still the same, if not better,
and she hadn’t aged a day, in fact, she might have looked younger than when he
last saw her, good living having its benefits and all.
Elijah
had changed his appearance drastically and he’d never looked better either. His husky frame was gone. He was in the shape of a man half his age and
dressed in a sophisticated style of urban chic clothing but most striking was
his carriage and demeanor. He had an air
of peace and serenity that seemed to ooze from his being and that filled the
space around him.
“I’m
very sorry about your loss. I wanted to
send my condolences but I figured I would be the last person you wanted to hear
from at the time. I can only imagine
that it’s very difficult having your life in the news at a time like that. Know that you were in my prayers the entire
time,” he said solemnly.
Robbie
looked at the family photo that sat on the coffee table of she and her late
husband and their three children. “You
know, I’m at peace now. He loved me in a
way that I’d only dreamt about. We had
three of the most beautiful children in the world and for that I’m infinitely
blessed. He’s all around me, supporting
me and loving me without the hindrance of his body. A year ago, I thought I was going to die, but
now, I know joy for having had the experience that most women can’t even
imagine. We had a wonderful, magical
fairytale for our lives.”
Robbie
sat silently and reflected on the tragic demise of her late husband, Jason Vancouver,
the famed director. There had been an
uprising in Sudan while they had been there doing research for a film. Jason was doing a documentary on the Sudanese
Liberation Movement/Army in Darfur and the acts of genocide that had taken
place there. Robbie was there to lend
her assistance and document the stories and take oral histories from the
victims while Jason was in the trenches, interviewing soldiers and government
officials and radical dissidents.
Insurgent forces had been expanding their territory. Jason got wind that there was to be an all
out revolution and he made plans for he and Robbie to leave the country, fly to
Europe, and then home to the States.
They were past the checkpoints and waiting for a flight at the airport when
a soldier questioned Jason’s papers one last time. There was a struggle for the film and Jason
got hit in the head with the butt of a rifle and died three days later, never
regaining full consciousness. The
government’s official account was that Jason ran into the rifle and his death
was to be considered an accident.
Clutching the film, Robbie had to be smuggled out of the country in the
false bottom of a pickup truck.
Robbie’s
three children were the reason she kept on living. Their oldest child, Jamie, was adopted. He was born deaf and he joined them when he
was 6 years old. At 12, he was one of
the most brilliant children ever, hearing impaired or not. His strength, love and insight helped Robbie
make it through the darkest of nights.
Their middle child was actually Jason’s son from a previous
relationship. Tefari’s mother had died
during childbirth in a freak complication that was far too common for women of
color in a supposed first-world nation.
Robbie had known Tefari since he was two years old and she was, for all
intents and purposes, the only mother he had ever known. Their youngest was Daddy’s little girl,
Malika, a child born to Robbie and Jason that made him more proud than any
other accomplishments in his life.
Coming
back to the moment, Robbie commented, “You told me a long time ago that I would
find the one, and I most certainly did.
I’m incredibly blessed for having been loved in that way.”
Elijah
leaned over; time stood still. He tilted
her face to his and said, “All I’ve ever wanted was your happiness and it does
my heart good to know that you found it.
My only regret is that I wasn’t the man who could be what you were
looking for.”
Robbie
got visibly upset and stood quickly. Coughing and clearing her throat to
distract him from the fact that she was a hot mess, a hot damn mess. “Well. Alrighty then. I have to get back to work, it was nice
seeing you. Do be sure to look me up
when you are in town again. Maybe we’ll
do lunch.”
Elijah
realized he had overstepped his boundaries and he apologized as he made his way
to the door. The relationship between
the two of them had been full of pain and heartache, mostly because of his
lying and manipulative ways.
Relationship really wasn’t the best word to describe what they had
shared; it was better described as a tumultuous, fucked-up, more off than on,
clash of wills.
Elijah had taken great
pains to make sure that he fed Robbie with the bullshit needed to keep her in
his life for very short periods of time and alienate her for very long periods
of time when he tired of her and had found someone else to entertain him. He took even greater pains to make sure that
she remained in the status of fuck buddy and nothing more, never girlfriend,
never even really lover because that would imply some level of commitment and/or
respect. Elijah loved himself. He loved the way Robbie made him feel. Sexually of course, they were compatible but
Robbie was different mentally, emotionally, she was fare more intellectual and
political than 99% of the women he usually dated, the ones that deserved the
title of girlfriend in his eyes. Robbie
wasn’t like anyone else he knew and he couldn’t describe or even understand
himself what kept him tied to her. She was
a challenge to him for sure. He didn’t
want to be with her but he needed her to be strung out over him so she could be
there to stroke his ego, and his swollen member, whenever he was in the mood
for their particular brand of deep, cerebral, intellectual exchange.
Robbie,
on the other had, had always held out hope that the two of them would somehow
be able to work out their differences and form this fabulous bond. She knew deep in her heart that he was using
her but she thought he was masking a greater fear he had inside, the fear of
being vulnerable, of being hurt. For almost
a decade, throughout all the drama and lies, it was her belief that she could
help heal him from a terrible pain he held inside, an unpaid karmic debt of
callous manipulation and deception he had earned from living and breathing
every day as a Black man in a land that despises them, and then they would
finally come together to share this magical, transcendent love. After she’d cried too many tears, after she’d
ached inside too many times, she realized that only Elijah could heal Elijah,
and only after she realized that she needed to heal herself was when she made
the decision to move on. Within a year
of cutting the emotional ties that bound them so intricately and
dysfunctionally, while she was working on her first film, she found and married
a man that was everything she had ever hoped for and more.
Elijah
apologized again and stood in silence as he saw Robbie in a light that he’d
never seen her before. The years apart
had transformed him and now he could see a reflection of himself in her. It wasn’t her new wealth and status, she was
far too down to earth and he had evolved past his need to have a woman that was
some sort of status symbol on his arm.
Standing in her office that day, he saw her with his veil of illusion
lifted and beheld a magnificent thing of beauty personified in Robbie. It was her integrity and insight, her
uncompromising dedication to create social change and a relentless and undying
ability to love that made her so breathtaking.
He saw her that day as a sista with unparalleled integrity and a mother
of a movement to educate and enlighten.
She walked him to the door and they hugged again briefly before he
turned to leave.
He
held the doorknob in his hand before he turned it to leave and asked without
turning back, “Are you seeing anyone?”
“Well,
uhmmm . . . Yes . . . actually, I’ve just recently started dating again and
I’ve met someone very nice. We’re in the
beginning stages of course but I like everything I see so far.”
Elijah
looked back and said, “He’s a very lucky man.
And be sure to let him know that if he ever messes up, he’ll have to
answer to me.”
They
smiled at each other and she turned her back to him and walked back to her
desk. She heard the door close as she
had to practically grab for her desk to keep from falling. She hated lying about seeing someone but she
had to protect her heart. She had spent
way too many sessions on a therapist’s sofa trying to figure out why she had
tolerated Elijah’s emotional abuse and their co-dependent, unhealthy
relationship. She was not, under any
circumstances, going to allow herself to fall back into that same pattern
again. While he seemed different, she
knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was different herself. She had known love, true love, and there was
no way in heaven or hell that she was going to let even the hint of Elijah
Ringer back in her life to bring more pain.
Nubian
Entertainment had grown from a small movie production company to a huge, mega
million dollar corporation overnight.
Well, only if overnight can be defined as the better part of 7 years
Robbie spent pounding the pavement and banging on doors begging for someone,
anyone to give her a shot at making an atypical movie about Black love. With an Oscar nod on her first film under her
belt, Nubian began producing some of the most exceptional and groundbreaking
Black-written, directed, produced, and acted top-grossing films and TV shows
ever. It was a classic rags-to-riches
story for the books, coming from nowhere and blossoming into a powerhouse in the
entertainment industry. The fact that it
was headed up by a woman who was outspoken and controversial, becoming notorious
based on the fact that she was such an uncompromising creative genius and
housed in the consciousness of an activist and with the mind of an Ivy league
professor was the real kicker.
It
all started with a screenplay that Robbie had written that was an outlet for
her about her relationship with Elijah.
It touched the heart of people everywhere. Black women adored the sentiment and the
brutal honesty about things that had never been said before and brothas used
the movie to spark much needed dialogues about the role of Black men in
relationships and feelings and shit that Black men are never allowed to discuss
lest they expose some vulnerability.
White people loved it too. They were
fascinated by the peek into Black culture that wasn’t normally represented in
the media; it was eye-opening to them to see so many articulate and educated
Blacks displaying aspects of themselves that weren’t ghetto and
stereotypical. Well, that and the hot
and steamy sex scenes didn’t hurt either.
From
there, everything Robbie touched turned to gold. There was buzz that she was on her way to
becoming the next Oprah, with rumors of her own talk show, books, a record
label, the possibilities were endless.
For
days following their encounter, Robbie would be startled by the phone every
time it rang; secretly hoping it was Elijah, cursing herself for wanting it to
be him at the same time. Soon enough, relatively
at least, she had settled back into her routine with the tentative assurance
that he had slipped in and out of her life without incident. She should have known better given their
history but she was hoping against hope that the dynamics had changed. She was not to be that lucky.
As
time went on, she put Elijah in the back of her mind and went about her
business. Robbie was meeting with a
location scout to look at locations for a movie set. They needed a hotel for a set that could be
transformed into one of the Harlem Renaissance for a long-awaited and
controversial movie about Langston Hughes.
They had narrowed down the choices to the top three and it was a day
trip to see the actual locations with the director to scope angles. The second hotel they saw was a newly
renovated hotel that was yet to be re-opened for business. The Director was in love with it the second
he walked through the doors. Robbie
looked over the specs and was comfortable with the cost. She called the contact number for Red River
Reality to see if they could send over a contract immediately.
The
person on the other end of the phone answered “This is Elijah, how can I help
you today?” Robbie almost dropped her
phone and she felt her stomach turn.
“Ringer!” She was furious. “How the hell did you work this out?” She was pissed off and had the familiar feeling
that she had been manipulated yet again.
“Calm
down Rob, relax. You know, it’s amazing
what sort of information Ebony will drop if you ply her with Godiva and a gift
certificate to Moshood. All I did was
submit my location through the proper channels.
I was taking a chance it would be right for what you needed.”
Robbie
hung up the phone, fuming mad and ready to fire Ebony on the spot. First, she tried to convince the director to
consider another location but that was not going to happen. She told the location scout to handle all the
details for this aspect of the shoot.
She walked outside and realized she was being nothing less than
irrational. She took a deep breath and headed
back to her office.
She
had calmed down considerably by the time she had walked past Ebony’s desk so she
was no longer tempted to tell her to pack her things and go. She knew how persuasive Elijah’s dimples and
eyes could be. It was all good, the film
had gotten the perfect location and there was no harm done. She had resolved to herself that it was all
innocent business deal that Elijah had engineered with no ulterior motives
whatsoever. The plan was that she was
going to call him back immediately and offer an apology.
That
plan would have worked too if there hadn’t been four dozen calla lilies on her
desk when she opened the door. She read
the card that said, “Ebony also spilled the beans that there is no man in your
life . . . yet! Love, E.”
Robbie
had no choice but to laugh. They flowers
were her favorite and it was the first romantic gesture that Elijah had ever
made towards her. She called him back to
thank him for the flowers and apologize for her earlier rudeness and he
answered the phone by saying, “Go out to dinner with me tonight.”
“You
arrogant son of a bitch,” she said as sweetly as those words could be said.
“Yeah,
so I’ll pick you up at seven? Does that
sound good to you?” He was obviously not
going to take no for an answer.
“Did
Ebony give you my address as well?”
“She
sho’ did. You really need to reprimand
her about that. Good help is so hard to
find See you at seven then.”
She was flattered by the effort he made but she was cautious
that his new attention had a lot more to do with her financial portfolio than
his genuine feelings for her. It’s a lot
easier to love a person who has millions than someone who can only afford to
eat Ramen noodles every other day for sustenance. Just like days of old, she wanted to believe
in him. She wanted to have faith in the
connection that they had shared and she wanted to believe that he had feelings
for her from a place that was deeply encoded in their DNA, a bond they shared
since the minute they laid eyes on one another what seemed like a thousand
years ago. Once she had come to the
realization that Elijah’s selfish motives all those years ago were truly
malicious, a part of her love for him died.
It was a part of her heart that had to remain dead lest she be faced
with the same hurt all over again. She
told herself that it would be one dinner; she would prove to herself that she
was strong enough to resist the ineffable connection and let him leave her life
on friendly terms rather than the hurt and pain that had been typical for them
for so many years.
He was prompt when the concierge called and announced his
arrival and let him up. She made him
wait a few minutes and emerged wearing a little black dress that worked to show
off every bit of her personally-trained body.
Elijah held a single calla lily and extended it to her as he kissed her
on the cheek gently. He prayed a silent
prayer that he would be able to communicate everything he wanted to say as they
headed off for the restaurant.
It’s funny that all those years earlier he had been searching
for a woman that was the center of attention and here he was with a woman that
commanded more attention than any woman he had ever dated. It wasn’t because she was rich, famous, and
beautiful; although there was no denying that fact, it was because she was an
outspoken activist and natural born leader dedicated to shattering the negative
and stereotypical depictions of African Americans. Elijah realized how incredibly blessed he was
to have had such an amazing woman in his life at all and knowing that she had
given her love to him freely, even though he didn’t deserve it at the time, was
enough to humble him to silence once again.
Now, the only thing he sought in a partner was that level of comfort and
acceptance she had shown him all those years ago. He sought the pure and innocent love he had
known from Robbie that he so heartlessly discarded in the past that held a
higher vision for him when all those around him fed into his illusions.
As they ordered dinner, he began the tale of his
transformation. When they last saw each
other, Elijah was on a path of self-destruction and fast. “Rob, I was out of control at that stage in
my life and it seemed like every time I tried to run from my truth you were
there asking me to look inside myself.
Every time you tried to make me be introspective, I struck out at you, I
hated you for it. I pushed you away all
those times because I didn’t know how to deal with me, how to come clean
emotionally. I didn’t even think I had
emotions truth be told. I thought
emotions were chick stuff.”
“After you left my place . . . I mean like when your movie came
out, I was so pissed at you I didn’t care if I saw you again ever in life. I had spent weeks telling everyone I knew that
you were my friend and how you had written your movie while you were staying
with me. Then when I saw that you had called
me out as a playboy and a liar in the flick, I called you every bitch in the
book and went on damage control convincing all my friends who suspected that
the guy in the movie was actually me that you were a lunatic and that I never
had any feelings for you. You were dead
to me from that point on; I didn’t care if I saw you ever again in life.”
He continued, “I hate to admit it but your depiction of me in
the movie was accurate. Truth is, I was
chasing so many women; I was lying to all of them, never giving myself
completely to any of them. I wouldn’t even
admit the truth to myself. In my
defense, I was so oblivious to how destructive my life was because I didn’t
know any other way. In my mind and in my
heart, I saw the world as flawed and I was the only person that got it
right. I had constructed this complex
set of rules and I was confident that they held the key to the universe, never
once imagining that they were the reason I was hurting deep inside. You couldn’t have told me that anything was
wrong with me because I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was a
good Black man and that I had no role in creating pain in anyone else’s
life. I didn’t even realize that I was
creating pain in my own life with my behaviors.
Lying came so natural to me that I didn’t even know how to be completely
truthful with anyone, let alone myself.
I never felt whole inside so I would lead women down this path of
pretending to be everything they wanted and then blame them when they fell for
the empty façade.”
“I had a lot invested in maintaining my persona of
perfection. I mean I was the one that
everyone would come to for advice because I was supposed to be so
together. I would council people and
preach about the evils of everyone else and never let on that I was guilty of
the exact same things I would admonish other people for. I had everyone convinced I was wise and had
nothing but sensible advice, even myself, but there was something nagging
inside me that knew the truth. I would
console women about how they needed to let go of these married and cheating men
in their lives and I was dating married women left and right, getting a thrill
from it, never having to be emotionally available to them. I was pursuing women, cheating on them and
all the while telling them that I was a reformed cheater and how men who
cheated were less than scum. I’ve lived
a foul, double life that I’m not proud of.”
He went on in what was obviously a semi prepared speech to get
everything off his chest. “There were so
many pregnancies and abortions and paternity tests, HIV tests that I should
have taken but didn’t, there were so many tears and broken, bitter women
everywhere I turned. Every time I would
come out of another drama, I would swear that I would never let it happen again;
I was convinced I was choosing the wrong women.
Real talk, I was convinced all women were damaged; I didn’t see women as
whole human beings, I saw them as things to entertain and please me. I would promise myself to be even more
emotionally unavailable to women, thinking that would protect me even
more. The women I loved didn’t love me,
they used me and I played into it because I equated love with abuse. The women that loved me I didn’t know how to
love and I took advantage of what they gave me.”
“I’ve hurt so many people but the person I hurt the most was
you. I took pleasure in hurting you on
some level because you loved me the most.
At the time, I wasn’t even self-aware enough to know that I was doing it
but in retrospect, I can honestly say that I was afraid of you because you saw
parts of me that no one else had ever seen.
You knew my secrets and you still loved me. You saw a picture of me from angles no one
else even knew existed. Every time you
saw through my pretenses, you still loved me.
I resented you for that because I couldn’t love myself at the time and
wanted you to feel as much hurt as I felt deep inside. I think back on how supportive you were of me
and I treated you like shit.”
“Rob, I want to admit to you now that I’ve lied to you so much
that it’s beyond your comprehension. I’m
so sorry. I won’t blame you if you never
forgive me and I will accept that as my punishment but I’m here to tell you
that I’m so sincerely sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you. I thought that not telling you the entire
truth wasn’t the same thing as lying. I
thought my lies were protecting you from hurt and crying which in turn protected
me from feeling guilty. I want to come
clean and tell you the truth about everything but it would be too much to
list. Everything you suspected was a lie
really was and I just denied it with arrogance and would find perverse pleasure
in telling myself that you were stupid for believing me. I calculated everything, every single
solitary thing I said to you. It was
like I was an actor playing myself in a play; everything was scripted for a
purpose and that purpose was to ease my pain and get my dick wet and to hell
with you or anyone that got hurt along the way.
I was masterful at pretending to be everything to everyone and I was
denying who I was inside to myself.”
“The only thing that was real, I promise you, was when I came to
you in love, to make love, when I craved that connection. I can swear to you that I was emotionally
honest when I was inside you, and that scared the hell out of me. At the time, I tried to tell myself that you
just had some bomb ass pussy but I know now that I was drawn to that feeling of
safety and security and love in those moments like I’ve never experienced
before or since. You created that space
where I could let down my guard and be myself and feel real intimacy. There was truth in that passion and I didn’t
know how to deal with it. I didn’t feel
deserving of that feeling and I pushed you away to avoid dealing with my own
feelings of inadequacy. Yes, I can admit
to using you but know that I experienced more love and bliss in those moments
than you can imagine. Your touch made me
whole; your mouth was like heaven, being inside you was my sanctuary. Roberta Mae Scott, if you know nothing else
in life, know that the earth goes around the sun, know that E=Mc2, and know
that I’m being truthful about the fact that I genuinely loved our connection.”
Elijah
wanted to go on with his confessions but he also wanted to make sure that
Robbie was not on overload either. Neither of them had touched their food
and it was cold by now. Robbie was listening intently, trying to take it
all in and process it. She was trying to be fully present and hear
everything he said but she kept thinking of when she could call her best friend
the second she got home. Khadijah had been there for her since the first
day of the Elijah Ringer relationship/tragedy, every step of the way, calling
him every black mother fucker in the book when he would do something stank and
drying Robbie’s unnecessary tears. Robbie had failed to tell her about
Elijah coming back into her life recently because she was sure she would catch
holy hell for even speaking to him. Robbie was half tempted to discretely
reach in her purse and call Khadijah and let her listen to all of Elijah’s
revelations live or at least record him so she wouldn’t have to try to
recollect them at 1 in the morning but she didn’t want to betray his
truthfulness either.
“Thank you for your honesty,” she said. “I’m curious, what brought about this magical
and alchemical transformation? How do I
know this is not just a monologue in the Elijah play to manipulate me
again? And what exactly is it that you
want from me? What’s the purpose of all
of this?”
He signaled for the check and to take the food with them. Once outside, he walked over to two homeless
men and handed them the doggie bags of food.
He knelt down to actually speak to them.
He returned to Robbie’s side and apologized for his very brief
absence. She made a mental note of how
his behaviors had changed because the Elijah of old that she knew would have
just as soon spit on homeless people let alone given them the $100 meal he had
just purchased and not touched. He
signaled for a horse-drawn carriage to take them through Central Park and told
the driver to take his time.
He held her hand as she climbed in the carriage and for a brief
second, they shared that magical connection again. He placed his arm around her shoulder and
they rode in silence for a few minutes.
He leaned over and kissed her for the first time in years and it was
possibly more magical than any other kiss that they had ever shared. It was tender and beautiful and Robbie kissed
him back without fear or trepidation for reasons that weren’t even apparent to
her. His hands found his way to her soft
thigh and he could feel the signs of his arousal beginning. Robbie closed her eyes and her erect nipples
could be seen through the material of her dress. Elijah pulled back, not wanting to back out
of the most important part of his confession at this late hour. He began again with his taxicab confession.
“I wish I could tell you that I woke up one
day and had this grand epiphany that made me change my ways. I can’t even form my lips to tell you that
lie. I was as happy as a clam, or so I
thought. When they say ignorance is
bliss, they ain’t bullshitting, I’m here to testify. I was content in my fucked up reality and
didn’t think there was a damn thing in the world wrong with me. Boy did I get a wake up call. I went on vacation about five years ago to
Ghana and little did I know it was going to change my life forever.” I felt
a connection to a slave past there that was unlike anything I’ve ever read
about, heard about, anything I’ve ever seen in any movie. It was like a hum, a
vibration that allowed me to see into the past and how the pain my ancestors
endured created the cycle of irresponsibility and lies in my life. It scared
me. I was so used to cutting off my
emotions, denying I even had any, that I didn’t know how to process what I was
feeling.”
I sat on the beach a lot, just staring out
into the ocean, hoping the waves would wash away my pain. It was the pain of my entire lifetime,
everything that I had ever suppressed; it was the pain of every African that
had ever passed through those god damn slave castles, and I was connected to it
all somehow.”
Taking a deep breath, he said, “This man came
up to me and sat right down next to me.
He asked me my name and told me that his name was Brother
Ishmael Tettah. I opened up to him in
ways that I had never opened up to anyone before, a total stranger. He listened, really listened without any
judgment. Before I knew what was
happening, I was crying like a baby and he was holding me and hugging me right
there on the beach. I had never
experienced that sort of loving touch from another man before. It was like a father loving their child. I
didn’t even know how to process it. He
told me that he could help me understand and heal all my pain.”
“He proceeded to tell me about myself in ways that I knew were
impossible for him to know. He told me
about the pain I felt deep inside from not having a father, from having an
emotionally abusive, narcissistic mother, from all the foul behavior that I had
done to women. It was as if he knew my
story without even knowing me. He told
me it was time for me to ascend to my true role in life, and that I could no
longer hide behind the veil of mediocrity.
He told me that I was on earth to be greater than I had allowed myself
to be.”
Elijah
stopped to see if Robbie was still with him.
She was hanging on his every word.
He went on. “He told me that he
had a place I could go for healing if I wanted to and before I knew what was
happening, I was calling my job and telling that I wasn’t coming back as
planned and that I couldn’t say exactly when I was going to be home. I stayed in that place for six weeks, Rob,
never leaving his side except to go back to the hotel and pack my things. I spent the next month and a half initiated
into a spiritual world that I hadn’t even known existed. He taught me to feel the pain of my past and
move through it, he taught me to access that place within me where I could
forgive others and myself of all the things I thought I had done wrong and see
that I was only doing what I was capable of with the fucked up tools I’d been
given. He opened my eyes to a
perspective where I could see myself in everyone and everything. He taught me what it was to be a man and how
that didn’t have anything to do with the ridiculous rules I’d been perpetrating
as truth, manhood had nothing to do with the distorted gender roles European
men brainwashed us to believe were spiritual truths. Manhood didn’t have a damn thing to do with
fucking women which I would have said was the #1 reason at the time.”
“Brother Ishmael Tettah and the Etherean Mission took me to
other realms, helped me find my vision and my voice. The courses that others took months to learn
I learned in hours. He tutored me
privately, showing me things that were impossible, and I mean im-fucking-possible. I was enmeshed in rituals and ceremonies that
took me from pain to power, taught me forgiveness, gave me freedom from fear, I
released anger, and I gained the gift of gratitude. I cried tears I didn’t know I could cry. I boo hoo’d like a baby until there were no
more tears to cry, until all the pain had been released. I died there, Robbie, the old Elijah Ringer
didn’t come home from that trip. My life
was literally transformed and I couldn’t go back to the way things were. I was petrified to leave but at the end of my
time there, he told me that it was my time to go and that I had everything I
needed to fulfill my mission in life. He
told me that in order to fulfill my purpose in life I had to reconnect with my
twin flame, my divine right partner and to learn how to love completely in
order to truly be all that I could be.
He told me to go and continue to refine myself, he told me to work with
due diligence on continuing to let spirit lead me to my true role as leader.”
“Fast
forward to today. I’ve spent the last
five plus years of my life in meditation and prayer, reading, studying martial
arts, fasting, silencing my mind and raising my vibration to gain dominion over
my universe and working like a Hebrew slave to occupy my time and ignore my
loneliness. I feel immense solitude at
times because the things that amused me before seem trivial; the people I used
to associate with are no longer vibrating on my level. I’m working really hard to live up to my full
potential and I’m just now grasping that it might be bigger than even I had
previously imagined.”
The carriage pulled up in front of Robbie’s building and they
got out. They stood staring in each
other’s eyes for a moment. Robbie was in
a daze, not really sure she understood everything he was saying but feeling a
certain peace that passeth understanding.
He pulled her in his arms and said, “Robbie, do you remember when we
were sitting on my sofa and we were arguing about some stupid shit and I told
you that I KNEW we had a greater purpose to fulfill. I promised you on the day that we would
reunite that we would become greater than we could ever be apart. Today is that day, Robbie. I’ve always told you that you would be in my
life forever. I’ve lost too many years
and I’m not going to lose another second.
I love you. You are my other
half, without you I can't be all that I’m supposed to be. Our love was gifted from God. I’ve waited, not knowing how or when we would
get back together simply knowing that the Creator would orchestrate our lives
so that we could be reunited and live out our true purpose together. I’m not complete without you and you aren’t
complete without me.”
Robbie pulled away and ran into her building, her eyes full of
tears, not uttering a word. Elijah stood
stoic in the warm night air, empty and dejected, as he watched her crying form
running away. He was wracked with guilt
for causing the woman he loved pain once again.
The
carriage driver said it all, “Damn bruh, you fucked up!”
He
got the notice the next day that the contract for the location was cancelled
and Ebony had gotten a new set of balls and refused to let his calls through or
tell him anything. Elijah decided to
finish up his business deals head back home with his well-deserved pain. If it was even a fraction of the pain that
Robbie had felt for all those years, he was ashamed for his part in
perpetuating that intensity of agony.
He’d done all that he knew how to do and he was sure of one thing, that
they had a mission to fulfill and this wasn’t the end of them.
The next morning Robbie had Ebony track Elijah down and find out
where he was staying. She went to his
hotel with every intention of giving him a piece of her mind. She knocked on the door and he answered,
catching her completely caught off guard.
He was in a towel, fresh from the shower and in the midst of packing his
things to leave. His heart leapt in his
chest when he saw her standing in the doorway.
He scrambled to put some clothes on to be respectful. Robbie stopped him, assuring him that she
would only be there a few minutes, and that she wanted to get a few things off
her chest and she would be leaving. He
sat on the foot of the bed for what he was sure to be a severe tongue lashing that he deserved.
Robbie unleashed her anger.
“How dare you imply that you and I are supposed to be together! You have never given me anything but pain and
heartache. Jason loved me. Jason never once tried to make me feel bad
about myself, ridicule me, or disregard my feelings. Jason cherished me and lifted me up to be the
best I could be. You have admittedly
done nothing to me but lie and emotionally abuse me. You disrespect me and the memory of my
husband with all your bullshit about how you and I are meant to be
together. Fuck you! I found my soul mate in my lifetime; you most
certainly are NOT him. You could never
love me the way Jason did and I resent you for all that you’ve done to me in
the past. I resent you for your
arrogance thinking that you can come in my life and tell me some cock-a-maimie
story about how much you’ve changed. I
will not fall for your sob story. You
can kiss my entire black ass, all of it, ALL OF IT, if you think for one
mother-fucking minute that I don’t recognize your game. You know what Elijah Ellis Ringer, you have a
nice life and play your games on some other woman cuz I ain’t the one.” Robbie felt herself flush with an anger she
hadn’t felt in years and emotionally drained but relieved she had spoken her
mind. “Fuck you,” she muttered under her
breath as she turned to leave.
Elijah’s eyes filled with tears and stayed focused on the
floor. Robbie put her hand on the
doorknob, stopping for a second to regain her composure and focus her eyes
through her own tears. She heard his
voice before she could make out the words that he was saying.
She turned and Elijah stood before her. This was it.
This was the moment he had been preparing for for years. This was the moment he had to let go of the
rehearsed scripts and speak truth to power.
He pulled her close and whispered in her ear. “Roberta Mae, I’m not claiming to be a
perfect man and I know I’ve done you terribly wrong. I don’t want to replace Jason in your life; I
just want to be what you’ve always wanted me to be. I’m asking for your forgiveness and a chance
to start from scratch. Isis, I’m begging
you to look deeply in my eyes and see that I am your beloved Osiris; you’ve
resurrected me anew with your faith and your love. You saw me as I am now before I even
existed. Forgive me my trespasses and
open your heart to the man that I am today.
Give me a chance to prove my love for you. Let me be a sounding board when you want to
vent your frustrations. Let me work to
pamper and spoil you in the places I caused pain and heartache previously. I give you my word I will be truthful and
faithful to you out of respect for my love for you. I will let you have the right to make your
decisions about us based on honesty.” He
pulled her closer and kissed her passionately.
She pushed him away and tried to leave again but she was frozen
in her tracks. She didn’t want to
go. She was caught up in a whirlwind of
electricity and emotions and deep in her gut, she wanted to stay and have him make
love to her like they’ve never experienced before. She had never stopped loving him, loving the
brilliant, wonderful man that would reveal himself to her in those cherished
moments that they’d shared alone. She
always wanted to love the exceptional man that she knew he could be. She’d prayed all those years ago for the day
when Elijah would be emotionally available and willing to pursue a relationship
with her and it was here. She had a
choice to make, to decide if she would hold onto pain from the past or to
accept this new Elijah, a truly new and improved version of the man she once
loved, who now seemed to possess all of the things she was looking for in a
partner. She’d loved Jason with an
all-encompassing love but her love for Elijah was equally as strong and
powerful, yet different. She knew she
couldn’t deny that fact any longer and she looked in his eyes, this time with
forgiveness, compassion, and genuine feelings of love in her heart.
In that moment, Elijah was aroused in a way that seemed to defy
conventional wisdom. He was aroused not
because of lust but because of love. He
took her hand and put it on his towel and let it fall to the floor. His dick stood out from his body proudly as
she moved her hand instinctively to touch it.
He closed his eyes and let out a moan; her touch was perfect for him,
she knew exactly how to caress him and he relished the sensation he hadn’t
experienced since the last time they’d made love. She stroked it softly, gripping it with the
perfect pressure, using her fingers to coax the skin up and down and massaged
the head with skill. He was standing up
but his legs felt shaky. He was unsure
of the next move he should make so he let her do her thing. They maintained an intense eye contact as she
softly stroked his erection and his breathing became more and more
erratic. She took hold of his balls and
gently rolled them in her fingers and she knew she was taking him to his point
of no return. She leaned forward and licked
his nipples softly and his knees really did buckle. She increased the pressure on her upstroke
and his eyes rolled back in his head because she was using the perfect pressure
with her soft hands to work it out. He
had to stop her because he was going to shoot his load if she continued that
sort of stimulation.
He kissed her again, softly, barely touching his lips to
hers. Their kisses grew more passionate,
more hungered for one another as their tongues danced against one another and
their lips sucked and kissed only the way they knew how. His mouth found the sweet spot on her neck
and he started sucking it. She threw her
head back and let him feast on her tender flesh. His hands were all over her body, caressing
her hips, thighs, back and ass. He
wanted to show off the body he had worked on and he was proud to be standing
before her fully clothed frame with nothing on.
He pressed his body into hers, pushing her against the door. She gasped for air as she wrapped her arms
around his neck. He grabbed her ass and
lifted her up; she wrapped her legs around him and she whispered, “This feels
so good but I’m terrified. You used
me. You lied . . .” Her voice cracked as she tried to push back
her tears. She wasn’t sure if they were
tears of pain or emotional release. Finally, taking a deep breath, she decided
that all she could do was be in the moment and let things flow. She looked at
him with a lust in her eyes that said that she was ready for the experience of
a lifetime.
Getting her undressed was the next order of business. Elijah undid the buttons on her blouse. Her luscious C cups sat beautifully in their
black lace enclosure. He knew all too
well that her breasts were very sensitive and that stimulating her nipples
could lead to orgasm if done just right.
Still unsure of what she was feeling and thinking, he stood and stared
at her beautiful brown breasts, afraid to touch them. They had been the source of endless nurturing
and pleasure for him previously and he needed to feel the weight of them in his
hands, to feel her hardened nipples in his mouth. She looked him in the eye, and without movement
or words, told him that it was okay to proceed.
Elijah undid the closure of her bra and stood in awe. It was almost as if he’d forgotten what her
breasts looked like even though they had been the object of his fantasies for
several years. Her dark and swollen
nipples were calling for his mouth to devour them. He lowered his mouth and sucked them exactly
the way that she loved it. He had not
forgotten in all those years because it had always been the way he loved doing
it. It seems that their bodies, their desires
and rhythms always perfectly complemented each other. He knew the way to bring her pleasure with
the soft and gentle caress of his tongue and the barely detectable sucking of
his lips. He felt her body respond in
only the way she could to his touch and he was high with that feeling.
She grabbed her breast and fed it to him. He uttered, “Rob, I’ve missed you so
much.” He was going from one nipple to
the other, trying to get both in his mouth at the same time, and licking in
between them and underneath that sexy curve where her titties joined her
body.
She
was getting more and more responsive, telling him how much she loved it. “You like that hard nipple in your mouth? Have
you missed it? Suck it baby. You know
you’re getting me so wet with your mouth sucking on my nipples like that.” Robbie and Elijah had a call and response
that was unlike any two other lovers.
She would moan and groan and her body would surrender to his touch and
they made fluid and passionate love to one another with just their hands and
mouths alone.
Wanting to get more comfortable and really enjoy the process,
Elijah took her hand and led Robbie to the bed.
She followed and stood still while he undressed her the rest of the
way. His hands caressed her curvy ass as
he slid her skirt down. He laughed
inside, noting that she was wearing panties, knowing that she preferred to go
au naturale in her more austere days of wearing little more than sarongs and
sports bras. Her long legs were defined
and toned and he massaged them gently as he sat her on the bed to remove her
shoes. He massaged the sole of her
delicate foot and brought it to his lips and kissed the arch softly. Robbie laid back and luxuriated in the
feeling of his mouth sucking and licking her toes. She spread her legs and rubbed her pussy
through the material of her panties as he continued to suck her toes, watch,
and stroke himself.
He knelt at the foot of the bed as he slid her panties down her
hips and over her legs. She held her
legs closed out of momentary fear and there was a very awkward pause when they
just stared at one another. All of her
apprehensions came flooding back in that instant. Elijah knew it was his moment of reckoning
and there was no turning back. He had to
speak truth to power in that moment.
“Robbie, I crave your presence in my life. I need you in a way that I didn’t know
existed before right now. We can stop
right here and right now if you want. I
don’t have to make love to you today.
I’m willing to wait until you are completely comfortable. Just know that I’m not going to give up on
us, I’m going to prove to you that I can and will be all the man you need. I love you.”
To deny their chemistry would be impossible so Robbie made a
choice. She was not going to feel regret
or pain; she was going to rejoice in the moment that had been scripted before
they were both born. She kissed him,
this time communicating with her kiss that there was no turning back. He laid her back on the bed and began licking
and kissing his way down her body. He
ran his tongue in the deep crevice of her belly button and paused as he reached
her pubic bone. He kissed her soft hair
and spread her legs so that he could begin his banquet. Her scent made his dick that much harder and
he spread her lips to see the wetness that had already formed there. Her clit was exposed and waiting to be
sucked. He just stared at her for a few
minutes and took in the beauty of her soft, pink lips and Robbie was becoming
desperate to feel his mouth on her and she was writhing around on the bed,
pulling his head closer, anxious for sexual release with a man that knew her
body intricately and knew all the buttons to push to make her scream with
pleasure.
He lowered his mouth to her clit and began licking it. Robbie arched her back and let out a hiss and
felt her body convulse. The tender way
he licked her was enough to make her want to crawl out of her skin. His tongue lightly stroked her spot and
focused on circling it, not too much pressure, more like he wanted her to
barely feel it. She grabbed her erect
nipples and began twisting them gently between her thumb and forefinger and she
began chanting and telling him how good his mouth made her feel. “Oh, I’ve missed your soft lips on my pussy
like that. Yes . . . It feels so
good. Taste me!”
Elijah was trying his best to tune her out. Her words had a way of driving him over the
brink and making him want to ram himself inside her with one full stroke. Tonight, he was going to make love to her slowly,
sweetly and tenderly, in many ways symbolic of the first time they would ever
really make love. He backed off of
licking her clit for a while and began licking her sweet juices as he was
inserting his fingers in her tight hole.
He knew where her spot was located and he knew exactly the pressure and
way to hit it to make her squirt. He
looked her in her eyes as he massaged the spot with skill and saw her body go
into overdrive. “Oh shit, that’s my
spot, work my pussy, oh damn that feels so fucking good.” Her profanity in bed was like music to his
ears. She’d always been explicit, never
mincing words, never afraid to say exactly what was on her mind, in bed or out.
A sheen of perspiration formed on her smooth skin and the
muscles in her stomach were tense. She
was transported back to a time when they would make love by the front door of
her tiny apartment because they couldn’t even make it to the bedroom. She was on the verge of orgasm and he could
see her rising to her peak. At precisely
the right time, he stopped, causing her to cry out with frustration. “Don’t stop,” she screamed, “please don’t
stop, make me cum. Eat me, finger me. Let me nut right in your mouth. Come on, I’ve got all this sexy juice for
you, I know you want it, I know you want me to cum for you.”
Elijah went back to licking her clit, causing more cursing, more
moaning. Robbie grabbed his head in
place, spreading her legs, opening herself up to him. “Oh my God that feels so good, I love the way
you lick my clit, suck it now. Suck on
the clit and make me shoot my hot cream in your mouth.”
Just as she was about to cum, just as she was about to feel that
rush of release, Elijah stopped again.
“Fuuuuucckk,” she moaned, “why do you keep doing this to me?” Her pleas were desperate and she wanted
more. He flipped her over and put her on
her knees. Her sexy ass was high in the
air and she reached back to spread her ass cheeks, knowing full well that he
would be turned on by how brazen her actions were. He started eating her from behind Robbie was
gripping the sheets and seemed to be like a possessed woman. He kissed her asshole and made her moan
loudly into the pillow. She started
thrusting her ass back at him, urging him to give her more. He ate her pussy and asshole like it was a
five star meal, licking and kissing and sucking like there was no
tomorrow. He pointed his tongue and
drove it deep in her core and fucked her with it. Robbie wasn’t even using words anymore; her
emotions were conveyed with grunts and groans.
To send her over the edge, E started fingering her pussy again, hitting
her spot, rubbing her clit just the way she liked it and eating her ass at the
same time. “Please don’t stop, I’m going
to cum. Please, please, please don’t
stop.” Robbie came so hard she almost
passed out. Her cum flowed out of her
pussy like a faucet, coating Elijah’s fingers, hands, and face.
She fell over on the bed, drained and exhausted, staring at the
ceiling and trying to make sense of how she had allowed herself to get to this
place, trying to hold on to a place of peace.
Just then, Elijah’s cell phone rang and he made no move to answer
it. Almost immediately, she remembered
the times they would be making love and his cell phone would ring and it would
be other women calling and he would let it go to voice mail. She reached for the sheet to cover her
nakedness and her shame. Elijah sensed
her fears immediately and he handed her the phone and said, “Answer it!” He answered the phone for her and held it to
her ear.
“Elijah Ringer’s office,” she said.
It was a colleague looking for Elijah for business. Robbie told him that he wasn’t available
right now and added he would probably be unavailable until the morning. She hung up the phone and felt a tiny bit of
peace. “I’m not seeing anyone, no
one. I don’t have anything to hide, “he
said, “I promise.”
Robbie smiled because for the first time in their entire
history, he had accomplished what he had never even attempted to do
before. He had calmed her fears and made
her feel safe.
She pushed him over on his back and rolled on top of him. It was in that moment, she was filled with a
desire for him that surpassed anything she had ever felt for him before, and
that was saying a lot. She straddled his
body and felt the hardness of his erection slipping between the slick, hot, wet
folds of her pussy. Elijah was in the
zone, wanting to slow things down a little bit, perhaps have a little more
foreplay but he was compelled to feel that warmth again. His motives were obviously conflicted in his
head. “No, stop, we should wait. I want . . . I want . . . I need to be inside
you. Oh Robbie,” he softly sobbed, “Ride
me. You make me feel so good.”
He gripped her hips and filled his hands with her soft flesh. She crushed her body to his and he felt the
hardness of her nipples pressed against his chest. She started sucking his neck and it was his
turn to moan and groan in incoherent babble.
He could clearly hear the evidence of her wetness as she was grinding on
his dick and the heat from her pussy was almost too much to bear.
She grabbed the shaft of his dick and steadied it. She placed it at her hole and the point of
connect between their bodies was magnetic.
She was staring deeply in his eyes and he was saying over and over,
“Please, I need to be inside you, I miss you.
I wanna make love to you.”
Robbie took her time, going painfully slow as she sat on him,
taking his fullness in so he could feel every single millimeter in exquisite
detail. It took her breath away and she
gasped for air as he began to fill her in places that hadn’t been touched in a
very long time. The deeper he went, the
more pleasure she felt. The velvety
softness of her walls surrounded him made him thrust deep inside but Robbie was
in control of this ride. She used her
muscles to grip him tightly and make him work for it. She rubbed her clit with one hand and reached
around to play with his balls with the other.
“Oh fuck,” it was now Elijah’s turn to cry out profanities.
She
settled down comfortably on him, he was deeply inside her now and she stopped
moving. She was working her pussy on
him, using her muscles, squeezing his dick and hitting that spot that made him
want to shoot his cum deep inside her.
“Can you hold back for a little while longer? I want make this feeling last.”
He nodded, trying to recall all the Tantric exercises he’d
practiced without a partner and really not sure he could hold back another
second. If it meant pleasing Robbie, he
would do whatever he had to do. He
focused his mind and lay back to enjoy the ride.
Robbie slowly started to grind her pussy on Elijah, using his
dick for her pleasure. She rubbed her
clit against his pubic bone and made his dick massage her spot from the
inside. Her juices were all over his
body and she shut her eyes tightly to concentrate on the sensations. She started sucking his fingers like she was
sucking his dick and E let out a sound that could be heard down the hall. He reached around and stuck his finger in her
ass and his moans were overpowered by the animal call of the wild that Robbie
made. He raised his knees and Robbie sat
back and ground her pussy on him that much harder.
Elijah began working his hips, grinding them and making sure to
stir it up for his little darling.
Robbie went into overdrive and began bouncing up and down on his dick,
rising up until just the engorged head was nestled in her wetness and sinking
back down on it until it felt like it was in her stomach. She was slow and steady but she was fucking
him hard. The room smelled like sex and
it was intoxicating. They got into a
steady rhythm and the pleasure was out of this world.
“Baby, I’m going to cum.
I can’t hold back any longer.”
Whichever one of them said it was really irrelevant because they were
both on the brink.
Elijah flipped her over on her back and pressed his body into
hers. They kissed as he drove himself
deeper and deeper inside her. There was
only one place he was going to deposit his seed and it was inside her, there
was no question about it. She wrapped
his legs around his back and pulled him closer, deeper. Tears filled her eyes and she whispered, “I
love you, Elijah.” Her orgasm connected
her with the All There Is and she experienced ecstasy in a way like never
before.
That was enough to send him over the edge. Those were the words he had needed to hear
again more than anything. He began
thrusting harder, and he closed his eyes as he felt the pleasure take over
him. He released his orgasm and fell exhausted
on top of her. She cradled him and
kissed his forehead and comforted him like she had done so many times in the
past.
For
the next few hours, they lay in bed and talked, really talked about their
struggles and accomplishments and dreams for the future and even the past. They punctuated their conversation with more
rounds of intense lovemaking. They
bathed together and fed each other when the room service brought nourishment.
In the morning Robbie got dressed, unsure of what was going to
happen next but determined to not let her ego get in the way of distorting what
was a fantastic evening. Elijah called
the front desk and informed them that he would be staying for an indefinite
period of time. He made sure that Robbie
heard him say that he would be looking for an apartment here in NY and needed
some more time to find suitable accommodations.
He scribbled something down on a piece of paper and handed it to
Robbie.
On the page the word “nebulous” was scribbled, a private joke
they had shared in days gone by. Robbie
looked at him with confusion written all over her face.
“That is the password to my email. I want you to check it any time you
want. I need you to know that you are
the only woman in my life and that I’m dedicated to making this work. Do whatever you have to do until you can
trust me. I’m going to call and make
reservations for dinner tonight; I want you to meet my friends. When you’re ready, I’d love to spend time
with you and the children, both yours and mine.
He kissed her softly. We are
going to make this work. I promise. This is our chance to shine and I am not
going to let it slip through my fingers.”
The waves were in motion and the stage had been set. The star-crossed lovers had been reunited to
fulfill their mission and to grow together as one. All that was left was to nurture the
spiritual blaze of the reunited twin flames.
The universe had many lifetimes planned in which they could explore the
many facets of their eternal love.
Copyright 2005 AfroerotiK All Rights Reserved
