Assism is not Feminism

In response to the article ourlegaci.com/2014/11/15/assism-is-not-feminism/

I've been trying desperately to explain to this generation of young women who think that objectifying themselves is empowering that feminism is NOT about being as sexually indiscriminate as men.  I understand, recognize, and fully acknowledge that my generation has let them down.  We have let them be raped, molested, abused, and used.  We have let them grow up in a society that shames them for their sexuality and conversely celebrates men's sexist behaviors.  My generation dropped the ball.  We never told or taught our girls that being sexy should not be their objective.  We never taught our daughters to love themselves as unique human beings and individuals, instead we told them to be beautiful to get a rich man, to sell pussy to pay the bills, to be be competitive and petty with other women.  We didn't show them examples of love, of respectability so they rally against it, they reject and hate the very concept of respectability because they feel as if it invalidates their place on the planet.  We didn't teach them to lift themselves up, we let them wallow in dysfunction and we turned a blind eye to it because we never addressed our hurts from the men who used us, who violated us.

We let our daughters be raised by Zane's tales of adultery and promiscuity without offering a healthier alternative.  We didn't give them guidance and direction about becoming a woman and understanding their sexuality, we let them raise themselves.  Now, we have a generation of women who believe that showing your ass is empowering.  We have a generation of women who believe that being degraded and humiliated during sex is normal and healthy.  We have a nation of young women who righteously want to  strike out and rally against the oppressive forces that look to silence them and diminish them for their identity as Black women but we haven't properly armed them for the fight.  We have allowed them to set their standards so low that they consider barely literate, immature  criminals, thugs, and violent males as ideal partners.  We've not given them anything to strive for, no standards to set for themselves so they rally, they fight, they violently defend conforming to sexist, patriarchal, and demeaning sexual objectification because that's all they know.

My generation has to take full responsibility for dropping the ball.   We are to blame.  We let our daughters think that having a big ass gave them value, that having a man with money was more important than having a man with integrity.  We didn't teach them the difference between not being ashamed of their sexuality versus being proud of being vulgar.  They think the world is defined by their flagrant sexuality.  Deep inside, they want to feel valued and loved and understood for more than their sex, they have the very human need to be connected and partnered but we haven't shown them anything close to a healthy relationship let alone how to sustain one so they get offended if a man speaks to them, they are disgusted when someone suggests that all they've known to be true and right is wrong.


Assism is not Feminism but to tell that to a generation who has been raised with Beyonce flaunting her sexuality, with the degradation of women in porn available 24 hours a day before they become fully mature sexual adults, the subculture of weavism and housewives who don't do any housework but who marry one dimensional, sexist men with money has completely handicapped the Black community.  We've let boys continue with their emotionally immature, sexist, oppressive, bullshit and we've let girls think that wearing seven inch heels that cost as much as rent makes them have more value. 

Rise Up Ye Mighty Black People

We, as descendants of slaves, as people of color, MUST strive for excellence in all that we do.  We must live according to principles of excellence in our daily lives, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally.  Living in alignment with excellence means making a conscious choice to do what’s right over what’s easy, what’s comfortable, or what’s familiar.  In lieu of spending hours gossiping on the phone or endless hours on the computer in the pursuit of meaningless sex, we must examine our selves, our lives, and look to grow, mature, and evolve. 

I challenge you to stop thinking of yourself as better just because you go to church every Sunday, dressed in your overpriced fineries to show off to the congregation, when you step over the homeless on Monday without so much as an ounce of compassion or love in your heart for those who need a helping hand.  We must stop trying to get over on the system, trying to figure out the easy way to get something for nothing, and rather make the choice to have integrity, to do what’s right for the community, not just yourself.  It’s time now to consider the ramifications and consequences of our actions and stop living for the moment or the almighty dollar.  If we consider the feelings of others, if everyone considers the feelings of others, we can transform ourselves from a selfish, insensitive, immature community to a compassionate, giving, enlightened family.  Find a reason to see the good in someone, to reach out to another because you connect on a deeper level, not just because you think they have something to offer you, or because you want to feel insecure and petty jealousy. 

Speak truth to power.  Hold your tongue when you feel the urge, the driving and compulsive need to lie, and utter only those words that are true.  Embrace honesty with your entire being and reprogram your brain from your conditioning that tells you to create stories and deceptions that make you feel better about yourself and learn to be honest and truthful with yourself so that you might be able to be honest and truthful with others.

We must accept our greatness, our royalty, and our divinity with humility, grace, and modesty.  Would a Queen exchange her body for a car payment or money to get a new pair of shoes?  Would a King create a prince or princess only to leave them unprotected and un-nurtured?  Would a true manifestation of the Divine be more concerned with a car, clothes, or plasma TV than in helping those less fortunate? 

Ask yourself, are you living a life of excellence or do you merely exist?  Are you striving to become a better person every day?  Are you actually trying to become a better person: not richer, not more attractive, not get more stuff, not sleep with more women, not use more men, not cheat the system, not beat the man.  Are you striving to dispel the myths and combat the stereotypes?  Are you daily striving to learn more, to push yourself further, to excel in all you do? 

Having a Pussy is NOT a Job

There seems to be this thought process, this commonly-held belief that being a woman, that having a pussy is some sort of form of employment, that a vagina is a commodity men must purchase in order to be able to enjoy it, that sex is a business.  I’m here to say that while that’s what a pussy might have become in this patriarchal, misogynist, sexist, oppressive society, I’m here to boldly declare that having a pussy is not a job. 

I’ve heard and witnessed several conversations, exchanges, diatribes, monologues, and debates as of late where this notion that women who are not “selling it” are disadvantaged.  Supposedly, the poor, unfortunate women who not selling pussy are bitter and angry because they are not getting paid for what other women are profiting from.  There seems to be this deluded notion that a woman’s role in life is to please a man and that he must pay for that right.  When you have a society based on the concept that God is a man and he created woman for man, you will forever had a warped perception of what a woman is supposed to be.  People will even tell you that selling pussy is the oldest profession, that women were selling pussy long before any other sorts of business transactions were being made.  That is absurd.  Sex was for procreation.  Sex was for recreation.  Sex was for meditative, transcendent pleasure.  Sex was not for purchase until men decided that they needed to find a way to control women, to harness women’s power, to deny them pleasure.  Let me tell you something here and now, as long as men and women believe this lie, as long as women are seeing their pussies as something of value that men can purchase, intimate, healthy relationships are going to suffer the consequences of such warped beliefs. 

A woman’s body was not ever intended to be something to be purchased.  I’m here to boldly declare that having a pussy is a privilege, an awesome responsibility, at times a burden, but it is not now, nor was it ever intended to be way to make money.  Women give birth; we are the victims of rape, molestation, and abuse. We are used for no other reason than we can provide men carnal pleasure. Capitalism, money, business are all man-made concepts, and rather warped concepts spiritually.  When you pay for something you own it and no man should ever be able to say that he owns a woman’s most sacred space.  Women who sell pussy are not empowered, they are pawns in the game that men control.  Ultimately, it’s men who determine their worth.  Women have to meet the impossibly high standards of men’s tiny definition of beauty and femininity to be considered valuable.  Women who sell pussy are dependent upon men for their sense of self worth.  When the men stop paying for it, where does she turn to find her value?  Caring for a man and pleasing him is not a woman’s responsibility in life, it’s her choice to do so when she finds a partner who values and pleases her. 

I’m here to say that as a woman who has NEVER sold her pussy, not once, not for a car note, not for a rent payment, not for any dollar amount, I don’t feel bitter or angry at the women who are selling it.  I have never had sex unless it was for love or lust and I’m perfectly fine with that.  I know that my mind and my heart are my greatest assets, that I don’t need a man to validate my worth.  I know that I’m not an object to be purchased and replaced by some man who is going to buy me like he buys the next woman who gets his dick hard.  I know that I was not created to serve a man, to cater to his whims, I know that my job as wife/lover is not to “make it hot for my husband.”  My job as a partner and lover and spouse is to support my husband as he supports me.  It’s not a one-sided transaction where he fills his lust because he’s been out all day making money and I’m supposed to be at home fixing dinner and cleaning the house to keep him happy.  Sex, either in marriage or without, should never be about money.  It cheapens the value of women when they sell it and it warps the minds of men who pay for it because they think that women are items to be bought and sold.  Sex should be about intimacy, passion, lust, pleasure, communication, prayer.  Sex should be about sharing time and energy with the person you love.  When sex becomes a bargaining chip, a service rendered for a payment, a chore or duty for which compensation is required, then sex itself becomes vulgar.  And as hard as it is for some men to believe, every woman does not sell her pussy, whether it’s for dinner or in marriage.  Many do.  Maybe most have been conditioned to think of their pussies as for sale. 

Women, empower yourself.  Redefine yourself.  You are not worth whatever a man will pay for you, you are priceless.  Your value is not in the number of designer shoes you own or the car you drive or being able to pay your bills because you can give great head.  You were not put on earth to be the mistress, maid, or cook for men.  Your role as a woman is not to stand behind a man but to stand beside him, to build with him, not do his bidding.  Ask yourself how much a man is willing to pay for your goods and services and then multiply that times a number so large you can’t comprehend it to know your true worth.  Men, you will forever be emotionally stunted and immature as long as you think pussy has a price tag.  See a woman’s value in her integrity, her character, her intellect, not in the fat, wetness between her legs.  You are perpetrators of the most heinous behavior when you pay for that which is supposed to be sacred and worshipped. 

Copyright 2012 Scottie Lowe AfroerotiK

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