Being Selective:
As sexually liberated as I am, I
don’t want to do EVERYTHING with all my partners. I wouldn’t say that I pick and choose what
men I do certain things with but I do not give away my goodies casually. Not every partner is deserving of everything
I have to offer. Especially if his
motivations are not pure or transparent.
My partners and I get tested prior to having sex so it’s not about the
higher risk for HIV. It’s about the fact
that it’s something so intense and explosive and thrilling and I don’t want to
share that with just anyone. I want to
explore anything and everything with my partner. I want to experiment and find new and
exciting ways to please my partner and I’m always looking to introduce new
levels of play with my partners. I
don’t, however, have casual sex, friends with benefits, or fuck buddies so I’m
vastly different than most people in that anyone who is invited to share my
most sacred space only gets an invitation because he has passed my very rigorous
standards. Were I to have casual sex
partners, I would certainly not be motivated to give them my most erotic self;
I would limit that to only the partners who had proven themselves to be
exceptional.
Swallowing:
If I’m in a relationship with my
partner, I don’t have a problem swallowing my man’s ejaculate. That being said, unless his diet is vegan and
he takes extra precautions to eat well, drink water, drink pineapple juice etc.,
ejaculate doesn’t taste great. It’s not
the worst thing in the world but it’s certainly doesn’t taste like pussy,
that’s for sure. Most of the men I date
at this stage in my life are in their 50s.
They don’t have the recovery time they had when they were in their
20s. Cumming more than once a night is
not very likely for the men I date. That
being said, at this stage in my life, I’d rather save that nut for our intercourse
if we have time and energy. If we’re out
and I’m giving him head as a special treat or it’s something I want to do just
to please him, I don’t have a problem swallowing at all. The problem becomes when most men hold a
woman’s head to force her to swallow. I
say, if you want me to swallow your nut, you need to be able to show me that
you will eat it too. If it’s disgusting
to you, and you want eat your own, then don’t expect me to swallow it. Most younger men are selfish. They only think about their pleasure and they
will hold a woman’s head to force her to swallow or they will cheat on a woman
if she doesn’t swallow in order to appease their ego. That’s where the problem lies.
Satisfaction:
I would like to think that women
and men will eventually come to understand that when they allow themselves to
be emotionally open, honest, and vulnerable with a partner, when they expose
their secrets, when they open their hearts and souls to loving and being loved
that they will experience greater pleasure than just a maintenance date or a
casual fuck. Satisfaction comes from
being able to tell all your sexual secrets to another person and knowing they
still love you, want you, crave you.
Satisfaction comes from pouring out your heart and soul to someone and
being able to be emotionally nude and go to a place where you don’t have to
hide. Most people assume that
satisfaction and pleasure comes from some magic nut that makes you lose your
mind. We are sexually immature when we
look at sex that way. There will always
be someone with a bigger dick, a bigger butt, someone more attractive, that’s
not where satisfaction lies.
Satisfaction is in the connection and the bond and the unadulterated
intimacy you form with your partner.
Once you get that, you won’t want to look for anyone else to satisfy
you.
Individuality:
What every woman wants in sex is
different. It should be based on her own
body and turn ons. I crave creativity,
sensuality, eroticism, a willingness to go beyond just a pump and dump. I want seduction and passion. I want a slow, simmering building of extended
foreplay that leads to mind-blowing sex.
I look for a partner who is committed to being honest. That turns me on. Fuck, that makes me explosive! I’m definitely NOT looking for someone who
thinks that blowing my back out is going to make me come back for more or
someone who doesn’t care about me as a person.
I look for a man who is expressive.
He needs to be able to talk in bed and more than just saying, “Whose
pussy is this?” He has to tell me what
turns him on and why. He has to tell me
what makes him feel good. He needs to be
able to communicate to me in very explicit terms what he is experiencing in the
moment.
Making Love:
Most men think that making love
is fucking slow. That’s not making love,
that’s pretending to be tender when you really want to be blowing a woman’s
back out. Making love is being in love
with my partner and having mind-blowing sex with him. It can be fast, slow, it can be vigorous and
rough. If we are in love with each
other, it’s making love. I want to
fuck like animals with the person I’m in love with. That’s making love. The connection is what makes it making love,
not the pace at which the man pounds the woman.
Inhibitions:
I’m not at all sexually inhibited
and I haven’t been since I was in my 20s.
Most of what I had to overcome then was just insecurity about my
body. I was tall and skinny but somehow,
I felt that I was fat and out of shape.
I think every woman goes through the counting stage. You count the number of men you have sex with
because you don’t want to hit that number that makes you a slut, whatever that
number is for you. Once I hit my 30s all
my minor inhibitions disappeared and I was completely comfortable with my
sexuality, what I wanted, what I needed, what I asked for, and how to get
it. Most people, and by that I mean men
who want to fuck me and women who want to condescend to me because I’m not
promiscuous, think I’m inhibited because I refuse to have casual sex. I’m not slut shaming women who want to have
multiple sex partners at all. FOR ME, I
choose not to share my most sacred space with undeserving me. That’s not being inhibited, that’s being
selective, having standards. With my
partner I’ll do anything and everything that we choose to explore as long as
it’s consensual.
Freaky:
Black people LOVE to throw the
term freak around. Sadly, pathetically,
the term is used in place of meaning healthy sexuality. There is nothing freaky about liking sex,
wanting sex, or enjoying sex.
Unfortunately, because Black people are sooooooo incredibly sexually
immature, they associate enjoying sex with being freaky. Even Black people who
claim to be freaks are sexually conservative.
Most times they don’t like anything other than regular oral/vaginal sex
and at times anal. Being expressive with
your partner isn’t freaky, it’s normal. Exploring
different fantasies with your partner isn’t freaky, it’s normal. Wanting to open up your relationship and be
poly isn’t freaky, it still falls within the realm of healthy sexual expression
with your partner. Freaky is wanting to
mutilate your genitals for sexual pleasure.
Freaky is being aroused by inanimate objects more than human
beings. There are a whole host of things
that are abnormal and extreme that are freaky but Black people are not into any
of them for the most part. As long as we
identify ourselves as freaks for liking sex we are sexually stunted and
immature. I am sexually empowered. I am sexually expressive. I’m sexually mature. I’m not a freak for enjoying pleasure. I’m not a freak for wanting to explore
sexuality with my partner. I’m not a
freak for liking more than vanilla sex on a Friday night with the lights
out. There is nothing freaky about my
sexuality.
Horny:
When I’m insatiable, when I feel
like I’m about to crawl out of my skin with desire, when I can’t focus on
anything but sex, I feel like a laser, everything is centered on the sensations
of pleasure. I crave stimulation. I need visual stimulation, I need physical
stimulation, I need the pleasure that comes from the journey, not the
destination. For me, when I get in that
zone, I’m all about the sensations that come from arousal, I don’t really want
the nut so much. I want the pleasure to
last as long as possible. I never feel
tense or evil or anything negative. I
feel a certain amount of frustration that I don’t have a partner with me to
help me express my sexuality but that’s secondary to the sensations of wanting
my nipples played with, wanting to revel in the sensations of my clit being
stimulated, in feeling my wetness flow.
