A Luta Continua

In my years of being AfroerotiK, I’ve had to contend quite a bit with those who say, “That’s porn. That’s inappropriate!  That’s dirty!”  Or, the ever-popular, “Well, that’s okay in private but I can’t put that on my Facebook (or any other public acknowledgement of their affinity for my work) because I don’t want people knowing I get down like that.”  It’s always from the repressed and pseudo-conservative middle class Black folk who want to insist that anything sexual is offensive and beneath them.  They are the people who are disconnected from their sexuality so much so that they do things behind closed doors that they condemn and denigrate people for in public.  They watch porn, they have unprotected sex, they engage in dysfunctional sexual and emotional relationships because they are so disconnected from any sense of healthy sexuality that they are in denial but they condemn, denigrate, and demean my work as offensive because they are desperate to hold on to this make-believe façade that they are asexual and sexually conservative. 

Then, there are the freaks.  They don’t want to hear anything about love or monogamy or intimacy or communication or emotional maturity.  Any time they see or hear the words dick, pussy, and fuck they proclaim how horny it has made them.  Any nude picture they see is porn, they have no discernment between porn and erotica, no standards, and they don’t care if an image is taken with a cell phone, out of focus, and only shows a close up shot of a woman’s cervix, they think it’s hot.  They don’t care about objectifying women, they don’t care about degrading women, they don’t care about anything as long as it’s sexual.  Nothing is offensive to them.  Their Facebook pages are filled with images that would get me banned if I had them posted, they belong to every sexual group there is, all with the same pictures of guys with pictures of their dicks next to remote controls and messages from women with their ass bent over saying, “How was your weekend?  Hit me up if you want some of this.”  The men have 1000s, hundreds of 1000s of pictures of women’s body parts on their computers and it doesn’t seem to get old or boring or tired.  The women all want endless compliments on pictures of their body parts, their feet, their asses, their lady bits.  They are really content to be sexually immature and anything other than heterosexual vanilla sex is  . . . ughhhh, God forbid . . . that’s nasty. 

And if that’s not enough, now there is this emerging faction that seems to stand in unyielding opposition to AfroerotiK, it seems to be growing quite large in fact, that consists of young, Black, “educated” (and I use the term quite loosely because the educational system has dangerously mis and undereducated our youth for several generations now) “feminists” (again, using the term loosely because feminism has come to mean displaying vulgar sexuality with impunity, not fighting for women’s rights and equality like it meant in the good old days) who feel that anything and everything that Black women do is okay.  Degrading yourself?  Yeah, that’s great!  Objectifying yourself?  Yup, that’s not just fine, it’s great.  Conforming to patriarchal, misogynist, sexist, oppressive standards of what is means to be a woman?  You bet’ not say anything bad about the women who do that because they are choosing their own degradation and that’s empowering.  Wallowing in unhealthy, dysfunctional behaviors that are self-sabotaging and unenlightened?  Yeah, that’s their rallying cry, that’s the foundation of their movement. 

I get where it comes from.  Their motivations are pure.  They are tired of men and society in general demeaning and denigrating the Black female form.  They are trying, however misguided they may be, to assert that they are sisters with all women, regardless of their socio-economic status and position in life and they are saying that in solidarity, they want to be seen as equals to men.  Unfortunately, the “men” (using that term in the most generous way possible because Black males have been socialized to be emotionally stunted somewhere around pre-teens for several generations now) that they are trying to be equal to are not the standard by which anything should be measured.  They are genuinely trying to strike out against the status quo that says that men can be vile and repugnant and get a pass while women have to be held to absurd standards of purity and chastity in order to be considered valuable. 

The problem is that they are fighting the wrong fight.  They should not be fighting for women to be able to be as vulgar and sexually indiscriminate as men without repercussions.  What they should be fighting for is a system where men are held accountable, where they evolve, mature and grow, where women are not relegated to positions of sex worker, stripper, and ghetto diva.  They find the concept of women carrying themselves with dignity offensive, they fight against it saying that it’s “respectability politics” or the policing of women’s bodies to keep them oppressed.  They have no concept that there is something in between the standards of Victorian clothing and saving yourself for marriage and only having sex on Friday nights and having men pay to degrade and use you.  They can’t even comprehend of anything in between where women carry themselves with respect and own their sexuality without shame.  They are unilaterally outraged by the concept of me saying that you can own your sexuality, not be in denial of it, but it’s not okay to display it for all the world to see either or that it’s unhealthy to spend hours of your time making your ass clap so you can show it off on Vine.   They hear any critique of women’s sexuality as, “You are saying that women are bad for being sexual.” 

I can’t tell you how many Black folk fall into one of these three categories?  I obviously can’t give you an exact percentage but it’s the vast and overwhelming majority.  The people in the, “That’s nasty,” category aren’t reading this because I’m too offensive for them to follow.  The people in the second category aren’t reading this because it has too many words and all they want to see is porn.  The people in the third category read it all the way up to the part where I identified them and are right now preparing their counter arguments about how I’m slut shaming and about how they can twerk, make a few bucks on the stripper pole, use men for money while wearing seven inch platform heels to be sexy, and study for their exams and there’s nothing wrong with that. 

Then, there are the few, the proud, the AfroerotiKs.  There aren’t many of us, but there are a few who Black folk who don’t want to be ashamed of our sexuality anymore, who understand that we are entitled to pleasure and it shouldn’t be something we have to hide and pretend we don’t like in order to feel superior to anyone else.  We aren’t aroused by the sexually immature who are addicted to vulgar porn and who have no standards for what they find arousing.  And there are a few, hopefully growing in number, who understand that a great deal of the sexuality displayed in our society by the oppressed is unhealthy and detrimental and that there is a happy medium between purity and denial and “It’s all good.” 

So, I will continue to make erotica that shows people of African descent in loving, holistic, erotic, sensual depictions. 

I will continue to create art that doesn’t dismiss unhealthy behaviors as benign. 

I will continue to fight for ALL people of African descent to see themselves as sensual and erotic. 

And I will strive to create a new paradigm where there is balance, symmetry, and equality.  I will fight against oppressive standards that tell Black women that they must be virgins or they are whores and the diseased mindsets it creates in the men and women who believe on some level that sex is bad and dirty.  I will fight against the adult industry that dehumanizes, degrades, and objectifies women for the amusement of misogynists for a profit.  And I will not take up arms against those who staunchly defend unhealthy behaviors because they have never been shown a model of what healthy sexuality could be and they know nothing else.