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Monday, July 11, 2011

A Question for Black Women about Submissive White Men


I have been writing erotica for almost 10 years now.  What started out as outlet for my sexuality that I couldn’t find represented in the then current offerings of porn/erotica quickly developed into a study of human sexuality and an opportunity for me to share the gospel of truth as I see it with my written word.  The more I wrote, the more I shared my writing, the more people would open up to me about their fantasies.  The more they opened up, the more I saw common themes and desires in certain groups of people.  It didn’t take very long in fact for me to figure out that white men were CRAVING domination from Black men and women alike in outrageous numbers.  In fact, the most searched, read, and sought out essay I’ve ever written is the one I wrote years ago about White Male Submission.  In the years since that piece was written, white male submission has become more widespread in fantasy, but the outlets for it are still very limited.  Most porn sites dedicated to Black Female Domination are owned and operated by individual Black females themselves, not big corporate conglomerates understanding the niche and trying to capitalize off it.  Conversely, if you did an internet search for sites dedicated to white women submitting (whether overtly or subtly) to Black men, you could spend the rest of your natural born life clicking on websites and never see them all. 

White men, still by and large, often individually feel like they are the only white man in the world with desires to submit to Black sexuality.  The media covers their obsessive need to molest children and even made a weekly television program showing how pervasive the trend is but I’ve yet to see any mainstream media coverage of the scores, the hoards, the multitudes of white men who are sucking black dick, who are longing to be spanked, beaten, pissed on, and used by Dominant Black women.  I recently did a search for images of Black couples dominating a white male and I couldn’t find any.  Not any.  In the year 2011, when you can readily find pictures of anime midgets engaged in underwater bestiality or anything that one’s perverted mind can imagine, it was virtually impossible to find an image of a white male being dominated by a black couple. 

My question is this.  I’ve seen the number or submissive white men over the years multiply exponentially.  What I’d like to know is, are the numbers of Black women who find the idea of dominating a white male increasing as well?  I know there are a number of Black women who have dabbled and experimented in financial domination but I suspect they have tired of that very quickly because white men are masterful at stringing women along, using money as a tool to control and dictate their whims, never really following through on their promises of giving money but using it as the proverbial carrot to manipulate Black women into fulfilling their fantasies as they see fit.  Are there more and more Black women who are truly recognizing their power, are they exploring their sexual selves and finding that it can in fact be pleasurable to dominate and control someone, especially a white male?  Are Black women feeling a need to dominate on par with the white male’s need to submit? 

I’d love for some honest feedback.  Are the numbers of Black women in kink, in the D/s world staying pretty stagnant for the most part or is there an emergence of dominant Black women that has gone under the radar because no one wants to discuss, explore, or acknowledge that white men desire to be dominated by Black men/women?  Ladies, share your experiences and your fantasies.  If you find the concept arousing, speak up, don’t remain silent. Share.  If you’ve tried it and you didn’t like it, can’t be bothered anymore, I’d love to know that as well. 

25 comments:

Mikal said...

How does one define submissive. Perhaps white men are just more agreeable and willing to go with the flow then black men are. Or perhaps black women will only date white men that will "take their stuff". I think men in general can fit the mold of how one defines submissive. I guess the question should be why is that when white men mess with black women why the black women seem to be more domineering. And do the white man that date a black women when they dated white women did they seek out a domineering white women.

AfroerotiK said...

I think your comments speak more about your hatred of Black women than the subject matter at hand.

Xay B. said...

His comment speaks more on his inability to form a coherent idea.

AfroerotiK said...

I assume the lack of comments from Black women means that we couldn't be less interested in dominating white men.

The World As I See It: said...

Hell, I couldn't even follow Mikal's statement! Was all over the place. However as a black submissive I am not into being dommed by a white woman, just the racial aspect alone does nothing for me. But I do understand the dynamics of white Subs and Dom Blacks. I think, perhaps I am wrong But I believe it goes back to the Black Slave White Master thing....a guilt thing. Also I know many of white males and white women crave black men and women.( the once forbidden fruit now a kink)As a black Sub myself I know where my submissive side came from. I was raised in an all female black dominated family. I learned early on I loved getting spanked as a child and I would do anything put myself across my mothers lap. But one day I forged my mothers signature on my report card. Thus when she found out I was tied to a bed naked whipped covering every inch of my back ass and legs.She would stop, drink water and come back and started all over gain this went on for half the night, but thing was, I noticed I had a hard on for most of the beatings When she finished I could barely stand up, my brown skin was covered wit red welts. But not one ounce of blood was drawn.

Polonius said...

My mother was dominant and my father was submissive. Growing up, I saw those aspects emerge in many different ways in their relationship. I never had a dominant male role model in my life to teach me to be strong, stand up for myself, and lead w/confidence. I got that from my mother. I don't buy the idea that I want a black woman to dominate me because I feel guilty about America's racism. I lost my virginity to a black woman @ 21 and I love black women physically more than any other women on the planet now! I want to be loved, not humiliated. I just like variety in a relationship when it comes to our intimate expressions. I like to dominate too...I can't speak for black women, but I've dated enough to see that there are plenty of them in the world who'd participate in sexual fetishes. I wish they'd speak up, though. I'd like to hear what they have to say....

anaturalfem said...

I can't speak on anyone else but I am interested, just intimidated by it. I mean, I happened to find this blog but there weren't very many resources and honestly Im not sure what I was looking for. I acted as a Domme once for a willing white male and it was fun, but I was nervous and unsure. I would love to get some "training" though.

my contact is: anaturalfem@yahoo.com
if anyone wants to provide tips.

AfroerotiK said...

I spent the first year or two of my domination life figuring out what sort of domme I was. I talked to other Dommes and mostly what I learned from them were things that I didn't want. I wasn't going to buy leather corsets and whips because that just seemed too cartoonish to me. I spoke to a lot of Dommes, and they didn't seem to be really in control. They were pretending to be in control in order to try to feel powerful. I didn't really know how to be powerful, but I knew that it wasn’t fulfilling white men's fantasies for them. I knew it wasn't about being irrational and making me jump through impossible hoops either. I could give two fucks if a man speaks to me in third person or capitalizes the letter D in Domme and uses lower case to refer to himself. I knew for a fact that being a domme had to be more than prostituting myself for material things.

I am a psychological domme, I take men's biggest fears and I turn them into their greatest fantasies. The thing that they say they will never do, I make sure that every single time their dick gets hard, all they can think about is that thing. While other women were trying to jump through super domme hoops to get men to buy them jewelry, I was getting white men to read Molefi Asante and donate to the Auburn Avenue Research Library.

I will let you in one the most important lesson you will ever learn in your life of domination. The secret to being a domme, the key, is being honest. Men cower at the feet of an honest woman. Simple, plain truth. Bold faced, unadulterated, unapologetic straightforward, candid, blunt truth. It is your equalizing power. They aren’t used to women who are truthful or who will make them face their truth. The truth scares men. The more you make a commitment to speak truth to power to men, in every situation, you will feel your power increase exponentially.

Mimi said...

I have explored domination with white men and I really enjoy it. Unfortunately, I don't really meet people who I would explore it with in the way that I like. I live in a predominantly white country where racial dynamics play themselves out in ways I am not comfortable with, even/especially in kink. I don't know how to get around this, or even learn use it to my advantage. My domination is largely psychological. Also, like you Scottie, I don't want to wear funny outfits and I didn't set out to make money from it.

As to whether there are more black women starting to get into this, the presence of black dominas on websites like fetlife seems to be increasing.

brian said...

Hi..
I am an older (68) white male, educated, successful and attractive (in spite of my age).
I have been interested in FemDom and experimented in those relationships, very selectively, for the past 20 years. During that time I quickly found an overwhelming (when safe) desire to submit to only Black Women. I can't say much of substance on the subject because I continue to learn.

Unknown said...

I am very interested in this subject, I have been discussing this subject with a white male who wants to be my oral slave, I am a black BBW, and he states that is what he needs/want. We have been emailing and sending pictures constantly and he has asked me to spank him, talk dirty, call him names, (little dick, cunt slut, etc), tie him up, withhold and/or tease him so he will beg to eat my pussy/ass, I have never been with a white man before or been domineering in a sexual relationship, but just emailing him has really turned me on and I'm seriously thinking of letting him do it, my problem is we met online and I'm very nervous about having sex with a stranger, but know that if I don't try it with a stranger I will never experience this. I am not finding much information online and he states he has had other black Dom's and was married to one, also stated he would hide in the closet while his wife was fucked by a black man who had a large dick, then call him out to eat her out or suck the man's dick and call him her pussy,,,So I guess I am interested in becoming a Dom's, but only to a white man and more for my own sexual pleasure of having someone adore my pussy so much he would submit at the chance to eat me whenever and wherever...

Please contact me with feedback on how to get started becoming a Black BBW Dom

spanndenise3@gmail.com

Scottie Lowe said...

I'd be more than happy to give you some advice/feedback but I have to caution you to be VERY careful. There is something mentally wrong with most submissive white men so they can be loose cannons.

cplnmbsc said...

This article is right on. I myself am a married white male. Very successful and have been involved in the swinging lifestyle. As a couple we have come to love, submitting to Alpha Black males. Both of us... and I love submitting to Black Women.

MsNaydi said...

All of my experience in femdom has been with white men. I would love to have a black submissive, but they seem to be very unavailable. I suspect they exist, but I have no idea where. I have met two in my life.

I desire to interact with a submissive man, and really, their race is not really the deciding factor. Their desire to submit to me is what is important to me.

Yes, I am a Black woman.

Scottie Lowe said...

Why would you prefer to dominate a Black man? Just curious.

dsshy3 said...

I am a 37 yr old black woman and though I've never had the pleasure of a white man I've always wanted it. The thought of domination over him turns me on in ways I can't even speak of. The power to control him his movement and possibly even his reactions to what I'm doing or saying to him would give me a high like nothing else in this world.

dsshy3 said...

I just love the idea of a submissive man in general I guess because of my personality. However, the thought of domination over a white man is the ultimate turn on for me the power to control his movement's and possibly even some of his reactions to what I'm doing and or saying to him is most satisfying in my wildest of dreams. Hopefully someday I will find him . Until then I'll just dream.

workneverover said...

[Loooong comment, posted in 3 parts]
"I’ve yet to meet the black person that has engaged in a sexual liaison with a submissive white man that has truly recognized the larger political implications."

Well, today's the day! :)
If I'm understanding this, the question is, "where are all the black doms to fill this demand?" Or, why aren't there any. I think it's pretty obvious. All three of the main themes described in the linked post (a list which I agree is 100% accurate) are based on pretty blatant racism. The linked post says as much, but it seems like the most obvious implications of that are being missed, if this is a question…?

First, This entire phenomenon as described is a FETISH and I for one find it repulsive. It literally makes me feel queasy, and if I catch even a hint of it, I head in the other direction. It's not like black people are too stupid to notice when we're being fetishized/exotified/stereotyped, or don't care. "Black cock is so much bigger/better" is no more flattering than "I love how black people talk" or "mixed people are so much hotter!" and it's a LOT less subtle. It's not a compliment. I know I'm not the only BP who feels this way, even if not all examine the feeling so consciously (okay: obsessively, LOL).

The OP writes of black doms who later "feel guilty for holding a position of power over white men, even if it’s only sexually and for brief periods of time." I must say, I have never heard of this. I think there is often a feeling of guilt— but I submit that it's about playing that racist role. It's the same guilt black actors talk about feeling when they take roles that are obvious racist caricatures— it's jigging. It feels dirty. It feels like treason and it feels like servitude. It's fucking humiliating. [to be continued…]

workneverover said...

Thing #2. (This applies more to het black women, but black men are affected by this too.) All three of these fantasies are actually fundamentally the same: they're ALL about white male insecurity, mostly expressed as penis insecurity, which is in turn expressed as (racist) black-male-penis envy. That's problematic, obviously, but also, it has nothing to do with black women. BWs are just… entirely missing there. In scenarios like this, there's no appreciation of the actual woman in front of them; you're not you, just "a (any) black woman," or yes, even more generic: "black." Just: blackness, the stereotyped concept. Furthermore, there's no chance for D/s intimacy. What I mean is, one can't get true submission from a man like this. It's just precluded. There's no submitting to You; it's really about some generic, racist concept of blackness. Bottom line: what's in it for a straight dominant black woman?? She'd be guilt-ridden, unsatisfied and unappreciated, respectively.

And even without all that, the simple fact is, (#3):
"there is no concurrent movement by black people whereby we, on any sort of collective basis, are expressing desires to make white people pay for the atrocities of slavery or to restore [sic] a Black supremist racial hierarchy and to do so by the sexual subjugation of white people."And the assumption that there would be strikes me as vaguely white-racist. To be blunt, as far as I can tell via my amateur anthropology, WP have much MUCH more racial anxiety than BP do. And it's mostly white men. Anxiety in the form of white guilt, because at the end of the day, we (we all, and even more, they) haven't made peace with that history as a society. Anxiety about penis size: about having "their women" "taken" or "lured away," and assuaging their insecurities by satisfying a (any) black woman (because you know we're built for that huge black cock! And also: take that, black manhood!). But most of all, anxiety about retribution in the form of the assumption that a/any BP, given power, will use it to exact revenge. Because they know it was atrocious, and it hasn't been reconciled and in fact continues. (I believe the saying is "you fear that you'll get exactly what you deserve"??) But from what I can tell, the truth is, most BP aren't looking for vengeance. At least, I've yet to meet one. [to be continued]

workneverover said...

Ultimately, B/W racism is a box; in that box, BP are this-and-that and WP are thus-and-so. These scenarios don't challenge the box in any way (at best, they just play around inside it; switching/tweaking the roles, but not rejecting them— and most don't really even do that). So to me it makes perfect sense that they don't appeal to BP! Why the hell would I make a fantasy that's exactly like the reality I'm trying to escape?? That does nothing for me. And if it's not for me, who is it for…??
Yeah.
Exactly.
Well, I'm not into service.

[Sorry for the length— I don't get to talk about this much, lol. Believe it or not, I have a LOT more thoughts on this issue. Also, sorry for any possible nonsensicalness and/or typos; I'm writing this reeeally late at night! :) ]

Dee Dee Williams said...

I am new to domination of white men as well. But I know it is an addiction that I cannot seem to control. I want to be abused by them sexually as well as abuse them sexually and verbally. I have been reaching out and finding a few subs that I feeel comfortable with. But have yet to become physical. I agree, that you have to be extra careful because many white men have mommy hate issues and can become loose cannons.
Thanks for the info....

Faceunder1 said...

I am by nature a submissive male, who knows full well that Black Women are far superior to us whites.

And I earnestly desire to be a the sex slave of a Black Mistress, and have Her use me in any way She may wish for Her pleasure.

I desperately want to have Her dildo as far inside my body as its length will allow it to go, either down my throat, or up my rear passage.

But best of all, if She was pleased with the way I had performed, then I can think of no greater honour than to have Her reward me by using me as Her toilet.




I love to eat a black woman's shit

randy hilliard said...

I am a submissive white man & I do have a very strong desire to be used for the sexual pleasure of Black women & men. I am a natural sub never had a desire to Dominante. I derive my pleasure from being used for the pleasure of others. Had only 1 Black Mistress and got together a few times with a Black men altough he really wasn't a Dominant he would use me for his pleasure. Actually the longest Dom/sub relationship I had was with a white woman who was 15yrs my senior.Still hopeing one day to find my Black Mistress.

Anonymous said...

Hallmanfrank@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Wow, I've read these comments regarding black sexuality and feel that I'm still feeling the curse of being sexually repressed as a women of color. Here's some of the things that I'm appalled when reading: I am a Black Domme that has been dating white men for over 35 years secretly off and on, when it was considered taboo to date, let alone to speak of sexual fetishes.

What I enjoy about white men over my brothers, is that their in tuned with their sexuality for the most part. I may offend some brothers but frankly, I can care less. White men for the most part are romantic, highly sensual, intimate, and more concerned about the needs of their counterparts over my brothers, not all, but most! Whereas, I've witnessed first hand, family members, co-workers and friends that are more concerned about, I'm going to get mine and fuck the bitch! I've heard this comment many of times and if any of you that's reading this say that you haven't heard it or have experienced it, you've been living under a rock.

As far as the Big Black Dick fallacy, I've been with 2 Beautiful hung brothers that were my husbands and couldn't fuck their way out of a wet paper bag! We made beautiful children and that was it, I felt like Ms, Ceily on the Color Purple. (He's doing his business on me) Please excuse my expressive language.

Do I enjoy being served, you Damn right! Yes, my sub takes very good care of me! We both have accepted each other's nasty, animalistic, abnormal sexuality behaviors. I love the things that he allows me to explore with his body! Yes, here's my property without the piece of paper! He chose me to be his Queen, in this Female led-Relationship. He's always wanted this type of relationship and I have always had these type relationships even with my pussy whipped black husbands, it's all the same just different players.

Most wonder why, I've chosen this style of relationship, I feel safe, loved mutually and have all my sexual needs and desires met. As a young girl growing up I was born a "Dominate Female", competed in sports, law enforcement career and have always beat men in anything that I've competed against them. My partner in my law enforcement career, told me that I was his partner ever because I used my intelligence and physical abilities on the street! So yes, I've been a Domme my entire life and proud of it! No I'm not a Lesbian! Yes, black domme exist but we allow society to label us as whores, sexually deviants, white men undercover lovers and a few other terms that I refuse to use at this time. Moreover, I love my black men, just not for my sexual gratification any longer. I've raised 3 very intelligent brothers and hopefully they decide what they truly want when it comes to their sexuality!

Most black men come from a female dominate single Mother that chastised, whipt yo ass and then some, so stop the drama, that a woman didn't or hasn't ruled your world! Don't lie to yourself.

As I end this rant, Sisters, please if you are Dominate, be yourself, explore your sexuality, whether you find it with a black sub, white sub or whatever color. Embrace your sexuality and enjoy life!

It's time for my man to draw my bath water and polish my toes before bed!!

Peace be unto you!