AfroerotiK

Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Immature vs. Decent

This is like a bad broken record. "I'm a good black man, I have a job, I have an education, and the reason why the Black community if falling apart is ALL Black women's fault because they only want thugs and they are gold-diggers, etc." If I’ve heard it once, I’ve heard it 34,791 times. It's a glaring sign of emotional immaturity on the part of Black men and it's tiring. The fact that so many, many, many black men can't even say, “I don't know how to deal with my emotions because I've never been taught," is embarrassing. It's embarrassing that grown men can't even acknowledge that they have areas to work on without it being seen as if they've said something that makes them weak. Hey, this is life; it's not a competition to see who can die without admitting that they have faults. The men who blame Black women for their shortcomings are the men who are the least introspective, the most emotionally distant, and the ones looking for the woman who will not hold them accountable for their actions, who will tolerate their belligerent, uncompromising foul behavior and not say a word.

Women, you can keep quiet all you want, you can blame other black women but if you don't start speaking up and holding these men accountable then you deserve the sorry assed emotionally immature men that you get. If you want a partner who respects your opinion, who will have integrity when making choices that effect your lives together, who has come to terms with the hurt he's caused in the past and who is willing to make a very concerted effort to treat his relationships with more respect in the future, THEN YOU BETTER START SPEAKING UP. You better let your voices be heard. If all you can do is blame other black women for Black men's poor behaviors then you are as emotionally immature as Black men. I won't coddle, I won't cajole. Your silence equals death. Death of the hopes that black relationships will ever flourish.

A decent sista won't let you run in and out of her bed without a commitment. I decent sista won't let you get away not accounting for your whereabouts when you are in a relationship with her. I decent sista will not pretend that your lies are truth. I decent sista will not accept you stringing her along with romance and empty promises without giving of yourself emotionally. A decent sista won't be number two three or four in your life just because you are "honest" with her. A decent sista won't let you disregard her feelings when your actions put your relationship with her in jeopardy of failing. A decent sista put up with your constant need to argue, have the last word, and constantly be right. A decent sista wants a man who can outline his past mistakes and show how he's making efforts not to repeat them in his current relationship. To be a good man to a decent sista is a lot harder than just saying you are a good black man and then blaming Black women for the destruction of the Black race.

Men, ask yourselves, do you want a decent sista, or do you want a decent looking sista who will have a high paying job, cook your meals, not stress you over where you go and what you do, and who will let you buy all the toys and gadgets you want without ever asking for money for the bills and who will give you sex when you want it without having to work for it and who fulfills all your sexual fantasies like a damn Playboy bunny? That’s not the sign of a decent man.

A decent man wants a decent woman and a relationship with a decent woman takes a lot of hard work. It’s easier to blame women than do the work it takes to be a decent emotionally mature man.

1 comment:

Faith said...

Wow! I needed to read that today!