One can’t pick up a magazine or listen to a discussion about the black community these days without reading about “DL brothas”, or black men that have sex with other men while representing themselves as heterosexual. There is a homoparanoia and fear that is largely media driven that is telling black women that they need to question every black man they meet because he might be having sex with other men. Certainly, one has to believe that black men must be driven by their desires more than any other portion of the population because this “DL” trend is so rampant among black men, according to every single, solitary book, article, and discussion prevalent today.
I have the unique opportunity to be in a position where people come to me and tell me their fantasies as a function of my career. There is a HUGE and very stealth underground sexual movement that is growing that has escaped any mainstream examination whatsoever. While black men’s sexual practices have been put under a microscope and they have been demonized in the media as sexually irresponsible and morally bankrupt latent “faggots,” white men have been able to slip under the radar, with stealth efficacy, with their sexual secrets. The numbers of white men that come to me and tell me that they have fantasies of being sexually submissive, not only to black women, but also to black men, is STAGGERING. Literally, thousands of white men have approached me in the last several years, all reiterating very much the same themes in their desires, that they believe that white people are inferior, that they want to pay for the atrocities of slavery by their sexual servitude to black people, that black people are more beautiful.
There are common themes and consistencies in their fantasies and the types of white male submissive men can be grouped into three main categories: white men that want white female partners to engage in interracial sex, white men that want black female partners and white men that want domination by both black men and black women. The first group of men, the men that want their white wives or girlfriends to engage in interracial sex, are known as cuckolds. Cuckolds are men that get arousal from having a white wife, commonly referred to as a “slut wife,” that has multiple black lovers. The husband is forced to live a life of sexual denial and servitude while the wife has sex with these so called “superior black bulls.” Servitude can include anything from getting the wife ready for her lover to cleaning her orally after her lover has ejaculated inside her, to orally or anally servicing the black lover himself. Many times, the sexual component is heightened if there is some level of implied “extortion” or money demanded of the white submissive male to perform theses homoerotic acts. I’ve had innumerous white men tell me that they want their wives to be “black bred”, meaning impregnated by a black man and they are sexually aroused by the idea of their wives forcing them to raise a biracial child as their own. There’s little doubt that the origins of these fantasies are steeped in the mythical “Big Black Mandingo” stereotype as they profess love for his abnormally large penis while begging to be taunted and humiliated for their comparatively small endowment. Sexual submission is usually limited to the bedroom for these men because they seem to be able to compartmentalize the fact that they are only inferior because of their perceived, small penis and, on occasion, express angst that they have fantasies of seeing the black man as superior, even if it is only in a sexual situation.
The second category of white male submissive is the men that hold black women in the highest esteem. These men love and desire the black woman far more than white woman and very often admire the natural features of black women that have long been rejected by society at large. Big butts, dark skin, full lips, natural hair, and sassy and domineering attitudes are the attributes that they most readily describe as the epitome of beauty, black or otherwise. The number of occasions when white men have said they want a black wife to pamper and provide for, to put her on a pedestal as the true mother of all civilization, are too numerous to mention. Many times, they reiterate the same sorts of fantasies of the cuckold husband: they want her to have a black lover, but more often than not, they describe feelings of inadequacy because they believe they are unable to satisfy or undeserving of having sex with a black woman. They describe fantasies whereby they are forced by a black woman to engage homosexual acts as an act of punishment or for her amusement. They reiterate they same sorts of fantasies about cleaning Black woman of ejaculate deposited by her lover, being denied orgasm, being “forced” to humble themselves before the black man to show their unworthiness and inferior status. The instances of white men telling me that they want to serve as human toilet to black women are so commonplace, so frequent, I don’t blink an eye any longer when the topic is broached. These men describe how it would be an honor to receive the waste of a black woman and how it is their duty as a white male to do so. Many desire to be subjected to perform household duties for black women, seemingly with no sexual gratification in return, only the desire to be humiliated for their whiteness. Most desire to form lifelong, loving relationships with Black women as adoring pets or servants and most refer to themselves as slaves.
The third category of white male submissive is interested whatever forms of degradation they can receive from whatever Black source that sees fit to dish it out. They are unashamedly bisexual and, in many cases, prefer to perform sexual acts with black men. Among this group are the most masochistic of the population. They are constantly asking for approval and validation that they truly are inferior to black people. They confess that they want to become slaves, stripped of their rights as a human, that they want to pay for the sins of any white person that owned slaves, and that they want to be degraded and humiliated for their whiteness. Their fantasies are extreme, many expressing desires to be lynched and beaten reminiscent of true slavery as part of their sexual fantasies. Many tell me that they desire to become black and have romantic notions that they will become well-endowed athletes or big-bosomed matriarchal archetypes. Several have requested books to read to tell them of a more accurate Black history than the limited exposure they’ve received. I’ve had white men tell me that they go out of their way to hire black people, support black businesses, or provide daily acts of kindness to black people as their own personal form of reparations.
These examples are the norm not the extreme and I’m confronted with these examples on a daily basis. It should be noted that almost 100% of the time, white men use the singular adjective black to describe the collective of people rather than as a descriptor. i.e. “I want my wife to fuck black, I am attracted to black, I am a slave for black” rather than the proper usage, “I am attracted to black women, I want my wife to fuck black men, I desire to be submissive to black people.” Their grammatical objectification of us is but a minor indication that they have yet to shatter the racist beliefs that they claim so boldly to have done.
If there is any level of validity in my findings, my observations lead me to believe that there is no concurrent movement by black people whereby we, on any sort of collective basis, are expressing desires to make white people pay for the atrocities of slavery or to restore a Black supremist racial hierarchy and to do so by the sexual subjugation of white people. We seem to be naively playing into the role of dominatrix and Black bull and walking away from the experience and not being particularly braggadocios about them either. Those few African American individuals that have confided in me of experiences with submissive white men seem to take pity on them that they are so warped in their thinking that they could actually believe that black people could be superior. In my amateur anthropological opinion, these black people feel guilty for holding a position of power over white men, even if it’s only sexually and for brief periods of time. I’ve yet to meet the black person that has engaged in a sexual liaison with a submissive white man that has truly recognized the larger political implications. Many black women have seen this as an opportunity to capitalize on their “most coveted object” status and made attempts to use white men for money, which seem to backfire more often than not according to their tales. While very few black men confide in me about their experiences with submissive white men, (and one can only assume from the reports of white men that the numbers of black men that are engaging in these behaviors are equally as staggering) I can only assume that they feel some sort of temporary reprieve from the stresses and strains of a racist society while engaged in the act, and as they go on about their daily lives, they replace their societally-imposed veil of powerlessness, never recognizing that their true power does not lie in their penis. Black people, still largely ignorant of our own past, the origins of African greatness, and still largely brainwashed to believe that white people are better, are sadly, too uninformed to assert that they will not be made pawns in a sexual game to rid white people of their guilt or fulfill their dark continent lust.
There are a multitude of larger implications that are happening beneath this absolutely HUGE movement that need to be discussed and simply can’t be unless the topic is put on the table so that society at large can examine the trend and not have it kept as white America’s dirty little secret. First and foremost, these men are still, for the most part, holding onto racist, stereotypical and degrading beliefs about Black people while they are insisting that their desire to submit to black people indicates that they are free from all such beliefs. They assume that because they are sexually attracted to Black people that automatically means they are not racist. Many white men claim they used to harbor racist beliefs and some sexual event with a black person cured them of their racism, which is obviously an absurd assumption. If these white men are in fact engaging in sexual acts with black men as they claim, then the source and spread of HIV in the Black community needs to be examined. These white men should be spreading the virus to their partners in equal proportions to black men.
I imagine that there are scores of therapists, counselors, sex workers, medical practitioners and journalists in this country that have the same knowledge as I. Why aren’t there medical journals and articles that are discussing this trend and the psychological implications? Where are the 20/20 and Dateline exposes, where are the radio talk shows that are discussing this phenomenon, why isn’t every magazine warning white women about the potential hazards of white men that are engaging in unsafe sex with black men? Given the current political climate in this country, with this move to the ultra-moral, ultra-conservative right, what conclusions can one draw about this population of white men that have this race-driven guilty, envy, and lust? Are there white men that are secretly harboring these sexual desires in positions of power and exacting stricter punishments on black men to assuage them of their desires to “submit to black?”
Race in America is still and extremely volatile topic. If there are, as I’ve experienced, multitudes of white men that are having these types of fantasies and desires, there needs to be an open and honest discussion in a public forum to determine the origins, the implications, and to form support groups and allegiances to address the very important issues that these types of issues bring to the table. White men are begging, even if it is only privately, to be immersed in a black sexual experience, and they are being led by individuals that don’t have the ability to train, instruct and accurately inform. This issue can not be swept under the table because it upsets the equilibrium of the status quo. White men are desiring to be submissive to Black people in phenomenal numbers and the reasons why and the social implications thereof must be discussed.
Copyright 2004 Scottie Lowe
CEO and Founder of AfroerotiK
16 comments:
Read this and know I'm not going to get anything done at work today.
Where to begin? I'll start by saying, as a 29 year-old white male, I have many of these fantasies and desires. And, yes, for the most part they are secret.
Your descrition on the three types, based on my experiences, are spot on except for the wife/black-bred/cleaning ejaculation part. I'm not into anything even suggesting the involvement of children, born or unborn.
Don't have wife, but a girlfriend (white) who I do fantasize with strong, well-endowed black men.
Do feel and am turned on by a sense of inferiority to black men and women. Fantasize a great deal about black women. Almost solely.
However, have never dated a black woman and the only black women I've engaged in any kind of sexual relations were prosititutes. Only twice.
Your last paragraph hit me hardest. Out of denial and willful ignorance, I never contcentrated on the origin and implications of these fantasies and desires. I guess I'm afraid where such revelations will lead.
But I would like to know from where they arise.
You're right to point out most of these desires and fantasies have no basis in reality. The black men and women in my dreams would never, in real life, partake or be interested in playing these out (I think).
I have considered some type of counseling or therapy because I realize there is a disconnect between many of my fantasies and reality, which doesn't seem very healthy.
But how do you walk in a doctor's office and say, "Doc, I want to see my girlfriend fucked silly by a big black man with a big black dick and I want to be slapped around and taunted by a beautiful black woman. What's wrong with me?"
I wish I could be that frank.
You're the first person I've come across that has really ever approached this topic and attempted to find its deeper meaning.
I guess I'm late to the party on this one. I thought the provacativeness of this blog would surely arouse conversation, but nada, Then I noticed it was written five years ago, so I guess it's pretty much talked out at this point. Too bad, i was looking for some feedback or to read other viewpoints.
I think the real commentary is that in the last five years, there has still been no media exploration of the phenomenon of white male submission. I think the real commentary is that white men are STILL contacting me, "confessing" their submissive desires and feeling as if they are the only white male on the planet who has those feelings. With every cuckold/femdom/interracial site on the internet, five years later, white men can still feel as if they are singular in their fantasies. Even after five years, white men who have been involved in submissive relationships are just as racist and bigoted in their public and private views of Blacks.
That's the real commentary.
Thank you for your insight and feedback.
You're right, I spent an hour searching for a credible article/report on the subject but found nothing, just porn sites - which obviously only perpetuate it but never try to explore or understand it.
You're basically the only one who addresses the topic and maybe some white men contact you to seek a deeper understanding. I'm sure a lot don't, most probably are too self-centered and arrogant to respect you and are just looking to get off.
But this is a very secretive topic. White males don't even discuss it amongst themselves, much less with a mate. And I confess, there is something arousing about a total stranger able to spot your most deepest, perverse fantasies, that your lover has no idea about. And this is true with me. My girlfreind has no idea about this aspect of me. Which makes me wonder about what I don't know about her fantasies. Does she desire the same thing.
I recognize the unhealthyness of not being able to communicate with her truly. There's a part of me that would love to talk with her about it but I just don't know how.
I also recognize the inherent racism contained in my fantasies - that black men have big dicks, that black people are the best, most vibrant lovers, that black people are better genetically because of their more robust physicality. These are all stereotypes. I often feel very stupid around black people, as if they are smarter and know a lot more than i do.
I would like to dismantle these racist notions. I don't think I will be a complete person until i do. It affects every aspect of my life and thinking, especially in the bedroom.
Any suggestion where I could start? Is there a branch of psychology that addresses this?
The stereotype is not that black men have bigger dicks. The stereotype is that the only thing black men are good for is the use of their bigger dicks. The stereotype is that Black men are sexual savages ruled by lust. The sickness of white submissive men is that they have these racist fantasies in the bedroom and go out and try to compensate for it in public by telling nigger jokes, promoting hate speech when other white men espouse racist views, etc.
I had a white man commission me to write a story for him last week. He asked that the story be no holds barred, no limits, extreme. His fantasy was to be dominated by a black couple and made to be their sex slave, do whatever they wanted, degraded, humiliated, used, abuse, tortured, the whole nine. Two days later, he sent me one of those forwarded emails that ridiculed and demeaned President Obama. His explanation? Someone else had use of his email and sent it. He didn't even have the balls to admit what he'd done.
It's that sort of dichotomous mentality that sickens me. Mind you, he's Canadian, so he has little or no reason to complain about the President of the United States, even less reason because he claims Blacks are superior. But it's that white male sickness that compels him to perpetuate racism in front of his buddies.
I have taken the money he sent to pay me for the story and donated it to the Democratic Party. I think that's just rewards for his racism.
WHOA!!! I almost fell out of my chair when I read, "The stereotype is not that black men have bigger dicks." I was stunned especially that it came from you.
I thought I was making progress when I arrived at the realizaton that black men don't have big dicks. That that was a white guy's made up myth.
But from what I'm understanding you saying is that in fact they do.
OK, respecting your opinion and years of work, I'll accept that as true. What you're saying then is that the objectification/sexualization of black men by white people is the problem - that to white people a black man has no humanity, just a big dick.
There's a passage in your blog that reads: "There’s little doubt that the origins of these fantasies are steeped in the mythical “Big Black Mandingo” stereotype as they profess love for his abnormally large penis while begging to be taunted and humiliated for their comparatively small endowment. Sexual submission is usually limited to the bedroom for these men because they seem to be able to compartmentalize the fact that they are only inferior because of their perceived, small penis and, on occasion, express angst that they have fantasies of seeing the black man as superior, even if it is only in a sexual situation."
And from thus arises the "sort of dichotomous mentality (in white males) that sickens me," and you define the "dichotoumous menatlity" as : "The sickness of white submissive men is that they have these racist fantasies in the bedroom and go out and try to compensate for it in public by telling nigger jokes, promoting hate speech when other white men espouse racist views, etc."
What you wrote is very much like something I found when searching for more scholarship on the subject. It seems to come from an academic paper citing Dr. Frances Cress Wellsing that says, "White supremacy is a psychological defense mechanism to genetic color inadequacy (whiteness). Dr. Welsing believes whites are 'genetically vulnerable,' and therefore overcompensate for their insecurity with oppressive behavior towards people of color."
In looking only at myself, I feel you are spot on in your assessment. Ashamedly, I possess such a dichotomy at times, though I haven't gone as far as disrespecting our President.
Here's the problem, that dichotomy that you pinpoint is rotting me as a person. My growing sexual obbssession with black sexual domination/superiority is unhealthy at best, psychotic at worst, but one that has an overwhelming magnetic pull.
I remember a saying from my high school history teacher: "He who does not answer to the rudder shall answer to the rock."
My question is, how do I steer away from the corrupted path I'm heading down? I don't want to be this weak-ass, vile person you so accurately depict. I believe I can be a lot better than that.
Have you ever written, or be interested in writing, a story about a "dichotomous" white boy like myself or the Canadian man you mentioned, and take him from Point A (sexual/racist dichotomy)to Point B (something happens to make him realize the implications of this sickly dichotomy and how unhealthy it is) to Point C (A state of healthy transformation, where he learns from his misguided behaviour and becomes a well-adjusted, respectful man of conscience)?
Perhaps such a story would be a fairy tale, but it could provide someone like me a path toward the light.
You just realized that Black men have bigger dicks? I highly doubt that. If I said that black men have bigger noses, bigger lips, bigger asses, you'd hardly find that shocking. You spend hours upon hours looking at porn with black men with substantially larger dicks fucking white women and yet you are shocked when I say that the myth is not that black men have bigger dicks.
It's not my responsibility or job to help you transform your pathos. You need a therapist. Preferably a black therapist one I would imagine.
Point taken. I was thinking the black men i see depicted in porn are more the exception than the rule. You were right to use the word substantially, but I was thinking it was pretty much related to the fil stars.
I guess, I should be more direct. I was feeling you out to see if you'd be interested in writing a commissioned story for me.
I hear you about seeing a therapist, a little curious why he or she would have to be black though. But I trust your knowledge and would like to see what you would come up with in a story.
Also, I noticed you capitalize "Black," when referring to black people. Why is that? I hven't really noticed it somewhere else.
Lee, you have the makings of a cyber stalker written all over you. I just got rid of one, I have no desire to replace him. I'm not your teacher, your mentor, your therapist, your guru, or your sexual confidant. I'm a writer. I write Black and interracial erotic stories that show Black people in a positive, healthy light and that also work to dismantle the stereotypical depictions of our sexuality. Your objectification of the black male body is clearly unhealthy. You can't, however, make me the focus of your attention in your effort to purge your demons.
I guess there's a fine line between showing interest and "stalking." I apologize if I crossed it. As a writer of interracial erotica that depicts black people and others in a healthy light, I figured you might be interested in constructing a story for a potential customer.
I hope many more people find your work as compelling as i did these last few weeks. I found it defining and helpful.
I'll respect your boundries and wish you the best.
Interesting conversation in the comments section.
This entry makes sense. Too bad no one else is exploring this phenomenon as deeply as you are/have been.
i am 46 years old who has craved being feminized by black men since i was 18 years old in boot camp and saw their penises in the showers theirs were so big and mine was so small thay had the big ones, i had sex with 4 black men in my life and thay always bottomed me i do feel guity after sex with them but i always crave to be feminized by the big black ones i dont think i can ever stop there has to be alot of white guys like me im only 5ft 5 in height and am attracted to tall black men email me please if there are more news on this topic please i dont know wy its only black men ? i do see alot of white women with them i believe thats a reason for my interest and yes im always looking for porn with black men and feminized white men any people from Philadelphia feel the way i feel do you think i need to see a doctor?
Part II
I feel that the desire to role reverse with women is the desire to (at least attempt to) experience the sexual act from the other side, to *relinquish* whatever constructed power (however believed or circumstantial) or privilege that we have been told exists/does exist in hetero sexual relations to me is the potential of BDSM and things like sissification. Who the hell wants to be on top or on the bottom all the time?
To the extent that whenever men & women come together there is always a sense in the room of the potential for gender conflict due to the historic and prehistoric power dynamics between genders. Role reversal BDSM plays/explores with those dynamics, the roles by definition being fraught with archetype and cliché. It is up to the players to take from their occupation of those depths a new sense of their own psyches and those of their partners. Certainly when people of different races come together there is always a negotiation of space and vibe and etiquette to be worked out with the very same sense of the longstanding history hanging over the room. Black women of course have their worked all the more cut out for them as they negotiate a society of men and a society of whites. The semiotics of blackness or whiteness are constantly being either reinforced or undermined by encounters with actual human beings. The charge that my girlfriend and I both felt by our sexualizing sociopolitical issues was profound, however founded on archetypes/clichés it may be. So, I suggest a fourth type of white male submissive who seeks to yield himself in a sexual circumstance as a form of deconstruction of privilege and a desire to know the other.
Just putting that out there.
Part I:
What is at the core of desire? The wish to…‘partake’ of someone who draws our attention. Instinct, perhaps a deep sense of a natural order to things,a raw sensation of hunger in the loins (not tumescence but something more like a hunger pang) when someone beautiful walks by you. All day long I see people who attract me, admittedly at that most immediate, shallow level of mere appearance, but for me, when encountering someone I find beautiful (in whatever way) there is always that sensation of wanting to…consume or be consumed by that someone. Pure animal energy: a girl with a beautiful ass that passes me on the sidewalk inspires a desire to pounce; the sexy, masculine dyke at the hardware store that exudes a certain energy that makes me want to bend over for her; the male body builder that passed me in the park who as a fellow man who appreciates the effort involvd in attaining such a physique inspired the desire to service him; the androgynous Jagger-esque rocker at the record store inspired me to want to compare dicks and see who drives. These are all various desires to “get some of that” before race, archetype and cliché enter the picture.
As a white man who has spent most of his time in LTRs with women – be they wasp, black, ashkenazi – it is with women that I have felt most safe to expose all aspects of myself, psyche and sexuality and with them that I have felt that religious-like desire to give oneself over to someone, and receive them in kind. Each LTR has had a substantial BDSM component with both parties at various turns assuming the role of top or bottom. BDSM plays on archetypes: big cocks, like big boots or big symbols like swastikas being perennial classics. Big cocks in particular as symbols of virility and of predominance can be found throughout the primate family.
When occupying the submissive part of my brain, I confess to being something of a ‘size queen’ regardless of the level of melanin. I also enjoy degradation and suspense, so yes a mouthful of big cock or big dildo, or a faceful of cum, will always have a mythical resonance (desirous or not) for us males of the species. Because of the subtle rituals that men have in one another’s presence, eating cock -- no matter how homosexual or heterosexual one might be -- will always have the semiotics of power surrounding it.
It was recently in my current LTR with a (another) beautiful, wickedly intelligent black woman that the Big Black Dick archetype was first really invoked for me.
However, the resonance was not about ‘oh, how degrading’ for me but rather the experience of my girlfriend’s own buried issues and archetypes surfacing in that dominant role.
In Role Play, the dominant has to achieve a certain objectification of the other. The submissive at the same time seeks a certain level (to taste) of malice. I remember the moment in our first spontaneous session with a recently acquired, melanin-appropriate dildo when I could feel my woman’s objectification of me take hold and found the distance and malice she exuded incredibly soothing like a wrathful god would in fact sooth a catholic perhaps. Penance, perhaps. Penance combined with gift giving: here I offer myself at your disposal out of love. She later said to me how charged it was for *her* to see "this white boy sucking on my big black dick” That energy from her was the biggest turn on for me and so it went cyclically.
The BBC in that case had mythic resonance. It was in this line of role play/inquiries into our separate psyches and forced societal pigeonholes that I came to "fetishize" “Big Black Cock” as it were. But the actions we were involved in, dare I say felt like a form of healing ritual (not that that work is ever done or anything).
I am a 50 y.o. white male. I have loved I.R. sex for many years. In my alone-time fantasies, this by far my favorite. The rest of my life is pretty boring, even though I have many friends mostly white and several black. I gone as far as having sex with 2 different black transgendered people. I love bbc, I love its power, its intimidation, its incredible attraction. But for me, it's purely sexual. It's not a lifesyle. What's wrong with a little fun?
What's wrong is you haven't done the work to rid yourself of your racists beliefs.
Post a Comment