Mr. AfroerotiK Application
I’ve given up on finding love. It’s just not going to happen for me. I’ve learned my lesson and I’m prepared to spend the rest of my life alone. I’m not saying that there aren’t any good men out there; I’m saying that the men that I attract are not emotionally mature nor are they capable of vibrating on the same level as I am.
That being said, I’ve created a fool-proof method to get rid of any potential bothersome men who might try to distract me and convince me that true love might in fact be possible for me. I have the quintessential disqualifier of sorts. I’ve composed a series of application questions that I’m going to give to any suitors who may catch me when my guard is down and give me a glimmer of hope that companionship and intimacy might be an actual possibility for me.
The following is a list of questions that any man who is interested in me must complete in full. Those who are unwilling to even attempt the questions are automatically seen for the insincere boys that they really are. Those who complete some of the questions and not all of the questions will prove themselves to only be capable of handling the good situations in life and not the rough or difficult situations. Those who complete all the questions but their answers reveal some hidden misogyny, insecurity, immaturity, or personality flaw will be politely dismissed and summarily discarded with a quickness. That combination of disqualifiers will ensure that no Black man will ever earn the title of “Mr. AfroerotiK.” I demand a man who is introspective, who has examined his life, who can be honest even when the answers are painful.
It’s not too much to ask for a man to answer these questions. If I am to give you my heart, my body, my love, then it certainly should be a privilege for a man to take the time and answer these questions because what he gets in return will be a woman who is loving, nurturing, supportive, challenging, and who will love the dirty socks off him. We as women, myself included, are too quick to allow a man access to our hearts when he hasn’t proven himself worthy. I refuse to get hoodwinked by evil, manipulative, pathological liars and cheaters who know how to say what they think I want to hear but really feel another way. The questions are constructed to weed out the brothas who think they don’t have to do a damn thing to be in a relationship, the game players, the boys, and the emotionally immature.
- What did you do wrong in your last serious relationship to cause its demise?
- What does it take to make you happy?
- What are you going to be doing 10 years from now?
- What can you say to reassure me that you will never cheat on me?
- What would you do if you discovered that your wife was cheating on you?
- Who are your heroes?
- You are writing our own wedding vows. What would yours be? (roughly)
- What mistakes did your parents make in raising you?
- What are you better at than anyone else in the world?
- If we were in love, how would you SHOW me that you loved me?
- What is the worst thing your ex’s could say about you?
- What do you consider your responsibilities in a relationship?
- Describe in detail your religious, spiritual, philosophical outlook.
- Why do you think most marriages fail?
- How would you make our relationship last if one of us were to have to relocate to a distant location?
- What causes infidelity in relationships?
- What traditional roles, if any, do you expect your mate to fill in a relationship?
- What traditional roles, if any, will you be willing to fill in a relationship?
- What is the sexiest thing a woman has ever done for you?
- What’s the sexist thing a woman could ever do for you?
- What do you think is the most important issue facing our country today?
- What do you think is the most important issue facing the Black community today?
- Describe the events in your life that made you grow up the most.
- Describe your position on the following topics: abortion, welfare, homelessness, unemployment, reparations, the war in
- Whom is the person you hate most?
- Where would you go on your ideal vacation? Describe what you would do.
- Describe your perfect wedding, honeymoon, and dream home.
- What’s the biggest regret you have had in your life?
- What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done in your life?
- What’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done in your life?
- What aspects of your personality would you change if you could?
- What will they say about you at your funeral?
- How do you feel about going to counseling?
- What is the biggest improvement you need to make in your life?
- How many women have you had unprotected sex with?
- When will you know when you have found Ms. Right?
- What makes you think you are ready for a long term relationship?
- Why do you like me?
- What is the most important thing you want to teach your children?
- What is the most important thing that your parents taught you?
Any man who can answer those questions will have proven that he has done the work on himself that is deserving of a chance to be my man.
13 comments:
I like this list. I've asked a few of these questions to my current partner, but now you've given me ideas for more questions to ask.
Thanks for sharing.
1. What did you do wrong in your last serious relationship to cause its demise?
I was wrong for not walking away from the marriage when I needed to. My passions were not allowed, when she said she supported me in every sense of the word. But when it came time to prove it she failed. But because this wasn’t just some little relationship and we were married, I tried to stay to see if things could be worked out. But resulted in Divorce anyway.
2. What does it take to make you happy?
Support me in what I love to do as I support you in all you do. (Dreams, passions, and aspirations)
3. What are you going to be doing 10 years from now?
Well I’m an Artist and writer, which now I’m currently writing my first novel and a book of poetry. I would like to be settled in my Career as a teacher and or historian. I don’t have kids, so that’s not an issue. I have never wanted children but if the right woman came along I think I may reconsider. (Might Reconsider)
4. What can you say to reassure me that you will never cheat on me?
As long as I’ve been in relationships, I have been cheated on, on several occasions. I don’t like how it feels and as the man that I am, I would much rather tell you that I’m not comfortable in the relationship anymore and would bid my farewells because I would leave before I cheated. The thing about that is… I would communicate with whomever what I’m feeling, and if our differences can’t be resolved, that’s when I’ll leave.
5. What would you do if you discovered that your wife was cheating on you?
WOW, been there… Not much I can do… Like I said before… I’m man enough to come to you and see if we can work something out, so why couldn’t you? Divorce is necessary. Cheating should not have been a resort because if communication didn’t help then we should go our separate ways.
6. Who are your heroes?
I’m my own hero… I came from a big family and grew up in some pretty hard times. Being the middle child of 7 wasn’t a cakewalk. I made it when the people around me never thought I would.
7. You are writing our own wedding vows. What would yours be? (Roughly)
Don’t know… Because I don’t really know the person who is you… The true person I am to fall in love with… Until I educate myself on who you are, I could never start to think of what I would say.
8. What mistakes did your parents make in raising you?
Even though I was neglected mentally and emotionally, I don’t think they made any mistakes because I have grown to be the man I am today.
9. What are you better at than anyone else in the world?
Comforting people when they need it most.
10. If we were in love, how would you SHOW me that you loved me?
The little things matter most, unless you are my ex’s who were materialistic as all get out. I love to read; I’d read to you… Invite you to join me to do the things I love to do. And for me that’s something really hard. I’m a private person, so If I ask you to join me to do something I love… That says a lot.
11. What is the worst thing your ex’s could say about you?
They would say, they think that I didn’t give us a chance. When I’m hurt, I’ll be damned if you will continue to do it. I have really made some bad choice of women in my life, because I was so infatuated with the whole idea of being in love, and totally submerged in all it brings. They took advantage of that in me and would never say anything good because they lost a good thing.
12. What do you consider your responsibilities in a relationship?
My responsibility in a relationship would be to care, share, love, take care of emotionally, physically (not sexual), and to provide. (Providing is not financial… You can be financially well off and be the most miserable person ever.
13. Describe in detail your religious, spiritual, philosophical outlook.
I grew up COGIC (Church of God in Christ) and as I grew up, I began to research the history of the bible and all it’s contents. I found some things that I thought were really interesting. I’m agnostic now, but I believe there is a higher power. I would have to sit down with you to explain further.
14. Why do you think most marriages fail?
Miscommunication and financial are reasons they fail. Most couples that choose to get married, keep the individual mentality that they had going into the beginning relationship. Two I’s don’t make we. We make we.
15. How would you make our relationship last if one of us were to have to relocate to a distant location?
Go back to the old days before texting and emails were in… I’d use U.S. Postal Service… (Cute) Communication is key. Then We would have to come up with a way together to see each other as often as possible.
16. What causes infidelity in relationships?
Once again, miscommunication or no communications at all cause infidelity. And if you have baggage from previous relationships, bringing the issues of your past into something we have… Then your trust issues cause infidelity.
17. What traditional roles, if any, do you expect your mate to fill in a relationship?
I don’t believe in tradition… Be yourself, and if someone can’t take you at face value move on. We bring what we bring to the table. And most times than none they balance each other out. (Seeing that both parties are mature enough to handle a relationship. I say that because relationships aren’t for everyone.
18. What traditional roles, if any, will you be willing to fill in a relationship?
Consult # 17.
19. What is the sexiest thing a woman has ever done for you?
Sexy? Seeing that I’m usually the one doing things for my mate, there isn’t any that I can recall.
20. What’s the sexist thing a woman could ever do for you?
I use to be a male exotic dancer and for her birthday, let’s just say I was her chef and her dinner.
21. What do you think is the most important issue facing our country today?
The government is our most important issue. They are people who can make a change at any given time but choose not to. Our Children are our futures, as Whitney put it so nicely. If they struggle in the environment that was formed to help them to get ahead in life, then we as a people, children included, our futures don’t look so bright.
22. What do you think is the most important issue facing the Black community today?
So much has shifted in the last 10 years, that around the country you have a few different issues. From Job security, to young people having children as children themselves. From HIV/ Aids to our young people still wanting to belong and gangs being their only way to feel like they belong.
23. Describe the events in your life that made you grow up the most.
My being neglected growing up and getting my first “fulltime” job at the age of 13, so that I could pay for school supplies and things I needed for all my extracurricular activities, made me grow up fast.
24. Describe your position on the following topics: abortion, welfare, homelessness, unemployment, reparations, the war in Iraq, legalizing marijuana,
Abortion: Many times as a woman things happen that you never thought could happen to you. Rape for instance. I’m sure that one who has been raped would not want to keep a child out of a situation as that. But I could be wrong.
Welfare: Welfare was a system implemented by the government to keep lower class America low. Although just because you are or have been on welfare does not mean that you weren’t in a situation that you had no control over. Nor does your being on welfare mean you have to stay there. Get yourself together as one would see fit and get off welfare.
Homelessness: Wow, this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I’ve been homeless twice in my life. Once in college, and the other time was after my divorce… I was trying to help someone in need and I was neglecting my own bills and such. Well I got evicted and I lived out of my truck for a month and a half, going to hotels when I got the money to, to take showers and such. 80% of our homeless population has served in our military, in which one would have thought that they would be taken care of being they went out to fight for the people they didn’t even know. If I could help I would in anyway… I do already. I may have close I don’t wear anymore and I’ll take them to someone on the street. Even buy them something to eat.
Unemployment: 50/ 50 Is what I say to this topic. Some people who are unemployed are that way because they choose to be. They think they are above working at a fast food restaurant or a gas station. I was unemployed for a while, but I hustled legally to get what I needed.
Reparations: Reparation is right but not enough. Sometimes one would think it would be but most of the time it just isn’t enough.
War in Iraq: Seeing that I got out of the Navy right before 9/11, this is the dumbest war ever. I hate to see our brothers, fathers, sisters, and mothers going over seas to fight for something as simple as oil, money and power.
Legalizing Marijuana: If that’s your cup of tea then you should be able to do as you will with it. Seeing it is a natural thing that is used for medicinal use, I think If it isn’t hurting anyone, let it be. It’s not like cocaine or meth, and isn’t deadly. I’ve never heard of someone overdosing on Mary Jane.
25. Who is the person you hate most?
My ex wife
26. Where would you go on your ideal vacation? Describe what you would do.
I would go to Egypt. It’s the country of true beginnings. I’d visit all historic features and sail down the Nile River at sunset.
27. Describe your perfect wedding, honeymoon, and dream home.
The perfect wedding would be an intimate setting under low light and very close friends and family, outside at sunset with candles. The honeymoon would be in Colorado or the Pocono’s in a very wonderful cabin. Dream home is 5 bedrooms, 5 full and 2 half baths, 2 offices, Movie Theater, gym, game room. 4-car garage.
28. What’s the biggest regret you have had in your life?
I have none.
29. What is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done in your life?
I chose school over modeling for Ebony Fashion Fair
30. What’s the smartest thing you’ve ever done in your life?
Keep going even when it seemed like I didn’t want to go on or live.
31. What aspects of your personality would you change if you could?
I wouldn’t change a thing about my personality.
32. What will they say about you at your funeral?
He was a great man of integrity and honor. He did what he could for those around him, and even those he didn’t know.
33. How do you feel about going to counseling?
Counseling is ok if all else has failed.
34. What is the biggest improvement you need to make in your life?
I’ve already made those changes in life.
35. How many women have you had unprotected sex with?
I’ve had unprotected sex with 15 women
36. When will you know when you have found Ms. Right?
I’ll know that I have found Ms. Right when we can truly say that we are both happy with each other.
37. What makes you think you are ready for a long-term relationship?
I’m tired of being hurt. I just want to be. If my being is being by myself or being with someone I can grow to love for the rest of my days on earth.
38. Why do you like me?
I can’t say that I like you… All I can say is that I would love to get to know the person who is as fed up with b s relationships as I am.
39. What is the most important thing you want to teach your children?
Live life for them, and not for those around them. Not even their parents. We all make mistakes and those mistakes are what make or break us in our maturing and growing up. Do for others, even when it hurts, it will come back to you one day.
40. What is the most important thing that your parents taught you?
In them telling me to focus on one thing, I learned to do everything I want to when I want. Don’t let anyone deter me from what I believe, not even my parents.
~J W Porter II
kasual_soul@yahoo.com
I think your list is missing a few important questions:
41. Can I see a copy of your current credit report? (Do you keep your word financially?)
42. Can you provide a copy of your criminal background? (Character matters)
43. What is your SSN and Drivers License Number? (are you willing to be that vulnerable to me?)
44. Can you show me a recent test for STDs? (Are you bringing me any baggage like HIV/herpes/etc.?)
These four will weed out the pretenders quicker than the previous 40 questions.
Okay, I'm only being slightly sarcastic. I totally agree that each of the questions you listed and the ones I added should be required before making a true commitment (marriage). I'm sorry that so many people must learn the hardest way that they should have done a bit more checking before giving their heart/soul/body to someone who does not deserve it OR to someone who is not yet sufficiently mature to handle it.
This blog could help out many women AND men if they keep this list in their heart and have the disciple to get the questions answered BEFORE getting in too deep. It will also help us to have a well thought out answer before putting them to our partner.
Thanks again for what you do. I will be forwarding this link to many friends...
what happened to courtship?..you know that period of time when you get to know each other.
I've been deceived in the courtship process, told the things I wanted to hear, and then found out that the man had NO integrity, couldn't tell the truth if he had to, and that he was masterful at pretending to be everything to everyone with no substance.
I think the biggest test I will give anyone who I MIGHT consider being with in the future is, let me see your computer, let me see your cell phone.
I had a roommate once. He is the biggest whore on the planet. Every word he tells women is a lie. He romances these highly intelligent, successful, mature, sophisticated sistas with no intentions of even meeting them sometimes. Other times, his objective is to use them for sex and then tell them that he can't commit because he's not ready to be in a relationship. I think he just LIKES lying, convincing women that he is this poor tortured soul who is longing to find a good woman and he gets off convincing women that they are unique. He does nothing, absolutely nothing, except pursue women and sex. He has no hobbies, he has no friends, he has no life except trolling dating sites, craigslist, and looking for women. He talks to as many as three different women a day. He texts women constantly, not doing work in lieu of sending 100 texts a day to various women. His rap is tight. He's not a thug, he's not a bad boy, he's got it down to a science.
If there's anything I learned from sharing space with him, it's to check a man's computer and his cell phone (with permission of course, I'm not a snoop) Other than checking sports scores, he does nothing except look at porn and chase women online. The grossest part is, he romances these nice, intelligent women and then goes out and gets hookers and strippers and submissive women he can beat and humiliate. If any one of these women that he is romancing were to see his computer or his cell phone, they would CRINGE at all the lies he tells. I really don't think he knows how to tell the truth. He's 45 and a pathological liar.
My computer and my cell phone is an open book to any man who gets close enough to me to be a potential partner. I'm not running game, I'm not on a million dating sites, I'm not trying to keep as many men on a string as possible. When I'm interested in a man, I'm only focused on him. When I'm not interested in a man, I'm about business, not scouring every site to find a man. I would gladly let my potential partner see my email, my browsing history, my porn collection, and my cell phone. I would expect that he be able to do the same, sitting next to me of course, so that I could ask questions and he could explain.
I lived with (as a houseguest) a guy I was romantically involved with for a couple of months once. He was a dog and I was fully aware of it. The other young ladies in his life weren't as informed as I and he lied to them about my role in his home. That was fine with me, I really didn't care that he was lying to them about me which says a lot about my state of mind at the time and how dysfunctional I was. We shared a computer. The things he told those women were outrageous. Again, he was not a thug or a bad boy. He was a successful, well paid, professionally employed smooth talker. He went to church every Sunday, he was an attentive father to his children. He played the piano and could converse about every subject under the sun. He was also lying to so many women I have no concept how he kept all the lies straight. And when he got busted, he would blame the women for not trusting him and make them feel like shit.
Come to think of it, a brotha can lie when he answers the questions, but to give up the computer and cell phone, without time to clean up, is the real test of a man's character. I don't expect a man to be pure as the driven snow, but I also don't expect him to be a stank, lying ho either.
That's the ultimate test from now on.
I can do 41 through 44 as well... I hate the fact that other guys have to mess up things for good guys... That's why since my last marriage, I've been single... I'm tired of being the one who takes all the frustration of my significant others past. I'm happy being single. I don't go out or date... And I know that may be a little hard to believe, but I don't. When You been accused of things that you don't do. That hurts. But hey... Time heals all wounds. My motto is, "I can do bad by myself, and good even better."
I think you list is great! Unfortunately, many of us learn the answers to these after being hurt, mistreated, and mislead. African american women need to learn to love themselves as much as we love, accept, and make excuses for our men.
Is there any hope? Because my friends have pretty much lost all hope and given up. As for me, trust has always been a challenge for me but seeing and experiencing these things makes it even worse.
At least from a very young age, I've been at peace with being alone and happy. All the drama and bullshit..... it's not worth it.
My friends and I waver between trying to be happy and single and yearning for something more.
I would never waste time on a woman who would treat a relationship (that hasn't even started yet) like a corporate contract. I've found that such woman are boring, materialistic and sexless. Almost never warm and fun to be with. Romance won't last with such women even if you have the finance.
Also, the list of questions are presumptuous in a sexist way: Any woman should first present her OWN answers to such questions before demanding answers from another.
Wow to Jim... I never looked @ it that way...
Better not hit a brother with all 40 questions at once. One a day for forty days is about the right pace.
"What are you going to be doing 10 years from now" is unanswerable.
feels like the sort of questions that got thrown at me during an interview.
What are your political afilliations?
If two people were fighting?
profiling
Madame Afro life and love are to organic to be structured by questionnaires. especially the black experience. but you know this already
great blog and website
1 luv
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