Am I not my sister’s keeper?

You see it all the time, every day in fact. Black women look for any opportunity they can to ridicule, belittle, and denigrate “those black women.” You’ve seen it, if a Black man finds a lame excuse to malign black women as gold-diggers, or bitches, or some other offensive and sexist slur, Black women will come out of the woodwork to jump on the bandwagon and throw some fuel on the fire. To hear them tell the tale, these upstanding and outraged women are always the best mothers, the most exceptional pillars of the community, beyond reproach with nothing but contempt for “those Black women.” They have nothing but venom for the underprivileged, disadvantaged, or God-forbid, women who’ve made a mistake. They are perfect and they make sure to stand atop their pedestal of condescension to point the finger of disgust at “those Black women.” They don’t have a problem with misogynist rap lyrics because it doesn’t refer to them; they are referring to “those Black women.” They are above any vile criticism of Black women in general because they are not one of “those Black women.” Their anthem? “I’m a strong Black woman.” They have no compassion, no empathy, nothing but judgment and hatred for “those Black women.”

Black men have no such pathology. In fact, they tip the scales on the opposite end of the spectrum. Black men can never find fault, flaw, or blemish with another Black man no matter how reprehensible their behavior. A Black man can have 23 children for whom he pays not one thin dime and you will find brothas lined up to excuse his behavior. In fact, Black men will find some reason to blame Black women for his excessive offspring, saying that if women didn’t spread their legs, he wouldn’t have so many children. RARELY do you hear a Black man saying, “I’m not one of those Black men.” There is a certainly solidarity in having a penis that dictates that Black men stick together to avert anything negative and turn it into the fault of the Black woman. When there is any constructive criticism given of Black men, the tendency is for Black men to assume that the criticism is directed to every Black man on the face of the planet and it becomes the responsibility of Black men to defend and deflect.

Both behaviors are unhealthy.

Any person that feels that he or she has to malign someone else is inherently insecure. There’s a huge difference between identifying the unhealthy behaviors of Black women while trying to bring about a certain amount of consciousness and healing and talking shit and badmouthing other Black women so as to appear superior/perfect. Hating (in the literal definition of the word, not the commonly used definition of simply criticizing someone) other black women for being victims of societal conditions shows no compassion and compassion is a sign of maturity. This whole, “I’m a strong Black woman,” archetype is delusional because it perpetuates this myth that Black women are these super sassy, indestructible forces that can raise children on their own, go to school, have a job, and maintain a relationship without blinking an eye. News Flash, Black women are suffering from depression, rage, dying of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and doubled over with fibroids and it’s because we are so intent to hold on to this irrational stereotype. The women who live long, happy, healthy lives are the women that understand that it’s human to have weakness, to ask for help, and to admit imperfection. There’s no valor in being so hardened, so filled with hate at your fellow sistren that you lack the empathy, a quality Black women should embody and personify.

Standing up against oppressive, sexist, and misogynist depictions of ANY Black woman is a measure of evolution. We all suffer, when we are referred to as bitches and ho’s, those that believe themselves to be just that and those that would sooner spit on those women than acknowledge that their plights are the similar. Aren’t we all as Black women, looking to feel validated and loved, to feel as if our life has value? Haven’t we all, every Black woman, made poor choices when it comes to men? Yes, some women have been led astray by unhealthy influences and messages and yes, they behave in ways that are detrimental to their self-esteem and self worth. If we can’t come together, however, to stand united against the oppression of ALL Black women we will perish in a quagmire of backstabbing and denial.

Copyright 2006 AfroerotiK