Random Thoughts

I’ve been on a spiritual journey for more than 20 years now.   I’ve been fortunate enough to know my mission for over 15 years now: to create social change, to educate, and enlighten, to lift the consciousness of African Americans, and to break the chains of mental slavery that imprison descendents of slaves.  I write about the impact of slavery on the collective consciousness of African Americans and I use a non-conventional medium to bring about conversations of personal growth, transformation, and healing.  Every single moment of the past decade has been spent trying to accomplish that goal with a laser-like focus.  

 

 

Unfortunately, I have failed at every juncture to spread my message to the masses.  I’ve journaled, prayed, meditated, I’ve sacrificed, redefined myself, read more books than you can shake a stick at, and I’ve done rituals.  I’ve used the techniques of creative visualization and acted as if my outcome was assured.  I jumped but the parachute did not open. As I lay there, battered and bruised, I had a Conversation with God, trying to find a way to go on.  I was given a Celestine Prophecy that I was to go out and spread the message about a paradigmatic shift in consciousness that has to occur so I started out on The Road Less Traveled.  I came to a fork in the road and I decided to take The Artist’s Way.  Everyone I met, I tried to share The Secret, and I offered to teach him or her A Course in Miracles. 

 

I feel discouraged that human consciousness can evolve because I see so many people holding on to and defending such dysfunctional patterns.  The groupthink that pervades the earth’s thoughts are so out of alignment with truth and love, that I can imagine a new earth but I don’t see us getting there in my lifetime without a shift mastered and engineered by the Creator of all.  It would take nothing less than a miracle for humanity to evolve.  All of my thoughts are consumed with trying to help my people see how we have been warped by a system of chattel slavery and how we are still enslaved to debilitating belief systems.  I will try to hold on to a belief that something better is around the corner, that I will be able to experience peace, love, joy and freedom in my lifetime. 

 

I am an avid practioner of the religion of Scottism.  It is a religion of one member, me.  My current understanding of God came to me in two separate epiphanies, both less than a fraction of a second in time, one almost 20 years ago, the other during the alignment of the planets in May 2000.  My first flash revealed that this world is an illusion, nothing is real.  Everything is energy vibrating as different speeds.  God is the source of all that energy.  That chair does not exist, my body does not exist.  Everything is energy in motion with no beginning and no end.

 

During my second revelation, it was revealed to me that ALL is God (I’ll use that word because it’s the one that means the I AM, the Universe, the Creator, Divine Spirit, the Unspeakable to me) Regrettably, my human language and English limitations prohibit me from explaining all that was revealed but I knew in that flash, that holy moment. God is the energy of all that is; there is nothing else but God.  God exists as all light, all love, the highest vibration.  God is like a room of nothing but pure white light.  When we were God, we did not ever go outside that room; we did not know that anything other than God existed, because nothing else did.  God decided to experience something “other” and created this “reality” as an “experiment” (these aren’t the right words, but I don’t have the lexicon to articulate it properly). 

 

Everything is an illusion.  All there is is God; our vision allows us to think that these experiences of life have value.  There is no such thing as pain or joy, evil or good.  Just as a drop of water from the sea contains all that makes up the sea, we, too, are but tiny drops in the infinite sea of God.  God, in an effort to experience something other than itself, has created us as actors in a play.  Our costumes are our bodies.   Our roles are our life experiences. We play these roles to experience the illusion of other, when in fact there is nothing but the Most High God.  Just as an actor is not the character he or she portrays, we are not these human beings we think we are.  Everyone, everything is God.  The murderer, the saint, the scholar, the destitute are all God vibrating at different levels to experience other than the highest vibration.  We are all the embodiment of God experiencing different vibrations. When we leave these bodies, we will be reunited, remembered with the body of God, our drops will be added back to the sea of God, we will live in the room of light again.
 
 

I write about issues of race.  I get hatred, venom, and outrage on a daily basis from people when I say anything other than color doesn’t matter.  I am called a racist and any number of vile and repulsive things because I am addressing things that people refuse to think about or accept.  I’m a Black woman, so I face a unique situation in that not only am I discounted by white people who have a pathological need to hold on to the status quo, but also I’m discounted by black people who have a abhorrent hatred of me holding a mirror up to our dysfunctions and asking them to change.  I’m also the victim of a peculiar brand of sexism in that anything I say is discounted as nonsense because I don’t have a penis.

 

I write about issues of sexuality.  I get hatred, venom, and death threats on a daily basis from those with a vested interest in holding on to a heterosexist, homophobic, patriarchal, misogynist world-view.

 

I listen to the words of Barack Obama’s speech Yes, We Can, and I have hope that we can change.  I listen to the words of John Mayer’s song, Waiting on the World to Change, and I have hope.  I read the words of hatred from people who don’t know me, who hate me for trying to address painful issues and I don’t see how we can ever get there.

Q: What is it about society that disappoints you so much?

A:  I am repulsed by the group-think that infects the masses that is clearly immature, quite obviously emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and mentally retarded, which perpetuates racism, sexism, heterosexism, patriotism, capitalism, xenophobia, religious intolerance, and stupidity as the norm, as the standard that we should be striving towards.  I’m tired of the media “reporting” that our society is sexually conservative and moral when the evidence is there, for all the world to see, that our society is replete with sexual deviants and perverts who boldly post their videos of bizarre sexual proclivities online, who post ads on craigslist seeking depravity and filth and yet we are told that the only sex that Americans engage in is married and boring and for procreation only. 

I’m sickened by the concept that sex with someone of the same gender is considered a sin when there are millions upon millions of people who are sexually aroused by taking the innocence of children, there are networks of pedophiles who make fortunes from the exploitation of children, and the government knows and they turn a blind eye.  I don’t want to live in a society where the entire financial system is run by white men who are corrupt, criminal, and megalomaniacal, who think they can digitally move funds around to make themselves richer while systematically denying people of color the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness because their greed supersedes the needs of the masses.  Those same white men, the same ones who go online and rant how AmeriKKKa is being ruined by niggers, are the same ones, sucking Black dicks in glory holes and paying Black men to fuck their silicone enhanced trophy wives because they hate themselves, they hate their whiteness, and they think that sex with Blacks makes them some sort of animal. 

What about this society disappoints me so much?  The fact that the most beneficial, medicinal plant on the planet is illegal and stigmatized and the Black and brown men who sell dime bags, or a few pounds are imprisoned for life when white men are making fortunes for selling the legalized, medically acceptable form of the exact same plant.  I despise that big pharma is making billions, not millions but billions of dollars selling drugs that cost them pennies to make that have side effects that are keeping people sick and dying.  I hate that insurance companies would rather make a profit than provide life-saving treatments to human beings.  Life is expendable.  Moreover, poor life, Black life, is disposable. 

The stench of racism permeates every single facet of society.  Racist white men dictate, control, and silence the voices of the oppressed, their lies, and their delusions are taught as truth in schools.  Movies convince us that white men are heroes and they always save the day when the police are slaughtering Black people for sport and entertainment and the only people who care are the ones who look like me.  White terrorists are “poor, tortured souls,” and innocent Black victims are demonized and made out to be criminals for wearing the wrong skin color. 

Any thinking, sane person would be disgusted at a society where the Kardashians not only have a show, but where they are celebrities for no other reason than their attractiveness and one-dimensionality and superficiality.  I find it offensive that every single song on urban radio is barely literate and perpetuates stupidity.  It hurts me to my heart that Beyonce, with her blond weave and her endless efforts to appear as white as she can possibly be, is touted as the epitome of Black beauty.  I hate that every single thing she wears, from her 7 inch stilettos that cost the same amount as rent for a 2-bedroom apartment with a master bath, to her see-through, skimpy, tight outfits meant to arouse men is seen as the spokesperson for feminism, conforming to every sexist, misogynist stereotype that exists.  I hate that young Black girls see her as a role model and think her poorly-written songs are anthems for empowerment.  Reality shows that don’t show anything close to reality, are nothing more than scripted melodramas with fighting, lying, cheating, and irresponsibility are enough to drive any sane person off their rocker. 

Any society that claims to be morally right that champions the right to life of a few cells in a woman’s uterus but then systematically denies living breathing CHILDREN free lunches, daycare, and a quality education that will allow them to move from poverty to self-sustainability is an evil nation.  Women only have value if they are attractive, if they are sexy and hot.  Black people, rather than boldly proclaiming that we are beautiful and strong, rather than trying to liberate ourselves from the brainwashing of our slave masters instead try to emulate and imitate them, denouncing our own beautiful, natural hair for their stringy, limp, flat tresses.  We actually believe that diamonds, the bling we think gives us more value, are more valuable than other stones white people steal from the earth at the cost of African lives.  We believe that the more we have their blood mixed in with ours, the more attractive we are.   Black people embrace anything ghetto as inherent to our blackness.  We don’t know any healthy alternatives so we proclaim that our unhealthy, dysfunctional behaviors are justifiable.  Everything is backwards.  What’s to love about a society like that? 

There isn’t much about this society that doesn’t disappoint me.   People thinking 140 characters and a hashtag is a viable form of communication.  Six second videos played over and over that become subliminal brainwashing of stupidity.  Real intimacy and communion with another human being?  There’s an app for that.   “Watch this video and you’ll be amazed at 1:23 seconds.”  Every article, every news article from people who are supposed to be journalists is nothing more a list of 35 reasons you are doing something wrong.  We need some escapism from reality.  Life is so stressful.  Let’s go see Fast and Furious 32 because we need a reprieve from the stress of microwaving our genetically modified food and playing endless hours of violent video games. 

The hypocrisy and willful ignorance of this society breaks my heart.   

What do you have against white people?

The overwhelming and most consistent characteristic of white men is their arrogance.  They believe the world revolves around them.  They feel like they are entitled to respect, satisfaction, entitled to have the last say, whatever it is that they desire more than anyone else.  Even those who identify themselves as submissive are more often than not, arrogant as fuck, because they can’t comprehend that as a black person, I’m not willing to satisfy their desires or conform to their fantasy of what a Black woman should be. 

Running a close second to arrogance in universal characteristics of white men, actually, intricately tied to it, is racism.  They dismiss any experience other than their own as invalid.  Because they don’t have any experiential knowledge of the things that black people discuss, share, or opine, they claim it has no validity.  They form their opinions based on racist beliefs and god forbid anyone who challenges those racist beliefs, they are going to suffer the wrath of the almighty white man. 

As long as white men say, “I’m not racist,” that is supposed to mean that no one is supposed to question their motives.  Apparently, if they jerk off to interracial porn, that means they aren’t racist.   Forget that they are masturbating to nigger porn and it’s perpetuated on the belief that Black men are inherently inferior, or that Black men are sexual savages.  Even when they say, “I want to be humiliated and degraded by serving  the superior Black race,” they really mean, “It would be so degrading and humiliating to serve you because you are supposed to be inferior and I would be lowering myself to beneath you if I did and that’s the ultimate humiliation . .  . in private”  Think about it.  If they believed Black people to be truly superior, submitting to us wouldn’t be degrading, right?  If I had a nickel for every time a white man said, “I’m not racist,” followed by him saying, “Black men don’t raise their children and they love to fuck white women,” or some other racist and offensive stereotype, I’ve have enough money to self-publish my book with change enough to have a big sack of nickels to hit them in the head. 

Some white dude sent me a message claiming how he wanted to submit to a black woman because he had so much power in real life that he wanted to relinquish it by serving a black woman.  He was a 20 something college student.  My question to him was, what the hell sort of stressful, powerful decisions do you have to make as a college student, which beer to drink?  I wanted very much to question his motives further, inquire about why he felt that serving a Black woman was so degrading but oddly enough, he blocked m when I called him out about the fact that he didn’t even have a part time job and he had no really stress or pressure to relieve.  His supposed power was nothing more than his unjustified privilege as a white man.  I can assure you, that 9 times out of 10 when a white man tells me that he wants to submit to me, I can respond by saying, “Meaning you want to be my faggot sissy bitch while I let Black men fuck your slutty white pussy bareback.”  In never fails that they fall all over themselves proclaiming that I’m some sort of psychic mind reader that has tapped into their deepest darkest secrets, like their fantasies are unique or special.  Every fucking day it happens, like clockwork.

White men look at BET or one of those horrid reality shows and think Black women are all pole dancers and ghetto hoochies and that we are just waiting for a white man to come along and validate us by telling us that we are pretty so they can add a chocolate pussy notch on their belts.  White people are becoming more and more comfortable being racist and all they have to do is say, “I’m not racist,” and all is supposed to be forgiven.  White men are becoming more abrasive, threatening, and confrontational when I speak out about racism, when I discuss race outside of a sexual context.  It’s all good when I’m talking about fucking them with a strap-on or making them suck a big black dick, but when I talk about white male privilege, when I talk about institutional racism or the abnormal and delusional behaviors of white men in society, then I become an uppity nigger bitch.

What I find fascinating is the number of white men who have some sort of sick and really psychotic need to create profiles to try to disparage me.  I’m transparent.  My name, my real pictures, my identity are out there for all the world to see with no shame. There’s something incredibly infantile and mentally ill about the number of white men who think it’s unique or hurtful to make up a profile in order to make negative comments about me.   I think it speaks to a  collective white insanity that so many white men have done it, that so many have sat behind their computers trying to figure out how to get that bitch AfroerotiK and the best they can come up with is making up a fake profile to feebly attempt to ridicule me. 

White people who privately acknowledge their submission to black people don’t rid themselves of the racist beliefs that are ingrained in their psyche in this society.  Any country built on the oppression of one race is going to pass on those beliefs as the foundation for all thought processes, institutions, and defacto practices.  The whole, "I don't see color," is nothing more than rhetoric and doesn't indicate anything other than a person not willing to look at their own misperceptions.  You god damn better see my color.  My color is replete with the pain of my ancestors and my daily struggle. 

I had a white gentleman tell me a story once that I found utterly fascinating. He told me, admittedly, that he used to be racist but had a transformative experience. He went on to say that he had procured the services of a professional dominatrix. She blindfolded him and went about her business of degrading him, humiliating him, whathaveyou. Unbeknownst to this man, the white pro Domme had in fact switched with a Black Domme who was responsible for giving him what he felt was the most intense experience of his life. This Black Domme apparently had urinated on him. Well, once the blindfold was removed, voila', his racism was gone. Healed by the magical piss of the Black woman. I suggested to him that racism isn't just washed away with a little piss and that in order for him to truly rid himself of racist behaviors that he would really need to challenge his beliefs, learn, reprogram all that he'd been taught. At that point, he called me a racist nigger bitch.

Time and time again, I have white men tell me that they aren't racist because they are attracted to black women, because they want to submit to Black women.  But, in the same breath, they are afraid to meet me in public in a place where people that know them might see them.  Or they tell me that black women are superior because they are so naturally dominant, never giving credence to the totality of us as women, that we can be frail, sensitive, emotional, nurturing, and basically human beings.  You don't love Black women if all you see us as is an outlet to your fetish.   

I've had white men tell me that they want to be with a black woman to see if our pussies taste different.  Number one, I'm not a scratch and sniff experiment; I'm a human being.  There is absolutely nothing different about my physical make up other than the presence of melanin.  My blood is the same, my tears are the same, my piss is the same, and my pussy is the same.  If there’s a difference in my taste it’s because I’m an individual and EVERYONE is going to have a different taste.   

I had a white man tell me that his wife had a black lover and he would be forced to pay the black man to service him orally and how he felt that was the ultimate humiliation.  He professed that he wasn't racist and how he thought that Blacks were superior.  When asked how he thought Blacks were superior, he listed physical characteristics.  Check it, if he thought blacks were truly superior, he would not feel it was humiliating to suck a black cock, it would be an honor.  I asked him some of the Black people that he thought were intellectually superior and he said Condoleezza Rice and me.  First and foremost, there should NEVER be an occasion where Kindasleezey Rice and I are compared on the same scale.  She is the anti-Christ and I denounce her as a black woman.  Second, it's obvious he had no clue about my intellect; he was merely enamored with my propensity to fit his fantasy of what a sassy Black Domme should be.   

I can't tell you how many times I've had white men tell me, "Oh, I wish I was a black man."  When asked why, the number one reason, "They have such big cocks."  Okay dumbass, you think being a black man is all about fucking white women with an 11-inch dick?  You don't see the correlation between black men and the prison population, Driving While Black, and the inordinately high Black murders by police.  No, you don't want to be a Black man; you want to have white privilege, a big dick AND have white women throwing themselves at you.  White men who say that stupid shit inevitably say, "I don't have a racist bone in my body.  Not since I started watching interracial porn,” as if an orgasm while looking at a black person have sex cures diseased perceptions." 

My favorite?  White man approaches me and tells me how submissive he is to black women.  I tell him I’m not interested in a submissive at this time, white, black, or other.  They tell me that they can (fill in the blank with a degrading and humiliating act) and refuses to accept that I’m not interested in him.  Next thing out of his mouth . . . YOU RACIST NIGGER BITCH. 

On the other side of the spectrum are white men who claim to have no affinity at all to interracial domination and who claim that they don't see color at all.  They claim that it's just a coincidence that they are aroused by my writings and that they have never contemplated race before.  Their rhetoric is all the same:  they are oblivious to color, color doesn't matter, can't we all just get along, I wasn't raised racist, and as of late, "I voted for Obama."  None of these clichés, not one, is an indication that a white man has given up the racist beliefs that have been programmed into the minds of white males since Blacks landed on these shores.  If you don't see color, you don't want me to dominate you.  I am a Black woman, with a different perspective, a different culture, different experiences, and far less privileges than someone who is white and who has a penis.  My ancestors were slaves, I am a descendent of the strongest people this country has ever known.  You mother fucking skippy color matters.  Please don't try to make me into some sort of "chocolate" version of a white woman because I most certainly am not.  In fact, I'm not chocolate at all, I'm Black. 

The only white people who aren't truly racist are those who are willing to be empathetic and understanding, who are willing to concede that they don't have knowledge of racism, and who are willing to listen to those who have experience with it and to those who are willing to speak out, educate, and enlighten others.  The only individuals who aren't truly racist are those who are willing to walk a mile in the shoes of the activist, to listen to their tales of horror, to feel empathy and compassion for an experience that is different than their own.  When white people try to silence me with cries of, "You're the racist," and other such clichés, it shows that they are not willing to give up their privilege, that they are vested in holding on to their patriarchal, misogynist, racist beliefs.  Just saying, I'm not racist," doesn't make it so.  Conversely, trying to silence people of color at the mere mention of issues of race is clear indication of deep-seeded racist mindsets, beliefs, and ideologies.

That is what I have against white people. 

Any more questions?