The advent of the personal computer and the internet has created
what I’m convinced is an epidemic of unhealthy behaviors. EVERYONE, with so few exceptions as to be
barely negligible, looks at, masturbates to, and is aroused by the myriad of
porn and the extreme and various genres that are available literally at our
fingertips.
Everyone has a sexual online identity that they would NEVER share
with anyone else, that they don’t want another human being to know that they
compartmentalize, hide, deny, and don’t acknowledge to even themselves. Look at the user-submitted video sites
online. Look at how many videos are
submitted DAILY that show people engaged in sexual behaviors that would never
be considered mainstream or even discussion for polite society. Even those of us who admit that we look at
porn have sites we visit, we have things that arouse us that we would never
share with another human being, not even our significant other. The amount of extreme, fetish, and bizarre
content that is available is all the proof I need. It’s impossible to believe that only a
handful of people are creating the volumes of extreme sexual content that
exists online. And for every individual
who feels comfortable creating a video of themselves doing really extreme
things, there are 10s of thousands, 100s of thousands, perhaps millions of individuals who would NEVER create or
share a video of themselves, who would never comment on forums or message
boards or take a chance that someone would link them with a subject matter that could be considered deviant.
When I was growing up my mother had a collection of porn
that was graphic and extreme and explicit.
To say that it was hardcore would be an understatement, it included
every genre other than those that would be considered illegal. My mother is as sexually-repressed and
conservative, religious (hyper religious in fact), and as “normal” as the next
person. If she had that sort of
collection, long before the internet was even a concept, then there is no way
to convince me that in this day and age people’s normal curiosity doesn’t lead them,
even those people who profess to be bastions of morality and chastity, to look at
material that is “bizarre and weird”.
That sort of compartmentalization is unhealthy. I look
at porn that is bizarre and extreme and I happen to think that my sexual
practices are far more conservative than most people. I don’t’ compartmentalize my sexuality. I make very concerted efforts to be honest
with my partners about the types of things that have aroused me late at night,
when I’m horny and lonely and desperate for arousal. I’ve graduated from looking at the more
tame genres to seeking out things that were once repulsive to me. I know that when I do find a partner with
whom I’m willing to share my body and my fantasies, that there will come a day
when I MUST share ALL the things that have aroused me over the years. I have to do that for myself, for our
relationship, for the opportunity to be completely honest with not only him but
with myself.
How many of us are ashamed of our sexuality? We think that what we like, desire, fantasize
about in private is different, extreme, and dirty in comparison to what society tells us
is acceptable, to what other people like.
We don’t want to express our true desires to our lovers because we are
afraid we will be judged, that we will be seen as abnormal, because we’ve been
socialized to believe that what goes on between our legs is bad, dirty, and
shameful. Join with me as we begin a new chapter in
our lives in which we view our sexuality through different eyes,
embrace our sensuality as part of our spirituality, and we begin to rethink the
ways in which we’ve been taught to view pleasure at the various stages of our
life. It's that sort of thinking that is revolutionary and AfroerotiK.
