I Like Scat

 

 

Scat as a fetish, a source of sexual arousal is not rare, it’s not extreme or fringe, it’s not even abnormal.  The truth is that scat is extremely prevalent and pervasive in this society, (and British, Japanese, German, and Brazilian cultures as well but you know that already because you’re an adult who looks at porn) and people deny the truth that is right in front of our collective eyes because we have been convinced by scripted TV, movies, and “polite society” that anything more than kissing and missionary sex is fringe and extreme.  The collective delusional belief, created by forces that feed off our emotions of shame and fear, is that people who are aroused by scat are surely one-eyed trolls who live under a bridge and unable to function in society and you will be able to tell in a fraction of a second if you see someone who likes scat because they are freaks.  We are convinced that no sane person in the world is aroused by scat, only insane people could be that fucked up. The truth is, people who are aroused by scat are regular, normal people who subsequently live in shame of being aroused by something that millions and millions of people find arousing and are terrified of someone finding out that they like something that is a natural extension of our natural sexuality.  What?  How can I say that scat is natural, not disgusting and gross?  Because our bodily functions are normal.  There is nothing disgusting or unnatural about what our bodies produce. 

 

I get it, before we are out of diapers, we have been convinced that poo-poo is nasty, gross, and disgusting.  We live our entire lives, we don’t even have memories of a time when we haven’t been told that shit is stinky and dirty and shameful. We have to close the door when we shit lest we offend our family, we have to strategically time our workplace shits so we can be alone and no one will smell our poop.  We have to spray away the smell, we have to be ashamed if we fart. We are a society obsessed with germs and the fear of germs so scat has to, by default, be at the very top of that list. Didn’t MC Hammer say, “Can’t touch shit!” Surely you can’t or you’ll have to cut off your hand because you will have cooties.  We surveyed 100 people with the top six answers on the board.  Finish this sentence.  Eating shit will cause you to, Normal family, what do you say?  How about . . . die, Steve? And the survey says, . (bing) DIE.  The number 1 answer, 100 people answered.  But is that true?  Isn’t it possible to see millions of videos online of people eating shit.  Are they all dying? Is there a secret pandemic of people eating shit and dying and we don’t hear anything about it on the news?  It certainly seems odd that on any given day, thousands of new scat video content is uploaded to the internet by Karens and Kens all over the country doing extreme, elaborate shit play.  White people LOVE disgusting, filthy, nasty, extreme shit play and the evidence is all over the internet and we pretend it doesn’t exist because we don’t want anyone to know that we look at it.  

 

It’s time for me to say here the Black people online engage in shit play but not to the same level of dysfunction as whites.  Black scat online consists of just the act of shitting, showing the pile of turds, shit fucking, having anal sex that gets dirty, and with less frequency, smearing it. 

 

I’m not saying there aren’t people who are genuinely disgusted and repulsed by scat. Of course there are lots people who do, we live in a society that tells us that our vaginas are supposed to smell like spring rain and our underarms are supposed to smell like Tropical Coconut Vanilla Harmony obviously people are going to believe that nothing could be more disgusting.  But tons of people pretend it’s disgusting to project and protect their image as sane and they are aroused by it behind closed doors.  That creates insanity, that creates a level of sexual dysfunction that eats at their mental health. I refuse to be one of them any longer. 

 

I’m aroused by scat.

 

I’ve always said that if you want to know what AmeriKKKa is really like, look at amateur porn, that’s where the truth lies.  We live in a narcissistic, self-absorbed society that NEEDS to show off their kink to the world and what they do behind closed doors is on full display for the world to see 24/7.  The reality is that on every porn site on the internet, there is evidence of people’s extensive fascination with shit.  Mainstream porn sites like Pornhub and Xhamster don’t have porn on listed on their categories further convincing people that scat is so nasty, that it crosses a taboo that normal people can’t stomach.  Take a look at the cartoon/3D porn and you will see scat galore. Read the comment an anal videos, they will unashamedly display people’s insatiable lust for dirty ass-to-mouth and other scat related interests.  There’s one thing you can be sure of.  For every white middle-class, suburban white woman licking public toilets and smearing herself with shit, for every live cam model shit-fucking her asshole with dildos in private shows, for every white man hiding his identity and dressing up in women’s clothes and eating shit, for every Satanic, white supremacist shit orgy, there are countless more who are doing similar things behind closed doors who are terrified to post any sort of scat content online.  Even those who are willing to post other extreme content, scat remains the final taboo.  And for every person who is terrified to post their scat sex online, there are even more of us who would never do any sort of scat play, who have no desire to act out their mental scat fantasies, are still aroused by watching videos. 

 

It seems that on an almost daily basis, I have submissive white men who are shocked, astounded even that I know their nasty secret, that they want to eat my shit.  Almost without exception, the start of every conversation with white men starts out with them denying and lying about their interest in scat, telling me how gross it is, how they take extra precaution to avoid any shit in their undercover gay sex romps with strangers in glory holes, and how it’s absolutely a hard limit for them.  And inevitably, when I tell them I’m a scat Domme, that I employ the psychological use of scat extensively in my domination, all of a sudden their story changes and they BEG me to eat my shit and they are voracious shit eaters. And I can’t count the number of times they’ve said, “This is my scat profile, my regular profile is (fill in the blank with some predictable porn name).”  Think about how absurd that is.  Your life is so compartmentalized and you are so full of shame, that you can’t even put all your desires on your kink profile where your face isn’t shown and you list that you are from Antarctica.

 

Black men are not very different although the instances of them expressing interest in scat is exponentially more rare than white men.  Those who do have interest almost always start out telling me how much they hate scat, how disgusting it is, and then, oddly enough, when I tell them that I am aroused by scat, Oh my goodness, what do you know, they really like it and they only lied because no women like it and they apparently have been shamed by women by confessing their scat desires and now they have to lie about it.  Which is an entirely appropriate response for a 15 year old.  Emotionally mature adults understand that building a relationship based on lying to your partner about who you are and what you like is bound to fail. 

 

When I was a teen in the 70s I found my mother's porn collection.  It remains one of the most extensive collections I've ever encountered bar one or two men who were anti-social, misogynist, porn addicts.  She had dozens of copies of primarily Penthouse Variations, Penthouse, and Hustler magazines, no lame Playboy or even Playgirl for her, as well as a host of even more extreme sexual books, manuals, and guides.  I surmised at the time that her porn collection was largely from the men she dated as they were all married.  It made sense to my mind that they would give her their porn to hide from their wives and additionally it would make her appear more progressive and sexually liberated which was a win/win for all parties involved. Now, I understand that it was probably her own personal collection, that women’s sexuality is not limited to soft core romance and is as varied and complex as men’s. Whatever the truth, the result was that around the age of 14 or 15, I had volumes of porn to explore after school, every day, until I graduated high school and moved out. 

 

From the start I gravitated to the stories more than pictures.  The pictures were titillating to me but it was the late 70s or early 80s so diversity . . . wasn’t a thing.  Every model was Barbie with blond hair, blue eyes, thick makeup, fake boobs, and an anorexic body.  Suffice it to say, the novelty wore off quickly.  Even then I was more evolved than just being aroused by one-dimensional images.  The lesbian pictorials, even though they were only white women, made me tingle "down there." I loved passion and connection, I loved authenticity, even at that age.  Other than a few interracial images with Back men and white women in some of the more extreme/hardcore books, all of the couples were white and even then I felt disconnected from their sexuality.  I didn't know how, but even as a virgin I knew that I didn't relate to what they were depicting and those books.   I loved reading the tiny digests that held stories of deviance the most. Penthouse letters, with its stories of vanilla fucking, bored me, I wanted kink.  Mind you, at that age, in that time, the only sexual images I had seen in real life were late night episodes of Benny Hill.  For those too young to remember, it was like British Dave Chappelle with boobs, gratuitous skit of crass humor that featured topless women that served no purpose whatsoever other than to show boobs. 

 

Penthouse Variations was my absolute favorite and I read every word in every copy, and there were years worth of copies, all neatly aligned in order of publication.  It wasn’t long before I realized that my mother had a subscription to Variations and a new edition would come in the mail every month. I would let her read it for a few days before I made my move to look at it.  She would always hide the newest copies under her mattress or in her underwear drawer until it moved to its neatly cataloged spot with all the older copies in her closet. I remember reading the incest stories and the golden shower stories first.  I thought the mother/son and the brother/sister stories were the hottest even though I had no brothers, which obviously meant my mother had no sons, so I had no personal reference to fantasize about those particular dynamics intimately.  I absolutely did not like stories of fathers and daughters at all which is sort of odd because I didn't know my father so it shouldn't have had much of an issue with that dynamic.  Even to this day I find stories of fathers having sex with daughters to be instances of rape and power and misogyny and not at all arousing to me.   That’s just me. 

 

I didn’t know how to orgasm so just getting wet was pleasurable for me.  I would kneel in front of the mirror, look at my asshole, and stick a hairbrush handle in it. Vaginal penetration didn’t offer as much arousal, even at that age. I didn’t even know enough to fuck my pussy at the time.  I remember the fear of my mother smelling shit on the handle and I was meticulous in scrubbing it free of any shit smell.  As I got a little more confident in my ability to put the magazines back in the EXACT way I found them, I would take the new edition to the bathroom after dinner and while my mother was downstairs watching TV, I would sit on the toilet and read it, getting aroused by stories of people peeing on one another.  Once or twice, I took a copy to bed with me and read it under the covers with a flashlight.  That was too rogue for me and I was too terrified of getting caught so I went back to after school reading while my mother was at work. 

 

In the collection of porn there was a book of women's fantasies titled My Secret Garden.  Women, real women as they were called, as if there is another kind of woman, shared their secret sexual fantasies. The various chapters explored all sorts of sexual fetishes including rape, bestiality, interracial, lesbian, incest, etc.  One story was about a woman who fantasized about she and her friend hiking.  Mid hike, her friend stated that she had to go to the bathroom.  She was captivated by watching her pull down her pants and piss and then, without warning, she decided to take a shit.  The contributor described watching it come out and how aroused she got watching her friend pushing out a turd in front of her.  That story mesmerized me.  I can’t tell you why.  I was practically vanilla it was so tame. She took a shit on the forest floor and her friend watched.  That was it.  The end.  When I went away to college, the first week I was there I bought that book, feeling liberated like an adult for the first time in my life, and read that story for YEARS, far more than a decade.  In fact, it was the ONLY story in the book I read.  I don’t remember how I masturbated in college, it certainly wasn’t with any toys, and I doubt I was sexually mature enough to know about clitoral orgasms so I probably just fingered myself and convinced myself that I was having an orgasm, replicating what the stories depicted by breathing heavy and moaning. 

 

I was married for a short while during the time VHS porn was burgeoning.  I didn't want to watch anything but anal porn, preferably lesbian anal porn.   The lesbians were raunchier, they were more explicit in their unadulterated love of all things anal.  I started to experiment with various aspects of anal: wearing butt plugs in public, using vibrators and dildos, etc.  When I divorced, I graduated to using longer and bigger anal dildos.  I remember the first time I used an anal probe and it came out with shit on it, I freaked out and ran to clean it.  The very next day, as I used it, in the back of my mind I knew it was going to have shit on it when it came out and that thought, just the knowledge that it might come out with streaks of shit on it thrilled me.  At one point, I masturbated anally every day for over a year. I would read the story of the woman watching her friend shit in the woods, use a vibrator on my clit, and not even fuck myself in the ass, I would just put the dildo in my ass and enjoy the feeling of fullness.  I had no desire to play with shit myself, I had no desire to eat shit.  I had zero real time shit desires other than the thought that my anal toy might come out streaked and that thought alone was thrilling. 

 

As the years progressed, it dawned on me that anal was my primary source of arousal.  It would have been blatantly apparent had I been the least bit introspective in this sexually repressive society but I came of age during the time when women weren't allowed to say anything but, "Anal!?!?!  Yuck! That's nasty!"  Enemas became erotic to me.  The cramping, the expulsion, the feeling of lightness that followed, the entire fact that it was associated with me preparing to masturbate anally.  I only watched anal porn.  Anal is still the only porn I consume although I only listen to the more verbal porn while I read gay scat erotic stories. My tastes in anal porn are very specific. I HATE listening to white men talk in porn, it turns me off if I hear them degrading and abusing women, white men all sound obnoxious and annoying to me in porn.  I like mature women, women who are old enough to own their sexuality, not young girls who have been weaned on porn their entire lives, saying things like, “Ram your big dick in my shithole and fuck me.”  I am repulsed by women being degraded and objectified and that’s 98% of porn so I usually go to my favorited mature anal verbal porn I use as a soundtrack while reading stories of men who are voracious shit pigs. 

 

In my early thirties, I started to discover BDSM.  I would encounter submissive white men EVERYWHERE.  If I went to get gas, the white man at the pump next to me would stare and I would boldly ask, "Are you submissive," and he would fall all over himself proclaiming how he wanted to devote himself to me.  In the grocery store, at my favorite local restaurant, everywhere I went, white men would linger too long at looking at my feet or my ass and I would just come out and say, "Are you submissive," and the response was always affirmative.  It was the late 90s so the internet was becoming mainstream so I wanted to understand more about domination and submission so I would ask questions online. I honestly thought that someone was playing some sort of trick on me.  Every white I encountered online described his NEED to drink my piss, to lick my dirty asshole, and eat my shit.   I thought that it had to be the same guy creating multiple profile identities to stalk me.  The idea of white men serving me in that way was arousing on some level but it was also very apparent to me that they didn't really see themselves as inferior to me, that their depravity dictated that they thought that eating my shit was particularly nasty, nastier than eating a white woman's shit because they saw me as a nigger, they equated eating my shit as the pinnacle of depravity.  I was Black and that made me more animalistic, less human in their eyes.  It was then that I became a psychological Domme, manipulating white men's inherent racism to reveal to them that I was truly superior to them, that it wasn't just a role I played that ended at the bedroom door. 

 

In my 20 years of dominating white men, I’ve never fed anyone my shit.  I’ve given enemas to two men.  I took a shit on a newspaper once but it was not with anyone else, it wasn’t something I did as an act of domination, it was a personal exploration to see how it would feel.  Just the idea of shitting someplace other than in a toilet was arousing to me.  After I did it, I panicked because I was terrified of how to throw it away without being detected. I couldn’t leave it in the trash can and I was terrified that if I threw it away in a trash can outside, someone would see me or find it or something. Twenty years after discovering my mother’s book that held that one story, I still couldn’t even acknowledge to myself that I was scat aroused.  I had no desire to touch, taste, or experiment in any way with shit. I wasn’t sexually aroused taking a shit but the second I went online, I was reading scat erotic stories. For the better part of the last 25 years online, I have orgasmed to reading scat stories, primarily gay scat stories over 90% of the time. 

 

Where I am now, today, with the last decade and a half of being ESSENTIALLY abstinent, only having a boyfriend for very short periods of time during that period, with the remaining time being essentially sexless, I’m completely comfortable with my level of scat arousal.  I have written some amazing scat stories, all fiction.  Truth is vital to my identity so I have only lied to two or three white men about my experience feeding white men shit, but the truth is I’ve never done it, I don’t NEED to do it, and if I do ever decide that someone is worthy of eating my shit, they will have spent several years proving their devotion, commitment and love to me, it’s not something I would do casually and it’s not a service I would ever sell.  Today, my mother pretends that she’s never ever heard of golden showers, that she can’t understand how Trump might be aroused by being peed on.  I can’t do it.  I refuse to do that.  If someone doesn’t like me because I’m aroused by scat, I am perfectly fine with that because I know it doesn’t define me and I can assure you that the very people who pretend not to like it, are doing all sorts of nasty things that they deny and denigrate in public. 

 

My desire now, at almost 55 years of age, is to share in my life with an openly-bisexual, scat aroused Black man where he physically dominates white men with me, including feeding them his shit, while I psychologically dominate them.  In my ideal fantasy, beautifully chronicled in my story, The Shitty Four Day Weekend, my lover and I dominate white men together, I administer the psychological torture, he the physical punishment.  I would love to experience the intimacy of having my lover, my partner, my man sitting on a rim chair and feeding a white man while I make love to him, I slide my pussy down on his dick and tell him I love him, I love that we dominate white men together.  I want to look him in his eyes while a white man begs and pleads for my man’s shit, licking his asshole, tongue fucking it, giving my lover pleasure beyond description while he waits for my lover’s manly turd to fill his mouth.  The thought of telling my man that I love him, kissing him, feeling his dick inside me while some white guy is chewing on his shit, licking his hole, sucking it, tonguing it . . . just the thought drives me mad.  That level of intimacy and connection is intoxicating to me. 

 

I can create a shit pig with no effort whatsoever; I can turn someone from saying they don’t like shit to someone who is begging me for it in a matter of hours.  I've done it too many times to count. It’s my psychological fuck. Every type of white man craves shit, from rich to poor, from the highly educated to the Trump supporter.  They all share similar stories of their scat evolution because it’s part of the natural human spectrum of sexuality. The story is almost always the same.  At the beginning of their sexual awakening, they realized that they like anal stimulation.   They found their mother’s dildo, they used their father’s screwdrivers, their sister’s hairbrush or they put a carrot up their ass.  Because society has convinced males to believe they are gay, sissies, some form of sub-human scum if they like being anally penetrated it set the stage for their life of shame, denial and lies.  The only problem is, again, is that if your body experiences sexual pleasure from a physical sensation, it’s supposed to, it’s natural.  Anal arousal is as natural for men as it is for women, we share the EXACT same physiology, the exact same anatomy except men have a prostate, a male clitoris that is made for men to experience even greater physical pleasure.  The male ass was built for penetration. 

 

Just as I discovered with my anal probe, just as I experienced with the hairbrush in my mother’s bedroom, occasionally there is going to be shit involved with anal play. That is normal and natural. And what we experience when we are sexually aroused becomes hard-wired to our sexual identities.  So, the truth is, men, women, EVERYONE enjoys anal stimulation, it’s the way our bodies were built.  And eventually, shit is going to come into play with anal sex and because we associate it with being shameful, being taboo, with being the nastiest thing that we could ever want, it becomes our shameful secret.  Not just me, not just one-eyed trolls who live under a bridge, but anyone who allows themselves to experience the truth and the fullness of their sexuality.  That means that a whole lot of people are in denial about what role shit plays in their arousal.

 

It's taken me 40 years to get comfortable with the fact that I associate shit with sex and that I'm not at all abnormal.  It's taken me intense introspection, growth, and healing to get comfortable with the fact that I'm intelligent, articulate, sometimes considered reasonably attractive, AND the idea of shit play makes me wildly aroused.  I refuse to hide it from lovers any longer, I refuse to accept that it makes me abnormal, I will not compartmentalize my sexuality to the point where I think it’s something separate from my “normal” self. For many years, I was convinced that I was the ONLY educated, Afrocentric Black woman in the world aroused by scat. Well, no more. I absolutely refuse to be ashamed of being aroused by WATCHING scat porn, not by engaging in it, not by acting it out, but by watching people who do engage in it. Shout out to all the Black people who have become comfortable enough to express their desires for scat play.  I refuse to give one more second of fear or shame to something that is the normal, natural byproduct of our human sexuality.  The more I acknowledge the many facets of my sexuality without shame, the less power I give those who capitalize and benefit from my fear in being seen as abnormal.  And the more I embrace my whole sexual self, the more freedom I have and the less hold the manipulative powers who try to convince us that AmeriKKKa is asexual have over me.