Shining Light on the Shadows

 I am the paragon of Love. In trying to heal, evolve, and grow in enlightenment, I have to speak my truth to power, I have to use my gift to heal myself. I have been trying to ignore the hurt I feel I've had for the last month because 1. I'm going through so much in my life right now that I'm overwhelmed with emotion.

and 2. I'm so entirely used to white men being assholes, that I've grown to accept it and not even address the personal pain if feel when I'm betrayed by someone I've invested in. I invested in a white man more than I've ever done in my life, more than I thought possible, and he ghosted for no reason and not addressing it has stunted my creativity and I can't have that.

Without question, 2021 has been the most fucked up/transformative year of my life. In January, my third eye was opened to a reality that I never knew existed. I "woke" up to an understanding, an instant realization that MAGICK exists, that the reality of life that I thought existed was an illusion. I have processed feelings of betrayal from my family, from society, I have done more introspection and self-examination in the last 12 months than I thought was possible simply because my eyes have been opened up to exactly how fucked up our world is. What I haven't done is addressed the two decades of betrayal I've felt from white men because I've been socialized to accept their betrayal as the norm.

I've always been fearless when it comes to speaking my truth about racism and the same is true about speaking my truth about my understanding and awareness of the Devil, oaths, magick, and the true Wizard of Oz fucked-up reality in which we live. Along with that awareness I've also had to accept as the definitive truth that I AM Divine, that God is my voice, and that we, collectively as Black people are the true architects of the UNIVERSE.

Speaking that truth has alienated my entire client base on Nite Flirt. White men with money, my normal clients, have access to magick and as I spoke my truth about my understanding and awareness, my callers stopped. I am persona non grata to them. My income went from flowing to stagnant, to nothing in 2021 as I refused to pretend that things were "normal" like us Munchkins are supposed to believe.

Who I am as a Domme was shaped by the fallacy of white supremacy. White men, the masterful manipulators who control and dictate what we believe, have forced their narrative of lies and racism on the world, especially in creating our sexual identity. We, people of color, have been victims to their distorted manipulations for so long we don't even question the stupid shit that passes as truth. (This is totally not where I wanted to go with this piece but it is the foundation of my hurt so I'll process it.) So, 22 years ago, when I started to explore my role as a Domme, I didn't have options, I couldn't choose the parameters of my identity, I was expected to fill the role of humilatrix, filling white men's need for humiliation and degradation because . . . Well, I'm not sure why. I know it has something to do with them trying to manipulate pronouns and the words I speak about them are somehow reflected in the alternative world back to me. I don't understand it all.

Anyway, the point is, I have been a Domme for 22 years based on this model of whiteness where white men seek, crave, and manipulate me into their fucked-up game of BEGGING me to humiliate them to get . . . I don't know, demonic points or something, I guess it has something to do with denying our power and the reality that Black people truly are superior, we truly are God made manifest. My identity as a Domme has always been one of us versus them. I have always fought to be seen as human by very racist and obtuse white men. I have always had to battle whiteness. It's always been a fight: a fight for them to not be so fucking obnoxious and arrogant, a constant battle for them to see me, to see Black people as human beings, and it's always been framed by the narrative that they are too obtuse and ignorant to get how racist and fucked up they are. Turns out they know exactly how racist and offensive they are and they do it intentionally to incite emotion in us, to anger us because they get power or something from our emotions.

Still not what I wanted to address but I'm letting this flow in whatever way it wants to go so I can heal and move on.

I have always identified myself as a psychological Domme, meaning I get in a white man's head and fuck him mentally. I have never once in my life wanted to dress up in a leather outfit and conform to some sassy Black bitch role who spanks white men. That would have been conforming to their sickness. The thought of having a white man engage with me sexually has always been repulsive to me so I even the thought of having a white man eat my pussy . . . I just threw up in my mouth. Just the thought is repulsive.

I have always been the intellectual Domme who addresses white men's racism. My nut has always been derived from knowing that I have been able to force white men to acknowledge that I'm superior to them in all ways, not just some sexual roleplay they use to manipulate me, but making them realize that they are truly inferior, that they are weak and pathetic, that the fallacy of white superiority is just that, a fallacy. White men have never been superior in any way. I love knowing that white men walk away from me, run away from me with the understanding that I am a Bad Bitch, that they understand that I'm truly superior to them in more ways than they are capable of truly grasping.

I should say at this point that I've never once had a submissive. I use the words "own a submissive" with the awareness that I've come to see that as a manipulation as well. They want me to be as barbaric as they are, they want me to see them as property and a possession so I can be as fucked up as they are. I've engaged with white men, I've dominated white men psychologically and mentally, but I've never had a white man commit to being my submissive. White men have always used me to get them off and then run away. All of them. I have never had a white man want to be my submissive.

I have been on a quest to find one white man who was willing to commit to me.

I've gotten frustrated over the years too many times to count, seeking this mythical white submissive who wanted to belong to me. I chased after the concept of "the one", the one white man who would see my value and appreciate and respect that I was different, the one who saw that I was special, that I was worth the effort. I've read accounts of white men telling how they have found the Domme of their dreams and how devoted they were to her. I wanted that.

I have had white men who tell me how amazing and wonderful and special I am and then they run away. All of them. Well, not all of them. The simple ones, the ones who don't meet my standards, they are clueless that they don't meet my standards, they don't run away, I have to push them away. The arrogant, offensive, obnoxious and overtly racist ones, the ones who assume that I will dominate them simply because they think I'm an amusement to them, that I will get them off and they can use me, I have to block them. The ones I want to dominate, they all run away.

So, here I am, 2021, more than two decades of dominating white men, still searching for the elusive one, the one who will recognize that I'm exceptional and want to belong to me, and now having this added knowledge of the occult that is driving white men away from me like I have the plague, and I meet someone here on Fetlife who sends me a message saying he read my writings and he's intrigued.

Immediately, from the first message, I was impressed. It wasn't copy and paste. It was respectful, he didn't assume I would dominate him just because I lived in the same vicinity, he wasn't typically racist and arrogant. We communicated well. I read his profile, all of it, and it was offensive, but I made note of the fact that there were two different tones. His most recent entries, postings, and comments were far less racist and offensive than his posting from more than a year ago.

The communication continued to flow, I was pushing him to see me as a human being in ways he had never done, in ways NO white people ever do. He wasn't as anti-racist as I would have wanted my potential submissive to be but he made up for it by wanting to learn to be anti-racist and being open to learning. Let me be clear, as I told him time and time again, he was a 2 on an anti-racism scale of 1-100, but considering that most white men are in the negative numbers, that was a decent place to start for us.

What followed was three intense weeks of me teaching him, me learning to become a different Domme, it was a master class in me coming to the understanding that there is no way in hell that white men are ever going to unlearn their racism unless I am gentle, loving, kind, forgiving, forgiving, and even more forgiving. I was learning that I could be the Domme I wanted to be, but I that in order for me to evolve, I had to become a teacher, not a Domme who gets pissed when white men display their ingrained racism.

I've been fighting racists and racism my entire life, not just as an aspect of my sexuality because my Blackness is not a fetish, it's my identity. I've confronted racism with passion my entire life. With Jonathan, I was able to confront his racism from a place of guidance and teaching, not anger and frustration that he didn't see his own racism. I'm not sure I'm saying that correctly.

Jonathan was racist in the typical ways white men are racist, but he was willing to grow and learn. He assumed he was right, he denied and lied, he had excuses for his racism at the ready, and he was resistant to accepting that his behaviors were typical. But through it all, with me embracing that I was never going to teach a white man not to be racist by getting angry and frustrated with their ignorance, I softened my tone and we continued to grow.

I thought I had found the one, my submissive. I even changed my status on Fetlife, something I had never had an occasion to be before. Ever.

For 22 years, I've operated under the assumption that if I was reasoned and logical and showed white men exactly how they are racist, that they would realize how their actions and behaviors were hurtful and they would be motivated to change. Wrong!

Not being mean is not the same thing as being loving. That was themost important lesson I had to learn. Telling him about his racism in a way that wasn't antagonistic or hurtful is not the same thing as being kind and loving. For 22 years, I've been expecting white men to see their racism because I've been logical and blunt and straight forward, not personally attacking them, but showing them what they can't see from their perspective. And when they don't get it, when they don't see racism, and oppression and the inherent fallacy of white supremacy, I get angry. I have a right to be angry at their racism but my anger doesn't teach them to be less racist. Not being mean is not the same thing as being loving. It's a hard lesson to learn for a teacher who is actively oppressed by their student.

I had to being loving. I had to show more empathy, more care, I had to be more gentle and kind and nurturing and loving to him than I had ever been in my life . . . I have never had an occasion to be gentle and loving and kind to a white man before because white men are bred to be racist and racism hurts, it's offensive, because white men are totally fucking clueless as to how hurtful even their "innocent" racism is.

For three weeks, I invested in him. I forgave. I taught. For hours and hours, every day, texting, writing, talking, I instructed. I guided. I corrected in the most gentle and loving way possible. He had made the promise to me that he wasn't going to run away, that he was in this for the long haul. For the first time in 22 years, I thought I had found someone who wanted to belong to me. I thought he and I were going to spend years together, playing, exploring, being nasty in real life, not just online. When he was racist, I was loving. When he was clueless, I was loving.

Until he ran away.

I THINK the reason he ran away is because he didn't want to make the financial commitment to belong to me. I can't be sure. The only issue we had that I think he could use as an excuse to run away was that he had been being insensitive to me, ignoring the fact that I was going through financial hardship while I was giving him Ph.D level instruction FOR FREE on a daily basis. I told him I needed to take three of four days to myself because teaching him was far more exhaustive for me than learning from me was for him. I asked for however many days it was, three, four, five, whatever it was, and he contacted me damn near every day by text, DM, he didn't respect my request. On the scale of offensive behavior, it was minor.

I understood where his needy behavior was coming from and I told him it was problematic but I didn't make a big deal of it and we continued on. We talked, everything was fine, smooth, no problems. A day or two later, some racist white man made a comment on something I said on Fetlife and I mentioned him in my response, saying that I couldn't wait for the day that he was articulate and anti-racist enough to be able to respond to white men for me. He sent me a text, saying I had called him out on Fetlife. I responded that I didn't call him out, that I MENTIONED him and that he wasn't prepared to address racism in any way currently.

That's the last communication we had.

That doesn't seem like a valid reason to run away to me. As best I can figure out, he decided that he didn't want to financially invest in belonging to me so it would just be easier to ignore me rather than tell me that he wasn't going to fulfill his financial commitment to me.

Jonathan was under the typical white male delusion that I should consider teaching him an honor and he couldn't and didn't grasp that he was benefitting from me and that I was not getting equal benefit from teaching him. Racism is offensive. He was under the assumption that because his racism wasn't as offensive as most white men's, that somehow he was a great guy and that teaching, guiding, training, instructing, and correcting him, all in gentle, loving, forgiving manner was no big deal for me. He was under the impression that there was some equality to our relationship, that I should value the opportunity to teach and guide him, again, for free, as much as he valued learning from me. That's not even how society works. You can't go to Harvard and expect to be educated for free.

I asked him to make a financial investment in belonging to me because I wanted to know that he wasn't going to run away, that he wouldn't just jump ship when things were difficult and that he was going to see things through to the end. And the end would mean him coming to ATL (and I was even willing to compromise on that) three or four times a year to be the sexual plaything for me and, eventually, my lover. I don't ever demand or require a certain amount, I've only ever told white men to decide how much they want to invest in belonging to me and to date, not one man has ever even made the verbal commitment to invest in belonging to me, let alone followed through with doing so. He said he was going to and he wanted to be my submissive long term. All he had to do was talk to his wife and make sure she was on the same page. Of course, he had to find the right time to do that because he couldn't just talk to her about it out of the blue, the stars had to align perfectly so that he could present her with this opportunity.

I can't count the number of white men who have promised to belong to me and then run away, I can't count the number of white men who have said they wanted to belong to me and simply ghosted. I thought he was going to be different and it hurts. I loved who I was with him. I loved how I was growing and evolving. I loved the results I saw in him.

I can honestly say I loved him and that's what hurts the most. I loved the way he would reflect on what I told him and the processes he used to find a new way to look at his privilege. I loved how he challenged himself to acknowledge that he was racist. We were exploring truths and realities (well I think we were, it could have all be a giant manipulation) that were unchartered territory for me.

Now, not only am I not missing that place he had in my life and what we shared, I'm disgusted and angry and resentful towards every racist fucked up white man who isn't him, who doesn't share his potential to be my perfect submissive.

I need to make a side note here. During this time, this magical three weeks of bliss and communication and growing and evolving as a Domme, my creativity was off the charts. Three weeks seems like such a short period of time but for me it was magical, in the non magick way. I was writing and coming up with concepts that still blow my mind. Every day I was being challenged to forgive and be loving to help him see how racist and fucked up he was in ways that didn't make him feel like shit for being racist and fucked up in ways he wasn't even aware of.

The whole process was a challenge and I had to keep accepting that "not being mean is not the same thing as being loving." I had to be nurturing, I had to be gentle. I had to be forgiving of his fuck-ups and understand that he was even more a victim of this society than Black people have ever been. He was operating under this false narrative that white men are superior, that they know everything, that they have a right to have the last word, that they are never wrong, that they don't have to apologize, that they don't have to tell the truth, on and on and on.

I can't imagine finding anyone more compatible with me than he was at this moment. We fit. His style of communication, his eagerness to learn, his ability to apologize after he realized he was wrong. Again, he had a long way to go because my 5-year-old grandson apologizes better than he did but he was light years ahead of most white men in even his willingness to admit he was wrong.

My desire to write has diminished in the last month. When I was training and teaching him, I couldn't stop writing. Every second, it seemed, that I wasn't teaching him, I was exploring ways to communicate and teach other white men to see our humanity in loving ways, and how I could use my stories, how I could incorporate the techniques I was learning from dealing with him into the larger scale of teaching white men who read my work.

I have been ignoring the hurt because I'm so used to it. I'm used to white men taking advantage of me and then running away when I'm no longer useful to them. I've accepted as the norm white men who tell me that they want to be my submissive and never follow through, who ignore me after promising to be devoted to me. I'm accustomed to white men who make promises they have no intention of fulfilling. I'm tired of it.

It's one thing to have someone I'm not interested in be a dick. That doesn't bother me. What does bother me is when I invest in someone who doesn't invest in me back. I have to acknowledge that. I have to acknowledge it makes me feel worthless and hurt. I have to shine light on the shadows. I know in my heart, in my soul, I know that I'm superior to white men and that my worth isn't tied to what their approval of me, their willingness to belong or commit to me but I also have to acknowledge that their rejection of me is hurtful when I've given so much of myself in the pursuit of a dream that will never come true.

Imagine the Post Apocolyptic World

 The year, 2022.

China had bombed the shit out of Washington D.C., NYC, and their armies have taken over every major city, killing anyone and everyone with power with no conscious whatsoever. They have technologically advanced weapons, weapons that make guns look like sling shots.

California has become a huge deportation holding center. Families from across the country, broken, beaten, starving, terrified have been marched across the country on foot, without food and water, chained to the dead and the dying, most not surviving.

Once in California, separated from everyone you know and love, in a stadium full of sick people who are as afraid as you, as sick, exhausted, and depressed as you, you wait and wait and wait for months. You wait for what you don't know because all of your captors speak Chinese. You don't understand anything they say. You are housed with people from all over the country but it seems rare that you hear someone speak English. You hear all the many languages that make up the United States but you don't speak anything but English.

After months of being held prisoner in this huge stadium, you are herded into a shipping container, no light, barely enough air to breath, hot as fuck during the day and freezing cold at night. The container is put on a ship and it takes MONTHS for you to reach China. You are packed so tightly you have no room to move. There is no bathroom so you must piss and shit where you lay. The stench of everyone's waste becomes a part of your being. You want desperately to see someone you know but you search for faces and you feel alone. You are given food but it's infested with maggots. Even without the insects, not even food fit for human consumption.

You are transported to China where everyone who survived the trip is hosed down and given clean clothes and you are paraded in front of men who yell strange things and the next thing you know, you are transported off to a strange city and you understand that it is supposed to be your new home.

The food is strange, you don't know the language and you see others like you, but the light is gone from their eyes. They look dead inside.

You are beaten. They beat you until you accept the new name they give you. They beat you until you renounce your religion and you accept atheism. The beatings go on so long you pray for death.

You are raped. Men are raped anally to make them subservient, women are raped to impregnate them to produce half Chinese offspring that will be sold off for profit to child molesters and rapists.

Your employers, in name only because you aren't paid, beat when you speak English. They beat you when you don't produce enough in the factory. They beat your for their sick and sadistic pleasure.

You are forced to work in a factory, night and day, with no rest, scraps and garbage for food. You are housed in a room, all you have is a cot with no sheets.

You are told how horrible America is, and how grateful you should be for living in China.

You are told that ONLY Chinese people are beautiful and that they are naturally superior.

They do not allow you to read or write. You are not allowed possessions. You are not allowed to date or marry anyone of your own choosing. You aren't allowed any rights as a human being.

All you want to do is go home. You want your old life back. You want the safety and security of your own home. You want your family. You want your name. You want your life back.

Eventually, you gain your freedom. Well not you, but the descendants of people born in American, generations and generations later, in 2422, gain their freedom from the tyranny. They know nothing of America other than what the Chinese have told them. They have no traditions, no memories, no books or TV shows to show what it was like in America, only the accounts of what the Chinese have said it was like, which was horrible.

The freed descendants of Americans continue to reside in China because they have no connection to America whatsoever. They are treated like second class citizens, denied the same rights as the Chinese natives. They never know true freedom because of what they look like. Their skin tells people that they are not really Chinese even if they were born and raised there, even if they only know China as their home. Most people find a way to survive, living their lives trying to stay under the radar and not cause any trouble.

Some descendants of Americans fight for equality and justice, to be treated as fully Chinese, with all the rights and privileges afforded to the real Chinese people. They protest and march demanding justice. The Chinese police mow them down in the streets for entertainment and sport. The Chinese media reports that it's those American Chinese people that are the real problem. They are illiterate, criminal, lazy, and they don't appreciate all that China has done for them.

They take to the streets and they scream, "American Lives Matter"

Now, do you get it?

Pathological Truther

 I hate when people tell me that they never lie. Everyone lies.  Everyone lies all day, every day, for things they don't need to lie about. For the better part of 25 years or so, I've worked hard on telling the truth.  It's hard.  It takes effort and thought and diligence.  Everyone in this society lies so much that it's accepted.  

TV has people convinced that lying is difficult and you can always tell if someone is lying by looking at them because liars always stress out and you get nervous and start sweating.  "Hey, murderer pretending to be innocent, let us strap you up to this machine to see if you're lying."  

 

The truth is, people lie so easily it can't be detected.  

I lied last week.  I was talking to someone and I said, "And the reason I know that is . . ." In the short time it took for me to say the words, "And the reason I know that is," I had already calculated in my mind the pros and cons of telling the truth, weighed both options, I reasoned that the outcome would be less problematic if I lied, and I came up with a lie that sounded feasible and didn't miss a beat between the word is and the word because.  

I wasn't planning to lie. By that, I mean, I hadn't started out the conversation with the intention of lying.  I didn't even start out the sentence intending to lie. It wasn't like I had been anticipating the conversation for days and had rehearsed the lie in my mind.  Spur of the moment, at the speed of light, I made up a lie.

I performed at least 6 major thought processes in LESS than a fraction of a second.  

I later confessed and apologized for my lie.  It wasn't about anything big or major or personal.  I lied about HOW I knew that the race war had started already and the media just isn't reporting it.  I told him that I had a submissive white man who was a doctor who gave me the real deal.  LOL, that's dumb a dumb lie now that I think about it.  Why would a white doctor tell me about the efforts of white people to kill people of color?  I didn't want to say, "I'm the recipient of supranatural insights into the Universe." 

I came clean about the lie and the reason I lied.  

I had a few years out of the last 25 where I lied like average people.  I had found my old boss on Facebook.  I wanted to call her and tell her that I loved her.  I loved her in a way that was pure Divine love.  She was racist, horrible, and evil to me when I worked for her.  But she was part of the puzzle that, when put together, make Scottie the woman that she is today.  

I was stressed out and triggered by the concept of calling her and telling her that I wasn't rich and successful.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't call her and tell her that I was a broke struggling artist who writes erotic stories about Black people. 

That was just too much for me at the time. I felt like a loser.  I wasn't married.  I didn't have kids.  She met me when I was 21.  At close to 50, I wanted her to see me as a home-owning, conforming to societal rules but still creative, middle-class person.  I was ashamed of not being rich.  I was ashamed of being broke and unsuccessful.  I didn't even want to tell her that I had gone to grad school because I didn't want her to have more of a reason to judge me and think I'm a failure in life.  

For at least a full day before I called her, I stressed out over lying.  I figured out my lie and rehearsed it.  I was going to tell her was that I worked with my uncle and we had formed a business where he was a real estate agent and I designed and staged the houses. I had proposed that exact option to my uncle.  I have spent YEARS watching nothing but home improvement shows morning till night.  I used to pretend I had my own HGTV show and I may even had thought of a name of my pretend show. It was the best lie I could tell.  

I called my girlfriend to help me calm my nerves and help me rehearse.  I can almost feel the sensation now.  

I called my old boss.  I told my rehearsed lie, It went off smoothly.  I told her I loved her.  She did not respond or acknowledge me.  She asked me if I was going to come to NY to visit any time soon and that she wanted to see me before she died.  I lied and said maybe.  

The freaky part is, that lie, after that phone call, the floodgates opened, I started, "normal lying."  Normal lying is what what I refer to as the endless string of lies circumstances that recognize that everyone lies because they don't think of it as a lie. Lies do not have to be elaborate like the one I told, lies are a result of living in a society that makes us afraid of being judged.  Lies are the way your brain processes your fear of being judged.  

This society has brainwashed us to lie about everything because we live in constant fear of judgment from other people.  That fear causes people to lie about things that they absolutely don't have to lie about.  For about three years after that incident, I "normal" lied.  Every conversation I had consisted of me not paying attention to what other people said but rather I was anticipating how they were going to  judge me and what I could say to make myself look better to them.  I lied about the stupidest shit possible.  I wasn't abnormal, nothing was wrong with me.  Everyone lies.  

My grandkids made me stop lying again.  I'm on year three of trying to speak truth to power.  I have noticed that since 2021, I'm even more diligent about being honest and apologizing when I'm wrong.  

I remember when I was married a million and two years ago, I told my husband, the one thing I hate most is liars.  "If I can't trust you, we have no relationship."  I told him that if he ever felt unhappy in our marriage, tell me BEFORE he cheated so that we could work on being better or I could walk away with dignity. He didn't.  He cheated and he lied about it. He lied about everything. I thought, at the time, there was something wrong with him. I thought he had some sort of mental defect, like something had happened to him in his life to make him lie about having pizza for lunch when he had Wendy's. It feels like every fight that we had was because he lied.   He lied about everything all the time. 

I thought my ex-husband lied more than normal people.

Turns out, it's not that he lied more than normal people, turns out that I lie less than normal people.  

It's only just in the last few minutes that I just now realize he was normal.  He was normal and lying is normal.  People lie about everything because they fear being judged.  I judged him as some sort of mental illness that made him lie all the time.  My ah-ha moment!  I was viewing him through a lens of being all good or all bad.  

The last big, stressful rehearsed lie that I told, I told to my mother.  Turns out she saw me in the Tuesday other dimensional meeting and she knew I was lying the entire time.  

I cheated on my ex-husband.  It was . . . maybe two or three days  before our marriage ended in a blaze of adultery and pain.  The guy was a UPS driver.  It's possible he may have worked at the same hub as my husband. His name was  Scott and he had a really small dick and he fucked me in the ass in the living room of our condo.  Anyway, I never got a chance to tell my husband that I had cheated because the evidence of his years long affair came to light and my life fell apart.  

We communicated, my ex husband and I, with one another a few years ago.  I asked him why he had done some of the more hurtful things he'd done to me and his answer was, "I don't remember."  He felt guilty.  He thought I still hated him.  I haven't hated him in seems like decades.  

I weighed the option of telling him about my infidelity but there was no point after 30 years.  I would have no problem confessing and apologizing to him if we ever meet face to face again. He doesn't need my apology, I don't feel plagued with guilt.  I would simply like to restore the scales of truth to balance.  I told him that I had forgiven him years and years ago.   I did feel quite guilty for a long time because I cheated on him.  It was my only time cheating. I never cheated on my boyfriend before that. Ever since that time, I've never cheated and I've always lived my my own edicts. (Hmmm, will future generations know what the word integrity means?)

All four of the relationships I've had since my marriage ended have cheated on me.  Ehhh, Emmanuel wasn't really a relationship.  I suspect he cheated on his girlfriends to be with me but I'm not even sure about that. 

White women!  Your husbands are are low key disgusting.  I have dominated white men for 21 years.  I have no idea what percentage are married because white men lie.  But the ones who admit they are married, the ones who tell me that their wives have NO clue what sorts of things really turn them on, they are the ones who are the most deviant men on the planet.  They love to wallow in filth and depravity.  They lie, they lie, they lie, they expect me to believe their lies, they lie and lie and lie some more.  

My most memorable video call was with the married white dude who locked himself in the dog cage in chains and jerked off on the pile of dog turds that he had hidden the key in.  The depths of his depravity repulsed me.  He should not be allowed on the streets, he is a true danger to society. But he's more normal than the white man you see on TV, the one who never cheats and loves his wife.  He presents as a deacon in the church, a pillar of the community type dude and as a great dad and father.  He's not.  Trust me when I say, he absolutely is not.  He makes my flesh crawl.

That takes of lot.  I am not repulsed by men telling me that they are pedophiles, rapists, serial killers, or any other violent/criminal/sexual act. I have learned that our society is much darker than we understand and I acknowledge that far more people are driven by immoral, illegal, unethical, disgusting, disturbing sex than certainly the media tells us.  I've helped someone address their guilt over  his pedophile compulsion.  He is actually a sweet, wonderful man.  I really like him.  (Single).  

I don't see people as all good or all bad anymore.  I look for people who are self-aware.  Own your shit.  That's healthier than the people who deny their shit.  It's infinitely healthier than going out and degrading and castigating people who do things that don't even compare to what you do behind closed doors.  

I have a pleasant and civil relationship with a serial killer who is single and there are 4 or 5 married white men with whom I speak that make my flesh crawl.  To be honest, the single serial killer was far more honest and pleasant to talk to than the married white men who were probably serial killers as well and who just didn't tell me.  

In the spirit of full disclosure, I have masturbated to individuals whose behaviors, actions, and fantasies I find reprehensible but I'm aroused by their willingness to share with me their truth, to let me be their confidant. I'm not conflicted about it because I understand that far more people are dark than light. 

I am sexually aroused by the truth.  I find repulsive and repugnant white men who can confess and tell me their darkest thoughts and fantasies arousing because I'm aroused by white men's depravity.  That's my fetish:  White men's fuckedupness.

I've caught white men in lies and they SWEAR they are telling the truth, and eventually, the confess, sometimes after days of denial, and inevitably, in too many instances to count, after they've acknowledged that they had lied, after they confessed to lying and described to their misdeeds, in many instances they still go right back to asserting the same lie that they already confessed to.  They believe their own lies.  

The people who swear, "I'm not lying, I swear I'm not lying, What would I have to lie about?"  They're lying.  

I'm a pathological truther.  

And, to all those people who say, "I always tell the truth too," I'm going to gently suggest that unless you can show me physical proof: a blog post, a link to a podcast, an article you wrote, show me something that proves that you have spent time contemplating the truth and it's impact on our lives, you're lying.

Pawns versus Rooks

 Darwin wasn't right. Think about it. It's become increasingly more impossible for anyone to continue to believe that ancient humans were primitives who grunted and yelled at the sky when they made fire. It's the information age.  You can get locked down in quarantine and watch hours and hours of documentaries about wonders of the world that are not taught in any American school system, and see evidence of advanced civilizations that existed and left ginormous monuments as evidence. 

You can go down the rabbit hole that is YouTube, watching endless videos that disclose the truth about places, peoples, and histories that have been erased, and intentionally destroyed and the miraculous evidence they left that they had evidence of the heavens and the stars and the planets, the constellations, there is evidence, physical proof that they possessed spiritual knowledge far advanced than any person has today.  

There is far too much evidence that indigenous people of color around the world have constructed miraculous, archeological, astrological wonders with such precision and accuracy that it is IMPOSSIBLE to accept the premise that they were intellectually inferior to today's minds.  

I watched a documentary the other day about the Chaco Canyon.  Chaco Canyon is here, in the United States, somewhere, out west is the best location I can give you.  I can't even tell you when it was supposed to have been built.  I can tell you this.  It was built based on the stars.  This entire compound, that was miles and miles of buildings, was built around the rotation of the Earth around the Sun, alignment with the moon and it's cycles, with constellations.  The experts, the PhD's, people with the most knowledge on the ruins kept insisting that these were a primitive people, that they were hunter gatherers at best, and in many instances implying and stating outright that it was impossible for them to have built this compound with their limited and primitive knowledge.  

One expert, a gentleman insisted that it was impossible for these primitive people to have built this enormous compound because there was no evidence of waste anywhere.  He said that if this compound was supposed to be the major hub of commerce as was being suggested, it would have had too much waste, and that there was no evidence of any waste, so therefore, it couldn't have been occupied by people, it couldn't have been a major center of commerce.  His expertise was supposed to validate for the viewer that there just happens to be some rocks, okay, ruins of buildings, built in what is now a dessert, a long time ago, and so what that they happen to be in alignment with some hocus pocus stars or equinox stuff, that was just luck on their part and they were not smart or advanced at all.   

Now, my first and very lingering and nagging question since watching the video is, "What waste?"  This gentleman was insistent that there would have been mounds and mounds of waste as evidence of people living, working, and thriving there.  They didn't have plastic.  They didn't have grocery stores or packaging.  They didn't have diapers.  They didn't have egg cartons or paper towels or milk cartons or disposable contact lenses.  So what waste was Dr. whatever his name was, of whatever he was a doctor of, talking about?  

If I can figure out that people living in a non capitalist society who are smart enough to build a compound around the rotation of the earth are smart enough not to destroy the planet with waste, why couldn't a man who is an expert in the field of paleontology or whatever?  Any people with that advanced type of knowledge would be smart enough to respect the planet and recycle everything back to the earth, with love, as any intellectually advanced people would do.  

Intellectually inferior people, now they would create plastics, and packaging, and toxins, and pollutants, and things that won't break down in nature.   They would be so self-centered and misguided, that they would destroy the planet with waste.  

The Pyramids at Giza, the Mayan Pyramids, The Olmecs, the Incan engravings, dozens and dozens and god only knows how many more examples of advanced people, leaving evidence of their advanced technology and minds are there to be found.  Imagine evidence of those advanced societies that have never been found, or those that have been found and then destroyed? What more sinister reason to destroy the Amazon than to destroy the evidence of advanced civilizations that were not European in an effort to perpetuate the lie that all advanced thought came from European minds?  That's a win/win for whomever could pull that off.  They destroy the evidence of advanced civilizations created by people of color, while robbing and looting their treasures, they kill the planet by destroying the rainforest, and they profit from everything that they steal from the rainforest, because they believe they OWN the planet.  

All those atrocities are committed by the white power structure, the puppet masters, not white people. The white person going to their job and living their miserable little life isn't the person responsible for divvying up ancient relics in huge underground warehouses in order to keep the public from knowing that people of color were intellectually superior in the past.  

White people are pawns in this game of manipulation as much as Black people are.  They have been programmed to believe that no people of color made any contributions to society, that people of color are inferior. If white people, the white people who aren't pulling the strings, the white people who aren't benefitting from the global manipulation, if they stop believing that white people are the center of the Universe, the white power structure falls, the 1 percent of the 1% is defeated. 

It's the white power structure, the ones who rule the world who are pulling the strings to keep the belief that white people and Europe are the center of the intellectual Universe.  The racism they created, the concept of whiteness, that white people are superior to everyone else on the planet, that lie gave birth to racism.  The rich, white, power structure elites need white people to continue to believe that Europe is the center of all intellectual thought and that everyone else were savages.  The top 1% needs white people to believe, "Yeah, human beings evolved from cave men and look at all the advancements whites made and look how savage you Mexicans and Africans are, you didn't invent anything.  And what you did invent, it was primitive.  You made it with stone tools and you were savages."  

If white people ever found it in their hearts, if they ever decided to acknowledge that just maybe the world won't stop spinning if they admit that it is possible that other people, people of color, EVEN Black people, might have been manipulated by the powers that be, that the white power structure is pitting us against one another in their need for power.  If white people accept the concept that people of color that Black people are not inferior, that slavery, that inaccess to and lack of education created the PERCEPTION that Blacks are inferior.  If white people can accept and believe that concerted efforts by the controlling powers that be have manipulated us all, , that simple, if white people can say that we have ALL been manipulated, us versus them becomes we, white versus Black becomes the righteous against the evil, and we destroy the Matrix.  

Humans used to be all-knowing.  Humans used to be all-powerful.  There was a concerted effort by the evil power structure to create a reality where humans are born into a world where they are cut off from their connection to their divinity, their understanding that they are God in human form. 

We are not in the smartest time in history.  We are disconnected from our true power.  Doesn't it make more sense to believe that the ancient Egyptians made the pyramids with sound waves and electromagnetic psychic transportation powers (forgive my lack of sci-fi lingo) than to suggest ancient Egyptians made the pyramids with a reed of papyrus, a chisel, and pure muscle?  The hatred of Blackness, the hatred of Black people makes it impossible for some white people to accept that maybe there was a hidden agenda by someone to obscure the fact that we are all equals.  Maybe all human beings are equals and maybe some evil, greedy forces manipulated all of us to make us forget that we are all the same energy, from the same source.  

Does that mean I'm saying that Creationism is right?  No.  But, there is more truth to the bible than we know but it's been hidden by magick and allegory.  

Ultimately, the truth is far more complex than we understand.  We are all pawns in this game.  We are all victims of a grand scheme, much bigger, more sinister, pitting black against white, when it should be pawns against the rooks.  

White men are Pathetic!

It's been a while since I recorded an audio.  This one is outstanding.  Sit back, relax, and stroke away as you listen to my sweet, sensual voice tell you what a fucking loser you are.  

It's 22 minutes long.  

It's only $20.  

Cashapp $ScottieLowe

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Sample text:

White men have little flat asses, diseased looking skin, pathetic cocks, white men have lips only a snake would want to kiss and they have defective sperm, only reproducing deviants and monsters, or worse, average, boring, plain, typical losers.  White men habitually crave being used like toilets, beaten like slaves, whipped until their pale flesh is blue and read and green with bruises, welts bleeding, flesh ripped.  Pain is pleasure to white men.  White men desire being fucked savagely and brutally like little bitches, over and over, potent sperm dripping from their gaped ass cunts, their vocal cords sore from their faces being fucked like a real pussy.  

See My Humanity

 There are times, during meditation, when I get a revelation, some nugget of divine truth, and I grasp that truth on a cellular level, I understand the concept in my being.  After meditation, throughout the day in my daily interactions, I can remember the words of my revelations but I don't retain the understanding, the knowing, the sensation of it being an unshakeable truth that resides within me.  

Recently, I have been charged to remember throughout my day that everyone believes what they believe to be right and true in the world based on their own personal experience and worldview.  There is no amount of arguing, convincing, there is no civil debate, there is no sarcasm or quick-witted take down that is going to get a person to challenge the core beliefs that they hold dear and true about how life works, myself included.  Only empathy, compassion, and love will change a person's heart, only light can cast out dark.  Every single person believes that they way they see the world is the way the world is.  Every person believes that their opinions are facts, that anyone who disagrees with them is bad and wrong and anyone who agrees with their their beliefs is good and right. The challenge for me going forward is to see myself in every person who holds beliefs that don't share the same experience and worldview as me so they can't truly understand the pain I feel in navigating a world as a Black woman that, I perceive as being more hostile to me than to white people.  

I forget that when I'm arguing with white people about racism. I forget that they didn't make a conscious choice to believe the things they believe.  I seem to forget in the heat of the moment that the white people who hold the most offensive and racist beliefs weren't raised in a cave by animals, away from all human contact and media, only to emerge espousing hateful Republican/Fox News talking points from the ethers of the Universe; everything they believe is a direct result of their life experiences, just as mine is. No one says, "My opinion could be wrong and I should keep an open mind so that I can see the error of my ways in this discussion."  No, no, no.  Everyone says, "This bitch is wrong and I'm right and she's so dumb she can't see how wrong she is."  I know, because that's exactly what I say about them when I'm angrily explaining why they are, in fact, very racist despite their insistence that they aren't.  

I forget that white people and I have one thing in common and that is that we have all come through the world with parents and family and society and religion, all telling us who we are and what is truth, all outside forces with  agendas, shaping our opinions of of what's right and wrong.   No matter how many times I think I have embraced the concept and that I understand on a deep, intrinsic level that white people see the world exactly as they have experienced it, not the way I see it, I always seem to forget. 

I go on the attack when I deal with overtly racist white people because I believe they are intentionally trying to participate in my oppression rather than seeing themselves as victims of the same system that shaped my identity, just in reverse.  I call their ideas stupid.  I insult the very beliefs they have have known as truth their entire lives.  I expect some sort of "rational and enlightened" acknowledgement that they don't know anything about racism and that 1. They need to acknowledge that they are racist, and that their beliefs are wrong, and 2. They need to graciously and humbly let me educate them on how everything that they have ever thought and believed was wrong.  The issue isn't that white people aren't racist or that their perceptions don't need to be evolved.  The problem is in how to communicate with people to get them to understand that what they have been taught, what they believe infringes on the self-determination of people of color.  And I need to understand and remember that they believe equally that I'm wrong and need my beliefs changed to align with theirs.  Finding the balance, finding the compromise is the key.  

In order for me to live my best life, for me to fully manifest the life I deserve, it is my very strong belief that racism must be addressed and healed.  The very strongly held beliefs of white people that dictate that I'm inherently inferior, the behaviors and practices that they engage in, the political and financial decisions they make are based on those racist beliefs, are detrimental to my well-being so their thinking must evolve to allow for my humanity.  I know of know other way than to continue to speak my truth with the hopes that someone will read and understand that we all win when they begin to see that the narrative that has existed about Black people for centuries is false and there there is nothing inherently inferior about us.  

It is my desire for white people to understand that we can all live in peace and harmony when they come to truly understand and embrace that people of African descent are human beings, deserving of the same respect, dignity, and rights of white people, that racism is the poison that hinders us all, white and Black.  

White people are the undisputed champions of racism; they invented it, they are invested in believing in t, so if they say that there’s no way in hell that all of Trump’s supporters are racist, because that would exceed the ARC, the standardized Accepted Racism Comfort level, which I believe was last measured at around 30% of the white population. Any figure higher than that represents a flaw in the methodology. Yes, white people have an actual Council of Racism, with elders and bylaws and quarterly meetings and everything.  And the Council has decided that Black people in the United States should be perfectly fine with 30-40% of the white population being overtly and offensively racist.  It’s true, it’s so true!  

If collective white consciousness had it’s ugly way, they would expect Black people to band together and sing in united harmony that ole Negro spiritual that has been passed down for generations, “Oh, Lawdy, Lawd, up in de sky, judgmental and separate from me, Lawd.  Lordy-Lawd, who sees me down here sufferin and don’t never be cutting me no damn slack, Lawd.  Oh, yes Lawd, dat white man is a nasty, vile, evil racist son of a bitch, Lawd, who don’t sees me as a humans beings, Lawd. And he be constantly trynta’ keep his motha fucking boot on my neck, Lawd.  But I kint complains too much, good ole Lwd, cuz, 60-70% of the population is only passively racist and their hearts be in da right place, Lawd! Praise you to the highest blue-eyed and blond-haired, white Jesus who is gonna save me when I’m dead, LAAAAAWD! Aaaaaamen!”  There are even an updated rap version and an Electric Slide-type wedding/dance version. 

It's easy to be distracted with my snarky commentary but clarification is necessary because racism is a complicated and complex situation for sure.  It’s not true that 30-40% of white people are racist.  Goodness no! It’s way more than that. And it’s not true that Black people are in any way comfortable with any percentage of racism whatsoever; that’s just the collective delusional consensus that the media tells the public that is the researched and polled percentage of white people who are racist, +/- 4% margin of error.  That is the collective misunderstanding, that Black people are supposed to be tolerant of a certain amount of racism because white people have a right to be racist and oppressive, even at the cost of Black people’s rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of some mother-fucking, well-deserved happiness.  

White people collectively believe that Black people are not allowed to protest, riot, strike, complain, pout, dislike, or roll their eyes too hard when it comes to discussing racism. And as long as Blacks stay in their place, don’t complain, and show sufficient gratitude for the many blessings of living in a 40% racist society affords us, white people won’t spend every waking moment dedicating their lives to trolling Black people online telling us how not racist this county would be if only we unappreciative Negros would just accept that only 40 percent of white Americans are the hardcore, “I hate niggers,” variety of racists. 

Black people are expected to tolerate racism.  We are expected to suck it up, deal with it, and not get our panties in too much of a bunch because blatant racism is still very prevalent in every facet of society and we can’t be expected to change that too fast or make our demands too extreme because it’s just going to be too upsetting to some racist white people. It’s an unspoken nod to the fact that . . . well, slavery . . . just the word slavery is sufficient, no need to describe the ways slavery was horrible. Who wants to hear about those sorts of crimes against humanity when we can collectively pretend that slavery was a great opportunity to rescue those Black savages from heathen Africa and give them unpaid jobs, it was to help them, right?  

While most white people have never once had a CONSCIOUS thought of telling Black people that there is an exact percentage of racism that we should be willing to tolerate, when questioned about what percentage of racism Black people should tolerate before rioting and burning shit to the ground, white people tell you that the destruction of property, protesting, that anything that tries to change the way things are now is just too radical.  It's evidence that things are more valuable than Black lives.  And their justification, white people's justification for things staying the same as they have always been will fall under the  . . . “that’s just the way things are,” rationalizations for racism responses that is so commonplace it can’t even be questioned. 

White people subconsciously and collectively feel that white people have a right to be racist without too much getting too much flak from Black people because . . .  follow the thought process all the way through . . . because Black people really are inferior.  That has to be the core belief, that Black people really are dumb and worthless and subhuman and all the standard KKK bullet points on Blacks. Even the most ardent anti-racist has to believe that some Blacks are just undeserving of the same luxuries and privileges that white people enjoy.  There is a certain collective belief that  Black people really do just need to suck it up, shut the fuck up, and deal with the reality that a certain percentage of white people are racists and that’s always the way it’s going to be because . . . the subconscious belief is . . . that, “You niggers are undeserving of equality and justice like the rest of us whites.”  Hear that collective sigh of relief, from all the white people who are assured they aren’t racist because they would never say that about a Black person? It’s false confidence.

For white people to say that Black people should tolerate living in deplorable and impoverished ghetto conditions without protesting, without DEMANDING justice and equality as if our lives depended on it, and they do, is to say that the color of our skin means that we really should just deal with the cards we are dealt and not complain too much, even if the dealer cheated. 

White people who are serious about doing anti-racism work should be charged with the assignment to picture themselves switching places with a homeless Black person.  Imagine switching places with them, them moving into your home, driving your car, having your phone, eating your food, bathing in your bathroom, sleeping in your bed.  Now, living as a Black homeless person would, imagine yourself without money, food, water, shelter, without family and support and even without respect from other human beings.  Imagine that you stink so bad that your stench comes to define your very identity.  Imagine that you are spit on, chased, beaten, and called names by incredibly affluent, rich white men for sport. What does that feel like?  How does that make you feel?  What sensations do you have when they are kicking you, making fun of you for being homeless?   Imagine yourself with your every belonging you own in the world in a bag or shopping cart.  Imagine how you would want people to treat you.  Imagine how you would want people to speak to you, what you would want them to say to you to help you.   

Now, imagine if you go back to your house and the homeless person decides that they deserve to live in your house, that they deserve to live nicely and that you deserve to be unbathed, unhoused, and unsafe.  What if the Black person decides that they can roll up their windows and lock their doors when they drive past you?  How would that make you feel?  How would it make you feel if they looked down on you, told you that you it was your fault for being homeless and they couldn't help you and that it was your responsibility to get yourself out of your own situation, even if you aren't responsible for being there in the first place.  

Do you feel outraged?  Do you believe that you are only a certain type of person deserve to be homeless?  What sort of person is that?  What sort of person deserves to sleep on the cold ground?  What did they do to deserve that?  What did you do to deserve it?  Can you imagine a scenario where you don’t feel like you deserve respect and privilege and the comforts you take for granted every day?  The feeling of entitlement to live a life that is nice, is innate to human beings. Black people have the same exact feelings and desires, the same needs for living free of stressors and 

If you’ve never felt empathy for homeless Black people empathy that you would want extended to you if you were in that situation, if you’ve just now considered that homeless Black people feel exactly what you would feel if you were in their situation, not in an imaginary anti-racism workshop exercise, not homeless of your own poor choices and will, but because RACIST forces manipulated all of society to create an environment where Black people are poor and uneducated.  We are not inherently dumb and criminal, and I am deserving of living in comfort.  

Racists will defend racism.  Racists will say that the fact that there are homeless white people and that they don't deserve any special considerations so Black homeless people are there of their own choosing and reprehensible and lazy because people get what they deserve in life and if they are homeless, it's their fault.  Racists actively believe that Black people absolutely do not have an inalienable and inherent right to designer, suburban, affluent things in the same ways that white people are deserving of their middle-class, privileged existence.  Black people seemingly aren’t deserving of granite counter tops and walk in closets, we didn’t earn those nice things the way white people did!  That's the false belief.  

White people fail to grasp that have been systems in place, systemic, institutional, political integrated systems in place to keep Black people poor and uneducated without agency to control their very own manifest destinies. According to racists, the playing field has been even since 1865 according to them.  Or slightly after Martin Luther King was assassinated; one or the other.  The belief that Black people are deserving of being ghetto, living in squalid living conditions is based on the racist belief that slavery had no impact, that racist political policy hasn’t intentionally created a socio-political system that oppresses people of African descent.  The truth is, we are NOT inherently inferior, that our status has always been dictated to by warped individuals who defined us as less than human.  

And let’s hope there’s a concurrent tsunami wave of collective shame and recognition that is moving across legions of woke anti-racists who just realized that they have a lot more work to do in seeing the inherent humanity of Black people. White people must come to understand that Black people are not poor and incarcerated because of genetics or skin color but because of racist policy and practice.  I hope that white people can read my words and understand that their core beliefs have rationalized that Black people should accept horrid living conditions, substandard medical care, and intentionally designed horrific school systems created to keep Black people uneducated without complaining, because that's the way things are.  The realization that white people would NEVER allow themselves to be situation where someone else has determined their fate of poverty and despair and that they would never find comfort in conforming to that injustice is the objective.  

So, as long as the good Negroes conform and don’t complain about racism too much, white people will allow us to wallow in the quagmire that is racist AmeriKKKa in relative peace and simultaneous terror and depression. So, that was absolutely the longest possible way to explain that racism is so innately and intrinsically woven into American culture that dictate the unwritten code of how tolerant/disgruntled Black people are allowed to be and what level of outrage we are allowed to express in this oppressive racist society. 

And so mote it be!

 Here's what I understand to be true at this stage.

Theoretically, we exist in a pyramid scheme of deception. Those of at the bottom, roughly 90 percent of the planet, are blinded. We don't know that other dimensions and magick and that our reality is grafted. We are blind to our own power and omniscience (not of our own choosing but through manipulative and magical efforts) and we exist to make the top 1 percent "empowered" which has more to do with electricity and gold than money.

I THINK about 10 percent of the population has access to the other dimensions but they are bound to secrecy by oaths to supreme . . . power is the only word I have for it, but i would prefer to use the word evil,, demonic and Satanic even with the full knowledgethat those words could mean something completely opposite of our collective usage of those words. I'm guessing it's 10 percent based on Dubois talented tenth but it seem to me the current consciousness is hurling towards far more than 10 percent as more and more people take the oath, drink the juice, or do the drugs that allow them access to the other dimensions. Wealth, greed, racism, and immaturity are not precursors for keeping secrets.

That means that the white people who have taken the oath KNOW that Blacks are the originators of EVERYTHING and their efforts to be degraded and humiliated in this dimension really reflect "the hollow" the fact that everything is flipped upside down. Black is white, birth is death, you is You, your divine consciousness. I am means . . . nothing or perhaps it's detrimental even.

"You are" is your God voice. Every time you say "you," what follows is what your subconscious interprets as self talk. Thus, the constant BEGGING to be humiliated by white men. Thus, the constant racist arrogance to piss you off and make you angry and emotional. Pay attention to white men when they converse and you'll notice that they are masters at using pronouns to give praise and to control what the response is to their directed questions so that you end up saying, "You piece of shit. You (fill in the blank with something negative and degrading) which hurts us 90% but benefits the 10% in the other dimensions.

A handful of evil white people created this reality. They literally created time and space and the laws of physics in order to oppress people of African descent. What i can't understand is how anyone who cheats, lies, manipulates, and literally has magick to shape reality can truly believe that they are superior. They know the truth. Thoth. Atlantis, time, day and night,, KMT, Eve, incest, white women, witchcraft, the Black woman was the original God. They know all of it.

HERE IS WHAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

How can the white people who have taken the oath still believe that they are superior when they know it's all lies?

I just had my a-ha moment. And, that ladies and gentlemen, is why I write. I know white men. I know how they convince themselves that their lies are true. It makes sense to me now. They know the ultimate truth and yet they are so egotistical and delusional they believe that they invented everything when they actually stole it.

And the only other thing I know to be true is, while white people stole magick, used time travel, manipulated time and space, WE ARE STILL GODS. WE ARE STILL THE STARS. WE ARE THE UNIVERSE. WE ARE THE ULTIMATE LIVING ALL POWERFUL ALL LOVING GOD CONSCIOUSNESS THE ONE. THE ALL THST IS. THE ORIGINAL PEOPLE. They are not the ultimate power, we are. We are stronger, more powerful than they will ever be.

They are imitators. They are incapable of the love, creativity, intellect, and passion that is naturally within us. We are magical beings. Are my pronouns hurtful to me on another dimension? Possibly. I can't say for sure. My intention is to speak truth to power. My intention is to claim my divinity, my freedom, my power from the jaws of those who think that they are superior because they have lied and cheated and need to oppress the original omniscient and omnipotent beautiful people. Black people, melanated people. The people of Africa.

And because I'm committed to speaking my truth, it is my supposition that Black people who have taken the oath have created or have access to the chess board and they have out-manuvered the handful of whites, the original 12 and their families, and that soon and very soon their reign of oppression will end FOREVER.

And so mote it be.

Happy Juneteenth

I have never been a proponent of celebrating Juneteenth.  I have long since held that celebrating Juneteenth was entirely appropriate for those who were enslaved and newly notified of their freedom.   For Blacks born into a system where their illiteracy was a mandate, and for those who could remember the sting of the evil slave owner’s whip decades after they were liberated from bondage, celebrating Juneteenth was more important than Christmas, worshipping a blond-haired, blue-eyed savior who promised salvation after a life of pain.  For them, June 19th symbolized the end of an era where the enslaved were considered less than human, where they were finally free. 

 

It was my very strong opinion for contemporary Africans born in AmeriKKKa to celebrate Juneteenth, with full access to the knowledge that our ancestor’s freedom was intentionally and deceptively kept from them for two and a half years, with the understanding that white human traffickers profited and capitalized from the unlawful captivity of enslaved Americans, is disrespectful to our ancestors.   It remains my very strong belief that descendants of those criminal human traffickers should be striped of their wealth, every single cent, because it was all born of the original sin, the enslavement of my ancestors. 

 

I was today years old when I found out that white human traffickers, slave owners in states where the enslaved were to be liberated in a timely manner, consistent with the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, moved their farming operations to Texas to deliberately to continue to profit from slave labor.  That’s evil on a level that is beyond my comprehension. 

 

You see, when white people think of slavery, when they see the images of the fatigued, down-trodden, dark-skinned slaves with wide noses and full lips, the scars raised from their skin, they don’t see human beings, they see ugly animals, things to be spat up and abused.  I see my family.  I see my blood.  I intimately feel the pain or rape, of separation from your family, of torture and laboring from sun up to sun down with no reward or compensation.  I see my heritage, my identity, my culture.  I see my great- great-grandparents and my great-great-grandchildren.  I am the enslaved in the past, present, and future. 

 

Day after day, white men call me a nigger.  Sometimes the motivation is to incite me to anger in a game of emotional manipulation.  At times, when I challenge their arrogant assertions that racism ended when Obama was elected, or when I call out their offensive and racist core beliefs, they arrogantly call me a nigger without any irony whatsoever.  If I had a dime for every time a white man called me a nigger when I tell them not to objectify Black men by referring to them as BBC but to refer to them as MEN I would have enough money to buy the freedom of several of my enslaved ancestors.  Daily, white men call me racist nigger bitch when I speak the truth about the inherent inferiority of a race of people who committed the greatest crime against humanity ever committed. You see, for the vast majority of white men who call me a nigger, they believe that the fact that the blood of their ancestors flowing through their veins, ancestors who bought, sold, traded, tortured, raped, branded, lynched, and murdered Black people like it was entertainment to them, they believe that makes them inherently superior to me.  They not only call me a nigger, they believe I’m a nigger because my ancestors built this nation while their lazy, evil ancestors profited from it. 

 

So today, when Republicans are desperately manipulating and scheming to deprive me of my right to vote, my Constitutional RIGHT, not a privilege that I have to earn like I’m a slave on the plantation but rights already afforded me, I celebrate Juneteenth. 

 

Today, when racist legislators are terrified of AmeriKKKa’s true history of perilous racism coming to light, making deals behind closed doors with Trillionaire donors to prevent schools from teaching that slavery even existed, terrified that learning about the true horrors of slavery will open the door to all their magical lies and deceptions coming to light, I celebrate Juneteenth. 

 

In 2021, when white people cheer and celebrate the deaths of unarmed Blacks in the street, when they deny and justify systemic racism and blame its victims for our oppression, indicating their greatest desire is to go back to the days when they could own, buy, and sell me, treating my life like a piece of property, I lift my voice and say that, “We shall overcome, someday, but today, I celebrate Juneteenth.”

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1d5hUA8Jd4