All too often we use words without really knowing the
definition of them. Someone asked a
question in my Facebook group that wanted people to share their definitions of
what romance and seduction meant. No one
answered. When I commented about that,
what followed were responses that indicated that romance and seduction were
foreign concepts to people. It makes
sense, we don’t teach, talk about, or provide a space for discussions of
romance or seduction. We either consume
porn in private and in public decry that anything related to sex is taboo or
forbidden. We can’t even have healthy
conversations about romance and seduction.
That’s tragic. I asked a friend
of mine what he would do to seduce me and he responded that he would take me to
dinner at a jazz club. That’s not
seduction, that’s a date.
According to the AfroerotiK Guide for Romantic Survival,
romance can be defined as doing something special, going above and beyond to
show your partner that you care for them, for their feelings, it’s taking the
time to express your feelings for them in a way that would make them see how
much you value them. Several examples
would be: writing a love poem for your partner and putting it on their car
windshield while they are at work without them knowing it, planning a picnic
with all their favorite foods and bringing it over on a rainy day, or making a
planned public display or declaration of love that conveys that your feelings
go beyond affection. It doesn’t have to
involve money. It is not limited to one gender
expressing romance to the other. Romance
is showing your partner that you have put effort into thinking about putting a
smile on their face when you aren’t with them.
Seduction is romance with the intent of stimulating the
libido. When I was in college, my
boyfriend planned an erotic scavenger hunt for me. He purchased wine glasses (which I still own)
a night gown (that I kept until it fell apart), and some sexual aids for us to
play with. I spent the day finding all
these items and getting more and more aroused as to what was going to happen
when we got together. Seduction is
buying the candles, the massage oil, the erotic board game, the blindfold and
the handcuff. It’s not only buying
dinner, it’s eating that dinner on the floor and feeding each other and licking
and sucking each other’s fingers.
Seduction is running the bubble bath for two and massaging and caressing
your partner to get their engine revved up.
Seduction is much more than just extended foreplay. Seduction is making the bed with satin sheets
before your partner comes home and having the Barry White queued up ready to go
at the click of a button on the remote.
It’s telling your partner with your actions that you want and need to be
intimate with them. Intimate doesn’t mean
it has to be soft and tender and gentle.
It simply means that you want to express your love in a very physical
way.
What romance/seduction is NOT. It’s not lying to someone or pretending to be
what they like in order to get them in bed, that’s manipulation. It’s not getting along with someone more than
others, that’s chemistry. It’s not going
out to the movies and holding hands, that’s affection. It’s not saying, “I love you,” when you get
off the phone or leave for work. It’s
not having extended foreplay or sex for a long time. It’s not buying flowers on Valentine’s day
because it’s expected or buying a card or gift after a fight to say that you’re
sorry.
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