A good partner is one who puts the needs of their union above their own. One can't be a good husband or wife if choices and decisions are based on their own desires, wants, and preferences first and their partner is left to deal with the consequences come what may. The key to a good relationship is having two individuals with the same commitment to selflessness. A relationship can't work if one person is committed to the union and the other person is looking out for self. Once you are pair bonded, whether it be in marriage or not, you must stop living for yourself and live for the entity that has been created anew with your partner.
One should expect honesty from their partner, respect, concern, and a willingness to communicate. I don't think gender has anything to do with that. I think one is entitled to a partner who will not jeopardize one's safety or well-being for pleasure, greed, or narcissism. As far as traditional roles, I think they are dysfunctional and based on a sexist model that is only slightly better than the post-modern roles that reek of dysfunction and reign supreme today. A man is not entitled to sex or dinner on the table at a certain hour nor should he be allowed sexual transgressions in the name of "manhood." A woman is not entitled to money in exchange for her body nor to behave like some sassy stereotypical caricature where she can condemn, criticize, and nag simply because she has ovaries. Women should not be expected to be the primary care givers of children and men should not be expected to be the primary bread winners. Ideally, one's talents, abilities, and weaknesses should be weighed against the talents, abilities and weaknesses of one's partner and a mutual decision should be made as to how the roles and responsibilities should be divided. If my partner is the same gender as myself, then the same rules should apply. I personally think we've not seen a healthy model of Black relationships since before we were captured and enslaved. Adhering to "traditional" masculine and feminine roles is to assert that there is an inherent inequality to the sexes. The truly healthy model for relationships should be based on an equality of the sexes with a healthy reverence for the differences each gender brings to the table.
4 comments:
Well said.
Thank You, Black Woman. Your words ring very true. The hypocrisy of sexuality among African-Americans has created mixed results. Consequently, the lack of a common thread leads us to familial and relationship breakdowns. I look forward to reading more of you.
Hwesu
Once again you have hit the nail on the head!!!! Though I have tried to be a good partner I am always the one left out in the cold at the end. So much so that I have recently decided to exile myself from relationships until that special someone comes along. I am well educated, single, no kids, 2 jobs, starting a business and can truthfully say I am a great person. I give fom my heart and love hard as hell. I have given so much that I have no more to give. I have been in three relationships that have all in their own way made me to decide to be single and not look anymore. The first two were 10 years each and they both cheated. The last was only a 4 mos, but he was my heart, my soulmate, so I thought. He went back home, I asked him to marry me, got no response. He only told me I said some things in our argument that hurt him. Never heard from him again. So yes my sister we do need to redefine black relationships. Before we pursue anyone we need to ask ourselves one question "I am willing to put this person's needs above my own, and if we have to think about it then we should countinue to look" If you have to keep secrets then you need to be alone. I must admit I do get upset with secrets because I am an open book. I try to let you know what you are getting into before you approach me on a more personal level. All stereotypes should be dropped and we play with whatever cards we are dealt.
when is the site coming back up?
Post a Comment