Mama Used to Say

One of the most unhealthy, dysfunctional behaviors that is crippling the Black community today is the practice of women selling pussy.  It’s so common, so accepted, we don’t even blink an eye when we hear songs like Erykah Badu’s Tyrone suggest that ass in exchange for cash is not only perfectly acceptable in a relationship but it’s to be expected.  “Bill collectors at my door.  What can you do for me?”  The last decade of Black erotic books has cemented in the minds of young women that what’s between their legs is something men will pay for and they market their pussies like a commodity on the stock exchange. 

Almost without exception, every single solitary show on television that has Black women depicted bringing nothing more to the table than their beauty in various stages of hot pursuit of men with high incomes.  There are some sex educators who will tell women that if they don’t sell pussy, if they don’t demand money from their sexual partners, that they are disadvantaged and stupid.  They will tell you that women who don’t have sex for money are petty, jealous, and envious of the women who sell pussy; that women who sell pussy are empowered and masterful manipulators of men.  Rather than telling women to develop and evolve their intellects, their employment skills, and their relationship skills, they tell women to hone their sexual skills in order to do more tricks in bed and get men to pay more money.  It’s well-known by athletes, artists, friends of athletes, and anyone even remotely close to someone famous that any major sporting or music event becomes a mecca for Black women all over the country to sell their goods and services.  Capitalism, greed, and the insane need for things, not just things but offensively and outrageously expensive things, has created a culture where sex and money go hand in hand. 

For many Black women, the advice to exchange pussy for payment, the belief that selling sex is a viable employment option comes from our foremothers.  It is, very much so, a legacy of oppression, patriarchy, and sexism being internalized and passed down from generation to generation.  Born during the Great Depression, raised under the oppressive weight of Jim Crow, surrounded by racism, sexism, bigotry, and poverty everywhere, Black women during our (great) grandmother’s time had little options given to them.  They were not just women during that time, they were BLACK women.  They had less opportunities for survival than white women.  It’s easy to see how a Black woman during that time came to the understanding that having sex for money was a viable and valid option.  She couldn’t get employment making the same wages as white women, she couldn’t get an education, she had to rely on her own devices to earn money.  For many Black women of the time, being molested and abused by their fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins, grandfathers, Pastors, and just about everyone else was the norm.  Many black women internalized that abuse, accepted that it was just the way things were supposed to be and internalized the messages that went along with it, that they were only good for one thing, what was between their legs.  For a woman of that era to come to the understanding that it having sex with men for money was a legitimate and reasoned thing to do was understandable. 

Unfortunately, what women of that era didn’t understand were the larger implications of giving their bodies to men for money.  They didn’t understand that they were actually devaluing themselves.  They didn’t understand that they were creating monsters in the men whom they got paid to lay with who would think of women as things to be purchased and not ever want to honor them as real women but just whores they paid for the night.  They relegated themselves to being holes to be used, receptacles for men’s unhealthy lust and they got no love, respect, or concern for their well-being in return, just a few bills on the nightstand. 

It’s understandable that women of that era who had to take that route, who lived in impoverished areas and who weren’t members of large sororities and mega churches and who didn’t have access to libraries to provide them a window to worlds that were emotionally, psychologically, and mentally healthier how they might teach their daughters to “be sure he pays the bills before he drills.”  I don’t want anyone to think that for a fraction of a minute that any woman expressing or espousing sentiment that to her daughters, or her granddaughters, was sexually empowered or enlightened in any way.  She was a victim of her circumstances and her environment and she did what she had to do in order to survive.  There’s no shame in that whatsoever. 

If a woman raised during that era, or even the 60s or 70s, passed down her “words of wisdom” and beliefs to her daughters and granddaughters that pussy has value and that she should sell it in order to keep the lights on, it’s understandable to some degree how women could grow up thinking that it’s right, never questioning it, believing that there is inherent truth in it.  We are all byproducts of our parent’s belief systems and it takes an incredible amount of introspection to be able to say that what we were taught was wrong.  Teaching girl children that spreading their legs for undeserving men who bring nothing to the table but a few twenty dollar bills is, unquestionably, misguided. 

Our grandmothers should have been taught by their mothers and grandmothers that they were priceless and that there is no amount of money that a man could pay to earn her body, her heart, and all that comes along with having sex.  Sadly, our foremothers weren’t taught that.  Sadly, they were raised in a society that didn’t allow them that luxury.  But, that does not mean that we must continue the dysfunction of allowing men with no social skills, no valor, no honor, integrity, and no sincere motives into our sacred spaces just for a dollar.  And it most certainly should not mean that we teach our girl children that. 

We say, “Prostitution is the oldest profession in world,” like it’s the truth when in fact it’s not even close to the truth.  Women didn’t start selling pussy until money became a tool to control and oppress others, until men became obsessed with objectifying women, using us, equating sex as a weapon, and sex became something they did for recreation, not as a form of intimacy.  The women who sell their bodies today, who “use” men to pay their bills, who consider pussy a source of income get defensive, offended even, if anyone suggests that what they are doing is detrimental, unhealthy behavior.  They will tell you that there is nothing wrong with it, in fact, they will tell you that it’s an informed, empowered, fiscally intelligent choice.  What I would say in response to them, what I would ask is, what price do you pay for men who don’t love you, care about you, who wouldn’t lift a finger to help you in your time of need because they only see you as a product, a hole to pump and dump?  I’m not saying the women who have been socialized to believe that their greatest/only value lies between their legs are bad women, I’m not calling them sluts, I’m not putting more blame on them than I am the males who are their “customers”.  I am saying that we must evolve, heal, and grow.  We must escape the blinding disease of materialism and place more value on who we are as women, as human beings.  We must understand that the things our grandmothers taught us were based on flawed, misguided, and unhealthy belief systems. 

Sex for money isn’t going to go away any time soon.  The porn industry is becoming bigger every day with women choosing sex as a career plan.  Sex workers have been given a more glamourous, less stigmatized status in society, completely ignoring the fact that men pay to use sex workers in disgusting, foul, perverse and unspeakable ways.  Hook up culture is prevalent, our youth aren’t even versed in the skills of forming a real, loving relationship; rap music tells our young women that they have no value if they aren’t charging top dollar to rent their vaginas.  And the women who only sell pussy in times of need, who only do it as a last resort, who don’t make a career out of it but who know that they can call an old friend when they are short on the rent will vehemently degrade and denounce other women in public to hide the fact that they feel twinges of guilt and shame in having to sell pussy.  We live in a society that tells women that they shouldn’t even enjoy sex, that it should only be for procreation, that if you have sex with anyone other than a husband that they are whores and sluts.  Regardless of how women defend or deny their actions, they will feel pangs of conflict because their actions will be in conflict with society’s standards of virgin and sexless women being the only women of virtue and value. 

Victorian, conservative morality is certainly not the solution to our plague.  Casual, meaningless sex should not be the goal we are striving for either.  Informed, empowered, intelligent sex, with partners who care about us for more than the holes we have to stick their dicks, men who help us out financially not because we let them climb on top of us and do their business but because they are INVESTED in us as partners should be what we are striving for.

To the women who sell pussy, to the women who think they have no other options, who think it’s easier than working a minimum wage, dead end job, I’m going to say that I hope that there is some part of you that will see fit to look back on your life and your choices, look back on the men who have paid for your body and if there is a tiny bit of discomfort, if there is even an inkling of a sensation that your daughter deserves better, teach her not what your grandmother or mother taught you but that she has lots of options for income and that selling her sacred pussy to undeserving men should not be one of them.  Teach her to DEMAND that the men she invites into her sacred yoni need to bring more than cash but they must respect her, honor her, they must court her and win her affections with their efforts to prove that they are worthy of her time and her energy and her body.  Tell her that she can have as many partners as she wants, but that they must not be simply for money or empty pleasure but they must be men willing to get to know her, respect her, and value her priceless gift to him.  Teach her to own the power of her pussy and the pleasure that it gives but I beg of you to never have her put a pricetag on it.  NEVER. 

Copyright 2014 AfroerotiK

"What do you have against white people?"

I've thought long and hard about what to do with this blog.  I think it will become, at least temporarily, my interracial domination forum.  I have lots of other outlets to show the beauty and eroticism of people of African descent on the net and this one has become associated with white male submissives.  I had a white submissive male, one who has purported to want nothing more in life than to serve me for the better part of six or seven years, one who has been a total fuck up and loser and broken every single promise he has made to me, ask me the question, "What do I have against white people."  I was in response to a quote I posted that said, "White people can not be color blind until they are color conscious first."  The following was my response to him. 

The overwhelming and most consistent characteristic of white men is their arrogance.  They believe the world revolves around them.  They feel like they are entitled to respect, satisfaction, entitled to have the last say, whatever it is that they desire more than anyone else.  Even those who identify themselves as submissive are more often than not, arrogant as fuck, because they can’t comprehend that as a black person, I’m not willing to satisfy their desires or conform to their fantasy of what a Black woman should be. 

Running a close second to arrogance in universal characteristics of white men, actually, intricately tied to it, is racism.  They dismiss any experience other than their own as invalid.  Because they don’t have any experiential knowledge of the things that black people discuss, share, or opine, they claim it has no validity.  They form their opinions based on racist beliefs and god forbid anyone who challenges those racist beliefs, they are going to suffer the wrath of the almighty white man. 

As long as white men say, “I’m not racist,” that is supposed to mean that no one is supposed to question their motives.  Apparently, if they jerk off to interracial porn, that means they aren’t racist.   Forget that they are masturbating to nigger porn and it’s perpetuated on the belief that Black men are inherently inferior, or that Black men are sexual savages.  Even when they say, “I want to be humiliated and degraded by serving  the superior Black race,” they really mean, “It would be so degrading and humiliating to serve you because you are supposed to be inferior and I would be lowering myself to beneath you if I did and that’s the ultimate humiliation . .  . in private”  Think about it.  If they believed Black people to be truly superior, submitting to us wouldn’t be degrading, right?  If I had a nickel for every time a white man said, “I’m not racist,” followed by him saying, “Black men don’t raise their children and they love to fuck white women,” or some other racist and offensive stereotype, I’ve have enough money to self-publish my book with change enough to have a big sack of nickels to hit them in the head. 

Some white dude sent me a message claiming how he wanted to submit to a black woman because he had so much power in real life that he wanted to relinquish it by serving a black woman.  He was a 20 something college student.  My question to him was, what the hell sort of stressful, powerful decisions do you have to make as a college student, which beer to drink?  I wanted very much to question his motives further, inquire about why he felt that serving a Black woman was so degrading but oddly enough, he blocked m when I called him out about the fact that he didn’t even have a part time job and he had no really stress or pressure to relieve.  His supposed power was nothing more than his unjustified privilege as a white man.  I can assure you, that 9 times out of 10 when a white man tells me that he wants to submit to me, I can respond by saying, “Meaning you want to be my faggot sissy bitch while I let Black men fuck your slutty white pussy bareback.”  In never fails that they fall all over themselves proclaiming that I’m some sort of psychic mind reader that has tapped into their deepest darkest secrets, like their fantasies are unique or special.  Every fucking day it happens, like clockwork.

White men look at BET or one of those horrid reality shows and think Black women are all pole dancers and ghetto hoochies and that we are just waiting for a white man to come along and validate us by telling us that we are pretty so they can add a chocolate pussy notch on their belts.  White people are becoming more and more comfortable being racist and all they have to do is say, “I’m not racist,” and all is supposed to be forgiven.  White men are becoming more abrasive, threatening, and confrontational when I speak out about racism, when I discuss race outside of a sexual context.  It’s all good when I’m talking about fucking them with a strap-on or making them suck a big black dick, but when I talk about white male privilege, when I talk about institutional racism or the abnormal and delusional behaviors of white men in society, then I become an uppity nigger bitch.

What I find fascinating is the number of white men who have some sort of sick and really psychotic need to create profiles to try to disparage me.  I’m transparent.  My name, my real pictures, my identity are out there for all the world to see with no shame. There’s something incredibly infantile and mentally ill about the number of white men who think it’s unique or hurtful to make up a profile in order to make negative comments about me.   I think it speaks to a  collective white insanity that so many white men have done it, that so many have sat behind their computers trying to figure out how to get that bitch AfroerotiK and the best they can come up with is making up a fake profile to feebly attempt to ridicule me. 

White people who privately acknowledge their submission to black people don’t rid themselves of the racist beliefs that are ingrained in their psyche in this society.  Any country built on the oppression of one race is going to pass on those beliefs as the foundation for all thought processes, institutions, and defacto practices.  The whole, "I don't see color," is nothing more than rhetoric and doesn't indicate anything other than a person not willing to look at their own misperceptions.  You god damn better see my color.  My color is replete with the pain of my ancestors and my daily struggle. 

I had a white gentleman tell me a story once that I found utterly fascinating. He told me, admittedly, that he used to be racist but had a transformative experience. He went on to say that he had procured the services of a professional dominatrix. She blindfolded him and went about her business of degrading him, humiliating him, whathaveyou. Unbeknownst to this man, the white pro Domme had in fact switched with a Black Domme who was responsible for giving him what he felt was the most intense experience of his life. This Black Domme apparently had urinated on him. Well, once the blindfold was removed, voila', his racism was gone. Healed by the magical piss of the Black woman. I suggested to him that racism isn't just washed away with a little piss and that in order for him to truly rid himself of racist behaviors that he would really need to challenge his beliefs, learn, reprogram all that he'd been taught. At that point, he called me a racist nigger bitch.

Time and time again, I have white men tell me that they aren't racist because they are attracted to black women, because they want to submit to Black women.  But, in the same breath, they are afraid to meet me in public in a place where people that know them might see them.  Or they tell me that black women are superior because they are so naturally dominant, never giving credence to the totality of us as women, that we can be frail, sensitive, emotional, nurturing, and basically human beings.  You don't love Black women if all you see us as is an outlet to your fetish.   

I've had white men tell me that they want to be with a black woman to see if our pussies taste different.  Number one, I'm not a scratch and sniff experiment; I'm a human being.  There is absolutely nothing different about my physical make up other than the presence of melanin.  My blood is the same, my tears are the same, my piss is the same, and my pussy is the same.  If there’s a difference in my taste it’s because I’m an individual and EVERYONE is going to have a different taste.   

I had a white man tell me that his wife had a black lover and he would be forced to pay the black man to service him orally and how he felt that was the ultimate humiliation.  He professed that he wasn't racist and how he thought that Blacks were superior.  When asked how he thought Blacks were superior, he listed physical characteristics.  Check it, if he thought blacks were truly superior, he would not feel it was humiliating to suck a black cock, it would be an honor.  I asked him some of the Black people that he thought were intellectually superior and he said Condoleezza Rice and me.  First and foremost, there should NEVER be an occasion where Kindasleezey Rice and I are compared on the same scale.  She is the anti-Christ and I denounce her as a black woman.  Second, it's obvious he had no clue about my intellect; he was merely enamored with my propensity to fit his fantasy of what a sassy Black Domme should be.   

I can't tell you how many times I've had white men tell me, "Oh, I wish I was a black man."  When asked why, the number one reason, "They have such big cocks."  Okay dumbass, you think being a black man is all about fucking white women with an 11-inch dick?  You don't see the correlation between black men and the prison population, Driving While Black, the inordinately high Black on Black crime.  No, you don't want to be a Black man; you want to have white privilege, a big dick AND have white women throwing themselves at you.  White men who say that stupid shit inevitably say, "I don't have a racist bone in my body.  Not since I started watching interracial porn,” as if an orgasm while looking at a black person have sex cures diseased perceptions." 

My favorite?  White man approaches me and tells me how submissive he is to black women.  I tell him I’m not interested in a submissive at this time, white, black, or other.  They tell me that they can (fill in the blank with a degrading and humiliating act) and refuses to accept that I’m not interested in him.  Next thing out of his mouth . . . YOU RACIST NIGGER BITCH. 

On the other side of the spectrum are white men who claim to have no affinity at all to interracial domination and who claim that they don't see color at all.  They claim that it's just a coincidence that they are aroused by my writings and that they have never contemplated race before.  Their rhetoric is all the same:  they are oblivious to color, color doesn't matter, can't we all just get along, I wasn't raised racist, and as of late, "I voted for Obama."  None of these clichés, not one, is an indication that a white man has given up the racist beliefs that have been programmed into the minds of white males since Blacks landed on these shores.  If you don't see color, you don't want me to dominate you.  I am a Black woman, with a different perspective, a different culture, different experiences, and far less privileges than someone who is white and who has a penis.  My ancestors were slaves, I am a descendent of the strongest people this country has ever known.  You mother fucking skippy color matters.  Please don't try to make me into some sort of "chocolate" version of a white woman because I most certainly am not.  In fact, I'm not chocolate at all, I'm Black. 

The only white people who aren't truly racist are those who are willing to be empathetic and understanding, who are willing to concede that they don't have knowledge of racism, and who are willing to listen to those who have experience with it and to those who are willing to speak out, educate, and enlighten others.  The only individuals who aren't truly racist are those who are willing to walk a mile in the shoes of the activist, to listen to their tales of horror, to feel empathy and compassion for an experience that is different than their own.  When white males try to silence me with cries of, "You're the racist," and other such clichés, it shows that they are not willing to give up their privilege, that they are vested in holding on to their patriarchal, misogynist, racist beliefs.  Just saying, I'm not racist," doesn't make it so.  Conversely, trying to silence people of color at the mere mention of issues of race is clear indication of deep-seeded racist mindsets, beliefs, and ideologies.

That is what I have against white people.