AfroerotiK

Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Bless Me Father for I Have Sinned





I’m a pervert, and an unapologetic one at that.  I’m so completely confident and comfortable with my sexuality that I refuse to compartmentalize it, lie about it, or be ashamed of it. I’m free from society’s pressure to conform and that is a joy most people will never experience.  To most people in a sexually-repressed society, being unashamed of your sexuality translates to being a perv and trying to convince people that you never have any sexual thoughts whatsoever is considered normal.  That’s insane.  Anyone who knows me knows that I will swear on a stack of bibles in a court of law and admit to anything and everything I’ve ever done sexually, regardless of how uncomfortable it might make some pseudo-conservatives and religious zealots, because I’ve never done anything immoral or illegal and I’m not ashamed of people knowing that I color outside the lines.  I’m of the strong belief that two consenting adults should test the waters to see what they enjoy and explore alternative options.  I personally enjoy exploring where my mind can go sexually and you know what they say; the mind is the biggest sexual organ. A pervert is defined as someone who leads another astray morally.  I like to think that I have the unique ability to seduce people into doing things they secretly crave but publicly denounce.  I get off on seeing people become feral, primal, sexual beasts, shedding their façade of straight-laced formality and conformity only to embrace and revel in their true nature.  I belong to the school of thought that it’s the responsibility of forward thinking individuals like myself to challenge the notion that sex is only valid if it’s missionary position on a Friday night with the lights out between two married, white, mildly unattractive and boring, financially stable heterosexuals. 

It’s rare to find a woman, at least as upstanding and educated as I am, and a Black woman on top of that, who readily admits that she is a aroused by sexual variation and coloring outside the lines.  I didn’t say it was rare to find a woman of my social and economic standing who is a pervert, I meet tons of them. We live in such a sexually repressed society, finding women who are sophisticated and conservative on the outside and horny and willing to push their limits when they let their hair down is a piece of cake.  All one has to do is know what to look for; like attracts like as they say.  It is rare, however, to meet women who are as proud to be as kinky as I am.  It’s easier to find men who are kinksters, at least in name if not in practice.  There are tons of men who claim to be comfortable with their sexuality as I am but all they do is jerk off in front of a computer screen or they lie about their true motives and desires.  You can’t claim to be a comfortable with your sexuality if you your only connection to other people is though a broadband one or if you are ashamed of your actions.  You can’t claim to be comfortable with your sexuality if you need to lie, manipulate, cheat, and do things that are unsafe and unhealthy in the pursuit of illicit sex.  I am the real deal.  Usually, women are so secretive about their sexuality that no one knows about their dark side; they even keep it hidden from their lovers.  They hide the fact that they look at extreme porn on the internet and crave things that they pretend to their co-workers, family, and friends offends them.  Me on the other hand, I don’t care who knows that I am aroused by almost every expression of sexuality in some form or fashion.  Pick a fetish, inclination, or preference and I’ve probably masturbated to it. 

I was in the mood for some fun so I decided to take the afternoon off from work to enjoy the beautiful summer afternoon.  I went to the park to see if I could find some average-looking married guy sucking off some stranger in the bushes.  That always gets my pussy wet.  I love watching the white guys with receding hairlines who wear sweater vests and pocket protectors enthusiastically schlobbing on the knob of some Black or Latino guy with a huge cock and sucking him like a porn star at 2 in the afternoon in the park.  Let him bend over and take that big, brown cock up his ass and I’m turned on and cumming and fucking myself like there’s no tomorrow.   Any guy that horny who is willing to do something that outrageous and contrary to social norms in broad daylight is a risk taker; he is addicted to getting off and that turns me on.  I can get off on just the mental image of this middle management white guy going home and having to take out the trash and pay the bills knowing that he has the cum of a hot black man dripping out of his boipussy while his unsuspecting wife is making meatloaf and green beans for dinner.  That is so fucking HOT!

This particular day, I was in the mood for more than just watching; I wanted to play and play hard.  Every step I took, my wet and throbbing pussy reminded me that I needed relief.  When my perverted mind is turned on, I see sex in everything.  I was searching the eyes of everyone I saw, looking for that look of arousal and secrecy that only other perverts can recognize.  I saw it in the most average looking woman who was coming out of a church.  It was a weekday and it was the middle of the afternoon but I could see she was wearing a top that was just a little bit too sexy for church and she was visibly aroused.  I could see her hardened nipples through her shirt and she looked breathless.  Sitting on a bench across from the park, she had that look of guilt on her face that I could tell she had been doing something naughty and she was trying to collect herself before she had to go home and face her hubby.  She had on a pair of polyester slacks, flats, and a blouse that looked like it was something she got from the junior’s department straight from Wal-mart and she looked like she was on her way to pick up the kids from soccer practice.  I casually strolled up to her and sat down next to her and blatantly stared at her.  It made her uncomfortable and she started fidgeting around, eventually grabbing her purse like I was going to steal it.  One of my shoes literally cost more than 10 times her outfit so I had to laugh at her white paranoia. 

“Gorgeous day, isn’t it,” I casually inquired. 

She nodded, mumbled her agreement, and stared at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact.  She looked like she was trying to catch her breath.  I leaned in close and whispered in her ear.  “So, what was it in that church that got you so hot and bothered?  What got your pussy so wet?”  There was no mistaking the look of terror in her eyes.  She got up and quickly walked away, looking back over her shoulder the entire time until she was out of sight.  I just smiled and waved.  I decided to go investigate myself and I entered the consecrated building.  The place was deserted with the exception of a wrinkled, elderly Latina woman lighting candles at the altar and I highly doubted that she was who had that woman so flushed and aroused.  I sat down and observed for a few minutes.  I was just about ready to go, bored out of my mind, when at about a few minutes to 4:00, a priest came out of a side rectory door and went straight to the confessional and turned on an indicator light.  Giving credit where credit is due, the priest was reasonably attractive.  He wasn’t masturbation material but his face was chiseled and distinguished and his brown eyes danced with brilliance with a sly smile.  He was maybe in his early 40s and I guessed that under his black shirt and pants, his body was toned.  Overall, he was intriguing enough to get my “creative” juices flowing.  I saw the elderly Latina woman make her way to the back of the church and at exactly 4 pm, she entered the small booth.  She was only in there about 5 minutes and when she exited she certainly didn’t look particularly flustered or aroused. 

I hatched the most delicious plan right then and there.  I entered the confessional and sat down.  The partition opened and I said, “Bless me father for I have sinned, I’ve never confessed before because I’m not Catholic.  Shit, I’m not even Christian for that matter.” 

“How then can I help you my child?  The confessional is a sacred space for Catholics to confess their sins and seek absolution. Perhaps, if you are in need of counsel, I can make arrangements to meet with you outside the confessional.” 

“Oh, no, please father, I need someone to talk to and you are the only one.  Anything I say here you have to keep a secret, right?  Cross your heart and hope to die, right?  Well, I need to confess and get a lot of things off my chest.  It would make me feel so much better to do it here, where you can’t see me.  I’d be so embarrassed that I don’t think I could tell you these things face to face, Father.  Please.” 

I was lying.  I didn’t give a half a fat fuck if he saw my face or not.  I couldn’t give a hot damn if someone looked me dead in the eye while I spilled my guts about my fetishes and fantasies.  I just thought it was a turn-on to be in a confessional with a man who took an oath of abstinence and telling him incredibly nasty things. 

He conceded and let me go on with my fake confession.  “Father, I’ve been a very naughty girl.” I paused, giving him time to gather his senses.  “Father, I . . .  hardly know where to begin.  Well, let me ask you this.  Is anal sex a sin?” 

The priest gasped, audibly shocked.  Clearing his throat, he said, “Are you . . . are you  married my child?  Well . . . uhmmmm. . . . whatever happens in the marriage bed is considered sacred in the eyes of the lord but . . .” 

“Oh, I’m not married but my boyfriend is.  Cool, he always fucks me in the ass in his marital bed when his wife is out of town.  Okay, on to my next confession . . .” 

“Wait, no, no.  That’s not what I meant.  I was trying to say . . .” 

I could barely contain my laughter.  “Relax, pops, I was just kidding you.  I know that adultery is a sin.  My boyfriend isn’t married.  In fact, he isn’t even a boy.  He, is a she.  My girlfriend is married though.  Do I get extra forgiveness points or whatever you call it because I’ve known her longer than she has known her husband?  She and I used to fool around in college and we just can’t seem to stop . . . fooling around . . . if you know what I mean.”  “Oh, gosh darnit all to heck,” I sarcastically added and then changed my tone to that of the most intense sexy whisper, “You see, Father, I love eating pussy.  I can’t get enough.  I love sticking my tongue between those meaty folds of her wet cunt and tasting all her sweet juices and swirling her hardened clit between my lips to make her flood my mouth with her hot cum.  Awww poop, I guess that is a sin in your book too.  Man, I’m not doing too well here.  I love getting dicked really hard up the ass with a strapon by my married lesbian lover and having her eat my pussy too.  I’m guessing it’s a good thing I’m not Catholic.  I’d never leave this little room with all the things I do.” 

By this time, the Padre knew exactly what I was trying to do and it looked like he was willing to play along.  “These are some very serious sins, my child, I think you should start at the beginning and tell me everything, don’t leave any detail out no matter how small, so that I can know how to counsel you and give you guidance.”  At that point, I heard the very faint sounds of a zipper being lowered and the tell-tale signs of labored breathing. 

I was in my zone.  I knew I had him just where I wanted him and it was turning me on like crazy.  I was tempting this devout holy man with my particular brand of perversion and he was falling for it hook, line, and sinker.  I have long had my suspicions that anyone who makes a conscious choice to deny their sexuality is ripe for perverse pickings so to speak.  Sex is natural, human beings are supposed to have sex.  Anyone who denies their sexuality, suppresses it, is setting themselves up for mental illness and sexual addiction.  Duh!  All these priests molesting children is clearly because humans are not meant to be asexual and they are driven to these detrimental and deviant behaviors because they have shut off that part of themselves which is natural.  And now that priests can have access to porn every day all day on the internet, every sort of degrading, misogynist, vulgar porn, they are sure to be even more susceptible to being led astray and have more opportunities for sexual depravity than most people would care to acknowledge or accept. 

I moved closer to the partition. I whispered so the priest would be forced to lean in closer.  “I’m not sure where to begin, Father.  I guess it all started when I got my heart broken by a guy who was a sociopath.  Up until that point in my life I had been pretty comfortable being average and regular, hiding and denying my sexuality like everyone else.  Then, I dated evil incarnate, a demon; I fell in love with someone without a soul.  He was beyond a pathological liar.  Every single solitary word out of his mouth was a lie.  He lied when he would swear to me he was telling the truth.  He looked me in the eye and lied to me, used me, he cheated on me.  He told me he loved me, told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that I was the woman of his dreams, for no other reason than he wanted to fuck me.  He got a perverse thrill out of making me believe that he was my ideal lover, that he believed in me and was supportive of me when he knew I was just a placeholder for the next woman he could romance who would feed his distorted ego.  When I found out the truth, it broke my heart in ways I can’t even explain.  I was emotionally shattered.” 

I continued.  “So, in order to heal from that pain, I had to start really loving myself.  Loving myself meant I had to embrace every part of myself.  Loving myself meant that I could step back from the situation and see how pathetic and sad my ex was because he felt so driven by his sexuality and so ashamed of it that he had to hurt, use, manipulate, degrade, humiliate, and deceive people for his sexual satisfaction and that that had nothing to do with me, my value as a lover, or my ability to make sound choices in a partner.  It was then that I decided that I was not going lie about my sexuality ever again.  Never again would I be ashamed of anything I fantasized about, desired, or got aroused by.  I was not going to be victim of the same beliefs that made him into a narcissist and sociopath; I was not going to be a slave to a society that created monsters like him because they felt like they had to deny their sexuality. When I got to that point in my life, Father, I released all the fear, shame, and guilt that I had been socialized to have my entire life and I started to enjoy my sexuality in a way that I had never even realized I could before.” 

“I see, my child.”  The father was listening intently.  I could see his outline through the partition and he was riveted to my every word.  It was as if I was counseling him in a way.  I think I might have been telling his story.  I knew he had to have some form of sexual release and I just imagined that he struggled with his own sexual demons and maybe what unhealthy, dysfunctional things it might have driven him to do.   

“Do you really see, Father?  I mean, you’ve never even had the opportunity to slide your dick in a wet, hot, tight pussy before.  How could you possibly understand?  You’ve never had soft, full, sensual lips sliding up and down the shaft of your cock, coaxing you to the verge of orgasm.  You’ve never had a thick, hard dick up your ass, hitting your prostate, making your cock leak precum.  Not once have you experienced what it feels like to shoot your cum deep inside someone and know that you are sharing yourself with them in a way that God intended people to connect and share.”

He was moaning softly and I could clearly hear the tell-tale signs of him jerking off.  I decided to join the party.  I stood up and slid my soaking wet panties down my brown, tone legs.  I held them up to the partition and he inhaled deeply my feminine scent.  “No, I’ve never experienced any of those worldly desires personally, but you cannot say that the God wants people to have sex outside of the holy covenant of marriage.  The bible says . . .”

“Fuck that,” I interrupted, “How the holy hell can you say that God doesn’t want us to experience pleasure, ecstasy, and bliss when she created our bodies to feel every bit of that?”

“I’m afraid you are terribly misguided, my child,” he reprimanded me, practically choking on his words. “We have Catechism classes here on Thursday and Friday evenings if you’d like to come and learn about the true word of God.”  It was clear he was getting upset by my assertions.  I’d seen it before.  People who are intent on pretending to be asexual have this form of cognitive dissonance, their brains start to shut down, their wires get crossed and they freak out when they are confronted with facts that contradict their beliefs.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely the point when I can entice people to come to the light, the enlightenment of sexual freedom and expression. 

“So, you’re telling me, Father, that when I touch my clit, like this, I’m not supposed to experience pleasure?  You’re telling me that I’m not supposed to enjoy the sensations of having my hard nipples softly caressed, sucked, and licked unless I have a piece of paper from the courthouse that says I’m married?  Seriously?  You believe that?”  I started masturbating, at first with just one finger on my clit and then quickly graduated to using both hands, one to furiously rub my pussy and one to finger fuck my horny hole.  I was moaning loud enough for him to hear but I didn’t want to attract too much attention and I had no clue who could hear me outside the confessional.  I didn’t want some Bishop or Monsignor or even some other parish priest busting in and interrupting what was quickly becoming one of the kinkiest, most erotic experiences of my life.   

I stood up and turned my back to the partition.  I pulled up my skirt and revealed my ass.  Bending over, I pulled my ass cheeks apart and I backed up.  This time, the priest didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was deeply inhaling the musky scent from my unwashed pussy and asshole.  This smell wasn’t soap and perfume, it was the heady aroma of my unique essence, my pheromones.  “Does that turn you on, Father?  Are you aroused?  Is your cock hard?  Do you want to fuck me?”

He didn’t answer.  He didn’t have to.  He was pounding his dick unashamedly at this point.  He was being even more cautious than I was about making noises so I had to listen carefully for any sounds that let me know he was enjoying every second of this lecherous experience.   I wondered if he had ever seen a Black woman’s pussy before.  African Americans are Baptists and Methodists for the most part, we aren’t Catholics in any sort of great numbers.  Then, it dawned on me that perhaps there were millions of lonely, frustrated, sexually repressed white housewives using confessionals all over the country as their illicit source of sexual satisfaction.  I thought maybe that was a secret hidden in plain sight; that priests everywhere were jerking off to confessions from people who were turned on by getting their clergyman all hot and bothered.

 If that damn booth hadn’t been so damn small, I would have taken every thread of clothing I had on and left it in a heap on the floor so I could really give the good Father a show.  The lighting was poor and the space was cramped and confined so I had to make the best of my circumstances.  I was more aroused than I had been in a long time.  So close, but yet so far, was this man, a virile man who took a vow of chastity whom I had tempted to sin.  I had to use the only skills I could to get us both off, and that was my ability to talk dirty.  “I know you want this wet, Black pussy, Father.  You want to lay me down on your bed, push my legs back, and aim your hard cock and my unrepentant, sinful cunt, don’t you?  You want to bend me over, my big, round ass sticking up for you to slide your hard dick in me like your animal instincts tell you to do, fuck me hard, make me scream, make me cum all over you.  You want that, don’t you?  You want to give me pleasure with your stiff dick in me, make me feel like a woman.  You want to feel like a man when you pump your thick, hot cum up inside me.”

By this time he was moaning uncontrollably and loudly.  Anyone who was even remotely close could have heard both of us.  That inspired me even more.  I was making him lose control.  He was someone else, he was no longer a priest, he was a man driven by his natural desires to release and satisfaction.  I couldn’t stop.  I was in a zone of sexual frenzy that could only be satisfied by my intense orgasm.  I put my leg up on the wall, slid my fingers inside my pussy and I let out a vey audible gasp as I shoved two fingers in my asshole.  Apparently, at some point that I had missed, the priest had taken his pants all the way off and he too was fingering his asshole.  I encouraged him.  “Oh yeah, show me that you know that men are supposed to feel good with things up their assholes.  Show me that you know in your heart that it’s perfectly natural for men to experience anal pleasure, Father.  Oh, Daddy, it feels so good in my ass.  I wish you were ramming me hard and deep in my backdoor.”

I couldn’t hold back any longer.  I was on a collision course with a mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasm and there was no stopping it.  Apparently, my partner in crime was beyond the point of no return as well.  He was betraying all that he knew to be holy and righteous.  I heard him clearly say, “Yeah, take my stiff cock up your ass.  I know you want it.” 

It was that level of vulnerability, that release of inhibitions, it was that moment of complete emotional honesty that made me explode.  I bit my lip to keep from screaming I was so turned on and my friend could tell I was having a hellified orgasm because he jerked his cock and spurted his cum all over the partition, leaving it obscenely dripping like a holy sacrament. 

I pulled myself together, straightening out my clothes and powdering my nose.  “Thank you so much, Father.  I feel so much better now that I’ve unburdened myself of all my . . . uhmmm, some of my sins.” 

His voice was shaky and it was apparent he needed a bit more recovery time as he said, “If you are ever burdened by your . . . hungers and think you might need some one-on-one personal counseling, I will always be here for you, my child.  Anytime.  Night or day.”    

Copyright 2013 AfroerotiK All Rights Reserved


Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The Evolution of Black Erotica



Today, I was looking for inspiration for my book, In Loving Color, and it really struck me how much of an impact I've had on Black erotica. When I started AfroerotiK in 2003 there were literally no photographers shooting erotic images of Black couples. There were vulgar porn shots of booties and GYN shots of coochies. There were erotic shots of men. There were more erotic images of white couples than I could shake a stick at.  True Black erotica, with couples, was so rare that is was like looking for a needle in a haystack.  There was Black erotic art but it was drawings and paintings.  Photography was limited to romantic images but there was nothing erotic. 

Rundu was big back then and she was the only photographer doing erotica. She was shooting those calendars with men with jheri curls under the waterfalls and Black gay men were worshiping at her altar but she was saying that her images were not for gay men. (I thought that was like biting the hand that feeds you but hey, that's just me). I remember naively calling her and asking her to shoot images of couples for me. She had just published her coffee table book with Black couples but, IMO, they were not very erotic. All the poses were impossible for any normal people to achieve. You had to be a UniverSoul Circus performer to get into those positions and I just kept thinking to myself that wasn't erotic, it wasn’t stimulating or arousing it was more of a curiosity. I had two or three photo shoots with photographers and I asked them for erotic images and they gave me porn shots. They were giving me shots of individuals and I wanted couples, I wanted intimacy, connection, passion, and love.

At the time, I kept saying, "I'm a writer, I'm not a photographer, I don't want to be a Jill of a trades. I just want to write." But it was apparent to me that I had to start taking more control of the photo shoots. I hired a photographer and a female model and asked a friend of mine who was a fitness trainer to model for me. The female model cancelled about two hours before the shoot and I called a girlfriend of mine and she agreed to fill in. I took control of that photo shoot and I posed the models, I told the photographer what I wanted. It was from that photo shoot that I got all the images from the first AfroerotiK website. I couldn't show any faces because my girlfriend had just started dating someone and she didn't want her face shown so I kept that theme throughout the entire website. I didn't show any faces of any models. I started to understand that if I wanted truly erotic shots, with couples that looked like they were in love, with emotion and passion, I had to shoot them myself. That's when AfroerotiK was more than just erotic stories, that's when I knew that AfroerotiK was about more than just erotic photography.  I knew then that AfroerotiK was bigger than me.  It was a movement. 

I was still shooting with various photographers but none of them were giving me what I wanted. I remember one photoshoot where the photographer kept telling me to stay out of it, not give him advice, that he knew what I was looking for. All night, I kept my mouth shut and he took over 1000 images. If 3 of the images were usable, it was a lot. They were just horrible. One photographer bought his own model and all she cared about was getting paid and he was literally shooting with a point and shoot camera. She was a stripper and she was giving me porn poses. It was clear he was one of those guys that called himself a photographer and was only trying to fuck models. I wanted AfroerotiK to be about real people, not strippers.

In 2008 I convinced my best friend to start shooting for me. He fought me tooth and nail, he kept insisting that he wasn't good enough but I knew that he had the talent I was looking for. This time, I wanted faces to be shown. I wanted people to not be ashamed of their sexuality because the images were truly erotic, not porn. We started shooting in my loft and every photo shoot we would get better and better and better. I didn't have a penny to pay models at that point. All I could do was provide dinner and some drinks and try to make everyone feel comfortable. My website wasn't even up and running. Someone had hacked it and I had to shut it down but I knew AfroerotiK was still alive in my heart. My best friend and I did 10 photo shoots together that make up the majority of the photos that are on the current website. Every image was more erotic than the previous one. We got into a groove. I would hire the models, he would design the lighting, I would direct the models and we created magic.

I started rebuilding the AfroerotiK website in 2011 and it launched last year. My best friend and I had both moved from Atlanta so I recruited someone else to be my photographer. He's a little more uncomfortable with shooting nudes, and I'm a lot more demanding about what I want now, so we didn't get as many shots as I wanted but the ones that we did get were breathtaking. The next version of the website is going to be my best friend and I reunited again. We are going to graduate to even more sophisticated images.

Anyway, I said all of that to say this. I'm so incredibly proud of all the erotic images of Black couples that I see today. I know in my heart that I've been the inspiration for lots of people's careers, even if they don't admit it. I can point to the images they used that copied mine. I can see my influence everywhere. The fact that there are thousands of Black photographers shooting couples now, actually trying to shoot more than must porn and oiled booty shots of strippers makes my heart glad. People are actually looking at Black bodies as art now, not just genitals. I had a huge hand in that. I was the start of a Black erotic movement.

I've seen my images stolen and used everywhere. You can't find a website dedicated to Black erotic photography without some AfroerotiK images. Someone stole one of my images and used it on their book cover. People have stolen my images and used them for their websites, ads, etc. The images for my book are going to make everything I've done to date look like tame. I can see it clearly now. I'm going to have a coffee table book of erotic stories and images and I'm going to have an even more explicit (but still classy and sophisticated) edition with nothing but images. And it's going to be full of beautiful Black people. I can't wait.


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Sex: As Natural as Eating





Let’s imagine a world where all the world’s religious leaders decree tomorrow that eating is bad, sinful, and wrong, and moreover, that if you absolutely MUST eat, it can’t be enjoyable, it has to be bland, without taste, and you have to eat in secret and in shame, and if you enjoy eating that you are a bad person.  Almost immediately, your normal, healthy mind would scream at you to enjoy that lobster, that juicy mango or summer peach, that hot apple pie with ice cream at all costs.  Everyone would know in their hearts that eating is essential for life, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with eating, eating is essential for survival, even that eating a good meal with family and friends is one of the few joys in life that has no compare.  But the pressure from society telling you that eating is bad and wrong would set up a mental conflict, a dichotomy where you feel you would need to lie, cheat, and manipulate in order to eat, where you were shamed into feeling bad for enjoying a good meal.  Advertisers would use images of all sorts of delicious food to sell their products but they would make sure no one was eating in their commercials.  Eventually, after enough time, everyone would co-sign the concept that eating was sinful and wrong and they would publicly adopt a position of looking down their noses at anyone who said that they enjoyed eating while you nearly everyone was reading cookbooks, watching cooking shows in private, and people would be left trying to reconcile why something that they enjoy so much, something so positive and beneficial, is considered bad. 

Imagine for a moment, if you would, how eating would become this huge underground phenomenon.  If you tell people something that is natural and healthy is wrong, if you tell someone that their natural urges and desires are something they should be ashamed of and is bad, they will find a way to revel in it behind closed doors.  People would have secret food orgies, they would develop food fetishes, like they can’t eat unless it’s on a paper plate or they only eat donuts or they would only eat in the dark.  No one would have a concept of what a healthy meal even consisted of because there would be no honest discussion of nutrition or portion size, because the simple act of even talking about eating would be considered bad, and misinformation about eating would be rampant.  Children naturally would experience hunger and want to taste different things but adults would shame them into believing that eating was wrong and that they couldn’t enjoy it.  On message boards and forums all over the internet people would have a united voice of feigned moral indignation and outrage at anyone who said they loved to eat food but in the privacy of their own homes, they would be installing gourmet kitchens. 

After enough time, the government would step in and enact laws reinforcing that eating was bad and convincing the masses that bread and water was more than sufficient for survival and that anyone who liked anything more than that was a social leper and a freak. The politicians and loudest opponents of eating would secretly have private chefs making meals fit for a king while they were out proselytizing about how sinful eating is and the perils of food.  People wouldn’t be allowed to learn how to cook or feed themselves and using condiments and spices would bring down the wrath of the folks who insist that eating is only valid if it’s for survival.   

So, eventually, you would have a world where everyone believed that something beautiful, natural, and healthy was commonly and openly considered bad, wrong, and sinful.  People’s psyches would be at war within themselves.  The belief that eating was bad would seep into every aspect of life and culture to where eventually, no one even questioned that eating was wrong and anyone who said that eating was natural and healthy and could even be positive would be shunned.  Eating disorders would be the norm and no one would acknowledge it or seek help for their conditions because they would be ashamed of admitting that they liked eating.  The human mind can’t function in a healthy way under such turmoil so it shuts down in the face of such a conflict, it compensates with dysfunction.  Your inner being inherently knows that eating is right and good but it’s been convinced by society that it’s wrong so the human mind struggles.  It starts craving eating things that are barely edible, things that are toxic, things that aren’t even food in an effort to wage a war against what society tells them is wrong.  People would start eating rotted, moldy food in private, eating stuff that will hurt them; they start feeling entitled to violently take other people’s food by any means necessary.  Meanwhile EVERYONE would be eating.  A few people would conform and eat only the bare minimum to survive and society would INSIST that they are the normal ones and that anyone who enjoyed eating was a deviant.  MOST people would be eating and enjoying food in private and this entire underground eating frenzy would be taking place, in plain sight and under the radar, because no one is willing or brave enough to challenge the belief that eating is wrong. 

Now, substitute the word eating with fucking.

It is precisely this millennia-old belief that sex is taboo, the repression and compartmentalization of sex, it is the very false belief that sex is naughty, dirty, bad, and wrong that creates rapists, child molesters, sex addicts, sexual deviants, and a culture of casual, unsafe sex because the mind and spirit are at war with what is supposed to be positive and absolutely life-affirming.  Religious leaders convinced us long, long ago that sex was bad, dirty, shameful and wrong.  They needed the world to believe that if one were to have sex, that it was only to be missionary sex for procreation inside of marriage.  They were wrong.  They lied.  Sex is normal, healthy, We have been convinced that sex is bad, shameful, sinful, and wrong when it’s healthy, beautiful, and right.  No one, not one of us comes into this world except through sex.  Pleasure is our birthright.  Ecstatic orgasm is a form of meditation, a form of prayer.  There is such a thing as healthy sexuality and it consists of far more than missionary position on a Friday night with the lights out between two married, white, mildly unattractive and boring, financially stable heterosexuals.  But humanity is so cut off from what should be healthy sexuality that we can’t even have a conversation about it.  People assume that healthy sexuality is boring and bland and that’s simply not the case.  Sex should be a beautiful buffet of different sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and experiences that stimulate us on different levels but it’s become something we do that we think is nasty and wrong and we need to get off on degradation and humiliation and pain and whatever else they feel is bad and wrong to compensate for feeling ashamed about their own natural desires. 

“But, that’s crazy,” you say, “That’s a silly comparison.  Everyone HAS to eat, you need it to live.  Sex isn’t a necessity.”  Oh, but you are so very wrong.  Sex is essential for our healthy existence.  We can live without it but we are damaged without it as well.  Touch is essential for life, intimacy is essential, hot, sweaty orgasms with another human being are essential for our survival.  I’m not just talking about the fact that sex for procreation is essential, obviously, civilization dies if we don’t have babies.  I’m not talking about sex for recreation when people go on craigslist and they screw the first person who sends a face picture.  People have been CONVINCED that everyone else in the world is sexually conservative, that no one else could possibly have different, complex, or even unhealthy fantasies.  Society tells us that the only acceptable way to have sex is with soft music playing in the background and candles lit and three minutes of vigorous humping.  In reality, people are doing things sexually that are extreme, dangerous, and even hurtful and there’s evidence everywhere you turn that people are into all sorts of extreme sexual behaviors in every corner of this not so great nation.  Think of a sexual fetish, no matter how obscure, and there are hundreds of websites catered to exactly that.  Yet for centuries, society has implied that everyone on the planet is having sex only for procreation and anyone doing anything more than that is a degenerate.  So, the mind, unsure of how to deal with these contradictory messages, copes by compartmentalizing sex, shutting it off until it becomes an urge and a drive that have dire consequences when approached from an emotionally and sexually immature vantage point. 

Your subconscious minds tells you that it’s perfectly natural to enjoy oral and anal sex because it feels delicious and yummy but since childhood, you’ve been told that anything you feel “down there” is rooted in evil.  Your subconscious minds knows that sex with the same gender doesn’t define you, make you evil, or make you a freak, it’s simply another way to experience pleasure.  But thousands of years of denial and lies tells you that if you experience pleasure with someone of the same gender, you are in the minority, a freak of nature, that you are weird.  You aren’t weird.  Everyone else is a freak for actually believing the lie that gender has anything to do with how you experience pleasure.  Experiencing pleasure with someone of the same gender doesn’t alter your identity, it doesn’t make you less of a person, you aren’t even in the minority.  That’s just another lie society has told us.  EVERYONE can experience pleasure with someone of the same gender it’s just that they have been socialized to believe it’s wrong.  Nothing more. 

Every sexual dysfunction can be traced back to this belief that sex is bad.  People molest children because they have been brainwashed to believe in this erroneous concept that people are sexless, so being sexual with a child becomes the ultimate arousal.  Their innocence, or the act of taking it, making children into something dirty and naughty, becomes a point of arousal for individuals who can’t reconcile the fact that sex is natural and that they shouldn’t be trying to coerce or manipulate children into being sexual.  Sex with children is taboo and anything that is wrong, taboo, kinky, different, or unspoken becomes more arousing sexually for people who don’t have a healthy concept of what intimacy, passion,  love, connection, or what it takes to maintain an adult relationship.  If we taught people that sex was natural, and had discussions about the psychological, social, physical, mental, and emotional ramifications of having sex, if we taught people how to be sexually mature rather than convince them that they are the only people in the world who have sexual desires beyond missionary sex, we could eliminate childhood sexual abuse in one generation.  Men rape because they have been socialized in a society that tells them that sex is wrong and bad but they have urges that tells them that sex is natural.  They rationalize the use of violence and force to rape in order to feel like they are taking back what is their right, because rape becomes synonymous with pleasure.  People have sex with animals rather than humans because animals don’t judge, they don’t tell secrets, they don’t have to emotionally connect to a dog or a horse the same way they need to invest in a relationship with another person.  A human being has the ability to judge and shame, an animal will only love you more and more unconditionally and satisfy their sexual desires without complaint.  Every sexual fetish, the act having one’s sexual aroused tied to a non-sexual object or situation, stems from someone being shamed for a normal expression of their sexuality when they were in a heightened state of arousal.  They were told that sex was shameful and bad, the feelings that they experienced were normal and natural, and then they made a subconscious connection with that object and sex and shame, BAM, their sexuality is intricately tied to that thing. 

Porn addiction is at pandemic proportions.  Men in their 20s need Viagra because they suffer from erectile dysfunction.  I have no clue why HIV isn’t more rampant in this country because people are having unprotected sex and they are not getting tested or having their partners tested in numbers that are staggering.  I strongly believe that the molestation of children, both boys and girls, is so widespread and commonplace, I dare not think about it too much or it will make me sick to my stomach.  All of these things are to be expected when sex is deemed taboo and dirty by the powers that be.  If you tell people that something that is inherent to their nature, a drive as natural as eating is wrong and bad, their psyches rebel.

I think that when children, especially girls, who have sex before the age of puberty, (meaning who are touched, molested and raped in childhood) they grow up to be more sexually addicted than those who have sex at a more "normal" age, like mid teens. I'm not condemning anyone with my comment, I'm simply looking at the origins of the behaviors. I've found that the women who had sexual experiences with adults in early childhood become hardwired for sexual addiction and crave more experiences like slapping, choking, humiliation, degradation, etc. when they become adults, they need sex for validation, they need abuse for validation. I've found the same for men as well, they simply tend to be hardwired to subjugate and oppress when they become adults if the sexual abuse was from a female. They tend, and the key word is tend, to be sexually submissive and masochistic if the abuser was male but they display the same level of sexual need and addiction as women. Again, I'm not judging anyone. I'm simply trying to figure out the origins of our sexuality in an effort to create a healthier dialogue about sex. So, while I am not putting anyone down for what they like sexually, I really am suggesting that the need to be humiliated and degraded is one not a natural one that comes from an healthy place. I acknowledge that some people want and need to be degraded and made to feel humiliated during sex to experience arousal and that is a very valid desire but I'm going to say that in an alternate, parallel world, sex would not be about degradation and shame but merely pleasure and connection. I think it would be a wonderful world if people were to experience exaltation, celebration, and validation while getting the bejesus fucked out of them.  If we eliminate this entire belief that sex is bad and sinful, we eliminate the sexual compulsion and dysfunction that surrounds it, we heal ourselves. 

Schools teach that sex is bad.  The church teaches that sex is bad.  Our parents spank, shame, and punish us for our normal childhood expressions of sexuality.  Politicians try to regulate our sexuality so that we are criminalized for our own natural desires.  The entire world is convinced that we need to be ashamed of our sexuality and it’s created more pain and dysfunction that can be imagined.  Sex is as natural as eating and we need to restore a sense of beauty and reverence to our sexuality in order for us to collectively heal from the abuses that have left us fragmented and dysfunctional. 

Copyright 2013 AfroerotiK All Rights Reserved


Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Forgiving Our Abusers



We are spiritual beings having a human experience.  We, you and I, are made up of the exact same energy of the Creator; we are made up of the same stuff that animates the entire Universe.  We choose our life’s mission before we are born.  We come to this earth plane to experience joy, love, and abundance in excess.  If we don’t live abundantly, if we don’t experience the peace that passeth understanding, it is not because we chose to live in poverty and pain, it’s because we have forgotten that we are the God source, we are disconnected from the energy that is Divine Love.  When others inflict pain on us, when others choose to harm and abuse us, it’s not because we have chosen that experience for this lifetime, it is because they chose evil and darkness rather than Love and Light, it is because they feel pain and want to inflict pain on others in order to try to make themselves feel better.  They are made of the same energy that we are, the same God source, but they are more disconnected from source.  It does not mean that they are evil, it simply means that their vibrations are not in tune with Source.  When we leave our bodies, when we are reunited with Pure Consciousness, our slate is wiped clean and there is no sin, no pain, there is only love.  Once we re-member our Divinity, we vibrate at the consciousness of Love again and we are Whole.