Morality and integrity, really
and truly, are figments of my imagination.
They don’t exist. Everyone has a
need to lie, to cheat, everyone has a need to seek out the taboo and the forbidden. Everyone has a desire, a very much socialized,
driving, obsessive imperative, to portray themselves as righteous and without
flaw which creates in them a secret drive to behave in ways that are exactly
the opposite of what they portray in public. It creates dysfunction, a mental disconnect. This need to deny your sexuality in public
and pretend to be asexual creates mental illness; it creates people driven by
deviance, and it creates a world of liars, cheaters, adulterers who have
absolutely no problem condemning and shaming people who get caught doing the
exact same behaviors that they possess. People
don’t have a need or drive to do what’s right, we set up people in childhood by
teaching them that the names for their privates are bad, we perpetuate the
social disorder by calling natural, healthy sexuality “freaky”. And we display the mental disorder every time
we publically shame someone for expressing their sexuality when we have done
the same or worse ourselves.
Are lying and cheating and this
compulsive need to behave in ways that are antithetical to what is right, just
and good inherent in human beings? I don’t
believe they are. I think that the
social architects, the individuals who DECIDED to convince people that sex and
sexuality was bad and wrong engineered this paradigm. The leaders who set out to control the masses
knew on some intrinsic level that once they convinced the world’s population
that sex was bad and shameful, that they could control them because the need to
have sex in inherent in human beings.
What I don’t think they could have anticipated or predicted is how
detrimental it would be to humanity. I don’t
think they could have ever foreseen how perverted and dysfunctional people
would become in their need to hide their sexuality.
The need to deny one’s sexuality,
to compartmentalize it and to pretend to be chaste and pure has created
pathological liars and people disconnected from reality. I’ve
seen the evidence of this all around me.
I’ve seen it in my mother who had an affair with her current husband for
more than a decade, who now, BELIEVES in her heart that she didn’t start dating
him until after he was married. I’ve
seen her ridicule and shame other women for the EXACT same things she’s done
without even the faintest hint of irnoy.
I’ve seen her alienate and ostracize people from her life who know her
secret, not because she consciously is self-aware enough to recognize her
behaviors but because she’s so warped and deluded that she needs to pretend she’s
saintly and holy and could never do anything that was immoral and her
subconscious mind needs to create a world where her reality fits her delusions. I’ve seen married spouses who cheat and lie
get offended when their spouse does the same thing, only difference being they
never got caught. I’ve seen the same
people who tell me how offensive and pornographic my website is behave in ways
that are exponentially more dysfunctional behind closed doors than anything
that could be found on AfroerotiK. I’ve
seen the evidence in my disgusting ex boyfriend who actually believes that his
juvenile sexual techniques are so superior that he is able to entice married
women to behave in ways that are contrary to their own, supposedly asexual
natures. Only problem is, no one is
asexual. He’s not enticing anyone with
his very little dick and his substandard sexual skills. He’s only boosting his ego by convincing
himself that women would never be sexual without his ability to become whoever
and whatever his latest conquests want him to be (those skills, I can testify,
are exceptional). I’ve
seen the evidence on a daily basis of white men who beg me to do things to them
that are so extreme and so deviant yet they walk around and pretend to be the
pillars of morality and asexuality in public.
Discomfort with one’s sexuality creates
a mental disconnect, mental illness in fact.
People justify whatever behaviors they have, no matter how unhealthy
they are, and then they find a nice little place to hide them away and pretend
that they don’t exist. Look at the
Catholic Church. How much more obvious could
it bebthat sexuality is natural and when one shuts off their sexuality, when
one denies that their sexuality exists, it manifests itself in pathological
behaviors? It’s the genesis of down low
men and women (and TRUST me that there are just as many women lying about their
bisexuality as men), it’s the origin of people going out and having unprotected
sex without thought for pregnancy or disease.
It’s the reason that my PR agent was convinced beyond a shadow of a
doubt that the public wasn’t ready to deal with beautiful, tasteful, sensual images
on my website when everyone, absolutely everyone is a sexual being and is
looking for sexual stimulation. She couldn’t
wrap her head around the concept that everyone was sexual and committed to hiding
it. She would rather believe, like
society has masterfully convinced us, that people are asexual, that no one has
sexual desires, that sex is shameful and bad and dirty and that I was somehow
going against the grain with my bold declaration that sex is beautiful,
natural, and that everyone is sexual. She
believes in her head that only a few deviant, fringe people like sex and that
everyone else is offended by the mere mention of the word. And that’s true to a certain extent. People do pretend to be offended at the mere
mention of the word. They are also the
same people who have bookmarks to some of the most degrading sex sites on the
net on their computers. That mental
disconnect is how people who cheat on their spouses can write books on how to
get a man or how to be a good spouse without any mental conflict. They have shut off the part of their brain
that allows them to have guilt or shame about their actions. They have been able to compartmentalize so
much so that they don’t even recognize their own detrimental behaviors.
I am comfortable with my
sexuality. I’m not ashamed of my desires. I don’t have a need or drive to cheat, to
lie, to be with anyone’s husband. I
would rather end the relationship with someone if I’m not happy rather than get
to a point where I’m motivated to cheat on them. I don’t have a need to sell my body to the
highest bidder. I don’t think I’m more
valuable if a man with money wants me. I
have unparalleled integrity and I’m not driven to go out and have casual, unprotected
sex with strangers because I get horny and don’t know how to stop when things
get heated. I have either released or I
have had the good fortune to never possess the dysfunction of the masses. I
never really understood how different I was.
I sort of feel stupid for not
recognizing the facts when the evidence was all around me. You know who figured it out? Zane, who writes about cheating and
immorality and eroticizes it and people eat it up. You know why?
Because they not only crave seeing characters act out in ways similar to
how behave in private, it’s erotic to them, it adds a thrill for them to do
things that are just outside of moral. The
more illicit their behavior behind closed doors, the better. You know who else figured it out long before
me and capitalized on it? Shonda what’s
her name. It’s a turn on for women to
feel like a man who shouldn’t want them openly does. We’re told that when a couple gets married,
that the desire to be with anyone else goes away. So if a man who is married tells us he loves
us, no matter how unhealthy, dysfunctional and morally wrong it is, that
represents an extra special thrill to us.
It’s a dangerous metaphor. Women
who have been cheated on liking Scandal is equivalent to a woman who has been
raped cheering for the rapist on Law & Order SVU. But, I’m sure even that happens in the
privacy of people’s homes because we are so sexually unhealthy as a nation that
we don’t have a concept of what healthy sexuality is. And, the truth of the matter is, we aren’t
going to get healthy any time soon.
Copyright 2013 Scottie Lowe
