Be a Man

I am horrified about the fate of Black relationships.  I’ve been aware for the better part of two decades that there has been a lowering of standards, a “hip-hopization” of Black boys where they behave like rappers and thugs, play video games and make beats in the basement, and shun education for making that dollar.  The standards for raising men, real men, seem to have gone the way of the dinosaur.  Black boys have not been taught to carry themselves with respect, to have integrity, to accept responsibility for their wrong doing, hell, they’ve not even been taught to speak properly or how to tie a tie, let alone own one.  I’m pretty sheltered so I suppose I’ve been mistakenly thinking all this time that it’s been primarily an issue in the lower economic communities but I see it’s deeply entrenched in the middle and upper classes as well.  Black men, across the board, are not really men, they are little more than boys who are legally able to buy alcohol. 

I’ve witnessed, even in my own family, intelligent, educated, seemingly together young ladies choose partners who were barely literate and who looked like they had just gotten out of jail and I’ve scratched my head in wonder at 1. how her parents tolerated such an obviously unacceptable partner for their child and 2.  how his parents aren’t ashamed of the fact that they raised a child who can’t sit at a dinner table and know the basic rules of etiquette.  I’ve counseled far too many young ladies about their tragically pathetic and drama-filled lives with males whose greatest accomplishment in life is coordinating their outfit to their sneakers.  We don’t teach boys how to cook and clean up after themselves, we don’t teach them how to look someone in the eye, how to give a firm handshake, how to keep their word, we don’t TEACH them anything about being a man.  We certainly don’t teach them anything about being in a relationship, about finding and winning the affections of a good woman.  We don’t teach them how to communicate their feelings in a relationship, how to resolve conflicts, we don’t teach them what it takes to make a relationship work.  Nope, we send them to school and let them watch music videos 24 hours a day and that’s the extent of parenting Black men. 

I’m never one to reminisce about the good old days because I’m ever aware that the past holds a whole host of issues with racism and sexism that are glossed over in lieu of only remembering the things that pretty and nice but I’m here to say that if we don’t do something, and soon, on a global scale, we will not continue to exist as a community.  We can’t continue to have Black men be sexist, misogynist, emotionally immature, highly-functioning children and think that we will survive as a race.  It’s a recipe for disaster.  Relationships are the cornerstone for every race.  If Black boys are never becoming men, if they are never being taught to think logically, to dress appropriately, to be able to have a conversation that doesn’t include, “Nahmean?” then we will have no future.  No, I don’t understand what you mean.  Articulate yourself in a way that adults do.  Carry yourself with dignity.  Don’t look to emulating rappers as you ideal.  I blame the mothers and the fathers equally.  Black mothers have babied their sons, let them get away with far too much, they’ve been emotionally incestuous by making their sons the man of the house and not really teaching them what that meant other than having a penis.  Black fathers have neglected their sons, and when present, haven’t really parented their sons, they’ve been buddies and they’ve facilitated their son’s substandard behavior and seen nothing whatsoever wrong with it.  There is a father who posts daily on Facebook paraphrased conversations with his son and everyone thinks the exchanges are funny and amusing and I’m the only one cringing in horror at how completely inept the father is at seeing how his son is profoundly immature.  It’s a disease.  It’s a complicated one for sure because the flip side of the coin is how we have raised our daughters to accept these sorts of males in their lives as partners, not to have higher standards for the men they become involved with.  Self-destruction, we’re headed for self-destruction.