Bless Me Father for I Have Sinned

I’m a pervert, and an unapologetic one at that.  I’m so completely confident and comfortable with my sexuality that I refuse to compartmentalize it, lie about it, or be ashamed of it. I’m free from society’s pressure to conform and that is a joy most people will never experience.  To most people in a sexually-repressed society, being unashamed of your sexuality translates to being a perv and trying to convince people that you never have any sexual thoughts whatsoever is considered normal.  That’s insane.  Anyone who knows me knows that I will swear on a stack of bibles in a court of law and admit to anything and everything I’ve ever done sexually, regardless of how uncomfortable it might make some pseudo-conservatives and religious zealots, because I’ve never done anything immoral or illegal and I’m not ashamed of people knowing that I color outside the lines.  I’m of the strong belief that two consenting adults should test the waters to see what they enjoy and explore alternative options.  I personally enjoy exploring where my mind can go sexually and you know what they say; the mind is the biggest sexual organ. A pervert is defined as someone who leads another astray morally.  I like to think that I have the unique ability to seduce people into doing things they secretly crave but publicly denounce.  I get off on seeing people become feral, primal, sexual beasts, shedding their façade of straight-laced formality and conformity only to embrace and revel in their true nature.  I belong to the school of thought that it’s the responsibility of forward thinking individuals like myself to challenge the notion that sex is only valid if it’s missionary position on a Friday night with the lights out between two married, white, mildly unattractive and boring, financially stable heterosexuals. 

It’s rare to find a woman, at least as upstanding and educated as I am, and a Black woman on top of that, who readily admits that she is a aroused by sexual variation and coloring outside the lines.  I didn’t say it was rare to find a woman of my social and economic standing who is a pervert, I meet tons of them. We live in such a sexually repressed society, finding women who are sophisticated and conservative on the outside and horny and willing to push their limits when they let their hair down is a piece of cake.  All one has to do is know what to look for; like attracts like as they say.  It is rare, however, to meet women who are as proud to be as kinky as I am.  It’s easier to find men who are kinksters, at least in name if not in practice.  There are tons of men who claim to be comfortable with their sexuality as I am but all they do is jerk off in front of a computer screen or they lie about their true motives and desires.  You can’t claim to be a comfortable with your sexuality if you your only connection to other people is though a broadband one or if you are ashamed of your actions.  You can’t claim to be comfortable with your sexuality if you need to lie, manipulate, cheat, and do things that are unsafe and unhealthy in the pursuit of illicit sex.  I am the real deal.  Usually, women are so secretive about their sexuality that no one knows about their dark side; they even keep it hidden from their lovers.  They hide the fact that they look at extreme porn on the internet and crave things that they pretend to their co-workers, family, and friends offends them.  Me on the other hand, I don’t care who knows that I am aroused by almost every expression of sexuality in some form or fashion.  Pick a fetish, inclination, or preference and I’ve probably masturbated to it. 

I was in the mood for some fun so I decided to take the afternoon off from work to enjoy the beautiful summer afternoon.  I went to the park to see if I could find some average-looking married guy sucking off some stranger in the bushes.  That always gets my pussy wet.  I love watching the white guys with receding hairlines who wear sweater vests and pocket protectors enthusiastically schlobbing on the knob of some Black or Latino guy with a huge cock and sucking him like a porn star at 2 in the afternoon in the park.  Let him bend over and take that big, brown cock up his ass and I’m turned on and cumming and fucking myself like there’s no tomorrow.   Any guy that horny who is willing to do something that outrageous and contrary to social norms in broad daylight is a risk taker; he is addicted to getting off and that turns me on.  I can get off on just the mental image of this middle management white guy going home and having to take out the trash and pay the bills knowing that he has the cum of a hot black man dripping out of his boipussy while his unsuspecting wife is making meatloaf and green beans for dinner.  That is so fucking HOT!

This particular day, I was in the mood for more than just watching; I wanted to play and play hard.  Every step I took, my wet and throbbing pussy reminded me that I needed relief.  When my perverted mind is turned on, I see sex in everything.  I was searching the eyes of everyone I saw, looking for that look of arousal and secrecy that only other perverts can recognize.  I saw it in the most average looking woman who was coming out of a church.  It was a weekday and it was the middle of the afternoon but I could see she was wearing a top that was just a little bit too sexy for church and she was visibly aroused.  I could see her hardened nipples through her shirt and she looked breathless.  Sitting on a bench across from the park, she had that look of guilt on her face that I could tell she had been doing something naughty and she was trying to collect herself before she had to go home and face her hubby.  She had on a pair of polyester slacks, flats, and a blouse that looked like it was something she got from the junior’s department straight from Wal-mart and she looked like she was on her way to pick up the kids from soccer practice.  I casually strolled up to her and sat down next to her and blatantly stared at her.  It made her uncomfortable and she started fidgeting around, eventually grabbing her purse like I was going to steal it.  One of my shoes literally cost more than 10 times her outfit so I had to laugh at her white paranoia. 

“Gorgeous day, isn’t it,” I casually inquired. 

She nodded, mumbled her agreement, and stared at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact.  She looked like she was trying to catch her breath.  I leaned in close and whispered in her ear.  “So, what was it in that church that got you so hot and bothered?  What got your pussy so wet?”  There was no mistaking the look of terror in her eyes.  She got up and quickly walked away, looking back over her shoulder the entire time until she was out of sight.  I just smiled and waved.  I decided to go investigate myself and I entered the consecrated building.  The place was deserted with the exception of a wrinkled, elderly Latina woman lighting candles at the altar and I highly doubted that she was who had that woman so flushed and aroused.  I sat down and observed for a few minutes.  I was just about ready to go, bored out of my mind, when at about a few minutes to 4:00, a priest came out of a side rectory door and went straight to the confessional and turned on an indicator light.  Giving credit where credit is due, the priest was reasonably attractive.  He wasn’t masturbation material but his face was chiseled and distinguished and his brown eyes danced with brilliance with a sly smile.  He was maybe in his early 40s and I guessed that under his black shirt and pants, his body was toned.  Overall, he was intriguing enough to get my “creative” juices flowing.  I saw the elderly Latina woman make her way to the back of the church and at exactly 4 pm, she entered the small booth.  She was only in there about 5 minutes and when she exited she certainly didn’t look particularly flustered or aroused. 

I hatched the most delicious plan right then and there.  I entered the confessional and sat down.  The partition opened and I said, “Bless me father for I have sinned, I’ve never confessed before because I’m not Catholic.  Shit, I’m not even Christian for that matter.” 

“How then can I help you my child?  The confessional is a sacred space for Catholics to confess their sins and seek absolution. Perhaps, if you are in need of counsel, I can make arrangements to meet with you outside the confessional.” 

“Oh, no, please father, I need someone to talk to and you are the only one.  Anything I say here you have to keep a secret, right?  Cross your heart and hope to die, right?  Well, I need to confess and get a lot of things off my chest.  It would make me feel so much better to do it here, where you can’t see me.  I’d be so embarrassed that I don’t think I could tell you these things face to face, Father.  Please.” 

I was lying.  I didn’t give a half a fat fuck if he saw my face or not.  I couldn’t give a hot damn if someone looked me dead in the eye while I spilled my guts about my fetishes and fantasies.  I just thought it was a turn-on to be in a confessional with a man who took an oath of abstinence and telling him incredibly nasty things. 

He conceded and let me go on with my fake confession.  “Father, I’ve been a very naughty girl.” I paused, giving him time to gather his senses.  “Father, I . . .  hardly know where to begin.  Well, let me ask you this.  Is anal sex a sin?” 

The priest gasped, audibly shocked.  Clearing his throat, he said, “Are you . . . are you  married my child?  Well . . . uhmmmm. . . . whatever happens in the marriage bed is considered sacred in the eyes of the lord but . . .” 

“Oh, I’m not married but my boyfriend is.  Cool, he always fucks me in the ass in his marital bed when his wife is out of town.  Okay, on to my next confession . . .” 

“Wait, no, no.  That’s not what I meant.  I was trying to say . . .” 

I could barely contain my laughter.  “Relax, pops, I was just kidding you.  I know that adultery is a sin.  My boyfriend isn’t married.  In fact, he isn’t even a boy.  He, is a she.  My girlfriend is married though.  Do I get extra forgiveness points or whatever you call it because I’ve known her longer than she has known her husband?  She and I used to fool around in college and we just can’t seem to stop . . . fooling around . . . if you know what I mean.”  “Oh, gosh darnit all to heck,” I sarcastically added and then changed my tone to that of the most intense sexy whisper, “You see, Father, I love eating pussy.  I can’t get enough.  I love sticking my tongue between those meaty folds of her wet cunt and tasting all her sweet juices and swirling her hardened clit between my lips to make her flood my mouth with her hot cum.  Awww poop, I guess that is a sin in your book too.  Man, I’m not doing too well here.  I love getting dicked really hard up the ass with a strapon by my married lesbian lover and having her eat my pussy too.  I’m guessing it’s a good thing I’m not Catholic.  I’d never leave this little room with all the things I do.” 

By this time, the Padre knew exactly what I was trying to do and it looked like he was willing to play along.  “These are some very serious sins, my child, I think you should start at the beginning and tell me everything, don’t leave any detail out no matter how small, so that I can know how to counsel you and give you guidance.”  At that point, I heard the very faint sounds of a zipper being lowered and the tell-tale signs of labored breathing. 

I was in my zone.  I knew I had him just where I wanted him and it was turning me on like crazy.  I was tempting this devout holy man with my particular brand of perversion and he was falling for it hook, line, and sinker.  I have long had my suspicions that anyone who makes a conscious choice to deny their sexuality is ripe for perverse pickings so to speak.  Sex is natural, human beings are supposed to have sex.  Anyone who denies their sexuality, suppresses it, is setting themselves up for mental illness and sexual addiction.  Duh!  All these priests molesting children is clearly because humans are not meant to be asexual and they are driven to these detrimental and deviant behaviors because they have shut off that part of themselves which is natural.  And now that priests can have access to porn every day all day on the internet, every sort of degrading, misogynist, vulgar porn, they are sure to be even more susceptible to being led astray and have more opportunities for sexual depravity than most people would care to acknowledge or accept. 

I moved closer to the partition. I whispered so the priest would be forced to lean in closer.  “I’m not sure where to begin, Father.  I guess it all started when I got my heart broken by a guy who was a sociopath.  Up until that point in my life I had been pretty comfortable being average and regular, hiding and denying my sexuality like everyone else.  Then, I dated evil incarnate, a demon; I fell in love with someone without a soul.  He was beyond a pathological liar.  Every single solitary word out of his mouth was a lie.  He lied when he would swear to me he was telling the truth.  He looked me in the eye and lied to me, used me, he cheated on me.  He told me he loved me, told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that I was the woman of his dreams, for no other reason than he wanted to fuck me.  He got a perverse thrill out of making me believe that he was my ideal lover, that he believed in me and was supportive of me when he knew I was just a placeholder for the next woman he could romance who would feed his distorted ego.  When I found out the truth, it broke my heart in ways I can’t even explain.  I was emotionally shattered.” 

I continued.  “So, in order to heal from that pain, I had to start really loving myself.  Loving myself meant I had to embrace every part of myself.  Loving myself meant that I could step back from the situation and see how pathetic and sad my ex was because he felt so driven by his sexuality and so ashamed of it that he had to hurt, use, manipulate, degrade, humiliate, and deceive people for his sexual satisfaction and that that had nothing to do with me, my value as a lover, or my ability to make sound choices in a partner.  It was then that I decided that I was not going lie about my sexuality ever again.  Never again would I be ashamed of anything I fantasized about, desired, or got aroused by.  I was not going to be victim of the same beliefs that made him into a narcissist and sociopath; I was not going to be a slave to a society that created monsters like him because they felt like they had to deny their sexuality. When I got to that point in my life, Father, I released all the fear, shame, and guilt that I had been socialized to have my entire life and I started to enjoy my sexuality in a way that I had never even realized I could before.” 

“I see, my child.”  The father was listening intently.  I could see his outline through the partition and he was riveted to my every word.  It was as if I was counseling him in a way.  I think I might have been telling his story.  I knew he had to have some form of sexual release and I just imagined that he struggled with his own sexual demons and maybe what unhealthy, dysfunctional things it might have driven him to do.   

“Do you really see, Father?  I mean, you’ve never even had the opportunity to slide your dick in a wet, hot, tight pussy before.  How could you possibly understand?  You’ve never had soft, full, sensual lips sliding up and down the shaft of your cock, coaxing you to the verge of orgasm.  You’ve never had a thick, hard dick up your ass, hitting your prostate, making your cock leak precum.  Not once have you experienced what it feels like to shoot your cum deep inside someone and know that you are sharing yourself with them in a way that God intended people to connect and share.”

He was moaning softly and I could clearly hear the tell-tale signs of him jerking off.  I decided to join the party.  I stood up and slid my soaking wet panties down my brown, tone legs.  I held them up to the partition and he inhaled deeply my feminine scent.  “No, I’ve never experienced any of those worldly desires personally, but you cannot say that the God wants people to have sex outside of the holy covenant of marriage.  The bible says . . .”

“Fuck that,” I interrupted, “How the holy hell can you say that God doesn’t want us to experience pleasure, ecstasy, and bliss when she created our bodies to feel every bit of that?”

“I’m afraid you are terribly misguided, my child,” he reprimanded me, practically choking on his words. “We have Catechism classes here on Thursday and Friday evenings if you’d like to come and learn about the true word of God.”  It was clear he was getting upset by my assertions.  I’d seen it before.  People who are intent on pretending to be asexual have this form of cognitive dissonance, their brains start to shut down, their wires get crossed and they freak out when they are confronted with facts that contradict their beliefs.  That, ladies and gentlemen, is precisely the point when I can entice people to come to the light, the enlightenment of sexual freedom and expression. 

“So, you’re telling me, Father, that when I touch my clit, like this, I’m not supposed to experience pleasure?  You’re telling me that I’m not supposed to enjoy the sensations of having my hard nipples softly caressed, sucked, and licked unless I have a piece of paper from the courthouse that says I’m married?  Seriously?  You believe that?”  I started masturbating, at first with just one finger on my clit and then quickly graduated to using both hands, one to furiously rub my pussy and one to finger fuck my horny hole.  I was moaning loud enough for him to hear but I didn’t want to attract too much attention and I had no clue who could hear me outside the confessional.  I didn’t want some Bishop or Monsignor or even some other parish priest busting in and interrupting what was quickly becoming one of the kinkiest, most erotic experiences of my life.   

I stood up and turned my back to the partition.  I pulled up my skirt and revealed my ass.  Bending over, I pulled my ass cheeks apart and I backed up.  This time, the priest didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was deeply inhaling the musky scent from my unwashed pussy and asshole.  This smell wasn’t soap and perfume, it was the heady aroma of my unique essence, my pheromones.  “Does that turn you on, Father?  Are you aroused?  Is your cock hard?  Do you want to fuck me?”

He didn’t answer.  He didn’t have to.  He was pounding his dick unashamedly at this point.  He was being even more cautious than I was about making noises so I had to listen carefully for any sounds that let me know he was enjoying every second of this lecherous experience.   I wondered if he had ever seen a Black woman’s pussy before.  African Americans are Baptists and Methodists for the most part, we aren’t Catholics in any sort of great numbers.  Then, it dawned on me that perhaps there were millions of lonely, frustrated, sexually repressed white housewives using confessionals all over the country as their illicit source of sexual satisfaction.  I thought maybe that was a secret hidden in plain sight; that priests everywhere were jerking off to confessions from people who were turned on by getting their clergyman all hot and bothered.

 If that damn booth hadn’t been so damn small, I would have taken every thread of clothing I had on and left it in a heap on the floor so I could really give the good Father a show.  The lighting was poor and the space was cramped and confined so I had to make the best of my circumstances.  I was more aroused than I had been in a long time.  So close, but yet so far, was this man, a virile man who took a vow of chastity whom I had tempted to sin.  I had to use the only skills I could to get us both off, and that was my ability to talk dirty.  “I know you want this wet, Black pussy, Father.  You want to lay me down on your bed, push my legs back, and aim your hard cock and my unrepentant, sinful cunt, don’t you?  You want to bend me over, my big, round ass sticking up for you to slide your hard dick in me like your animal instincts tell you to do, fuck me hard, make me scream, make me cum all over you.  You want that, don’t you?  You want to give me pleasure with your stiff dick in me, make me feel like a woman.  You want to feel like a man when you pump your thick, hot cum up inside me.”

By this time he was moaning uncontrollably and loudly.  Anyone who was even remotely close could have heard both of us.  That inspired me even more.  I was making him lose control.  He was someone else, he was no longer a priest, he was a man driven by his natural desires to release and satisfaction.  I couldn’t stop.  I was in a zone of sexual frenzy that could only be satisfied by my intense orgasm.  I put my leg up on the wall, slid my fingers inside my pussy and I let out a vey audible gasp as I shoved two fingers in my asshole.  Apparently, at some point that I had missed, the priest had taken his pants all the way off and he too was fingering his asshole.  I encouraged him.  “Oh yeah, show me that you know that men are supposed to feel good with things up their assholes.  Show me that you know in your heart that it’s perfectly natural for men to experience anal pleasure, Father.  Oh, Daddy, it feels so good in my ass.  I wish you were ramming me hard and deep in my backdoor.”

I couldn’t hold back any longer.  I was on a collision course with a mind-blowing, earth-shattering orgasm and there was no stopping it.  Apparently, my partner in crime was beyond the point of no return as well.  He was betraying all that he knew to be holy and righteous.  I heard him clearly say, “Yeah, take my stiff cock up your ass.  I know you want it.” 

It was that level of vulnerability, that release of inhibitions, it was that moment of complete emotional honesty that made me explode.  I bit my lip to keep from screaming I was so turned on and my friend could tell I was having a hellified orgasm because he jerked his cock and spurted his cum all over the partition, leaving it obscenely dripping like a holy sacrament. 

I pulled myself together, straightening out my clothes and powdering my nose.  “Thank you so much, Father.  I feel so much better now that I’ve unburdened myself of all my . . . uhmmm, some of my sins.” 

His voice was shaky and it was apparent he needed a bit more recovery time as he said, “If you are ever burdened by your . . . hungers and think you might need some one-on-one personal counseling, I will always be here for you, my child.  Anytime.  Night or day.”    

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