I Like Scat

 

 

Scat as a fetish, a source of sexual arousal is not rare, it’s not extreme or fringe, it’s not even abnormal.  The truth is that scat is extremely prevalent and pervasive in this society, (and British, Japanese, German, and Brazilian cultures as well but you know that already because you’re an adult who looks at porn) and people deny the truth that is right in front of our collective eyes because we have been convinced by scripted TV, movies, and “polite society” that anything more than kissing and missionary sex is fringe and extreme.  The collective delusional belief, created by forces that feed off our emotions of shame and fear, is that people who are aroused by scat are surely one-eyed trolls who live under a bridge and unable to function in society and you will be able to tell in a fraction of a second if you see someone who likes scat because they are freaks.  We are convinced that no sane person in the world is aroused by scat, only insane people could be that fucked up. The truth is, people who are aroused by scat are regular, normal people who subsequently live in shame of being aroused by something that millions and millions of people find arousing and are terrified of someone finding out that they like something that is a natural extension of our natural sexuality.  What?  How can I say that scat is natural, not disgusting and gross?  Because our bodily functions are normal.  There is nothing disgusting or unnatural about what our bodies produce. 

 

I get it, before we are out of diapers, we have been convinced that poo-poo is nasty, gross, and disgusting.  We live our entire lives, we don’t even have memories of a time when we haven’t been told that shit is stinky and dirty and shameful. We have to close the door when we shit lest we offend our family, we have to strategically time our workplace shits so we can be alone and no one will smell our poop.  We have to spray away the smell, we have to be ashamed if we fart. We are a society obsessed with germs and the fear of germs so scat has to, by default, be at the very top of that list. Didn’t MC Hammer say, “Can’t touch shit!” Surely you can’t or you’ll have to cut off your hand because you will have cooties.  We surveyed 100 people with the top six answers on the board.  Finish this sentence.  Eating shit will cause you to, Normal family, what do you say?  How about . . . die, Steve? And the survey says, . (bing) DIE.  The number 1 answer, 100 people answered.  But is that true?  Isn’t it possible to see millions of videos online of people eating shit.  Are they all dying? Is there a secret pandemic of people eating shit and dying and we don’t hear anything about it on the news?  It certainly seems odd that on any given day, thousands of new scat video content is uploaded to the internet by Karens and Kens all over the country doing extreme, elaborate shit play.  White people LOVE disgusting, filthy, nasty, extreme shit play and the evidence is all over the internet and we pretend it doesn’t exist because we don’t want anyone to know that we look at it.  

 

It’s time for me to say here the Black people online engage in shit play but not to the same level of dysfunction as whites.  Black scat online consists of just the act of shitting, showing the pile of turds, shit fucking, having anal sex that gets dirty, and with less frequency, smearing it. 

 

I’m not saying there aren’t people who are genuinely disgusted and repulsed by scat. Of course there are lots people who do, we live in a society that tells us that our vaginas are supposed to smell like spring rain and our underarms are supposed to smell like Tropical Coconut Vanilla Harmony obviously people are going to believe that nothing could be more disgusting.  But tons of people pretend it’s disgusting to project and protect their image as sane and they are aroused by it behind closed doors.  That creates insanity, that creates a level of sexual dysfunction that eats at their mental health. I refuse to be one of them any longer. 

 

I’m aroused by scat.

 

I’ve always said that if you want to know what AmeriKKKa is really like, look at amateur porn, that’s where the truth lies.  We live in a narcissistic, self-absorbed society that NEEDS to show off their kink to the world and what they do behind closed doors is on full display for the world to see 24/7.  The reality is that on every porn site on the internet, there is evidence of people’s extensive fascination with shit.  Mainstream porn sites like Pornhub and Xhamster don’t have porn on listed on their categories further convincing people that scat is so nasty, that it crosses a taboo that normal people can’t stomach.  Take a look at the cartoon/3D porn and you will see scat galore. Read the comment an anal videos, they will unashamedly display people’s insatiable lust for dirty ass-to-mouth and other scat related interests.  There’s one thing you can be sure of.  For every white middle-class, suburban white woman licking public toilets and smearing herself with shit, for every live cam model shit-fucking her asshole with dildos in private shows, for every white man hiding his identity and dressing up in women’s clothes and eating shit, for every Satanic, white supremacist shit orgy, there are countless more who are doing similar things behind closed doors who are terrified to post any sort of scat content online.  Even those who are willing to post other extreme content, scat remains the final taboo.  And for every person who is terrified to post their scat sex online, there are even more of us who would never do any sort of scat play, who have no desire to act out their mental scat fantasies, are still aroused by watching videos. 

 

It seems that on an almost daily basis, I have submissive white men who are shocked, astounded even that I know their nasty secret, that they want to eat my shit.  Almost without exception, the start of every conversation with white men starts out with them denying and lying about their interest in scat, telling me how gross it is, how they take extra precaution to avoid any shit in their undercover gay sex romps with strangers in glory holes, and how it’s absolutely a hard limit for them.  And inevitably, when I tell them I’m a scat Domme, that I employ the psychological use of scat extensively in my domination, all of a sudden their story changes and they BEG me to eat my shit and they are voracious shit eaters. And I can’t count the number of times they’ve said, “This is my scat profile, my regular profile is (fill in the blank with some predictable porn name).”  Think about how absurd that is.  Your life is so compartmentalized and you are so full of shame, that you can’t even put all your desires on your kink profile where your face isn’t shown and you list that you are from Antarctica.

 

Black men are not very different although the instances of them expressing interest in scat is exponentially more rare than white men.  Those who do have interest almost always start out telling me how much they hate scat, how disgusting it is, and then, oddly enough, when I tell them that I am aroused by scat, Oh my goodness, what do you know, they really like it and they only lied because no women like it and they apparently have been shamed by women by confessing their scat desires and now they have to lie about it.  Which is an entirely appropriate response for a 15 year old.  Emotionally mature adults understand that building a relationship based on lying to your partner about who you are and what you like is bound to fail. 

 

When I was a teen in the 70s I found my mother's porn collection.  It remains one of the most extensive collections I've ever encountered bar one or two men who were anti-social, misogynist, porn addicts.  She had dozens of copies of primarily Penthouse Variations, Penthouse, and Hustler magazines, no lame Playboy or even Playgirl for her, as well as a host of even more extreme sexual books, manuals, and guides.  I surmised at the time that her porn collection was largely from the men she dated as they were all married.  It made sense to my mind that they would give her their porn to hide from their wives and additionally it would make her appear more progressive and sexually liberated which was a win/win for all parties involved. Now, I understand that it was probably her own personal collection, that women’s sexuality is not limited to soft core romance and is as varied and complex as men’s. Whatever the truth, the result was that around the age of 14 or 15, I had volumes of porn to explore after school, every day, until I graduated high school and moved out. 

 

From the start I gravitated to the stories more than pictures.  The pictures were titillating to me but it was the late 70s or early 80s so diversity . . . wasn’t a thing.  Every model was Barbie with blond hair, blue eyes, thick makeup, fake boobs, and an anorexic body.  Suffice it to say, the novelty wore off quickly.  Even then I was more evolved than just being aroused by one-dimensional images.  The lesbian pictorials, even though they were only white women, made me tingle "down there." I loved passion and connection, I loved authenticity, even at that age.  Other than a few interracial images with Back men and white women in some of the more extreme/hardcore books, all of the couples were white and even then I felt disconnected from their sexuality.  I didn't know how, but even as a virgin I knew that I didn't relate to what they were depicting and those books.   I loved reading the tiny digests that held stories of deviance the most. Penthouse letters, with its stories of vanilla fucking, bored me, I wanted kink.  Mind you, at that age, in that time, the only sexual images I had seen in real life were late night episodes of Benny Hill.  For those too young to remember, it was like British Dave Chappelle with boobs, gratuitous skit of crass humor that featured topless women that served no purpose whatsoever other than to show boobs. 

 

Penthouse Variations was my absolute favorite and I read every word in every copy, and there were years worth of copies, all neatly aligned in order of publication.  It wasn’t long before I realized that my mother had a subscription to Variations and a new edition would come in the mail every month. I would let her read it for a few days before I made my move to look at it.  She would always hide the newest copies under her mattress or in her underwear drawer until it moved to its neatly cataloged spot with all the older copies in her closet. I remember reading the incest stories and the golden shower stories first.  I thought the mother/son and the brother/sister stories were the hottest even though I had no brothers, which obviously meant my mother had no sons, so I had no personal reference to fantasize about those particular dynamics intimately.  I absolutely did not like stories of fathers and daughters at all which is sort of odd because I didn't know my father so it shouldn't have had much of an issue with that dynamic.  Even to this day I find stories of fathers having sex with daughters to be instances of rape and power and misogyny and not at all arousing to me.   That’s just me. 

 

I didn’t know how to orgasm so just getting wet was pleasurable for me.  I would kneel in front of the mirror, look at my asshole, and stick a hairbrush handle in it. Vaginal penetration didn’t offer as much arousal, even at that age. I didn’t even know enough to fuck my pussy at the time.  I remember the fear of my mother smelling shit on the handle and I was meticulous in scrubbing it free of any shit smell.  As I got a little more confident in my ability to put the magazines back in the EXACT way I found them, I would take the new edition to the bathroom after dinner and while my mother was downstairs watching TV, I would sit on the toilet and read it, getting aroused by stories of people peeing on one another.  Once or twice, I took a copy to bed with me and read it under the covers with a flashlight.  That was too rogue for me and I was too terrified of getting caught so I went back to after school reading while my mother was at work. 

 

In the collection of porn there was a book of women's fantasies titled My Secret Garden.  Women, real women as they were called, as if there is another kind of woman, shared their secret sexual fantasies. The various chapters explored all sorts of sexual fetishes including rape, bestiality, interracial, lesbian, incest, etc.  One story was about a woman who fantasized about she and her friend hiking.  Mid hike, her friend stated that she had to go to the bathroom.  She was captivated by watching her pull down her pants and piss and then, without warning, she decided to take a shit.  The contributor described watching it come out and how aroused she got watching her friend pushing out a turd in front of her.  That story mesmerized me.  I can’t tell you why.  I was practically vanilla it was so tame. She took a shit on the forest floor and her friend watched.  That was it.  The end.  When I went away to college, the first week I was there I bought that book, feeling liberated like an adult for the first time in my life, and read that story for YEARS, far more than a decade.  In fact, it was the ONLY story in the book I read.  I don’t remember how I masturbated in college, it certainly wasn’t with any toys, and I doubt I was sexually mature enough to know about clitoral orgasms so I probably just fingered myself and convinced myself that I was having an orgasm, replicating what the stories depicted by breathing heavy and moaning. 

 

I was married for a short while during the time VHS porn was burgeoning.  I didn't want to watch anything but anal porn, preferably lesbian anal porn.   The lesbians were raunchier, they were more explicit in their unadulterated love of all things anal.  I started to experiment with various aspects of anal: wearing butt plugs in public, using vibrators and dildos, etc.  When I divorced, I graduated to using longer and bigger anal dildos.  I remember the first time I used an anal probe and it came out with shit on it, I freaked out and ran to clean it.  The very next day, as I used it, in the back of my mind I knew it was going to have shit on it when it came out and that thought, just the knowledge that it might come out with streaks of shit on it thrilled me.  At one point, I masturbated anally every day for over a year. I would read the story of the woman watching her friend shit in the woods, use a vibrator on my clit, and not even fuck myself in the ass, I would just put the dildo in my ass and enjoy the feeling of fullness.  I had no desire to play with shit myself, I had no desire to eat shit.  I had zero real time shit desires other than the thought that my anal toy might come out streaked and that thought alone was thrilling. 

 

As the years progressed, it dawned on me that anal was my primary source of arousal.  It would have been blatantly apparent had I been the least bit introspective in this sexually repressive society but I came of age during the time when women weren't allowed to say anything but, "Anal!?!?!  Yuck! That's nasty!"  Enemas became erotic to me.  The cramping, the expulsion, the feeling of lightness that followed, the entire fact that it was associated with me preparing to masturbate anally.  I only watched anal porn.  Anal is still the only porn I consume although I only listen to the more verbal porn while I read gay scat erotic stories. My tastes in anal porn are very specific. I HATE listening to white men talk in porn, it turns me off if I hear them degrading and abusing women, white men all sound obnoxious and annoying to me in porn.  I like mature women, women who are old enough to own their sexuality, not young girls who have been weaned on porn their entire lives, saying things like, “Ram your big dick in my shithole and fuck me.”  I am repulsed by women being degraded and objectified and that’s 98% of porn so I usually go to my favorited mature anal verbal porn I use as a soundtrack while reading stories of men who are voracious shit pigs. 

 

In my early thirties, I started to discover BDSM.  I would encounter submissive white men EVERYWHERE.  If I went to get gas, the white man at the pump next to me would stare and I would boldly ask, "Are you submissive," and he would fall all over himself proclaiming how he wanted to devote himself to me.  In the grocery store, at my favorite local restaurant, everywhere I went, white men would linger too long at looking at my feet or my ass and I would just come out and say, "Are you submissive," and the response was always affirmative.  It was the late 90s so the internet was becoming mainstream so I wanted to understand more about domination and submission so I would ask questions online. I honestly thought that someone was playing some sort of trick on me.  Every white I encountered online described his NEED to drink my piss, to lick my dirty asshole, and eat my shit.   I thought that it had to be the same guy creating multiple profile identities to stalk me.  The idea of white men serving me in that way was arousing on some level but it was also very apparent to me that they didn't really see themselves as inferior to me, that their depravity dictated that they thought that eating my shit was particularly nasty, nastier than eating a white woman's shit because they saw me as a nigger, they equated eating my shit as the pinnacle of depravity.  I was Black and that made me more animalistic, less human in their eyes.  It was then that I became a psychological Domme, manipulating white men's inherent racism to reveal to them that I was truly superior to them, that it wasn't just a role I played that ended at the bedroom door. 

 

In my 20 years of dominating white men, I’ve never fed anyone my shit.  I’ve given enemas to two men.  I took a shit on a newspaper once but it was not with anyone else, it wasn’t something I did as an act of domination, it was a personal exploration to see how it would feel.  Just the idea of shitting someplace other than in a toilet was arousing to me.  After I did it, I panicked because I was terrified of how to throw it away without being detected. I couldn’t leave it in the trash can and I was terrified that if I threw it away in a trash can outside, someone would see me or find it or something. Twenty years after discovering my mother’s book that held that one story, I still couldn’t even acknowledge to myself that I was scat aroused.  I had no desire to touch, taste, or experiment in any way with shit. I wasn’t sexually aroused taking a shit but the second I went online, I was reading scat erotic stories. For the better part of the last 25 years online, I have orgasmed to reading scat stories, primarily gay scat stories over 90% of the time. 

 

Where I am now, today, with the last decade and a half of being ESSENTIALLY abstinent, only having a boyfriend for very short periods of time during that period, with the remaining time being essentially sexless, I’m completely comfortable with my level of scat arousal.  I have written some amazing scat stories, all fiction.  Truth is vital to my identity so I have only lied to two or three white men about my experience feeding white men shit, but the truth is I’ve never done it, I don’t NEED to do it, and if I do ever decide that someone is worthy of eating my shit, they will have spent several years proving their devotion, commitment and love to me, it’s not something I would do casually and it’s not a service I would ever sell.  Today, my mother pretends that she’s never ever heard of golden showers, that she can’t understand how Trump might be aroused by being peed on.  I can’t do it.  I refuse to do that.  If someone doesn’t like me because I’m aroused by scat, I am perfectly fine with that because I know it doesn’t define me and I can assure you that the very people who pretend not to like it, are doing all sorts of nasty things that they deny and denigrate in public. 

 

My desire now, at almost 55 years of age, is to share in my life with an openly-bisexual, scat aroused Black man where he physically dominates white men with me, including feeding them his shit, while I psychologically dominate them.  In my ideal fantasy, beautifully chronicled in my story, The Shitty Four Day Weekend, my lover and I dominate white men together, I administer the psychological torture, he the physical punishment.  I would love to experience the intimacy of having my lover, my partner, my man sitting on a rim chair and feeding a white man while I make love to him, I slide my pussy down on his dick and tell him I love him, I love that we dominate white men together.  I want to look him in his eyes while a white man begs and pleads for my man’s shit, licking his asshole, tongue fucking it, giving my lover pleasure beyond description while he waits for my lover’s manly turd to fill his mouth.  The thought of telling my man that I love him, kissing him, feeling his dick inside me while some white guy is chewing on his shit, licking his hole, sucking it, tonguing it . . . just the thought drives me mad.  That level of intimacy and connection is intoxicating to me. 

 

I can create a shit pig with no effort whatsoever; I can turn someone from saying they don’t like shit to someone who is begging me for it in a matter of hours.  I've done it too many times to count. It’s my psychological fuck. Every type of white man craves shit, from rich to poor, from the highly educated to the Trump supporter.  They all share similar stories of their scat evolution because it’s part of the natural human spectrum of sexuality. The story is almost always the same.  At the beginning of their sexual awakening, they realized that they like anal stimulation.   They found their mother’s dildo, they used their father’s screwdrivers, their sister’s hairbrush or they put a carrot up their ass.  Because society has convinced males to believe they are gay, sissies, some form of sub-human scum if they like being anally penetrated it set the stage for their life of shame, denial and lies.  The only problem is, again, is that if your body experiences sexual pleasure from a physical sensation, it’s supposed to, it’s natural.  Anal arousal is as natural for men as it is for women, we share the EXACT same physiology, the exact same anatomy except men have a prostate, a male clitoris that is made for men to experience even greater physical pleasure.  The male ass was built for penetration. 

 

Just as I discovered with my anal probe, just as I experienced with the hairbrush in my mother’s bedroom, occasionally there is going to be shit involved with anal play. That is normal and natural. And what we experience when we are sexually aroused becomes hard-wired to our sexual identities.  So, the truth is, men, women, EVERYONE enjoys anal stimulation, it’s the way our bodies were built.  And eventually, shit is going to come into play with anal sex and because we associate it with being shameful, being taboo, with being the nastiest thing that we could ever want, it becomes our shameful secret.  Not just me, not just one-eyed trolls who live under a bridge, but anyone who allows themselves to experience the truth and the fullness of their sexuality.  That means that a whole lot of people are in denial about what role shit plays in their arousal.

 

It's taken me 40 years to get comfortable with the fact that I associate shit with sex and that I'm not at all abnormal.  It's taken me intense introspection, growth, and healing to get comfortable with the fact that I'm intelligent, articulate, sometimes considered reasonably attractive, AND the idea of shit play makes me wildly aroused.  I refuse to hide it from lovers any longer, I refuse to accept that it makes me abnormal, I will not compartmentalize my sexuality to the point where I think it’s something separate from my “normal” self. For many years, I was convinced that I was the ONLY educated, Afrocentric Black woman in the world aroused by scat. Well, no more. I absolutely refuse to be ashamed of being aroused by WATCHING scat porn, not by engaging in it, not by acting it out, but by watching people who do engage in it. Shout out to all the Black people who have become comfortable enough to express their desires for scat play.  I refuse to give one more second of fear or shame to something that is the normal, natural byproduct of our human sexuality.  The more I acknowledge the many facets of my sexuality without shame, the less power I give those who capitalize and benefit from my fear in being seen as abnormal.  And the more I embrace my whole sexual self, the more freedom I have and the less hold the manipulative powers who try to convince us that AmeriKKKa is asexual have over me. 

 

 

 

Anti-Racist Primer

It’s not my job to educate anti-racists . . . it’s my very voluntary labor of love, maybe obligation is a better word for it, because nonetheless, I get no compensation or reward for it. Someone has to do it and I would rather it be me than no one at all. Black people, in our efforts to deal with racistsm AND well-meaning anti-racists, get frustrated and exhausted when white people expect us to take you by the hand and guide you down the road of anti-racism.  We defensively say, “It’s not our job to teach you, go do the research yourself.”  Then we send you off to go watch a Tim Wise video or read Jane Elliot and then expect you to be as to be as sensitive and articulate as we they are when battling racists.  It’s almost like another slap in the face when we have to deal with virulent racists and then we are expected to coddle and hand-hold white people who’s hearts are in the right place but you are still in the infant stages of dismantling the fallacy of white supremacy and expect us to give you personalized lessons in anti-racism.

White people who are learning to be anti-racist eventually and inevitably end up screwing up, saying the wrong thing, being defensive, and falling back on to offensive, racist habits.  If racism is going to end, it’s going to be white people who do that shit.  Black people can talk until we are blue in the face, we can kneel, march, protest, carry signs, we can intellectually and academically destroy racist’s arguments and white people racists will still say, “I’m not racist, you’re the racist,” without the tiniest bit of irony.   They willand feel arrogantly assured that they are right with no angst or desire to be less racist whatsoever at the end of the exchange. Trolling and taunting Black people, seeking us out to diminish our pain with their arrogance is amusing for them, the feed off of the emotional toll is takes on us defending our very existence as valid in a system designed to oppress us. Racists will never hear us, never consider what we are saying as valid because the system is set up for them to deny that racism, white privilege, and the fallacy of white supremacy even exists.  The only people voices they are going to listen to are the ones sitting across from them at the Thanksgiving dinner table, in the cubicle across from them at work, on the barstool next to them, not a screen name on a device. White people are born into a system where you all hold all the cards, you are the ones who will create the shift in consciousness.  You can’t teach yourselves to be anti-racists so the responsibility falls on me. 

If absolute anti-racism is the goal and we assign a value of 100 to it, white people who identify as anti-racist are collectively at a 3. Tim Wise is at 90 given that even he says there are times when he catches himself harboring racist thoughts.  and he’s been doing the work for THIRTY years or more. I’ve never watched a minute of Jane Elliot although I’m assured that bitch is bad.  I’ve only seen one Jane Elliot video.  I don’t need to watch her, she’s not speaking to me, I don’t need to learn her lessons.  For every Jane Elliott, there are 100 more Black scholars who are more articulate and informed about racism.  Jane Elliot is not speaking to me. Her voice is directed at white people, for you to unlearn your racism.  You have been woke for a total of a year, your understanding of racism is infantile. Black people’s experience of racism didn’t begin when we took our first breath in this lifetime, it began when our ancestors were enslaved and the white man beat a new name, a new religion, and the consciousness of inferiority into them. That pain has been passed down for generations. 

·         The first step in fighting racism is saying, “I’m racist.”  Calling a white person a racist is the most offensive thing a Black person can call a white person.  There is no greater insult for white people.  You have to take the stigma and the sting from the word racist because that’s what gives them power. The most virulent, vile, evil, hateful racist will say, “I’m not racist,” and follow with repugnant filth with no other purpose than to diminish blackness and the suffering of Black people.  More importantly, calling a white person a racist signals hoards of other whites to come to their collective defense, it’s their rallying cry, their call to arms.  No white person is ever racist according to racists and they will defend that tooth and nail because you’ve insulted their whiteness, you might as well shit on the flag if you question the fallacy of white supremacy to racists.  You are offending their identity.  When you learn to say, “I’m a racist,” with ease and conviction, you diffuse their power.  You show that the world doesn’t stop turning to admit to racism.  Being a racist doesn’t mean you are inherently evil (even though inherently evil people are racists) but the power structure has led you to believe viscerally react to being called a racist.  Diffuse the power of word by owning your participation in it. 

·         Black people do not want or need to hear how empathetic you are to our experience, how you understand that you can never know what we feel, or for you to repeat back to us how insidious racism is.  We know better than you how bad racism is.  We know that unless you have Black skin, you can never truly understand the true scope of racism.  You telling us what we already know is patronizing and it’s like rubbing salt in our gaping, open, infected gunshot wounds.  It’s like a 5th grader watching an episode of Dr. Who and trying to explain the intricacies of quantum physics to a college professor. I know you want to express your frustration and show your empathy.  Find another way. Seriously, I empathize with the fact that this is all new to you and you want and deserve a place to express your very new feelings but for right now, it’s annoying to Black people so maybe you can express your “I know that I will never understand the what it means to be Black in a racist society,” sentiments to other whites and shield us from it for a while because it feels dismissive and petty when we have been saying the same things to you for our entire lives. 

·         Say, “I’m sorry.”  Everyone in this society, not just white people but everyone, is programmed to be defensive when someone calls them out on something they are legitimately wrong about.  Being wrong has no bearing on how arrogant and defensive people are when defending their beliefs. White people are particularly prone to defend their shit when they’re wrong because . . . that is exactly how the entire system was built, to perpetuate the belief that anything you said was right and anything Blacks said was wrong. When you fuck up, and you will, and when a Black person calls you out on it, even if they curse you out and tell you off, FIGHT whatever urge you have to defend yourself and just say, “I’m sorry.”  Don’t offer an excuse.  Don’t explain, don’t try to diminish what you said.  Don’t offer your promises to do better.  The most powerful thing you can do is say, “I’m sorry.”  That’s it.  Not, “I’m sorry, I was raised to believe . . . and I’m trying to be a better human being . . . I didn’t mean it because . . . what I was trying to say was . . .”  If you are really trying to be a better human being, we don’t need to hear excuses, we need peace and reconciliation.  We’ve heard all the excuses.  We’ve never heard, “I’m sorry.”  Those two words have more power than any explanation or disqualifier you add on to diminish your guilt.  “I’m sorry.” Nothing more.  I’m sorry. 

·         Debate racists, don’t validate Black people.  Anti-racists think their contribution to discussions of racism is to say, “Crumbs,” and think that’s doing the work.  It’s not.  If you aren’t actively taking the heat away from Black people who are the victim of racist attacks by white, racist trolls, you are doing noting but fanning the flames of racisms.  We don’t need likes or followers for validation.  We need white people to stop being racist.  If you aren’t saying, “Hey, douche bag, you’re racist because . . .” you are merely stroking your own ego.  I need to hear you speak up. I get it. You’re afraid of saying the wrong thing so you say nothing.  And that benefits the structure of racism.  Make mistakes, learn, but speak up.  Silence is complacency.  I will offer help and guidance to any anti-racist who is trying to find their voice.  I’m in awe of anti-racists because I never thought I would ever encounter any in real life and her I am faced with an entire growing movement.  Even when I reprimand you, it’s from a place of love. 

·         Don’t believe their lies/learn their tactics.  Racist will say, “I’m half Black.” “I’m Latino.” “My spouse is Black.”  They make that shit up to say, “See, I’m a person of color and I say that the original poster is racist so that means I’m right.”  Racist lie to suit their agenda.  They gaslight, they do all the typical racist shit and it’s not at all beyond racists to make up profiles to agree with themselves.  If you delete a racists comments, they will attack you as if you are somehow denying them their 1st amendment rights.  First of all know that the 1st amendment affords people the right to say whatever the hell they want without fear of prosecution FROM THE GOVERNMENT.  Deleting a comment on the internet is not a violation of anyone’s rights.  Racists will say, “I’m not racist, I am submissive to Blacks.”  Their implication is that if they are sexually submissive to Blacks, they’ve done the work of being anti-racists.  Spot the patterns. 

·            Come prepared to the fight.  Anti-racists LOVE to say, “You’re not listening to the OP, go do the research and educate yourself.”  That doesn’t work.  Racists are invested in believing they are superior to Blacks.  The only research that racists will do is research the lies that they have been told that they believe.  They will say with no hesitation whatsoever, “It was Africans who sold Africans into slavery.”  Where did they learn that?  From the ethos apparently, it’s bred into white consciousness from the collective brainwashing.  Have your links in a document so you can say, “That’s not accurate, here is the evidence to educate you.”  Will they read it?  Hell no they won’t.  Trolls are manifestations of arrogance, they get off on agitation.  They aren’t there to learn, they are they to emotionally manipulate Black people and get attention.  But who will read the links are the people who are reading and not commenting.  When racists say, “Nice, what would Martin Luther King say about you?” follow up with actual quotes from Martin Luther King that show his true sentiments, not the half a misquoted line racists love to throw around.  Have your link to the dozens of massacres that were committed against people of color in this country that were erased from history.  Have your list of racist legislation passed to oppress people of color built into our political process. 

·            Debate the motivation, NOT the facts.  Racist make up fact, they make up their own realities where everything they say is right. They have hundreds of years of “science” to validate their worldview, right?  Science has been whitewashed and engineered to deny our contributions so they will always be able to find “facts” that validate what they are arguing.  That’s the trap.  They are quite convinced that they can prove that whites are superior by stating fac

·         Don’t debate racist on my terms.  You aren’t Black, you will never understand my experience.  What you do understand is your experience, however.  You know what it means to be racist.  You were racist.  And as much as you want to say, “I never did or said anything overtly racist, I was a passive racist,” that’s bullshit.  You were a racist in the nastiest sense of the word.  That’s the way system works.  You’ve thought of Black people as niggers, you’ve defended racism. You’ve looked down on impoverished Blacks and blamed us for being ghetto and stupid. You know good and god damn well that you trolled Black people to tell us that racism wasn’t as bad as we say.  You defended George Zimmerman.  You donated to a racist cop when he was accused of killing an unarmed Black person.  Maybe you didn’t donate, maybe you just ignored the news when racist events were playing out on TV because you didn’t care about our lives.  You have defended the flag, you have said “All Lives Matter,” you have been racist. Own it.  It’s not enough to say that you are racist, speak truth to power and meet racists where they are.  If they see themselves through your eyes, in your eyes, that is how you beat them.  

·         Debate the motivation, NOT the facts.  Racist make up fact, they make up their own realities where everything they say is right. They have hundreds of years of “science” to validate their worldview, right?  Science has been whitewashed and engineered to deny Black contributions so they will always be able to find “facts” that validate what they are arguing.  That’s the trap.  They are quite convinced that they can prove that whites are superior by stating facts. Debate their motivation, not the facts, call them out on their core belief.  What are they really trying to say?  If they say, “Well the Jews . . . The Holocaust . . The Irish were slaves, too.”  They are saying that Blacks are inherently inferior and that’s why they are poor, that’s why those cops have to shoot those criminal niggers.  Look to what is their motivation and attack that.  It takes work and it’s not easy until you figure out how to do it.  I’ll help you.  If you need me to help you figure out a response to a racist troll, hit me up.  I don’t mind you asking for help.  You can’t ask every Black person but I’m offering my assistance.  I’ll even post more about it so you can see examples. 

·         Have empathy and compassion for the Black experience.  Very few Black people are comfortable confronting racists.  We have been bred to fear confrontation with whites, telling them about their shit because we could have been lynched, fired, beaten.  We have generations of abuse built into our DNA.  Our forefathers only knew violence and brutality as a means to control their children because that was the lesson of slavery.  Have empathy and compassion for those of us not afforded the benefit of education.  Maybe we might always use perfect English or be as articulate as the more educated of us but that’s not an indication of our value or contribution as Black people in the struggle for our liberation.  Show a little extra compassion for the most disadvantaged of our society in our efforts to rage against machine. 

·         You are in the unique position of not being triggered by racists.  Racists play off the fact that they can push our buttons and get us to an emotional state, they feed off our anger and our frustration. It’s like a drug to them, they get high from pissing us off.  You don’t have a connection to Blackness so you can debate them from a place of reason.  You can calmly, collectively dismantle their bullshit.  Use that against them.  You aren’t Black, they aren’t attacking you, your family, your friends, the people who look like you.  You can take the heat off of Black people and you should. 

·         Learn how to debate differently.  You’re white and you have been educated and socialized in the thick of whiteness where logic and reason and facts and history are set in stone and linear.  You can’t expect to lay out linear, rationed arguments to racists and have it make an impact. You have to debate from your soul.  You have to call a spade a spade, you have to cut off the bullshit when you see it and call it as bullshit.  You have to put racists in their place. Racists fight dirty.  You have to be dirtier.  This is war.  You can’t win by being polite and following the rules because racists shit on the rules.  Saying learn to debate from you soul is like saying, “Debate in Mandarin Chinese.” You have call on the things that society has told you that you have to deny, that rage that they told you was wrong, that confrontational and argumentative fire inside you.  That spirit is in you, it’s been intentionally suppressed but you can access it.  It’s the truth inside you.  Call on it.

·         Form a coalition of other anti-racists to call up for support.  We is stronger than me. 

·         Don’t give up.  This shit is hard.  Don’t quit.  I can’t take off my Black skin and take a break from racism on some days.  You can walk away at any time.  We can win this war, together, united, but it’s going to take dedication and perseverance on your part because this is voluntary to you.  

 

 

 

The Big Lie

 

I have always known I wasn’t free in this society, racism is a prison in and of itself.  I’ve always known that my progress and self-actualization were influenced by racism. I didn’t understand the depth and complexity of my enslavement until 2021. Now, I know that I’m a slave in this reality. I am but a mere pawn in a game of exploitation and deceit, an insignificant piece in a racist game where I don’t know the rules, where the rules change, where the rules I’ve been given actually hurt me and benefit others in ways I can’t comprehend. It’s apparent to me that the Big Lie has nothing whatsoever to do with the election of Agolf Twitler but rather the massive and magical manipulation of time and consciousness that distorted history and turned people of African descent into beasts of burden for white exploitation. 

I know deep in my soul that there is no way in hell that the history of this country, the timeline that we have been force-fed, is accurate which means no history is correct, it means that all history is “his story”, made up, constructed to distort the truth.   I know that this country, its cities, building, it’s infrastructure had to be established, built, constructed long before the accepted timeline that the United States educational system taught me. I know that current technology is far more advanced than we have been told. I know that there exists a different dimension where my actions here unknowingly benefit or enrich others in ways that I’m unaware of.  The system is built to exploit and oppress and I’m a pawn. 

What little I know, I know is unfair.  

Our Black Wound

Our Black Wound can be defined as the source of our pain, it's the origin of how we have coped with being Black in a society that hates us. Obviously, our individual Black Wound is individual and unique to us, it’s from a personal experience that shaped our world view and formed our personality, our compensation for our defect, being born the wrong color. Our individual Black Wound was inflicted by our families, our communities, and our personal experiences in life. Our collective Black Wound originated in slavery. Our collective Black Wound was inflicted by society. Our collective Black wound is based on centuries of the false belief that we are inferior.

It's hard to identify our own wounds. We can barely identify our own coping mechanisms to deal with our wounds, it's virtually impossible to identify our wounds themselves. We've been told that not being a perfect person makes you a bad person. There is no such thing as perfection but the belief that perfect can be attained and that it's our choices, it's our inherent stupidity or unattractiveness, or it's . . . our Blackness that keeps us from being perfect, that belief that we aren't perfect and it's our fault that we aren't and that we are worthless unless we are perfect - that is the belief that keeps us tied to suffering.

Our Black Wound, in our mind, is the experience, event, the circumstances that first let us know that who we are as a person is not good enough, that the skin we come in is not Grade A. We don't have to have just one Black Wound but we carry those wounds with us for our entire lives, festering, infected, untreated, and malignant.

It's almost impossible to identify your Black Wound by yourself. The part of your brain that sees your own flaws and fuck ups, it has been told time and time again that you're born a sinner, that you are a piece of shit just for taking a breath. That belief, the belief that we are inherently bad people, distorts the mirror so to speak, it creates and image of perfection for us to behold. It’s not that we are unable to see our own flaws, we have been socialized in a society that thinks glamor and the perception of perfection give a person more value. So when we look in the mirror, metaphorically, what your subconscious mind allows you to see is someone who is right and good and perfect, and everyone else who doesn't "look" (i.e. think, believe, love, party, vote, pray) like you is wrong. It's a piece of cake to readily identify everyone else's wounds, society has taught us to name everyone else's flaws and faults and failures but that mirror is really foggy when we look in it.

We have to identify our Black Wound. We have to identify the way in which we cope with that internalized hatred and shame. Do we only date white people? Do we make sure we speak proper English in front of white people to make sure they know we aren't . . . one of those niggers? Do we just give up trying to better ourselves and rot in complacency because we can't imagine that we deserve better than the fucked up life we have been given?

There are a million ways we use to cope. Some brothas lie, cheat, and make a million and two babies to hide the fact that they don't know how to ask for love, they can't say that they're afraid, they can't admit to feeling weak. Sistas readily embrace being objectified and used by men as a sign of empowerment to keep from feeling objectified and used by the perpetrators who want nothing more than to hurt and violate us. Too many of us bust our asses working on the corporate plantation, convinced that it's the measure of our security, identity, and relative importance in life if we get a good performance review at a job we hate; that we need that pension and that paycheck to be valuable human beings in life. We bust our asses to make rich white people richer review while we are barely surviving. All those behaviors are coping mechanisms for the Black Wound. It's time to heal the Black Wound. It's time to clean and dress it so that we can become healthy.

We have all kinna Black Wounds and coping mechanisms to hide them. What we need are treatments to heal our Black Wounds. We need medicine. We need therapy. We have to face and accept that all of us have Black Wounds because we live in a society that has historically hated our melanin.

And, unfortunately, for those of us who are champions of karmic justice and retribution, you cannot have a white wound. It is impossible for you to have an emotional wound associated with your whiteness when whiteness is fallaciously revered around the world as being superior. Do you understand how being able to feel safe and secure in your skin, knowing that you can go anywhere in the world and people will respect you for no other reason than the color of your skin is something that Black people simply can’t do.

Reality

Every single day, without fail, I have white men convey to me that they don't think any other white men in the known universe wants to be sexually submissive to Black men. They don't seem to be as freaked out about being submissive to Black women, and know that are countless numbers of white men who are, but it's just that every white man on the planet seems to have convinced themselves that to be a white man means that it's impossible, it's inconceivable, it's entirely unfathomable for the very concept of a "real" white man to be attracted to being sexually submissive to Black men. They seem to be convinced that they are unique, rare, that it's an anomaly in the space/time continuum for them to want to be a faggot slut to Black men, which is exactly what they want. They frame their desire for Black men in language that takes the responsibility off of them. "I want to be raped . . .I need you to force me, brainwash me, blackmail me." They're convinced that REAL white men would never want to be cuckolds, real white men would never want to be submissive to Black people, they hold on to the belief that they are inferior because they want to be sexually submissive to Black men and a real white man would never even contemplate being a bottom bitch to a Black man.

Here's the deal. Every white man with a little dick wants to be submissive to Black men because we live in a society that :

Despises, loathes, hates, and abhors Black men

Praises hypermasculinity

Defines manhood by the number of inches between your legs

Socializes Black men to see themselves as giant, aggressive dildos

Perpetuates the fallacy of white supremacy

Presents scripted TV as the false reality of how people act, think, and behave.

Possessing a big(ger) dick does not mean white men are exempt from their secret lust for Black dick, but it's impossible for little dick white men, who define themselves in this society by their wallet, their power, and the number of inches between their legs, NOT to be driven to manacle obsession with being sexually submissive to Black men because they know for a fact that they don't measure up according to society's standards. How many white men have little dicks? Hmmm, well, I don't think Mitch McConnel, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, or Lindsey Graham have more than a foot of dick combined so you tell me.

You want to know what's real? Porn. Specifically, amateur porn shows you the real world and how people interact in it.

On social media, the entire world erupts in horror, indignation, and disgust at the mere mention of pedophilia, we castigate Matt Gaetz and that Epstein guy. Go on Pornhub. There are ads for CGI pedo sites everywhere, there have been for decades. Where are the online petitions to shut those sites down? Where are the news exposes covering the companies producing this content? No where to be found. You know why? Because behind closed doors, in this society, the truth is, the reality is, pedophilia is so widespread it's a pandemic, a plague infecting every facet of our society. Read the comments on videos with not even covert porn names like Yung something or other, or whatever code words they use to put videos of women who look like children on the internet. Do people say the same thing on Twitter as they do on YouPorn? No, they sure as hell don't because white people compartmentalize their sexuality, it's not real unless it's on Facebook.

Dig deeper. Go on the sites like this one, Fetlife, like Motherless, and Thisvid, Efuct, etc., and the sites that show more extreme porn. The incest videos consistently trend at the top. The top trending videos on dark and depraved websites are always incest, rape, murder even, and all manner of things that society shuns. And it's all there. Not one or two videos a day. Tens of thousands, 100s of thousands of pornographic images are uploaded hourly to the world wide web showing white people doing sexual acts that they themselves then go on mainstream websites and decry as oh so shocking and offensive.

People are posting videos of themselves doing heinous, evil, reprehensible things. The comments are never, "That's outrageous, I'm offended, I'm going to report you." The comments are, "That bitch deserves it. I need a cunt I can destroy like that," or, "Any nasty mothers out there that want to play, DM me." There's no need to hide it because the disconnect from reality makes people believe that the people who comment on Twitter and YouTube are not the same people who watch women getting fucked by dogs or eat shit.

I stopped watching porn about a month ago because on ThisVid I saw videos of Eastern European women fucking and shitting on dolls who were the exact same shape and size of newborns. It's not hard to grasp that they are trying to entice people to fuck infants. I had never even looked at 3D cartoon porn before 2021. What I found when I looked at it was horrifying. There were professionally produced videos with Disney characters and other popular cartoon characters, doing HEINOUS things. They weren't just fucking, they were doing degrading and violent acts, far more extreme than even what's allowed to be posted on the more mainstream sites. You can't post a video of a human being engaged in scat on XHamster, my porn site of choice, but you sure as hell can post a video of a cartoon character shitting in a Minecraft character's mouth. Children, preteen children exposed to porn will gravitate to that content, they have predators showing them those videos intentionally. Disney can find someone using their images on YouTube and delete them but they have never once thought to look for their images on a porn site? Give me two fucking breaks.

Of course Disney, Fox, and every media executive know that every porn site has porn videos with their copywritten images on them but they don't care because they want us to think that porn is disconnected from reality. They want us to believe that white people are moral, righteous, just, vanilla, when white people are . . . NOT. Any society that tells people that sex is bad, dirty, wrong and shameful is going to produce sexual deviants. That's the plan's design.

See My Humanity

 White people don’t see Black people as human. White people are, in fact, incapable of seeing us as human beings. White people don’t empathize with our pain because they don’t see us as equals. White people see us as sex objects, as minimum wage workers, as entertainers and athletes, and as inherently inferior, a sub-human species. That’s been the programming for centuries. We have darker skin and fuller features, our hair is different so they can look at us an see something other than what they are, a human being.

What’s always astounded me is the fact that white people can have such empathy and compassion for animals and yet the same white people who shed actual real tears over a dog in a dog fight or an animal killed on safari will cheer, they will openly applaud a Black person being killed by the cops. As much as it pains me to state the obvious, animals are a truly a different species to homo sapiens. There’s no way you can confuse an animal for a person yet white people will fall apart at a video of an animal being abused. When a Black person is murdered for the unforgiveable crime of being Black, white people donate money to the killer and go on full troll mode, purposefully seeking out Black people online who are outraged and hurt, only to inflict more hurt, to taunt and torment them by saying that that Black person’s life DESERVED to be taken for driving with expired tags or for smoking a cigarette or whatever lame excuse white people use for slaughtering us.

Not all white people love animals more than Black people though, right? Some white people torture and murder animals. See what I did there? You were expecting me to talk about the great white people who aren't racist. That's the programming. You expect whiteness to be exalted as superior. More to the point, it’s not like the animal killers love Black people. They are the ones who are torturing and killing animals, practice for killing Black people. How can I say that? As much as it pains me to say, I’m Black, I know white people. I know how evil they are, I know how much they hate us. I know white people in ways white people can never possibly know us because you are our predator and we have to know you in order to survive. White people, without having read one book by a Black author, without having seen a play, never having any exposure to blackness whatsoever, white people are convinced they know everything about us, our lives, our motivations. Black people have a deeper understanding of white people because you force your culture and norms down our throats and because if we don’t know exactly what type of white person we are dealing with, it could be fatal. It's like how Black people know to distrust cops because there are far more bad apples than white people acknowledge. We know that the TV shows and movies that show white people as the heroes and saviors, saving the day with their inherent goodness are all BULLSHIT.

This new wave of anti-racism is interesting. First and foremost, just like saying, “I’m not racist,” saying, “I’m anti-racist,” doesn’t make it so. “Woke” white people, the infinitesimally small and rare occurrence of them, are CONVINCED, beyond a shadow of a doubt, they are not racist because they follow Black people on Twitter and they proclaim how horrible it is to see those videos of Black people being murdered. And it is. It’s heart wrenching to see Black people’s lives being snuffed out because society says our lives aren’t worth anything. But for me, when I see those videos, Black people begging and pleading for their lives, terrified, I see me. I see my family, my cousins, my uncles and aunts, I see my brothers and sisters. I could easily be a hashtag. All day, every day, I’m in danger of being hashtagable because my skin is melanated. White people, even the ones who proclaim to be anti-racist, can never be hashtagable in this society because this society is set up to see them as the norm. White people see a Black person being murdered and they don’t see their loved one being murdered, they see “other.” They say, “Oh, it’s such a tragedy and I’m sorry I didn’t realize it before.” The key sentiment is that before ". . . I hated Black people and looked down on you previously but I wasn't overt about it but now I’m a good person.” And then when they close their laptop, social justice is done, back to white reality where they don’t have to think about Black pain and they certainly don’t feel it.

Should they? Should white people feel the pain of Black people who have been murdered like animals in the street, their lifeless bodies on display as a message to other Blacks, “Stay in your place or you’re next.” No, no one should have to feel that sensation. I want a life where I don’t have to feel that dread, that ache, that hopelessness. That’s what the cops want us to feel, the fear that we are next, it’s paralyzing and debilitating and that’s the entire purpose of slaughtering us for minor infractions. The power structure knows that we will be forced to hide our pain, suppress our fear, alter our behavior in order to survive our next encounter with the police. Whiteness wins every time a video of a Black person being murdered is shown because no matter how empathetic and woke white people are, they aren’t inviting anyone who looks like Rayshard Brooks or Amhad Aubrey to their dinner table. To their bed? Sure, Blacks are great at sex. But are those white people hiring more Blacks at their jobs, or standing up for the inherent injustice that is built into the very fabric of out society? Not at all. But every Black person who sees those videos wonders if they could be next.

When white real estate agents start outing the racism in their industry, when woke white people who work at Jiffy Lube or Just Brakes or the electric company expose the blatant racism built into their policies, when white people put themselves in jeopardy, when they have skin in the game, that is when their activism is authentic. When white people start calling out their bosses, the people who sign their paychecks, for the inherent racism built into their workplace, then I’ll be convinced of their sincerity. Now, it’s all empty platitudes and lies. Where are the woke nurses calling out the racism inherent in hospitals? Oh no, can’t do that. That would threaten their livelihood. It’s better to just be woke online, on a profile that doesn’t have your name or picture, where you pretend you are horrified at racial injustice and you go to work and you contribute to the disease of racism with your actions and your silence.

The other side of the table are the white people who hate Black people and blackness and they will scour every word I write, finding one sentiment that perhaps I didn’t articulate well or, more likely, find offense at one fact that they think they can dismantle because they believe themselves to be intellectually superior. Of course white people believe that they are smarter than Blacks, it’s how you’ve been conditioned. You feel it’s your responsibility to come on my page and critique and dismantle anything I say about racism or whiteness because I can’t possibly be as smart as you and you can’t let me think I’m smarter. We can’t have those negroes thinking that they can talk shit about the system that allows white people to work less and get paid more, that allows them to commit crimes and then act self-righteous and indignant at a Black person committing a crime to survive.

I’ve yet to meet the Wall Street exec who had to steal to put food on his table but I promise you that I’ve had a half a million of them tell me how criminal Black people are with no sense of irony whatsoever. And he commits more crimes before noon on a daily basis than I’ve committed in multiple lifetimes. White people who do drugs, commit crimes, have criminal delinquent children and are in the most dysfunctional relationships possible will come on this very post and proceed to tell me that I’m wrong about my perception of racism and whiteness because they know more than me. Promise.

I’m not asking white people to love me. I’m not asking for special favors or privileges. I want the exact same special privileges and favors white people get. That’s it. I want Black people to have the exact same privileges, points, perks, bonuses, and rights as white people have. We deserve to have the exact same things that you have because we are human beings, just like you. And the irony is, white people don’t have to give up a damn thing for that to happen. White people don’t have to give up any privileges and favors, they don’t have to become the unwanted of society, they don’t have to trade places with us and become the inferiors. I want to know that my skin will not cause me to be a target. I want to know that my life, my talent, my contributions have value in this society. That’s not asking too much.

Even if I don’t make a mother fucking contribution to society, my life still has value. I want white people to feel pain when they see yet another hashtag and not say, “Oh, it’s so bad that happens to Black people,” but rather say, “Why is this happening to US, why is this happening to me?” See me as a human being. See me as the same as you. Feel my pain. Feel it as your own. Feel the death of . . . whoever the latest Black person murdered was today, as a member of your family. They are. We are all human beings. We deserve more respect than a dog. We cry, we feel pain, we suffer challenges, we are fucking human beings.

The inequity that white people have created in this society is most highlighted by the homeless. I’ve never lived in Idaho or Wyoming, I don’t know what the racial makeup of those places are. I have lived in NYC, Baltimore, sort of Philly (an hour commute away) and Atlanta. I’ve visited a dozen or more other major metropolitan cities in my lifetime, nationally and internationally. The overwhelming and vast majority of homeless people are Black. Not by accident. Not because of any individual or collective choice that they’ve made. Black people are disproportionally homeless because white people don’t see us as humans.

White people make mistakes. They are forgiven. No, that’s not accurate. They are not forgiven, that implies some level of remorse or accountability. White people don’t normally have to feel remorse for their mistakes because society has told them that they are the alpha and the omega. Mistakes don’t define white people. If a Black person is homeless, we say it’s because of their poor choices. Is it? Did they decide to be born Black in a society that despised Blackness? Did they choose to be born poor in a country where a person’s wealth determines their worth as a human being? Did they choose to be undereducated by a system that wants to keep Blacks poor and uneducated? No, they didn’t. Did they choose to seek housing in a real estate market where white men think nothing of cheating, lying, and manipulating to build wealth as the expense of Black people’s safety? No, of course they didn’t make those choices. They were pawns in a game that hates Black pawns. Every facet of society is intended to CREATE Black homeless people, to step over them with an air of indignation and superiority. “I didn’t make the poor choices you made so I’m better than you.”

I’ve been homeless several time in my life. Well, I’ve been without shelter a few times in my life, I’ve lived with friends, slept on sofas, I’ve lived in hotel rooms for weeks on end because I didn’t have an address but I don’t consider that homeless. I’ve had two occasions where I had no residence, no place to go for several days. It was terrifying, not in the physical safety sense. That was draining and stressful. The terrifying part was the voices in my head that told me that I was flawed as a human being because I wasn’t living in a four-bedroom McMansion with granite counter tops and his and hers walk in closets. Wanna take a guess how man woke white people are living like that right this minute and have no concern or care for the homeless? More than can be counted.

In the early 90s, I remember I had just separated from my husband, I was depressed and scared; he had just told me he had one woman pregnant and he was in love with another woman and that he never wanted the reconciliation that he had told me he wanted for two months. I ended up on a 72-hour psych hold because I got drunk as hell and I was walking the streets crying and screaming like a crazy woman. When I was released, I didn’t have a place to go. My best friend was without an address and sleeping on someone’s floor at the time. He offered to let me sleep on her floor while she was at work for a few hours a day until we could find an apartment and move in together. For three ofr four days, I walked the streets of NYC all night, waiting to take the train to Brooklyn in the morning so I could I get a little rest. You can’t rest. When you don’t have a place to lay your head, your brain doesn’t stop working, telling you that you’re a failure. My friend was an immensely talented, brilliant Black man. (He died.) I am an immensely talented, brilliant Black women. Did we both end up without an address because of some inherent flaw within us. NO! The system is built to foster whiteness and neither of us was born with that benefit.

The other time was when I was living with a . . . man I had loved for 7 years. He wasn’t a boyfriend, we weren’t even in a relationship. He was an individual with whom I had a complicated and dysfunctional relationship that consisted mostly of me loving him and him loving light skinned women and him loving how I made him feel for two weeks a year . . . for 7 years. After the two weeks were over, he would say something hurtful, leave, and come back a year later. Whatever one calls that, that’s what we had. I moved out of his place in Chicago, drove back to Atlanta, and didn’t have a place to stay for a few days. I ended up sleeping in my car in the parking lot of a 24 hour Home Depot for a few nights. I honestly can’t even tell you where I ended up living after that. I can tell you that being without shelter didn’t define me. I had just finished writing what will be (or what may be already in another dimension) the most amazing stories of my life. I knew I was an amazing writer with a voice that deserved to be heard even while I was trying to hide from the cops to get me to move my car. Me not having a home in that moment didn’t change any of those things. I didn’t automatically become stupid, or untalented, or lazy because I didn’t have a home. Nothing about me changed other than the fact that I didn’t have a support system or an income to provide for the basics. Being homeless didn’t mean that I made bad choices. It means that society is built to keep me, all Black people oppressed. Period.

Every homeless person has a story. Every homeless person is a human being deserving of respect and an opportunity to provide for themselves. The American system is set up to keep homeless people homeless because they are the plague that everyone loves to decry is so unfortunate but you don’t lose a minute’s sleep over it because you have a bed, you have a car and a fridge full of food so you NEVER have to think about homeless people if you don’t want.

We, collectively, as a society, look at homeless people in the exact same way white people see Blacks. “It’s their fault they are in that situation and it doesn’t affect me, it’s not my problem. It’s sad and unfortunate and I have to pretend to be concerned because I know that society expects me to show compassion but in all honesty, when I don’t see them, I don’t give a fuck about them one way or the other, they never enter my consciousness, their existence doesn’t change my reality.”

The white people who think they are anti-racist and oh so woke don’t care about Black people, they care about the perception that they are racist. They don’t see the humanity of Black people all of a sudden, they see their shame that they were virulent racists and didn’t realize it. There is so much narcissism in white people proclaiming their wokeness and posting about Black Lives Matter.

I’ve said it 1000 times. The worst thing you can call a white person is racist. There is no greater insult. White wokeness is a response to that, it’s the way white people can say, “Look at me, I’m not racist.” Ask a woke white person to invite a homeless person into their home for dinner, give them a place to stay, let them sleep on your couch for a few months and help them get on their feet. You’ll get the, “It’s not safe . . . mental issues . . . my job . . . my children,” all those arguments.” Without knowing one homeless person, without knowing if they had a fucked-up husband who cheated on them or a racist employer who fired them, white people will blanketly disparage homelessness and blackness because they don’t see us as human. No human being deserves to sleep on the street or in a shelter where the admins are going home to huge houses and profiting from their pain.

I’ve done it. I’ve had homeless people stay with me in my home to help them. One was an extraordinarily gorgeous man, one was a mentally ill woman who could sing like an angel. They didn’t rape me or steal from me. I never felt in danger because I see myself in them. I saw them as human beings deserving of help. I’ve fed homeless people out of the trunk of my car at midnight because I worked as a concierge at a luxury condo and I would take the food when I got off at midnight and go to the church around the corner from my apartment. When I lived in NYC, one brotha named Carlos was in love with me because I would give him money every day, stop, and talk to him. He went to jail once for a few months and I was panicked. I asked every employee in the bank where he slept what happened to him, I asked the newspaper guy who literally was 5 feet away from him every day. No one even knew who he was, let alone his name. We treat the homeless like lepers, like they are deserving of living like that because we are a heartless, shallow, self-centered nation. A racist nation on top of that which looks at Black people as is their skin is a crime. The crime is whiteness and what it’s done to create the belief that only people with white skin deserve respect, accolades, pleasure, and opportunity.

As long as white people don’t see Black people’s humanity, nothing is going to change. Until you see that we laugh, we cry, we bleed, we fear, we love in the exact same way as you, until you have compassion and empathy for our unique and individual stories, until you see our HUMANITY, until you acknowledge that we deserve to have everything that you have, a life with minimal, third world stressors like your water heater broke or you have to carpool with your spouse because your car is in the shop, then nothing is going to change.

My ideal white submissive

 

I now know on an intrinsic, or at least I’m trying to accept on some level, that it’s not possible for me to get what I want.  I’m a pawn in a fucked up, racist game, not a special pawn, just a piece on the board.  They can’t stop me from dreaming though.  I know I’m an extraordinary Domme and I deserve someone compatible with me who appreciates and values all that I bring to the table.  I’m holding out hope for the great Black reset and a new consciousness however manipulated by the powers that be my perspective on that may be.  If BDSM still exists in my new reality, I want a submissive of my own, long-term, who fits me perfectly. 

My ideal submissive is approximately 55 years old.  I’m not interested in anyone significantly younger than that and for me to consider anyone in their late 40s they would have to not only meet but far exceed every other criteria.  I need him to be single or divorced.  He should be 6’ tall and I’ll get him in shape physically if he’s not already.  He should be attractive.  So, it’s a little slippery slope to say I want a white submissive to be attractive because, first and foremost, attraction is subjective.  I am not generally attracted to white men so it’s sort of disingenuous and hypocritical for me to say that I want one who is attractive.  I need someone who is attractive because I need him to represent me.  I’m elegant, sophisticated, I command attention wherever I go and I need someone who can withstand that sort of scrutiny.  His primary role will be to attend to Black men and I don’t want to offer up someone who immediately turns them off with his appearance.  I’m not averse to minor plastic surgery for teeth, dermatologists, spa treatments, a true makeover but nothing major.  If Black men look at him and they aren’t aroused, if they can’t see someone worth fucking, then he is of no use to me. 

He will NOT be regularly dressing as a woman, his primary role will not be that of a sissy faggot crossdresser;  he will dress and present as a man the vast majority of the time.  I’ll be responsible for picking his wardrobe for his dates with black men and he will be dressed according to my tastes and that includes suits, expensive, tailored suits and far more than casual khakis and golf shirts.  I will train him to crossdress and be appealing as a man who presents as female for the occasions that is requested of him but his default mode will be a white man who satisfies, pleasures, caters to, and submits to Black men. 

He will be my intellectual equal; we will be able to enjoy cocktails and discuss many subjects for hours. That presents a unique problem in that anyone who is my intellectual equal holds an advanced degree and I am not interested in anyone whose loyalties lie elsewhere or who is obligated to lie to me. No civil servants, no military personnel , no jet-setting rich playboys who inherited wealth. Ayahuasca, DMT, acid are fine, but if I get to pick and choose my perfect sub, I would say he should smoke weed, he is open to plant medicine and psychedelics in moderation, but he stays far away from chemical drugs.  So, if I get to create my dream submissive, he is someone who was raised in a family that valued education but placed more value in a person’s character, their intrinsic value, not their salary or title.  I would love it if he dropped out of college because he was too liberal and thought outside the box and has remained somewhat of a loner . . . like me.  I know!  That limits my potential submissive pool to a needle in an infinite universe of haystacks. I said it would be virtually impossible for me to find what I’m looking for in a white man but this is my dream list so I’m putting everything I want on it. 

I’m unwilling to consider taking the oath myself or drinking the juice or whatever you people do for a multitude of reasons at this stage in my . . . whatever this is . . . reality?  I’m not going to say that I won’t ever but with my convictions and my perspectives, I would feel like a traitor at this stage in my life, it would be like saying that I’m better than the people who I’m striving to lift up plus I’m a pathological truther so it’s not a good fit for me anyway. 

He will undoubtedly be progressive politically and he will be both, artistic, talented, and creative, as they mean distinctly different things.  My perfect submissive will be a jazz enthusiast and being bilingual is a plus.  I will be able to go to jazz festivals and concerts with him without being ashamed or embarrassed.  He will certainly get extra bonus points if he likes neo soul and rare grooves, salsa, etc., but it’s not a requirement whatsoever.  I need him to be a feminist.  I need him to be comfortable with his bisexuality.  I need him to be respectful of everyone’s differences and challenges. 

Europeans and white men raised outside of the US move to the head of the line please as I am going to imagine that re-training individuals not born into the racist hellhole that is AmeriKKKa will be easier.  I will not debate my submissive about race so she should come to the table as anti-racist as possible and I will work with him to train him to navigate the world as my submissive, and that means he will understand and be as articulate about race and racism as I am.  My plan to divest him of racism is intense and no one has ever attempted anything like it.  He will be subjected to sexual, psychological, and cultural instruction from a team of Black men and women who will incorporate pleasure and pain as incentives to learn how to be antiracist. 

He will be mine exclusively and we will see each other three or four times a year. The first year of training will be intense and extensive.  I’m going to reprogram and completely break him down and then recreate him in my image:  culturally, mentally, emotionally, socially, and sexually.   I intend for our relationship to span years, my prayer is that I will only have one submissive for the rest of my life so we will travel together and be comfortable in each other’s presence.  I will genuinely like him, like our time together as he will be courteous and polite in public and insatiable and ravenous behind closed doors.  His tastes will be similar to mine in that he will appreciate the finer things in life but he will not be too good to eat at Applebee’s nor will he think he’s too good to volunteer to work in the hood to do the real work of lifting people’s consciousness out of the ghetto. 

He should be financially secure and generous but I’m not looking for a sugar daddy.  I abhor the concept of blackmail.  If someone feels they need to be forced to worship and adore me because they’re afraid I will destroy their life, move on, I’m not cut out for them.  I want someone who recognizes me for the unique entity that I am and who feels privileged to belong to me and will show me with signs of his appreciation and love.  There is no dollar amount required but there is also the acknowledgement that I’m exceptional and you can not expect to belong to me for free. 

Ideally, I would love to find someone who would finance the creation of some of my cutting-edge interracial erotic content without the expectation of a ROI but rather just as a testament to his devotion to me.  I understand my worth.  I know what an honor and privilege it will be to say that you belong to me.  Investing money in creating groundbreaking, breathtaking, controversial, fucking sexy ass interracial erotica seems, to me, like it would be an honor.  I’m not white and I don’t have the same relationship with money as white men do, I don’t base my self worth on my bank account and white men do.  White men, who monetize and capitalize off of AIR, they think they have rights to make money off of air, who think nothing is wrong with stealing land and then profiting from it, tend to expect domination for free as, if it’s an honor for me to dominate them.  I don’t belong to that school of thought.  I’m not looking for material possessions, I could care less about purses or red bottom shoes.  I want community gardens in Black neighborhoods.  Finance that and get the keys to my heart.  I want experiences and memories, not material things.  More than anything, I want a submissive who feels honored to spoil me and does so because he truly loves me. 

Eventually, my ideal submissive will get access to me sexually.  That means, that one day, after he has proven himself, proven his loyalty and trustworthiness, after I’ve transformed him into the submissive of my dreams, he will have access to licking m pussy, tonguing my ass, to sucking my tits like a baby in my arms.  That is not something any white submissive has ever earned but I’m not looking for someone average.   It’s not something that will happen any time soon but he’s not average and he is going to get exceptional benefits if he belongs to me. 

In terms of things that will be off limits for him . . . My philosophy is simple, it has not and will not change.  If he doesn’t want to do something, he will not have to do it. Ever. If he says no, stop, anything even remotely close to taking his consent away, things come to a halt immediately.  I’m not here to force him to do something he doesn’t want to do or to facilitate his rape or anything of the sort.  It is my jog as a Domme to create a space for you where you can be uninhibited and insatiable, where you crave stimulation like a junkie.  I

I identify as a veraciphile, a word I created that means I’m aroused by the intimacy of sharing one’s most darkest secrets, however evil they might be.  A great many white men can’t understand that my arousal is from being the source of intimacy in your life, the person with whom you can share anything, any deeply depraved and sick secret.  White men almost always assume that means that I want them to do deeply depraved and sick acts for me, to arouse me.  I’m repulsed by the deeply depraved and sick acts that white men confess to me, I’m intensely aroused by them being forthcoming, sharing, opening up, and being honest with me.  My dream submissive will understand that, he will NOT be deeply depraved in fact.  He’s not a psychopath hiding in plain site, he’s someone with insatiable passions who desires to unleash them in private with select partners whom I choose and who wants to make me proud. I will train him in the things that arouse me and they will be options on the ala carte menu when he offers his services to Black men. In fact, he’s not driven by his sexual lusts whatsoever.  I know, impossible to find in a white man.  But I can dream. 

Now that I’m thinking about it, I may want two submissives.  One will be my equal, my perfect pet and another will be my toy to abuse and destroy, one who will be nastier and filthier who only performs for me when I need someone disgusting.  I would have a different relationship with him.  Finding that submissive is not a priority for me.  I’m sure I could create him if I took the time to go through all the offers I get currently but he’s almost a backup in my mind.  My priority would be to find the white submissive created for me.