Submissive White Men

It’s a topic so important that we have to do a follow up.  On our last show, we talked about the dynamics of individuals who are aroused by being called racial epithets during their intimate moments with partners of other races.  The last half hour of the show was dedicated to submissive white males and their agendas.  There just wasn’t enough time to go into the multi-layers of this HUGE phenomenon so we’re going to dedicate an entire show to peeling off the layers and exposing this trend, where it comes from, and what it all means.

On this show, we are going to be exploring the different types of submissive white men, what it  means to Blacks in a racist society to have so many white men sexually submissive, what impact does this trend have on our culture, why this trend has remained so hidden in plain sight, and we will hear from the mouths of submissive white men and Black dominants who will tell all their secrets.  Join us for this fascinating conversation that will surely open your eyes and make you rethink everything you know. 

Listen to internet radio with AfroerotiK on Blog Talk Radio

Disturbing Image

I think what is most disturbing about this image for me is the fact that white men will be whipping their little cocks to a frenzy looking at this image and not more than a handful of Black men will even find her attractive.

Midnight Tango

We fit together perfectly, our bodies like pieces in a sensual puzzle.  The drumbeat pulsed like the blood coursing through our veins.  The Afro-Cuban rhythms heard only in our heads were genetically encoded in our DNA.  We moved together like two well-choreographed dancers; our dance was of romance, intimacy and erotic expression. 

Am I not my sister’s keeper?

You see it all the time, every day in fact. Black women look for any opportunity they can to ridicule, belittle, and denigrate “those black women.” You’ve seen it, if a Black man finds a lame excuse to malign black women as gold-diggers, or bitches, or some other offensive and sexist slur, Black women will come out of the woodwork to jump on the bandwagon and throw some fuel on the fire. To hear them tell the tale, these upstanding and outraged women are always the best mothers, the most exceptional pillars of the community, beyond reproach with nothing but contempt for “those Black women.” They have nothing but venom for the underprivileged, disadvantaged, or God-forbid, women who’ve made a mistake. They are perfect and they make sure to stand atop their pedestal of condescension to point the finger of disgust at “those Black women.” They don’t have a problem with misogynist rap lyrics because it doesn’t refer to them; they are referring to “those Black women.” They are above any vile criticism of Black women in general because they are not one of “those Black women.” Their anthem? “I’m a strong Black woman.” They have no compassion, no empathy, nothing but judgment and hatred for “those Black women.”

Black men have no such pathology. In fact, they tip the scales on the opposite end of the spectrum. Black men can never find fault, flaw, or blemish with another Black man no matter how reprehensible their behavior. A Black man can have 23 children for whom he pays not one thin dime and you will find brothas lined up to excuse his behavior. In fact, Black men will find some reason to blame Black women for his excessive offspring, saying that if women didn’t spread their legs, he wouldn’t have so many children. RARELY do you hear a Black man saying, “I’m not one of those Black men.” There is a certainly solidarity in having a penis that dictates that Black men stick together to avert anything negative and turn it into the fault of the Black woman. When there is any constructive criticism given of Black men, the tendency is for Black men to assume that the criticism is directed to every Black man on the face of the planet and it becomes the responsibility of Black men to defend and deflect.

Both behaviors are unhealthy.

Any person that feels that he or she has to malign someone else is inherently insecure. There’s a huge difference between identifying the unhealthy behaviors of Black women while trying to bring about a certain amount of consciousness and healing and talking shit and badmouthing other Black women so as to appear superior/perfect. Hating (in the literal definition of the word, not the commonly used definition of simply criticizing someone) other black women for being victims of societal conditions shows no compassion and compassion is a sign of maturity. This whole, “I’m a strong Black woman,” archetype is delusional because it perpetuates this myth that Black women are these super sassy, indestructible forces that can raise children on their own, go to school, have a job, and maintain a relationship without blinking an eye. News Flash, Black women are suffering from depression, rage, dying of heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, and doubled over with fibroids and it’s because we are so intent to hold on to this irrational stereotype. The women who live long, happy, healthy lives are the women that understand that it’s human to have weakness, to ask for help, and to admit imperfection. There’s no valor in being so hardened, so filled with hate at your fellow sistren that you lack the empathy, a quality Black women should embody and personify.

Standing up against oppressive, sexist, and misogynist depictions of ANY Black woman is a measure of evolution. We all suffer, when we are referred to as bitches and ho’s, those that believe themselves to be just that and those that would sooner spit on those women than acknowledge that their plights are the similar. Aren’t we all as Black women, looking to feel validated and loved, to feel as if our life has value? Haven’t we all, every Black woman, made poor choices when it comes to men? Yes, some women have been led astray by unhealthy influences and messages and yes, they behave in ways that are detrimental to their self-esteem and self worth. If we can’t come together, however, to stand united against the oppression of ALL Black women we will perish in a quagmire of backstabbing and denial.

Copyright 2006 AfroerotiK

The days of empowered women are long gone.

There was a time when women fought to have their voices heard, demanded to be treated as equals and not as objects, a time when feminist wasn’t a dirty word and meant more than “angry lesbian.” Those days are long gone. Today, women live to be the voiceless, un-opinionated, glamorous playthings of rich, high-profile men. There’s been a shift from women wanting to define themselves as human beings capable and autonomous, to women willing to accept that they are nothing more than sex objects defined by the length of their hair, the price of their outfit, the roundness of their behinds, and the attractiveness of their feet. Whereas, the 60s were the days of women asserting themselves and fighting for equality, the new millennium is the day of women showing off their midriffs and having men pay for their company.

Black women have been the targets of a very concerted effort to silence their voice, to stifle their growth. Thirty years ago, Black women were standing up for the right to be more than teachers, maids, and nurses. Today, sistas are striving to be the well-kept trophies of successful thugs and be rated on the sexist scale of attractiveness. Black women have been convinced that being a woman means having a man, and not having a man is a stigmata of shame, a lack or void that surely signifies that you aren’t good enough in bed, you aren’t beautiful enough, you don’t live up to your primary role in life of pleasing a man. Forget holding men accountable for their actions, forget having standards that fall outside of material possessions, to hell with asserting that being a woman is more than living up to a patriarchal model that feeds the distorted egos and libidos of men. Yeah, that crap is over. Today, women want to be objectified, complacent, and conform to the role of being seen (as beautiful) and not heard. 

For a lot of women, they defend the notion that being a woman means how many men want you. It’s easy to do for the women that have light skin, that have long hair, that have a size six body with a size ten booty that look like a model and can pull the men that want to buy their souls in exchange for a roll in the hay. For the women that fit the profile, it’s all about maintaining that image and not rocking the boat. For the women who don’t fit that image, for the women with dark skin and hair that doesn’t flow in the wind, for women that don’t look like they stepped off the pages of a magazine or fresh from the set of a music video, they are left to deal with their self-esteem in a society that tells them that they are less than a woman. It’s a burden Black women don’t talk about because it’s shameful to admit that you don’t compare to the standard of beauty that Black men want and you feel like you’re fighting an uphill battle within yourself that you can never win, that’s beyond your control. What about the women that will never be able to wear the skimpy little halter tops and the five inch heels, and fling their shoulder-length hair and have men stumbling all over themselves to pay their car note? What if you look in the mirror every day and feel like you’ll never measure up? Those are the women that perpetuate the myth of the Strong Black Woman. They feel the need to suffer in silence and to endure a lifetime of abuse and pretend nothing hurts, to put up an impenetrable shell of distance and melodrama that leaves them perpetually emotionally drained. Convinced it’s an honor to be a strong Black woman, they hold onto the pain and feelings of inadequacy like a gold medal in the Depression Olympics.