Our Sexuality is Fucked

There are two very separate factions of Black folk. There is the "I'm a freak" faction, who claims sexual promiscuity is their birthright. They are the sexually immature, thinking that any bump and grind, with whomever, without connection or intimacy is all good. Mind you, most people who identify themselves as freaks don't do anything more sexually adventurous than anal sex and swinging and if you were to suggest something truly sexually adventurous, they would cry "NASTY". Then there are the sexually retarded, those Black folks who think that any discussion of sex is offensive, inappropriate, and disgusting. They are the ones who look at vulgar and offensive images of porn in private but are so ashamed of their sexuality that they deny that they even have sex in discussion. Both factions are disabled, neither perspective is healthy.

I had a friend who feigned indignation at my work, she was ashamed to tell her friends and associates what I did for a living. Mind you I WRITE about sex, I am not having sex for money. She would admonish me for being so open about discussions of sexuality but she would have unprotected sex with any man who showed interest in her and bought her a nice dinner. This isn't some ghetto chile, this is the bougiest of the bougie. She is also the same woman let me borrow her laptop only to have Ghetto Gaggers, anal fisting, and a whole host of other degrading websites in her bookmarks.

I have found that Black women in particular have been socialized to think of their bodies as commodities. We, as a culture, do not understand sensuality, seduction, intimacy, romance. We understand fucking. We understand money in exchange for sex. We get emotionless sex. Love is what we don't get. Communion is what we don't get. Men think they are great lovers because they give women multiple orgasms, when in fact, being a good lover is being honest, attentive, caring, nurturing, listening, being vulnerable.