AfroerotiK

Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Showing posts with label intimacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label intimacy. Show all posts

Thursday, July 05, 2012

All the Way to Heaven | AfroerotiK



All the Way to Heaven


At the precise moment of our birth, each and every person who has been blessed enough to take just one, single breath of life is given a special gift from the Most High God.  It’s a gift so special, so sacred, that it can only be given once.  It belongs entirely and completely to that individual and the exact moment that gift is given and all the details surrounding that event will be FOREVER remembered by them.  Sharing one’s virginity, an act symbolic of entry into adulthood, the awakening of one’s sexuality, is something that should ONLY be gifted to someone deserving of such an honor, someone who will treat it as the sacred and holy sacrament that it is.  Aaron Waters was the man who had been chosen to receive Taisha Dixon’s most precious gift and it was an honor and a responsibility he was not going to take lightly.


From the moment he met Taisha, Aaron knew that she was special.  There was something about her, something about the way she thought and believed and, just something about how she carried herself that made her vastly different than the other young ladies her age.  First and foremost, she had chosen to remain a virgin until the ripe old age of 20.  These days, both guys and girls are becoming sexually active in their early teens and by the time most girls are 20, they have seen and experienced all things sexual from A to Z, a few times in fact.  Her faith in God was strong, it was the primary reason she had chosen to remain chaste for so long in fact, but it was not a blind, unquestioning faith.  Taisha was informed; she possessed a unique ability to separate the myths and oppressive dogma of the church from the joy that can only come from having a personal relationship with the Creator of All.  She was also smart enough and savvy enough to understand that sensuality, sexuality, and carnal pleasure were birthrights to all human beings and that our emotional and spiritual health depended upon our connection, our touch, our moments of ecstatic bliss when two bodies are joined together which was a meditation and a communion with God that can only be shared with another human being during the joining of two bodies.


To Aaron, Taisha was a perfect mix of beauty, femininity, intellect, spirituality, and sensuality.   She was down-to-earth and grounded but she was cool and sweet as well.  The choice to share her most precious gift with him was not a decision that they came to haphazardly or randomly.  It was a choice they came to together, based largely on their physical attraction to one another but primarily because of their similar core values, beliefs, and interests.  Taisha cared for him deeply and she loved his spirit.  She was convinced that he was a good man with the potential to be a great man and that he possessed all the traits and characteristics of a man with whom she could build something really, really astounding.  He possessed integrity and honor and she was quite convinced that sharing her virginity with him was the next, most important step to forming an even more important bond that could potentially lead to a deeper, more significant long-term relationship.  Very much to her credit, Taisha understood that in order to form a healthy, emotionally-mature, long-term relationship, she knew in her heart and soul that it had to be based on sexual chemistry and compatibility as well as all the other things they already had in common.  She was incredibly unique in that she understood that in order for her to fully mature and be ready to handle the responsibility of an adult relationship, to become a REAL woman, not just in age but in spirit and heart as well, that she was going to have to gift her virginity and explore her sensual side.


Taisha was ready.  Aaron . . . not so much.  They had discussed it time and time again, sharing open, deep communication about what it meant, the ramifications and implications thereof, even down to what form of birth control to use.  Aaron wasn’t a virgin and he knew that Taisha was going to remember her first time until the end of time.  He wanted it to be special for her, to share this experience with her, but the good guy in him was  . . . well scared really that he was going to hurt her, emotionally and/or physically; he just wasn’t sure he was up for the responsibility of being someone’s first.  He thought that was for fairy tales and Prince Charming type dudes and he was afraid he wasn’t up to the task. 


Oddly enough it was Taisha who comforted his fears.  She did so by just being an exceptional woman.  She listened when he was frustrated with work and wanting something more.  She didn’t judge him or berate him, she communicated well and she just had a light that emanated from her that seemed to make her glow.  She was radiant from the inside out and he didn’t want to dirty that.  He hadn’t quite come to the same level of comfort about sex and sexuality as Taisha had even though he had much more experience.  He was an attractive black man with a sexy body in a society that told him he had to be a sexual predator, stalking his victims, using them, throwing them away for the next “piece.”  He was also raised by a strict, religious family in the church where he was taught that sex was for marriage only and that he was a wretched sinner if he even thought about pleasures of the flesh.  With all these messages and influences, sex for Aaron was something that usually just happened and he felt a lot of pleasure in the moment and modicum of guilt afterwards.   He wasn’t sure he was up to the task of making someone’s first time memorable and special but he made the decision in his heart and in his mind that he wanted to share this with Taisha and he was going to do what he needed to do.


Aaron had made plans to “take the trip all the way to heaven” (as he had begun calling it) without Taisha knowing the exact particulars.  He didn’t like the term losing her virginity because you lose your keys, you lose your mind.  Virginity, to Aaron, was not something to be lost or found or stolen; and it certainly was not something to be taken.  Luckily for him his best friend Jose was out of town for the weekend and he had left them the keys to his place so they could have no interruptions from roommates or parents.  Aaron had taken all the necessary precautions to prepare for the evening.  He’d done all the typical stuff, like making reservations for dinner and ensuring the sheets were clean and the apartment tidy but he had also gone to get tested for STDs because he wanted Taisha to feel safe and secure in his arms in every way possible.


Taisha had had a terrible week, an absolutely dreadful, awful, horrible week at work and she was looking forward to getting away and enjoying some time alone with Aaron.  He told her he would pick her up Friday night at 7 pm sharp for their date.  When he arrived, she looked like an African Goddess.  She was wearing a cinnamon colored skirt that hung low on her hips and a v-neck t-shirt that fit close enough to show off all her assets but wasn’t at all vulgar.  Aaron couldn’t take his eyes off her lips.  They seemed so sensuous and full and shimmery with her lip gloss shining.


“Hey, where are we going?” Taisha inquired, as they drove through a neighborhood that seems a little more gentrified than they were accustomed to frequenting.


“It’s a place called Bastianelli’s.  I read the reviews for it in the paper and it’s supposed to be really nice. I got a little side hustle going doing some house painting and I put a little money away for a special occasion and I thought I would treat you to a really nice dinner.”


Taisha was humbled.  She welled up with emotion; she thought it was such a sweet gesture, that Aaron was such a sweet guy.  Dinner was wonderful, romantic even as the fed each other, laughed and just had a relaxed, stress-free evening.  After dinner, they sat outside and people-watched for a little while.  She could tell he was nervous about something but she didn’t have a clue what it could be.  When he suggested that they go home, she just assumed he meant he was going to take her back to her apartment.  She was even more confused when they pulled up in front of Jose’s place.


Unsure of what to say, Aaron didn’t say a word, he just let Taisha out his car and he led her to the front door, fumbling with the keys in the door.  Taisha, of course, was questioning what was going on but she was starting to put the pieces together.  She didn’t want to make any assumptions but she didn’t want to come out and ask directly either lest some spell be broken and they would be plunged back to reality.  If this was a dream she did not want to wake up.  She was teetering between being nervous and being excited at the same time so she just decided to see where things were going to go in silence.


Sitting nervously on the sofa, Taisha watched as Aaron lit some candles and turned on his slow jam Pandora station.  That was about it for his seduction techniques.  Beyond that, he didn’t have a clue what a guy was supposed to do to romance a woman so that would have to suffice.  What he did know was that he wanted her, craved her, that he desired her, sexually of course but more than just that.  He was starting to get aroused just thinking about it.  He wanted everything to go perfectly; he wanted it to be a night she would enjoy.  His game plan?  Go slow and let nature take its course.  That’s what he kept repeating to himself.  Go slow and let nature take its course.


They were like two teenagers sitting there, the soft glow of the candles illuminating them in a tension-filled room.  Both were unsure of what to do so they fidgeted, still not uttering a word.  Finally, Aaron took a deep breath.  If this was going to happen, he was going to have to make the first move.  He was going to have to make every move.  He reached across the sofa; the distance seemed liked miles, like light years.  He took her hand in his and he pulled her closer.  Taisha succumbed to his non-verbal direction and scooted down next to him.  He lifted her face to his and they kissed.  Lightly, he put his lips to hers.  He tasted her cherry flavored gloss, sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, and slid his hands down the slope of her soft, brown neck to her shoulders.  Taisha let out a gentle moan and twisted her body around so that she was at the edge of the sofa leaning into him.


Their kisses grew more passionate, more fevered as Taisha straddled his body, her thighs pressed tightly against his sides, his hands full with the curves of her backside.  She could feel the evidence of his erection and she was light-headed, giddy with the thought that she had done that to him, caused that reaction in him.  Every sensation for her was heightened and new and exciting and sexy.

Pure, natural, animalistic, primitive instinct took over Aaron and he knew that he had to make love to this woman and soon.  Maneuvering her around, he laid her back on the sofa and pressed his body into hers.  He started whispering in her ear, “I want you. I need you.”  He took her hand and directed it towards the steely erection that was desperate to break free from its confines.  Taisha marveled at the thickness and stiffness and tried to get a gauge as to its length to know what was in store.  Being so inexperienced, she couldn’t tell.  All she knew was that she was ready, that she wanted him, she wanted this.  Aaron had practically his entire weight pressed deeply into her and Taisha wanted and needed more.  He was taking her breath away but in that moment, she wanted him closer, she wanted them to be more connected.  In that moment, her primal, instinctual drives took over.  She was no longer a virgin in the typical sense of the word rather she was a woman preparing to share herself with her lover.

 
Aaron knew it was time for the next step and he stood up.  Looking down, he could see Taisha in all her beauty.  Her breathing was labored and her chest was heaving up and down, betraying her arousal.  He scooped her up in his arms like it was nothing, like she belonged to him and carried her to the bedroom.  Taisha held on tight, her arms wrapped firmly around his neck, feeling like she was floating on air.  He laid her on the bed and stood back for a brief moment.  He pulled his t-shirt off over his head and kicked off his shoes and socks.  He wanted to ask, “Are you sure?  Are you ready for this,” but he didn’t have to ask.  The look of desire in Taisha’s eyes told him all he needed to know.


            He undressed her slowly, carefully removing each article of her clothing, leaving her only in her delicate waist beads that accentuated her tummy, hips, and adorable belly button.   She smelled delicious: like a combination of feminine arousal and patchouli.  Beautiful, brown, and bare, he took every delicious inch of her body in, savoring her with his eyes.  He stood at the foot of the bed for the last time for the evening and lowered his remaining garments: standing strong, proud, hard, and very ready in every way possible.


Climbing on the bed, he crawled between Taisha’s legs and spread them.  Taisha’s head was spinning.  She felt exposed and vulnerable and yet somehow she knew it was right.  Slowly, softly, and ever so gently, Aaron lowered his mouth to her center.  He kissed her delicately there and sent shivers up her spine.  He took his tongue and began to explore her further, tasting her sweetness, lapping up her juices.  Taisha was beside herself.  Nothing in life had ever felt so good.  She received his licks and kisses and met them with her gyrating hips.  It was only when he spread the lips of her femininity and he found her magic spot with his tongue that Taisha experienced pleasure untold.  Using his tongue like a sensual paint brush, circling, swirling, designing her with pleasure he gently coaxed her love button to hardness and began to swirl it with his tongue, suck it tenderly, and stimulate her like an artist creating a masterpiece with his mouth.


            Taisha felt the breath leave her lungs.  She was literally breathless.  Sounds, noises began escaping her lips.  She wanted to hold them back but they had a mind of their own.  She grunted and groaned.  Before she knew what was happening, she felt tremors happening in her lowering body.  Her legs were shaking and there was this strange, indescribable feeling of electricity coursing through her body.  Her breathing was coming in short, raspy breaths now and she grabbed his head and held it to her mound, uncertain of anything, uncertain of everything, except the fact that she didn’t want this feeling to stop.


            Aaron didn’t stop; he licked with all his might, faster now but still gently.  Pleasure was now consuming Taisha’s body and she was fighting a feeling she couldn’t name or understand.  It was like an itch somewhere in her body that couldn’t be scratched, an explosion that was self-contained within each and every cell of her body.  Her legs shook, trembled and she was holding on to Aaron’s head for dear life, demanding that he not move, not stop.  Not once did Aaron lick or suck too hard, never did he think of biting her.  He was affectionately, lovingly coaxing her orgasm out with his tongue and Taisha released her passion, exploding in orgasm.  She saw fireworks and stars and felt a release like she had never known before.


            Rather than being satisfied, Taisha was desperate for more.  She was ready to take the next step, the final step.  She was wet beyond her wildest dreams and she could no longer form words.  She was communicating with her eyes, her hands, her body.  Again, he pressed his body to hers, this time unencumbered by any clothing.  Taisha wrapped her legs around him, pulled him to her closer, tightly.  The moisture between her thighs provided the lubrication that drove her to distraction as he slid his penis between the folds of her beautiful, engorged, slippery lips.


“Make love to me!” she said.


Aaron didn’t need to be told twice.  He needed this more than she did at this point.  He pushed her legs back and took careful aim.  The heat was intense.  He was intoxicated with her scent.  She was giving herself to him and they were about to become one.  Taisha was fearless.  She had no second thoughts or doubts.  What she had was desire and passion for the man about to join with her like no man had ever done.


He pushed the head in and they both let out a guttural sound known only to lovers who experience that mind-blowing, heart stopping, sensation the very first time you join together as one.  It’s pleasure indescribable.  It’s connection and intimacy and truth.  He didn’t force himself in her, rather, he let her control the action.  There was a brief moment of resistance but she got acclimated to his size without any pain whatsoever.  It helped that she was so turned on, so relaxed from her orgasm.  Slowly, inch by inch, he went deeper until Taisha felt like she couldn’t breathe any more.  She felt like Aaron was her breath, that he was her life force.


Fully inside her, Aaron looked for the sign that he could make love to her with abandon.  Taisha wrapped her legs around him and pulled him closer.  With that, he knew it was time.  He thrust.  He withdrew himself almost completely and then he thrust again.  He was rhythmic and graceful, in and out, in and out, IN  . . . AND . . . . OUT.   Passion consumed them and they were meeting each other’s bodies, connected, joined.  He felt like a virgin unable to control himself, his arousal.  They were making love now, passionate, hot, sweaty love.  The muscles in his back, thighs, arms, and butt flexed and he cried out into the night, “Ohhhhhhhh God,” as he experienced his own personal heaven.


He collapsed onto her, breathless.  “Are you okay?” he asked, genuinely concerned for her well-being.


Taisha comforted him with her whispers and sweet, soft kisses on his face and lips.  They were lovers now.  Her womanly instincts to protect and nurture him took over and she caressed his beautiful brown skin and looked him deeply in the eye as she vowed with her heart that they would explore more intimacy and passion in the days, weeks, and months to come.


Copyright 2012 AfroerotiK All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Intimacy Deprivation




A friend of mine told me the other night that he suffered from a condition called skin hunger.  I was reminded of him telling me that years previously and it resonated with me then but it’s just something that I haven’t had in my conscious mind for a long time.  Skin hunger is a term used to describe basically a lack of human contact.  Other than the same short article reposted on several sites, http://everything2.com/user/arianne/writeups/Skin+hunger there really wasn’t much information on the condition.  I need to find out the effects of adults going without touch.  I’m convinced that I suffer from the effects of skin hunger and I suspect a great deal of what’s wrong with our society is because of an epidemic of skin hunger on a very large scale. 

I’ll summarize the article for you.  Essentially it says that babies, the elderly, and monkeys suffer without human contact and that they thrive, are better adjusted, less aggressive, and overall just do well with touch.  It also says that adults probably, more than likely, maybe in some vague, abstract, undocumented, unscientifically researched way do also.  It says that technology, the media, and disconnected lifestyles have led us down a path where we no longer touch.  It doesn’t discuss the results of adults going without touch and it only offers massage therapy as a solution. 

I’m here to say that going without touch for extended periods of time is detrimental to our physical, spiritual, and social identities.  I suspect it’s a vicious cycle.  We don’t get touch which in turn means we feel isolated, which means we recoil in solitude where we don’t get touch.  Going without touch hinders your interpersonal skills, leaves you feeling isolated and lonely, it just isn’t natural to go without human contact.  This society tells us that human contact is bad, sinful, wrong.  We discourage children from touching because we think it means they are going to be sexual.  I think we need to explore the effects of going without touch in greater depth and I think it needs to be called something else other than skin hunger.  Intimacy deprivation is what it is, going without connection, being deprived of that which makes us flourish. 

I’m single, have been for four months now.  Other than an accidental bump into someone at Wal-mart and a few hugs from friends, I’ve gone without any human contact whatsoever.  I crave to be held, touched, caressed, and to snuggle.  I know for a fact that my heart feels better when I can just lay my head on a man’s chest, I feel lighter, less burdened.  I used to babysit for a little boy and we hugged, kissed, and touched all day.  At nap time, he would say, “Scottie, you rock me to sleep,” and I would hold him in my arms and gently rock him until he couldn’t fight the sandman any more.  I remember what I felt like for that year and I have tried to get that sensation back.  I’ve tried to figure out what it was about that time in my life that made me so much more enthusiastic about life and serene and I’m convinced it was because I was getting so much touch.  I’ve often said that I flourish in relationships, that I just function more optimally in with a boyfriend.  It makes sense.  If your heart rate, your vital organs need touch, and you have someone with whom you can share a bed, even if it’s not every night, it just makes perfect sense that people are supposed to be partnered, that it’s genetically wired into us to have that connection. 

I know in the past when I’ve lamented about feeling lonely and depressed and longing and aching for intimacy with a partner, people come out of the woodworks to tell me that I should find happiness being alone, that I need to work on myself.  They basically suggest that I’m some sort of whiny, insufferable wretch who is complaining for the sake of complaining and that I just need to suck it up and put on a happy face.  But just as babies fail to thrive without touch, as do the elderly, I know in my heart that human beings of every age suffer from lack of human touch.  I think of the number of Black woman who are alone and who say, “All I need is Jesus,” and they go without human touch for years.  I think about how trapped they are in behaviors that are detrimental and how it’s accepted as normal.  They feel the longing for human contact and they go out and have sex with someone and then deny it because it goes against their religious beliefs when clearly God created us to need touch for our human survival.  I think about how Black men are socialized to not touch, feel, to seek anything other than sex.  They are getting their touch needs filled by being promiscuous because they have never been taught to snuggle or hold hands or hug.  We don’t teach our children to touch in a healthy way so they go out and have sex.  Baby strollers and playpens and all the stuff of an advanced age has created a nation of aggressive, unbalance, unhealthy people and we are cutting ourselves off from one another even more. 

I’m sitting here, alone, with no prospects of touching or being touched any time soon and I have to say it feels like a death sentence.  I don’t even live close enough to someone whom I can say, “Hey, come spend the night with me and let’s just touch.”  I’m going to work on that in 2012.  I’m going to throw AfroerotiK cuddle parties, I’m going to develop friendship with people I can touch and be intimate with.  I’m going to make intimacy and touch a priority in my life. 

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

My Twin Flame




Dear kindred spirit, my divine right partner,

I am writing these words to you without even knowing your name.  So sure am I that you are my other half, the yin to my yang, that I have no fear that our destinies have brought us to this very place and time.  I knew you in a remote village in Africa when we made love under the stars without care.  You kept me alive when we were shackled and dying, in the bowels of a slave ship with just your eyes to comfort me.  I nursed you back to health from wounds that the slave master inflicted because you were too defiant, too strong.  Our souls have been black for a very long time.  I have been your mother, your father, you daughter and your son.  I have been your sister and your brother, you lover and your enemy.  I have known you as both my husband and my wife.  Now is our time to be those things to one another again.

We have come to each other, fragmented parts of a whole, to be reunited as a manifestation of the One Most High.  We have been chosen to give voice to a shift in consciousness.  We have been gifted with a vision that seems a curse without one another.  Come to me, my beloved, so that we might unite and fulfill our souls’ mission.  Separately, we are ineffectual.  Together we can give birth to Gods and Goddesses. 

I come to you today, flawed and damaged, far from perfection.  This journey has taken a toll on my being.  Share you dreams with me as we fight to restore a holistic and spiritual paradigm.  Read poetry to me until the wee hours of the morning.  Hold me in your arms so that your heartbeat serenades my soul.  Allow me to love you from the very depths of my being with a love that transcends definition.  Dear lover, I come to you empty and alone.  I have no fear, no shame in my plea.  You can see past my flaws and insecurities to the visionary and prophetic wisdom that is waiting to be born inside me.  Impregnate me with your inspiration, your serenity, your love. 

Fear not, my love.  These are not the ramblings of the insane.  You have been tortured with dreams that seem unobtainable at times.  You dream of penetrating you lover for the very first time with the knowledge that you will never be with another woman again.  You dream of nursing from your wife at the same time as she feeds your baby.  You dream of raising a family at the foothills of Kilimanjaro with nothing but an organic garden and Divine Love to feed you.  These are my dreams as well. 

I AM putting the universe on notice that I AM open, ready and receptive to receive my divine right partner, my twin flame, right now.  I invite you into my life to embark upon a journey like none other.

With all my heart and all my love,