AfroerotiK

Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

African-Centered Sexuality

African-Centered Sexuality

The African-centered community is steeped in sexual dysfunction. For all of our efforts to rid ourselves of European cultural, social, and spiritual norms, we have denied our sexual growth by blanketing everything under the assumption that anything other than heterosexual vaginal/penal intercourse is European and thus deemed “not African”. When the African-centered community discusses sexuality, they are most often satisfied with making uninformed references to ancient sacred sexual texts from the East and asserting that those texts were stolen from Africa. We are far from healthy when it comes to our perceptions of sexuality and we hold on to divisive, patriarchal, immature mindsets and defend them without seeking to expand our definitions, to redefine ourselves, to truly come to a place where we relinquish the shame and unhealthy belief systems we have been conditioned to accept.

I stand alone in my efforts to create an African-centered sexual paradigm whereby we transcend our repressive beliefs and are able to truly see ourselves as sexual beings without the fear, shame, or adherence to “rules” that are made up to feed fragile male egos. There is no true African-centered sexual theory. There are quite a few Afrocentric, homophobic, patriarchal men whose egos are so fragile that they have deemed that any discussion of sexuality is a threat to the Black community. There are scores of African-centered women who are taking back the power of their vaginas, who are coming to accept that their bodies are sacred temples and nurturing themselves, loving our menses, but that’s not addressing the issue of sexuality, that’s addressing the issue of gender. To address African-centered sexuality is to assert that our genitals give us pleasure, that we experience bliss in the throws of orgasm, that we have a sexual body just as we do mental, physical, spiritual, and etheric bodies as well.

First and foremost, the discussion of sexuality, merely talking about sex, intimacy and acts of pleasure is essential for our growth. We must discuss how our sexual identities were formed, we must discuss openly how we were raped, molested, abused, both men and women. We must be able to talk openly about our desires, fantasies, and what gives us pleasure. To asset that conversations of sexuality can’t be had in public forums, or that certain subject are off-limits is to assert that sexuality is something shameful and that is Eurocentric and unhealthy. Until we truly accept that our sexuality is a Divine gift, until we truly see our sexuality as something as natural and beautiful and not something to be compartmentalized or shrouded in secrecy, we will be tied to dysfunction. We’ve been socialized to believe that sex is something that happens behind closed doors and even then it shouldn’t be discussed.

The tenants of African-centered sexuality stipulate that:

· African-centered sexuality is based on Love. Not romantic love as is seen in Hollywood, not based on lust or what the other person can bring to you, but a true genuine affection, concern, and caring for one’s partner. The process of loving someone creates a spiritual bond with them. Loving is the essence of our true nature as human beings. Loving someone not only raises our vibration, but it also raises the vibration of the person we are with. Because many of us raised in Western society have become so jaded by the concept of love, so hurt by someone we trusted with our hearths, we rally against it, claiming love has no role or purpose in the African-centered practices. Nothing could be further from the truth. To love someone is to care about their pleasure more than your own, to become aroused by their unique scent, to crave intimacy and connection with them. Descendents of slaves are fragmented and disconnected from our emotional selves so the concept of loving someone arouses fear: fear of getting hurt, fear of being vulnerable, fears of abandonment and the fear of not being loved equally in return. The opposite of love is not hate, it is fear. So, to form a bond with someone so intimately that you know them better than you know yourself is the primary goal of African-centered sexuality. Love yourself, love your partner; make choices, conversations, and commitments based on the emotional and spiritual connection with the person with whom you choose to share your sacred and sexual body.

· Know yourself. African-centered sexuality is based on accepting one’s own desires, not condemning anyone else’s. Every person is unique, what fits for one person is not going to be appropriate for all. The African-centered individual can be comfortable and confident in knowing that they are secure in their own sexuality and that they are honoring their own natural drives and desires without having to diminish anyone else’s expression of sexuality. The African-centered individual can respect that not everyone is at the same level of enlightenment and not feel the need to degrade, condemn, or criticize anyone else for where they are. Know what arouses you, know what makes you orgasm, know how your body reacts to certain triggers.

· Sexuality is fluid - Gender is flexible. The African-centered community loves to assert that heterosexuality is the only acceptable form of sexual expression. They love to assert that homosexuality is European and that indigenous Africans never practiced homosexuality. They falsely and rather arrogantly assert that homosexuality doesn’t occur in nature. The oldest depiction of a same sex coupling came from ancient KMT (Egypt) of Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum. There are at least 70 documented words in various African languages for men or women who engage in homosexual relations. There are also a variety of ways that African societies have historically tolerated or even celebrated the people who engaged in these practices. Moreover, homosexual behavior has been documented in over 500 species of insects, vertebrae, birds, fish, and mammals including the African Elephant, Giraffe, Buffalo, Cheetah, and Zebra. Homophobia is Eurocentric. It is based on the fear of the men losing their masculinity, their fear of losing power over women, their fear of an equality of the sexes. Heterosexism perpetuates a male-created myth of women being created for men to oppress.

African-centered sexuality asserts that the terms masculinity and femininity are Euro-defined concepts to perpetuate sexism and that connection between individuals, regardless of their gender, is perfectly normal and natural. African-centered sexuality respects that couplings between a man and a woman are natural, predominant, and essential for reproduction but doesn’t negate or demonize other couplings that are not male/female. African-centered sexuality acknowledges individuals who are transgendered, those possessing the physical, emotional, and sexual traits of both genders, are human beings equally deserving of love, passion, and pleasure and having a voice in the community just as much as those who identify as men or women. Embrace, respect, honor, and celebrate inclusion rather than exclusion, diversity rather than uniformity, tolerance over narrow-mindedness.

Copyright 2008 AfroerotiK

Tired of seeing black women being portrayed as ghetto bitches, freaks and whores, and black men as barely literate thugs, bulls, and pimps, Scottie Lowe decided it was time to show black people in a positive sexual light. Ms. Lowe is the sole owner and founder of http://www.AfroerotiK.com, a company dedicated to eradicating the negative and stereotypical depictions of Black sexuality and providing customized, personalized erotic stories for and about people of color. Her innovative approach to writing Black and interracial erotica is shattering misperceptions and opening the doors to dialogue about subjects long considered taboo.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Fellas, You Gotta Tighten up your Game

I've been on the net over 10 years now. For several of those years, I unofficially reigned as the queen of NEW Black erotica. In all of my internet travels, of the thousands upon thousands of people I've met on this vast and virtual wide web we call the world, not once have I ever initiated contact with, had chemistry with, or been sexually aroused by a man who has a picture of his penis on his profile.


I don't have a penis, I don't really understand the workings of people who do, but I would think that after some time on the Internet, men would understand that most women are not aroused by dick pics. I am not attracted to dicks, I'm not superficial so men with bigger dicks don't earn extra points with me, and in fact, if a man has a picture of his dick on his profile, I usually find it repulsive and I'm inclined to not engage in any sort of in depth conversation with him. Men who want to depict and portray themselves to the world as their dick are not the sorts of men I'm inclined to want to get to know. I would think that I'm far from being the only woman who feels this way YET day after day, I'm amazed at the number of men who feel that their dick pic is going to hypnotize and entice me to engage in conversation.


Gentlemen, your penis, while it may be infinitely arousing, magical, and mystical to you, while it may hold your attention exclusively for hours upon hours, is no different, more arousing, or charismatic than the 100 million other penises that are shoved in my face on a daily basis. If a man chooses to display a picture of his dick as what he wants the world to see and identify him wotj, I immediately think he's immature and shallow, and in many cases, depending on his screen name, offensive and repulsive. No, I don't want to see your cam, no I'm not aroused by watching you masturbate, and seeing you ejaculate holds no great thrill for me. I'm not driven to laugh at, taunt, or humiliate men with little white ones as I'm equally as disinterested in marveling over big black ones that are posed in contrast to your remote control, soda can, or ones that can tell time with your watch on it.


What will it take for men to understand that women who are aroused by pictures of penises are actually in the minority? I've been more aroused by men with NO pictures on their profiles who don't ever show me a picture than I have been by men with Heavy D and the Boyz on display. And if your screen name has,"69", "XXX", "inches4u", or some phonetic spelling of the N word incorporated into it, I'm not only going to be repulsed, but I'm going to ignore your IM's, emails, and comments.


In 2008, fellas, if you are so full of shame that you can't display your face on your profile for fear that someone will recognize you and know that you are . . . God forbid . . . a sexual being, then that's problematic and an indication that you aren't sexually mature. If you are thinking that women around the globe are going to see your penis and get instantly wet and BEG you to have casual and uninhibited sex, that somehow, your penis is going to be more captivating and different than the other 67 cajillion pictures of penises that are being forced, figuratively, down our throats, you are sadly mistaken.


I'm attracted to men, not their dicks. I'm attracted to the depth in a man's eyes. I'm attracted to his smile. I'm TURNED ON by his substance and warmth, his intellect and his ability to identify himself as more than the few inches of meat that hang between his legs. Moreover, men who show off their penises and think that is supposed to be arousing, interesting, or captivating for me as a woman are not arousing to me to say the very least.


Fellas, please keep these general rules of thumb at hand when traversing the internet.


If I want to see your penis, I will ask.


“Hey ma, u luk gud,” does NOT motivate me to call you on the telephone.


Copy and paste messages, where you think you are being unique and sending out blanket compliments like, “I just ran across your profile and it is very interesting. I wanted to say I had to write you. I love your smile and you look like a woman I want to get to know better. I can’t wait to hear from you,” are lame, tired, and not at all original.


And most importantly, your penis is not so gorgeous, captivating, or unique that it’s going to move women of substance to want to get to know you better.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Healing Piss

I had a white gentleman tell me a story once that I found fascinating. He told me, admittedly, that he used to be racist but had a transformative experience. He went on to say that he had procured the services of a professional dominatrix. She blindfolded him and went about her business of degrading him, humiliating him, whathaveyou. Unbeknownst to this man, the white pro domme had in fact switched with a Black domme who was responsible for giving him what he felt was the most intense experience of his life. This black domme apparently had urinated on him. Well, once the blindfold was removed, voila', his racism was gone. Healed by the magical piss of the Black woman. I suggested to him that racism isn't just washed away with a little Shug Avery pee (he didn't get it) and that in order for him to truly rid himself of racist behaviors that he would really need to challenge his beliefs. At that point, he called me a racist nigger bitch.

Time and time again, I have white men tell me that they aren't racist because they are attracted to black women, because they want to submit to Black women. But, in the same breath, they are afraid to meet me in public in a place where people that know them might see them. Or they tell me that black women are superior because they are so naturally dominant, never giving credence to the totality of us as women. Uhmm, isn't that racist?

I've had white men tell me that they want to be with a black woman to see if our pussies taste different. Number one, I'm not a scratch and sniff experiment; I'm a human being. There is absolutely nothing different about my physical make up other than the presence of melanin. My blood is the same, my tears are the same, my piss is the same, and my pussy is the same. If there’s a difference in my taste it’s because I’m an individual and EVERYONE is going to have a different taste. If a person thinks a Black woman's pussy tastes different just because of the color of their skin, uhmm, isn't that racist? .

I had a white man tell me the other day that his wife had a black lover and he would be forced to pay the black man to service him orally and how he felt that was the ultimate humiliation. He professed that he wasn't racist and how he thought that Blacks were superior. When asked how he thought Blacks were superior, he listed physical characteristics. Check it, if he thought blacks were truly superior, he would not feel it was humiliating to give a Black man money. I asked him some of the Black people that he thought were intellectually superior and he said Condoleezza Rice and me. First and foremost, there should NEVER be an occasion where Condi Rice and I are compared on the same scale. She is the anti-Christ and I denounce her as a black woman. Second, it's obvious he had no clue about my intellect; he was enamored with my physicality.

I can't tell you how many times I've had white men tell me, "Oh, I wish I was a black man." When asked why, the number one reason, "They have such big cocks." Okay dumbass, you think being a black man is all about fucking white women with your 11-inch dick? You don't see the correlation between black men and the prison population, Driving While Black, the inordinately high Black on Black crime. No, you don't want to be a Black man; you want to have white privilege, a big dick AND have white women throwing themselves at you. White men that say that stupid shit inevitable say, "I don't have a racist bone in my body. Not since I started watching interracial porn (or fill in the blank with a similar sexual experience, as if orgasm while looking at a black person have sex cures diseased perceptions)." What the fuck? Say it with me . . . Uhmm, isn't that racist?

My favorite? White man approaches me and tells me how submissive he is to black women. I tell him I’m not interested in a submissive at this time, white, black, or other. They tell me that they can (fill in the blank with a degrading and humiliating act) and refuses to accept that I’m not interested in him. Next thing out of his mouth . . . NIGGER BITCH.

Let's make a list, shall we?

Saying they aren't racist and then saying that white women should be "bred black" because black men are not good fathers.

Saying they aren't racist, then saying that Jews overcame the Holocaust, as if Jews are inherently superior, and Blacks choose to be lazy.

Saying they aren't racist and then saying how much they respect Oprah, Colin Powell and Michael Jordan and when I ask them what's the last black book they've read they look at me like I'm crazy for suggesting that they would ever read a black book.

Saying they aren't racist and then denigrating Spike Lee, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton in the next breath and having the unmitigated nerve to say that there are no Black leaders. I guess white leadership is so stellar that they have room to critique.

Saying that they aren't racist and then in the next breath calling me a racist because I suggest that there are abundant examples of racism that they don't see because they won't allow themselves to go outside their comfort zone and imagine a life different than their's.

Since when did racists get to identify when they aren't racist anymore? Who is defining racism? Is racism just an overt hatred of black people and wearing a white sheet or is it white men looking at me in amazement when I tell them I'm pursuing my PhD and them telling me that I'm a credit to my race? Like for my next trick, I'm going to pull a rabbit out of my hat. Where is the white sub that has read one book about slavery, Black history, Black culture, or one that tried to delve into the reasons for oppression and bigotry? No, he was in a heightened state of arousal and figured out that Black women could be as sexually arousing as white women. Big shit! That doesn't mean he's going to fight for Black children to get a fair education, that he's going to battle discrimination in housing and employment whenever he sees it. He's not even going to tell his buddies at the office that he's attracted to Black women. That's racist.

It’s more than obvious that Black people aren’t capable of determining what’s racist or not because we are the ones that think the N word is a term of affection, that think it’s cute to refer to ourselves as bitches, freaks, thugs, and pimps. Those who don’t use that terminology turn a blind eye and a deaf ear when it’s used. There are far too many black men that think it’s a compliment to be called a bull and to try to impregnate white women for fun. That's sick. FAR, FAR, FAR too many black women think that our beauty is in our behinds, fingernails, or length or our hair and give no credence to developing what’s inside us.

"Whiteness" is a disease of privilege that has been created by a society founded in racism. I didn't say white people are inherently racist because of genetics. I said that because white people have seen black people and people of color as inferior for so many centuries, because it has been so conditioned in their minds, because it has gone unquestioned in their psyches that they are superior, that SOME white people (I would dare to say the vast and overwhelming majority) perpetuate a lack of compassion for anyone's else's experience other than their own, they diminish the complaints of people of color because it doesn't match their experience and it’s certainly not washed away with a little Black piss.

AfroerotiK