AfroerotiK

Erotic provocateur, racially-influenced humanist, relentless champion for the oppressed, and facilitator for social change, Scottie Lowe is the brain child, creative genius and the blood, sweat, and tears behind AfroerotiK. Intended to be part academic, part educational, and part sensual, she, yes SHE gave birth to the website to provide people of African descent a place to escape the narrow-mined, stereotypical, limiting and oft-times degrading beliefs that abound about our sexuality. No, not all Black men are driven by lust by white flesh or to create babies and walk away. No, not all Black women are promiscuous welfare queens. And as hard as it may be to believe, no, not all gay Black men are feminine, down low, or HIV positive. Scottie is putting everything on the table to discuss, debate, and dismantle stereotypes in a healthy exchange of ideas. She hopes to provide a more holistic, informed, and enlightened discussion of Black sexuality and dreams of helping couples be more open, honest, and adventurous in their relationships.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Who hurt you?




One of the questions that I’m asked on a rather regular basis, by men who seemingly want to show empathy and concern for me after I’ve challenged them about their issues, is, “Who hurt you?” You see, women aren’t supposed to speak out about men, we aren’t supposed to question the way things are; we are supposed to cower in terror when we are questioned by men and go running in fear to a position of subservience and compliance any time we are confronted by them. Men are allowed to be angry, to be frustrated, to feel like they are being demonized by the world. If women question and speak out, if we do take issue with the status quo, then quite obviously, some man has to hurt us so terribly in the past as to create this ugly entity known as the “angry Black woman.” That’s supposed to be an insult from a man, the highest possible insult, because it’s meant to imply that I’m not longer desirable to men, that I’m a little too uppity for my own britches, a little too vocal, and that I need to be taken down a peg.

The problem with that is that, I am angry. You damn right I’m angry; I’m the reigning title holder of the Ms. Angry Black Woman. But I wear the title of angry Black woman proudly, and for good mother fucking reason, because with that crown and banner, I get to speak out about issues like patriarchy, sexism, colorism, misogyny and hold a dirty mirror up to men so that can see their ugly reflections and I don’t have to hold my tongue. My anger is a positive outlet. It has allowed me to heal from my past hurts. My anger causes me to fight for the rights of women, to try to heal the chasm of Black relationships that grows deeper and wider with the passing of each tic of the sexist, oppressive clock.

Tito Oliviero hurt me. He raped me one hot summer day, putting his hand on my throat and telling me that he would kill me if I screamed while he was violating me. Apparently, he decided that being friends wasn’t enough for him and that he had a right to my body, without my consent.

Dimas Chardon hurt me. (I think that’s his real name but I’m not sure, I’m certainly not trying to protect him because he’s innocent) He asked me to his house in Connecticut and I politely declined. He decided that since I had rejected him that he could teach me a lesson. He took out a gun, put it on my desk, and held me down with a loaded weapon just inches from my face while he raped me.

There is a man whose name I don’t know. He begged me to come to my apartment, to “just hang out.” It was only a matter of minutes before he we were on the floor, I was fighting with all my might, and was clueless that that was an indication that I didn’t want to have sex with him. It didn’t matter to him if I wanted him or not, he wanted to have sex with me. We fought until I was physically and emotionally drained and then I just gave in. I laid there like I limp, lifeless rag while he had sex with me. I wish I knew his name so I could call him out. I know his face, it’s one that I will never forget. He probably doesn’t know my name, he probably doesn’t even remember me. I was just another hole for him, another piece of ass to affirm his manhood.

Whenever I say that I was raped, I get this huge outpouring of messages, “You are so brave . . . you need to get counseling . . . don’t let the anger consume you.” It’s incomprehensible to people that I can actually talk about being raped without having some sort of emotional breakdown. I’m not ashamed of what happened, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not afraid to talk about it, because AGAIN, I didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t do anything to change what happened to me but I sure as hell ain’t gonna pretend it didn’t. The people that need to be ashamed are the men who raped me. They are the ones who did something wrong, they are the criminals. They took something that belonged to me, I’m not going to curl up in a ball and sit in silence to keep them from feeling guilty. None of the men that raped me were thugs or low life’s. There were educated, intelligent, successful Black men. They are the men that CLAIM to be good black men because they make a good salary, drive a nice car. They are men, who, right now, would stare in a woman’s face and swear that they have never raped anyone.

I’ve met countless numbers of women who have tales of being raped, I’ve even encountered a few men who are brave enough to speak up about their molestation and rape. There are even scores of men who say how sorry they are for what happened to me. What I’ve YET to encounter is a man who has admitted to being a rapist. Not one. I’ve never met a man who said to me, “When I was younger, I thought it was my right and I took what didn’t belong to me.” I’ve NEVER met a man who said, “I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t take no for an answer and I violated the most precious thing a woman could give me.” We wonder why Black relationships are failing, we look to blame Black women every chance we get, but let’s put the blame where it belongs, let’s hold the men accountable for their actions. If you want to know the reason why Black relationships are in such peril it’s because so many men are rapists and not being held accountable for it. Black women are being raped and we are sucking it up, suppressing it, internalizing the pain so that Black men can walk around without guilt. Black society breeds rapists. We don’t hold our black boys accountable for their actions, we tell them that in order to be a man, you have to have a lot of women, and we teach them that women are objects to be used and discarded.

There is a man reading this who has raped a woman, more than likely several. In fact, there are many men who are guilty of rape who are seething in anger right now. To you, I say, until you are uncomfortable with your actions, until you are disturbed by your past, until you can speak truth to power, you are diseased in mind, body and soul. You can deny the fact that you stole the innocence of a someone, that you committed an unspeakable crime but that does not absolve you of your acts. And to those who try to silence me with their emotional rape, those who would prefer that I cower in silence, YOU are the ones who have stolen the virtue of women. You are the rapists, the killer of dreams.

I will not be silenced. I will stand up and name my attackers. I will say who hurt me with pride for it is them who should be ashamed.

Now, I ask you ladies, who hurt you?

Can you speak truth to power?

Can you name your attackers?

Know that in order to heal, you don’t have to be ashamed of what happened to you. You are innocent. You must reclaim your strength. Don’t continue to protect these men with your silence. They don’t deserve it. Challenge them to admit to their wrong doings. Name your rapist so that you can free yourself from the pain. So I ask you ladies, with compassion and respect, who hurt you?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Colorism

I would like to see an end to the colorism that was created by slavery that keeps us separated as a people. I can't go so far as to say that light skinned slaves had it just as bad as dark skinned slaves. The rigors of slavery were far more physically demanding and psychologically damaging for those who were the rich, deep tones of ebony and mahogany. I respect that the horrors of slavery ravaged all those that were considered property and unjustifiably so in every instance but I wouldn't go so far as to say that conditions for slaves were the same for the lighter and the darker. I wouldn't even go so far as to say that the colorism we face today, as a direct result of the debilitating messages we learned in slavery are the same for light and dark skinned people. To deny that the shade of one's color was directly proportionate to the types of debilitating abuse one suffered might not be the most noble objective. While it was truly horrific to be sold for $1000 to be the slave master's pretty mulatto concubine, it was far more damaging to be sold for $100 to be the field work horse AND the slave master's ugly nigger concubine. Both are horrid but one certainly carried with it privileges that the other could not attain.

And today, while I'm sure it must eat at one's self-esteem to be challenged as to your "authentic blackness" because of one's light skin, I am not so sure that compares to the constant barrage of messages that tells dark skinned women of color specifically that they are light years away from anything of value or beauty. Being right in the middle, a beautiful shade of cocoa, I can empathize with my light skin sisters who don't wish to have their blackness invalidated by their skin tone, I can also say, as sister to many dark skinned women, that the barrage of psychologically damaging messages that they get on a daily basis FAR outweigh the ones that light skin women get. To truly liberate ourselves from the shackles of slavery, we must first acknowledge that the disparity due to skin color was not of our own making but it, in fact, does paralyze the darker members of our families much more so than the lighter ones. While light skin women today experience objectification and stereotypes whose origins were created in slavery, I think it's a bit extreme to say that their plight in any way compares to the beautiful women whose skin tones today are skin tones are dark and their features thick and full who have no reinforcement of their beauty, who must endure the pain of seeing their fairer skinned sisters being extolled as beautiful while they are left to feel ugly and unwanted.

I would like to see an end to the colorism that was created in slavery by the white man in order to justify his abuse. I would like to heal the wounded psyches of us as descendents of Africans so that we might unite and see our sameness as survivors of a horrific tragedy rather than continue to give privilege to those that were the "beneficiaries" of rape and miscegenation and continue to denigrate those whose blood remains relatively pure.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Cheatin' Men

When men choose partners for the wrong reason, without first examining their own emotional baggage, they end up in relationships in which they claim their needs aren’t being met. They meet a woman and she’s attractive and they have this urge to have her to prove to themselves that they can get her. She represents something that they want, if that’s the appearance of power, sex appeal, machismo, what have you. Once they are in the relationship, the problems arise. They realize they can’t live up to the image that they projected to get the woman. It takes work, hard work, to maintain a relationship and most men are too selfish and immature to even comprehend what it takes to keep a relationship strong, let alone the steps needed to accomplish that. Once they get the woman that they want, the thrill is in finding a new woman. All of these reasons lead men to cheat and then justify it by saying that the woman wasn’t making him happy.

If men continue to think in terms of sex being the foundation of a relationship, they will cheat. If men don’t work on being better partners in a relationship, cheating is the easy way to make sure that the relationship is going to fail. FAR, far too many men don’t know how to end a relationship in a healthy way, LONG BEFORE it gets to the fighting and the cheating. Rather than man up and say, “Hey, this isn’t working,” or, “we need to work on how this relationship can better suit both our needs,” they cheat. They run to the arms of another woman rather than face the music at home. Rather than try to build something long lasting and permanent with their partner, they sabotage their relationship by bringing another woman, or women, into their lives and betraying the partner at home. It’s like a bad fucking broken record but if Black men were more emotionally mature, they wouldn’t be so apt to cheat because they would be choosing partners based on their insecurities and unresolved parental issues.

Justifying cheating is a pathology in and of itself. It’s one thing to cheat. It’s a whole nutha ballgame to say that it’s not cheating because he was wearing a condom when he was getting head. That’s insanity. That’s taking the objectification of women to such an extreme, that he doesn’t even see women as human beings, just objects to give him pleasure and nothing more. He can’t possibly form a healthy relationship at all, let alone a committed one. It’s unfortunate that our society reinforces to men that cheating is what makes them a man, that it’s their role as men to go out and get as much pussy as they can. And the sad part is that they believe it. They will say that it’s biological, it’s nature, it’s genetic, it’s part of the animal kingdom. Killing your own food is the way of the jungle but I don’t see any men out chopping off a chicken’s head for supper. We are human beings, not animals. We are evolved past animals. We have the ability to feel and reason and speak and emote. We aren’t lead by some rules of the animal kingdom, we are SUPPOSED to be more evolved. We can’t claim to be intelligent, thinking, reasoned human beings and then justify cheating by saying it’s a law of nature. Then you really are nothing more than an animal.

On the day when men stop viewing women as conquests, when they stop trying to find comfort from their hurts with sex, when they face up to the idea that building a strong partnership is a sign of manhood, not fucking anything with a hole, then Black relationships will continue to fail. Until Black women stop coddling cheating men, forgiving them by saying it’s a man’s nature, until they stop tolerating married men and men in relationships coming on to them as some sort of sign of attractiveness, until women stop thinking that once they get a wedding ring on their finger that makes them better than single women and thus, willing to overlook their cheating husbands, the cycle will continue.

The Sensual Invitation



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Deep Inside my Neo Soul



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I Miss Him



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Ebony's Erotica



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Afrocentric Romance



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Dear Beloved



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AfroerotiK is . . . Showered with Love



Is love something that grows over time or can you experience true and abiding love instantly? Is love all romance and cheesy songs or can love be fostered amidst contention? In a day and time when people look for instant gratification and put their own needs above everyone else's feelings, can true love really grow? These are important questions that must be asked in an effort to redefine the formula for a healthy relationship. There's a fine line between trusting your instincts and making an uninformed choice. Take the AfroerotiK audio journey and experience how scorching hot passion can be born from the right mix of trust and vulnerability.


It takes a while to download and your patience is appreciated.








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AfroerotiK is . . . Ultimate Black Strapon Domme



Warning!!! This is NOT for the faint of heart. It explores hardcore interracial themes and intense sexuality. Listen to the story of a commanding Black Mistress control, use, and manipulate a submissive strapon slut. It's about the exchange of power and the dynamics of psychological domination. Enjoy!




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AfroerotiK is . . . Meditative



Close your eyes and slip into a deep meditative state. Allow yourself to enjoy true relaxation and peace as you are guided into a deep, restful state where you can explore sensual freedom. Copyright 2006 AfroerotiK




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AfroerotiK is . . . . Alternative Intimacy



Great sex doesn’t always have to fit narrow definitions. True pleasure can be achieved when partners allow themselves to experience passion without prejudice, sensuality without censor. Journey with me as I open the bedroom door on an Afrocentric couple who has chosen to shed the rules and regulations of classic conservatism and who has chosen to expand their boundaries and explore all that life has to offer.




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AfroerotiK is . . .Redefining Black Manhood



AfroerotiK is . . . is a show that examines black sexuality and that provides insight and alternatives to individuals seeking healthy erotic expression. It highlights the beauty and sensuality of African Americans without being vulgar and stereotypical and it provides a fresh perspective from which to examine the issues that shape the perceptions of Black sexuality. It’s a show for everyone that will challenge myths, destroy clich├ęs, and set the foundation for intense erotic exploration. AfroerotiK is features debates, discussions, interviews, and steamy erotic readings to stimulate and arouse.

This month, we are exploring REDEFINING BLACK MANHOOD. It’s a hard-hitting, no holds barred discussion that sheds light on a much-maligned topic. It’s essential listening for women who feel like they can’t find a good man and men who are tired of being narrowly defined. It’s for anyone open to conversation about shifting the behaviors that are keeping black relationships in danger.




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AfroerotiK is . . . Remote Possibilities



Don’t limit yourself, explore the AfroerotiK realm, and indulge in a steamy erotic tale that explores passion without judgments. It takes a while to download so your patience is appreciated.




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AfroerotiK is . . . Uninhibited


The foundation of every strong relationship is honesty, sharing, caring, and a willingness to be your most vulnerable self with your partner. It’s not having secrets and it’s all about understanding that there is no score card to calculate who’s ahead, no place for selfish desires. Intimacy is fostered by letting down all your defenses, all your walls, and being authentic. Join with me in this journey of sensual AfroerotiK passion when a young lady shares her tales of bliss when her lover has to fulfill her every desire after losing a bet. It blurs the lines of reality and begs the question of exactly who is the winner and who is the loser in a game of sensual seduction?

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AfroerotiK is . . . Intense Heat



When ladies make love, they create intense heat. The pleasures that only another woman can give are the secret fantasies and the unspoken dreams of many. But what happens when you give into that lust, that burning desire to drink from the source of all life? What happens when you cross racial boundaries and that lady love is a different background, from a different race? Can lust between ladies both black and white exist without all the stereotypes and influences of a racist society? Take a listen to the latest AfroerotiK Podcast to hear an erotic story that explores interracial lesbian passion.




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AfroerotiK is . . . African Centered Sexuality

If one were to form an opinion about Black sexuality based upon what the adult industry force feeds us, we would be nothing more than big black bucks whose sole purpose in life was to fuck white women or welfare mamas who take delight in bending over to show off our big asses. Miraculously, we exist in far many more dimensions than how mainstream society depicts us. There are those of us who have taken on other roles, who are willing to redefine our sexuality. This month, AfroerotiK is . . . the Podcast for the exploration of Afrocentric sexuality, is discussing domination of white male submissives in a story that will destroy the stereotypes and embrace our identity beyond the norm. Won’t you listen to this story, Goddess Initiation, with an open mind and fresh perspective?



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AfroerotiK is . . . Playful

Tricks are NOT just for kids. Sometimes, when adults play, it’s not about competition, it’s about pure, unadulterated hedonism. Join me for the latest Podcast where we explore the art of seduction. Gentlemen, take notes on how your lady wants to be treated. Go the extra mile, spoil her. You certainly won’t be disappointed you put in all the effort. Ladies, don’t let too much time go by without treating your man to an extra special evening as well. Why not tell him that you want to re-enact this erotic Podcast while you listen to it, role-playing the action in real life as you listen to it together? If you don’t have a partner, take this opportunity to indulge yourself in a little self pleasure. Whatever way you decide to participate, enjoy yourself on this sensual audio erotik experience.



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Living with Purpose



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An Erotic Assignment for the Ladies



Ladies, here's an erotic assignment for you. Save this MP3 to your computer, ipod, burn it to a CD or whathaveyou and send a copy to your husband, boyfriend, lover, or secret crush. Add a little note that says, "Hey, I heard this and I thought of you. Let me know what you think of it."

Then, your assignment is to get back to me and tell me how he reacted. I want to know if it inspired you to have passionate and steamy sex all night long, if you were able to reignite the flame that had gone out, if he took off sick from work to come throw you down on the bed and act it out. I want to know all the juicy details. Let me know if he didn't react at all and we'll have to check his vitals for any signs of life. Good luck ladies, I hope you have fun.



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Sunday, February 18, 2007

God Doesn't Have a Dick

Any religion that teaches that God is a man, and that woman is made for man, oppresses women to a state of unnatural subservience and insanity. If God is a man, and man has a penis, then anyone with a penis is perceived to be god-like. Women, obviously without a penis, are socialized through their oppressive religion created by people with penises, to feel inferior. The subconscious mind of females knows that women are not really inferior, that God could not possibly have a gender, that women are the equal and very much needed compliments to men not their subjects. The conscious mind of the female believes itself to be inferior, to be cursed, and to be dependent upon men, so it sets up a state of disharmony in the psyche of both men and women. The belief that men have some inherent privilege or preferred status with God a.) leads men to think that they can do no wrong and that their penis entitles them to rule over women, and b.) leads women to think that their lives will fall apart without a man, that they must forgive their man any wrongdoing, and that they must compete with the next woman in order to prove their worth as a woman. It is only when we decide to restore a holistic balance to our relationships, based on equality of genders, will they heal.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Are Black men really more sexual?


I had a very typical conversation with a white woman a few minutes ago. She said that Black men are more sexual and more confident sexually than white men. If we are really about dismantling stereotypes, we need to set the record straight.


Black men may very well be better lovers, more skilled lovers, and they are, overall, better sexually endowed but white men are infinitely more sexual than Black men. White men are far more experimental, far more adventurous, far more liberated in their thinking when it comes to sex. And they are FAR more driven by their sexuality than black men.  White men compartmentalize their sexuality.  They are more likely to have hidden fetishes and sexually motivated lifestyles that are completely opposite their projected personas.  
 
For example, on XTube, the x-rated version of YouTube, people submit personal videos. There are different categories to submit your videos obviously including fetish, fisting, hardcore, bisexual, anal, etc. in both gay and straight genres. Here are my observations. White men are one million times more accepting of videos that show bizarre, outrageous, extreme, and atypical sex acts. I have never seen a black man submit a sounding video yet. In fact, I didn’t even know what sounding was until I started seeing it done on XTube. White men create videos of themselves doing all sorts of extreme things, using full rubber gas masks, fucking dirty sneakers, driving on the highway while naked and jerking off, tons of pissing videos, cock and ball torture, smoking is apparently sexual in some way as well, and I will never see another white man in the grocery store without wondering if he is one of the thousands who fucks himself with enormous black dildos. Of course, for every video posted, there are thousands more who would never post a video so we can only assume that the submitted videos are representative of desires of the macrocosm we call America.


The comments and feedback from other white men on these extreme videos is always pretty much supportive. “That was hot man,” or, “show more,” or the ever popular, “here’s my email address, let’s get together.” Sure, there are some that say, “that’s gross man,” but those sorts of comments are inevitably followed by a slew of “don’t pay attention to him man, that was hot,” comments.


Black men who submit videos submit two kinds, jerking off and regular oral/anal. There is no experimentation, there are not outrageous acts, and it’s pretty much cut and dry. On the rare occasion that a Black man does post a video that falls outside the vanilla category, the comments from other Black men are ready to crucify him. Black men aren’t tolerant of bare backing videos without multiple black men commenting on how someone is going to get AIDS, god forbid a Black man uses a dildo that is deemed too big by the black sexual police, they get all sorts of negative comments about how they are going to be ruined for life and have to wear diapers. Anything outside of basic masturbation or vanilla sex is labeled NASTY by Black men and they are very outspoken in their distaste.


The entire world doesn’t exist on XTube however. In swing clubs all over America, and I’ve been in my fair share, I’ve seen white men tend to be far more exhibitionist. They revel in being seen. Private rooms are usually occupied by Black couples. They want privacy and intimacy. On a daily basis, I get requests from men to look at their webcams. I have NO interest in seeing white men masturbate yet they INSIST on sending me multiple invitations even after being rejected. I can’t even tell you the last time I’ve gotten an unsolicited invitation from a black man to view his webcam. It happens so infrequently that it is almost negligible. There are websites dedicated to any manner of extreme sexual practices, fucking machines, bestiality, scat, creampies, military sex, skateboarders having sex, just anything you can think of. Of course, the biggest consumers of interracial porn, to the tune of 80%, are white men. The media portrays Black men as being sexual beasts and predators but serial rapists, pedophiles, and peeping toms are more than 95% white men. Those are sexual crimes and have little to do with sex but they do show that white men are getting a whitewashed image when it comes to sexuality and Black men are still being portrayed as sexual savages.


White women especially want to believe that Black men are more sexual because it fits their stereotype. Black men, desperate for undeserved praise, flock to white women who stereotype them as big Black bucks and play the role to appease their immature egos. Does that mean that Black men are more sexual? Not at all. We’ve discussed here before that white women are far more aroused by the concept of being treated like sluts, of doing all number of sexual things that black women won’t consider, but yet we are seen as being more sexual as well.


White men are phenomenally more sexual than black men. They are obsessed with it more, they tend to be more exhibitionist, they are more experimental, they are tolerant of activities that are not the norm, they are even more willing to admit their deviant behaviors and embrace them more than Black men. Black men are seen as more sexual because of racist beliefs but when it comes down to reality, Black men are by and large, very sexually conservative.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Let the meditations of my heart . . .

May the Creator add light and love to my thoughts so that they may become manifest

I desire the end of the reign of white supremacy that has oppressed people of color for thousands of years.

I desire a restoration of balance and harmony to the consciousness of the earth that is aligned with the universe, one verse, the Creator of All.

I desire the end of the fallacy of male supremacy and a restoration of equality of human beings not based on genitals but based on the symbiotic relationship between genders.

I desire those human beings who have perpetuated hatred, oppression, war, and evil for profit to receive just earthly punishments for their behavior while in human form.

I desire the end of religious beliefs that were created by man to control and dominate the masses and desire a more holistic, connected spiritual path based on truth to be ushered forth

I desire earthly restitution for the people of color who have suffered genocide, enslavement, and cultural annihilation at the hands of Caucasians.

I desire an energy of peace and love to envelop this earth plane and infuse our spirits with truth.

I desire the veil of illusion that has been placed over people of African descent to be lifted so that we might see exactly how debilitating assimilation into white culture is for our beings.

I desire self-love and confidence in my abilities 

I desire to release the negative self talk that haunts my subconscious mind

I invite unconditional love from my divine right partner, my twin flame into my life so that I might be able to give and receive human love abundantly while in this body SOON

I desire the opportunity to give birth to a child who will grow up to surpass my lofty expectations and goals for him or her

I desire to be a mother to children whom I can raise, love, and nurture with my husband to teach them the ways of a spiritual warrior and enlightened being.

I desire the ability to remain humble in the face of financial success and acclaim

I acknowledge that my words have power and I desire that they will go forth to the masses and be received in such a way that they will usher in transformations, education, and healing

I desire my book, In Loving Color, with photography by Aaron Brown, to become a phenomenal best seller and open doors to dialogue about Black sexuality that will free us from mental chains that keep us enslaved to debilitating mindsets

I desire AfroerotiK to be the foundation for an erotic revolution that will generate workshops, videos, magazines, CDs, conferences, healing centers, radio programs, and any and all multi media opportunities that will create more opportunities for Black people and relationships to heal.

I desire healing for my mother so that she can be released from her need to manipulate and control, so that she might see her own pathological behaviors and be able to release them easily.

I desire a life filled with learning, art, culture, good food, good friends, great music, and harmony.

I desire the reverence to respect the earth and the environment with every action I take